Animorphs The Ending
by musicman88
Summary: COMPLETE! Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone and their mothers already had their shot at this one. But then why can't I try as well? What if everyone really didn't die at the end of 54...?
1. Chapter 1

Animorphs - The Ending

Insert normal disclaimer here

_Thought-speak in italics_

(Personal thoughts in parenthesis)

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"Ram the blade ship."

Oh, I had a plan alright. I wasn't sure if it was going to work, but at least I had a plan. There was no way that we were going to be able to damage the blade ship as it was now. It's shield was too powerful and our weapons were too weak. But if we could get inside it's shield…

My name is Jake Berenson and I was taking a huge risk, but that's nothing new to me. I took more risks in a few short years that most people do in their entire lifetime so I was use to the responsibility. I knew that we might not come out alive, but there was also that tiny chance that we could actually pull it off. We'd only have one shot…

"Okay, here's what were going to do," I said with a voice that screamed experience. "Focus our force field in as tiny a spot as possible Menderash. We're going to try and poke a hole just large enough for our frontal reserve Dracon beam to squeeze through and then give them one single, powerful shot straight into the weakest part of their ship."

Everyone, including Menderash, just stared at me with a shocked expression. "You think the ship can handle it Menderash?" I said not wavering in my voice.

"Um…" he started, "I really have no idea. That's about the craziest plan I've ever heard and I don't have any time to "crunch the numbers" as you humans would say. One thing's for sure though, I'll need all of your help."

"That's the spirit," I said confidently.

"Alright," Menderash started, "Marco, take the controls of the secondary weapons station and Jeanne take the primary. Be ready to hit the energy converter on my mark."

"Awww, how come…" Marco started.

"Marco, this isn't the time," I said quickly. He got the message right away and went quickly to his station.

"Tobias," Menderash continued, "I need you human and get on that console over there. Be ready to hit those three buttons as soon as they light up."

_Gotcha,_ Tobias said, already morphing to his human self.

"Santorelli," Menderash continued, sounding like he was already tiring out, "I'll need you to take the main force field controls. I'll give you your instructions when the time comes."

"Alright," Santorelli said attentively.

"Jake, you'll be the most important of all," Menderash said while frantically working on the controls. "I'll need you to go down to the engine room and change a few connections. We'll need all the power we can get."

"Going now," I said. And for extra effect I added, "Don't anyone die while I'm gone." I meant the last part as a joke to try and ease the tension, but all I got were angry stares from most of the crew.

I made my way to the engine room. It really wasn't very far away since it was a pretty small ship. As soon as I got in I heard Menderash's thought-speak.

_I know you can't respond, but open up the transformer-looking thing on the right wall. _It was pretty easy to spot and I quickly undid the latches and pulled the cover off. _Okay, now…uh…one second._ I guessed he was giving someone else an order because the next thing I heard from him was, _They're firing already?_ I had no idea what was going on out in the main area but I knew it couldn't be good. The next things I heard from Menderash went by so fast I almost didn't catch it.

_Jake, rip the red wire out of the leftmost socket, rip out the third red wire from the left, and take the green wire in the middle and touch them all together and hold on._

"WHAT?!?" I yelled out quickly, but I knew that no one could hear me in all the commotion going on. I had to try and remember what he said by myself.

(Alright, the third green wire from the left…NO…third red wire from the right and the left most red wire…NO…come on, think! Okay, calm down Jake and lets think this through. Red wire, left…third red wire from left, good! Leftmost green wire…NO…RED wire! Check! And then the middle green wire. Alright, I can do this!)

I ripped out the respective red wires in a shower of sparks and I started to feel the artificial gravity slowly disappearing. All I needed to do now was get the green wire, but I was starting to float away due to the loss of gravity. I stretched out my hand farther than I thought was possible and just managed to grab the green wire with the tips of my fingers. It was just enough to pull me back toward the box and I then ripped out the green wire.

_Jake, we're waiting on you! You need to do this now!_ I heard in my head. I knew there was no time to lose. I quickly grabbed the two red wires and touched them to the now exposed green one.

Have you ever seen the scene in "Back to the Future" when the lightning strikes the clock tower and Doc just manages to connect the wire in time? It felt eerily like that. A massive arc of electricity shot through the two red wires and jumped into the green one. A loud clapping noise and the distinct smell of ozone were the last things I could remember before my world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Uhhhhh…ow," I managed to get out somehow. My head was killing me. I had no idea where I was or what was going on. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Tobias in his human form kneeling over me. I tried to say something, but my brain was trying to process too many things at once so I just ended up laying there.

"Jake. Jake! Can you hear me?" Tobias said with definite anxiety in his voice. "Jake, say something man. You feeling okay?"

"Uhhh… Oh man, do I have a headache!" I said weakly.

"Jake! Oh, thank god! I thought you were a goner," Tobias said trying to hold back some emotion.

"What's going…what's going on?" I asked still weakly, but slowly regaining my composure.

"Long story Jake," Tobias said bluntly. "I'll tell you in a minute. I just want to make sure you're feeling fine."

"Yeah, I think I'm…" As I tried to get up I felt a stabbing pain in my left arm and both of my legs. "AHHH!" I cried out.

"Thought so," Tobias said worryingly. "You've probably got a pair of broken legs and your left arm doesn't look too good either. I'd put a splint or something on it, but it would probably be easier for you just to morph. That is, if you think your up to it now."

"Yeah, just give me a second," I said quickly. After a few short moments of getting my thoughts together I began to morph into my favorite morph, the Siberian Tiger.

My skin started to grow orange with black stripes. All of a sudden the pattern sprouted into hairs creating a sort of itchy feeling. I felt my leg bones realign, reattach, shorten, and gain some muscle. I saw my tail pop out at the base of my spine, only looking like a blob of pink flesh at first but it slowly started growing fur. My teeth rearranged and started to sharpen. I could feel my insides twisting around and reforming to the tiger's own body. Before I knew it I was an eight-hundred pound Siberian Tiger lying on it's back on the cold spaceship floor.

I quickly leaped up onto my paws and sent out a low, happy growl._ Feels good to be a tiger again,_ I said. _It's been years since I last did this. I forgot how powerful it makes me feel!_

"Alright, alright Jake," Tobias said looking kind of annoyed, "save that for later. We've got some serious problems here and we need your help."

I quickly demorphed. I had almost completely forgotten what was going on and I had a bad feeling about what I was about to hear. "Alright, go ahead. What happened?"

"You'd better sit down for this Jake," Tobias said with concern in his voice.

"Tobias, no matter what you say I can almost guarantee I've heard worse," I said with a bit of arrogance in my voice.

"If you say so, Jake. The last thing you probably remember is transferring the power to the main capacitor so I'll start there. Right when we got full power to the shield we managed to do exactly what you said, poke a tiny hole in their force field. Menderash then managed to quickly transfer almost all the power to the frontal reserve Dracon beam, taking it away from our force field. Jeanne then managed to get a quick, but powerful, shot off. I know it definitely hit the Blade ship, but what damage it actually did I'm not sure. Without our force field in place, the tip of _The Rachel _was literally ripped off, but Menderash thought ahead and sealed all the doors on the ship so nothing was sucked out into space. Nevertheless, our ship was definitely crippled and we started to spiral out of control."

"Was everyone alright?" I interrupted.

Tobias let out a sad sigh. "I'm getting there," he said with definite sadness in his voice. I had a bad feeling about that…

"Anyway," Tobias continued, trying to cancel out the sadness in his voice, "I'm not one-hundred percent sure what happened in the next few moments exactly. It was a mad rush of orders, explosions, and all around chaos. I do remember one thing rather well though," he said trying to hold back a sob.

"What? What happened Tobias?" I asked with dread in my voice.

"Santorelli… Santorelli didn't make it. I saw the control station he was at literally explode in his face and when the debris had cleared a headless body just sat slumped in his chair."

I just stared at Tobias with no real expression on my face. I knew something like that might happen and I was prepared for it, but was Santorelli? I let out a sigh of frustration, sorrow, and hopelessness. "What happened then?" I asked, not really wanting to hear.

"It gets worse," Tobias added still trying to suppress his sobbing. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and then continued.

"We were pretty sure we weren't going to make it. We were tumbling through space without much power and with absolutely no nose piece for stability. Just as we were about to give up hope Marco saw a little planet in the distance with a yellowish atmosphere. We didn't really have a choice so we put almost all our remaining energy into the thrusters and aimed for the planet. It was a long shot since we had no idea if it was even habitable, but it was our only choice."

Tobias took a small pause before continuing. Then he said sort of joyfully, "I swear, someone was definitely looking out for us because we couldn't have hit the planet better if we'd tried. Our actual landing was a different story though…" he said as an afterthought. "Who would've guessed it's hard to keep a ship designed for flying in the vacuum of space and missing the entire nose section stable for a landing?" he said with some sarcasm. "Anyway, I don't remember much about the landing as I was trying to demorph to minimize my mass for the impact. All I remember was a large crash and a few rolls before I finally blacked out."

"Is everyone else okay?" I asked with a great deal of concern.

Tobias took a second and then said, "Maybe I'd be better off just showing you."

He walked over to the door and I followed. I could see tears finally starting to form in his eyes. He opened the door to the engine room and walked out into the hallway heading towards the bridge. I quickly followed him.

It was quite cold out of the engine room. I guess the residual heat of the engines and whatever powered them was still keeping my room somewhat warm, but out in the hallway it had to be right around the freezing point.

We got to the entrance of the bridge and Tobias stopped walking.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"No, not any more than before anyway," he said.

Before I could asked him what he meant I snatched a look into the bridge and saw for myself.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Note: **It might get a bit more gory in the next two chapters just so you know.

**Note:** Tobias and Jake have basically made up. You can make up your own scenario or read my story, "The Payback."

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It looked bad. It looked like a war zone. Almost nothing was recognizable. All the numerous gauges and switches on all the control panels were broken almost beyond recognition. Sharp pieces of the roof and floor were jutting out in every which way making the bridge look like a piece of modern art. One entire side of the ship had been ripped off and created a new forever open door to the outside world. It seemed that the ship was lying somewhat on it's side as the dirt on the ground came right up to the edge of the hole and the whole bridge was set at a fifteen degree angle or so. And the last thing I noticed was some of the pools and residual spray of blood scattered almost everywhere.

I just stood there in shock. I had a feeling it would be bad, but in no way had I expected this! No one could survive this mangled wreck. Tobias had to be the luckiest bird in the world, or, at least on this world.

I slowly turned to Tobias. "What's left?" I asked on the verge of breaking down.

"Go see for yourself," he said almost emotionless.

Slowly, I cautiously began to move around the ship. The first thing I noticed was Santorelli's body just as Tobias had said; still buckled into his stations chair with the blown out control panel, headless and slumped back. I know it's an image I'll never forget. I had to get away from him. I couldn't stay there staring like that, though I really didn't want to see what other surprises were in store for me around the corner.

Turning away and peering around a jagged ripped open piece of the floor, I noticed some movement. Someone was frantically working on whatever controls still looked like they could function. I took a closer look and, yes! It was Menderash! He was still alive! He looked a little worse for wear, but he was still living, breathing, and functioning.

"Menderash!" I called out. "You're alive!"

"I could say the same for you," he replied back almost nonchalantly, being so engaged in his work.

I started to run over to give him a hug or something when I heard Tobias say, "Wait. Jake. He's in pretty bad shape; a broken ulna or radius, I'm not exactly sure, and a broken tibia or fibula, again I'm not sure which. I tried to set them, but I'm not sure I got his leg set right. I've only seen Cassie do it a few times, and that was with a deer or something like that."

I stopped my advance and took a look at Menderash. Yeah, he was in pretty terrible shape. His face was mostly covered in caked blood and I noticed a reasonably sized gash spanning almost his entire forehead. His left upper arm was stuck between two pieces of piping and secured by what looked like a strip of cloth. His right leg didn't look any better. His clothes were blood stained and all but torn to shreds.

All the while he just kept working away with whatever knobs he could twist and whatever buttons could be pushed. He was dedicated, I'll give him that.

"So what's the damage report, Menderash?" I said, trying to sound authoritative.

"It's not looking good," he replied. "All of the main functions of the ship are down from either the power surge or the landing. I'm trying to get something working here, but I wouldn't "hold my breath" as you humans would say. I just have the absolute basic functions operating like the water purification system and waste disposal running on their tertiary backup systems."

Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but then Andalites would probably win the "Galaxies Frankest Species" award if such a thing existed.

Tobias then asked him, "Any sign of Jeanne yet? She's been gone for at least and hour by now."

"I haven't seen her," Menderash said flatly and continued his work.

"Jeanne is alive too?" I cried out.

"Yeah," Tobias said, "Her injuries weren't too severe, but she was able to morph out of them anyway. She's off doing reconnaissance of this planet trying to see if there's any auxiliary food, water, or anything else of value out there."

I shot a quick glance at Menderash. He had given up his morphing power to become a human nothlit to save his prince. He must really hate all of us from morphing out of our injuries while he has to sit there and take it. I felt for him, I really did.

As I got my mind back on track a thought came over me. Everyone else seemed to be alive, so what did Tobias mean when he said it got worse. Then, it hit me.

Marco.

"Where's Marco?" I asked with fear and urgency.

Nobody moved.

"Where's Marco?!?" I practically screamed.

Menderash lifted his good arm and pointed over to a corner by the missing side of the ship.

I rushed over as quickly as I could, but I already knew there was nothing I could do.

Marco was already dead.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As I got closer I noticed that my fears were indeed a reality. Marco sat still trapped in his chair, but with a large pipe stuck directly through the back of his head and exiting through his forehead. He was wearing the typical "dead man's gasp" on his face; Eyes open and staring straight ahead, mouth hung open almost as if he was screaming, and a trail of blood and brain matter dried onto the front of his face and down the rest of his body to the floor. And if that hadn't been enough, a piece of the former wall of the ship had gone into his side almost as deep as his spine and was still sitting lodged there covered in blood.

I didn't know what to do right then. I had no words to say. Nothing I could do, absolutely nothing. I had to be strong though. I was the leader of what was left of our little crew on this planet and if they thought I was losing it then they'd all lose it too. So, I did the one thing that any self respecting leader would do at a time like this. I flopped down on the floor and started to cry.

I cried and cried and cried for the longest time. It wasn't just for Marco, it was for everything. For Menderash being trapped as an almost useless human now, for Santorelli being blown to pieces, but mostly just for having drawn everyone else into this. It was my fault, all my fault. I could've gone off by myself easily and faced the blade ship alone. Maybe then it only would've been me with the pole through my head instead of Marco. Maybe then Santorelli could still be at home enjoying all it's comforts. Maybe… maybe… maybe…

I'm not sure how long I sat there, but I'm pretty sure Tobias cried with me for most of the time. Later on I even saw Jeanne get back and come on over to our little group of pathetic sobbing humans. But it was when Menderash somehow finally hobbled over that I knew that we needed to move on.

"Tobias," I said finally, still sort of sobbing, "You never told me what happened after the ship crashed."

"Well," he began, also still sort of sobbing, "From what I can piece together from our collective stories it's not pretty. Jeanne thinks she was conscious through the whole thing. She was halfway between her human self and her cockroach morph when we hit. Menderash says he blacked out on impact and Marco…" he trailed off. "Marco was trying to help Menderash with the landing."

He paused for a brief second, took a deep breath, and continued. "Jeanne morphed back to human and got me and Menderash up and moving again. I had a broken wing or two, but it was nothing a little morphing couldn't fix and Menderash…well, you can see that for yourself. Then, I went to go see if you were still alive while Jeanne went out to survey the area. When I saw you sprawled out on the floor your breathing was very shallow and gurgled but you were still alive. I turned you over on your side to let your tongue hang out so you wouldn't choke on it and a little bit of blood poured out. After that, you seemed to be doing okay so I went off to try and fix up Menderash a bit. When I got back to you you were starting to come around and I think you could take it from there."

All I could think to say at that moment was, "Thanks Tobias." It was a bit corny, but it's the first thing that came to my mind.

"Don't mention it," he said in response, "You'd have done the same for me."

There was an awkward silence for a few moments after that. Tobias broke it by saying, "So, Jake, what do we do now?"

I put my face in my hands and then moved my hands down like was wiping off my face.

"The first thing we need to do is to take care of Santorelli and Marco," I said trying to sound as emotionless and authoritative as possible. "We need to make some sort of coffin for them, probably out of some of the floor here, and then give them a proper burial. I want the graves to be decent, but for it still to be possible to move them back to Earth if we ever get that chance."

Everyone just kind of started expressionlessly at me. I had to have expected that. Then slowly their expressions changed to ones that looked like they now had a job to focus on.

"Menderash," I said suddenly, "You're sure there's no way this ship will ever fly again?"

"I cannot foresee anything like that happening without many years of work and a small mountain of spare parts," he said.

"Thought so," I added. "Jeanne, did you see anything worth investigating out there?"

"No, just a barren dirt stretch, but I didn't fly that far away from the ship. I only flew in a small circumference around it."

"Alright," I said. "Hey, at least the air seems breathable," I added with some optimism.

"It appears so," Menderash said calmly, "But the ratio of oxygen to nitrogen here seems to be a slightly less than our respective home planets and we don't know what other trace gases could be in the atmosphere and what effect they'll have on us."

Leave it to the Andalite to ruin any optimism we might have had going.

"Also, the temperature on this planet seems considerably lower than either Earth or my home planet. I would estimate it to be about 40 of your degrees Fahrenheit which would be only a few degrees Celsius in the middle of the day. It should drop somewhat during the night, but I believe that the cloud cover will keep a large portion of the heat in. I've been meaning to ask you humans why you have different standards of measuring temperature but I can see that this isn't the time to ask."

I got an "oh brother" look from Tobias.

"Hey," I said, "You practically lived with Ax for three years. I'd think you'd be use to this by now."

I think it kind of hit him in the wrong spot because all he said was, "Yeah," with a small sigh at the end.

"Tobias, I didn't mean…" I tried to say.

"No, it's all right Jake," he interrupted.

After a short pause I said, "Well, just sitting here isn't going to get anything done." I had interrupted Menderash in the middle of saying something about the environment that I wasn't listening to. He gave me a sort of confused look and then grew quiet and listened.

"We've got a lot of work ahead of us. Let's get going," I said.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

We managed to make a pair of makeshift sheet metal coffins to bury Santorelli and Marco in relatively easily. We still had some functioning handheld Dracon beams on board so melting and ripping off some pieces metal turned out to be more of an art thing than actual work. We buried them not far away from the ship in a small valley easily within walking distance. We had a small ceremony and then marked their graves with another piece of sheet metal that had their names engraved on it.

After a few of the planet's days we were starting to create something that looked like a habitable shelter. Menderash informed us that one day on the planet we were on was approximately 1.68394 days on Earth, so we've just been using the planet's days as a reference since then. We managed to find an extra source of water about a mile or so away from our space ship which was definitely a moral boost. You can only go on for so long drinking your own recycled pee before you start to realize what you're actually drinking. The only problem with the extra water supply was that it was heavily salted, probably to avoid freezing, so we had to boil it to collect the steam and then condense it back to water to drink it. With some good old human ingenuity and a Dracon beam or two it wasn't that hard of a task.

Food was a slightly different matter. Tobias said that he'd seen a few small things running here and there, but catching one proved to be harder than he'd thought. It's not just that he was getting old, but they managed to move faster than anything he could catch on Earth. That was his story anyway and he was sticking to it…

Jeanne and I tried to go out on a hunting trip; me being in my tiger morph and her using her lynx, but we had no luck either. We still had a little bit of reserve food from our original mission left, but no one in their right minds would choose to eat that stuff when they could have some fresh meat.

We also tried looking into some plants. Around the little lake we found there were some strange looking plants, but we had no idea if they'd be poisonous to us or not. And anyway, Tobias couldn't eat any of them to begin with. Menderash said he was getting close to powering up a few more machines, including a spectrometer which we could use to find out what exactly is in the plants, but it still needed some work. Until then, we were stuck eating our "toothpaste" vegetables while Tobias got most of the "toothpaste" meat that had to come straight from a NASA storage shed somewhere.

The ship was beginning to look like it almost hadn't crash landed into a strange planet. The modern art motif of the bridge was smoothed out and, for the most part, pushed back into place or take out completely. We had ripped open almost all the computers that Menderash said were going to be of no use and used whatever we could out of them. A working transistor here, a forty ohm resistor there, and some spare sheet metal to patch up some holes in the ship and for whatever else we needed it for. It was slow going, but to keep warm we needed to have a somewhat insulated shelter.

Menderash was right. The highest temperature we'd seen during the day was about forty degrees and at night it dropped to an average of probably twenty-five. We created some new uses for the sparse insulation we had salvaged from the ship like making a few matching pairs of silvery pants and jackets. We looked like we could've been a rap group from the early nineties. Fortunately, there weren't many people around to make any funny comments. If only Marco was still here…

And that's when I heard it, that voice that was no where and everywhere at the same time. Jeanne, Tobias, and Menderash heard it just as well too. Tobias and I have had more experience with this guy than probably anybody else in the universe and it was no real surprise to us, but Jeanne seemed to be slightly frightened and Menderash was just about as scared as anyone could be.

/Hello Jake, Tobias, Jeanne, Menderash\

"I was wondering if you were going to show up," I said without even looking up from what I was doing, "Ellimist."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

** Ellimist's dialogue in bold**

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"Ell…Ell…Ellimist?" Menderesh stuttered.

"Yeah, he's an old friend of ours," I said nonchalantly, "Haven't you heard the story of the Animorphs? The Ellimist makes a quite a few appearances actually."

"Yes…" Menderash said still sounding like he was going to wet his pants, "Prince Aximilli spoke of him a few times, but I "took it with a grain of salt" as you humans would say. He's the stuff of legends and fairytales; I didn't think he really existed."

**Let me assure you that I do indeed exist**, the Ellimist said.

"Wow," Jeanne said with amazement, "I never really thought that I'd actually get to see him."

**Well, since I have not made myself visible to you as of yet, you still have not truly seen me,** the Ellimist replied almost sarcastically.

_Get a load of that Jake, _Tobias said. He was currently taking a break as his normal bird-self when The Ellimist appeared. _The Ellimist actually has a sense of humor! _

"Tobias and I were wondering if you were going to make an appearance at some point," I said trying not to grin at Tobias' comment. "We knew you couldn't just leave Earth's greatest heroes out here on some unknown planet in the middle of nowhere all alone."

_So, how are you going to not interfere with us this time?_ Tobias asked sarcastically. _More howlers to defeat, more rules to follow, more difficult choices to make?_

**I'm afraid that it will not be as simple as that this time,** the Ellimist said. Everyone dropped their joking attitudes and stood at attention after that.

**Crayak has broken the rules. He has left the safety of his plane of existence and "possessed," for a simple explanation, a mortal being becoming the being himself. He is currently using this being to spread a sort of virus throughout the universe which, if effective, will bring almost total destruction. It would be too complicated for you to understand, but if left unchallenged the universe will be in great peril.**

We all just kind of stood there, mouths gasping, waiting for something else from him. This sounded like a rejected plot from some kind of comic book, not real life. And yet, this was The Ellimist we were talking about. He'd have better things to do than to go around telling made up stories to a group of stranded and almost hopeless humans.

"So, can't you just kill him since he's mortal and be done with it?" Jeanne asked conservatively.

**He had foreseen that possibility and has made it impossible for me to do so. Again, it would be too complicated for you to understand. One thing you should be able to understand though is that I need your help**.

"You know what we want in return," I said quickly. Everyone quickly nodded in agreement.

**I'm afraid to tell you that my power is not as unlimited as you primitive beings believe it to be. I simply cannot restore ones timeline once it has disappeared. I'm sorry.**

Everyone's still mostly positive expressions reversed very quickly after hearing that. We'd been hoping that the Ellimist could bring back Marco, Santorelli, and even Rachel and Tom. We'd thought wrong.

_Then what's in it for us, _Tobias said with some obvious hostility.

**That will be for you to decide at a later time.**

_Great,_ Tobias said with definite anger and frustration in his voice. I would've expected that from him right about now. The one thing that he really wanted in the entire universe was now deemed unobtainable by the one and only person that potentially could've made it a reality. It's the only thing that really kept him going and he was actually the first one to suspect the Ellimist would pay us a visit. I couldn't count the number of times Tobias' hopes were raised and then smashed into a million pieces, but it had to have some effect on the poor guy.

_That's just great, _Tobias continued. _You want us to risk our lives and maybe even something worse by the sound of it all for something that we wanted but can't have now? You can count me out!_

"Tobias, chill for a second," I said more angrily than I would've like to. It was too late though. He spread his wings and took off to some unknown little haven he had to himself. Right then I couldn't really blame him.

**Don't worry about him,** The Ellimist said. **He's perched up on the roof of the ship. He can still hear everything and I believe he acted accordingly to the circumstances.**

"Yeah," I said, "That's Tobias for you. I can't blame him either."

"So…" Menderash said for the first time, "What shall we do about this Crayak all powerful Ellimist?"

**Please Menderash, there's no need for that,** The Ellimist said almost sounding annoyed. **But since Crayak is now mortal it will be a relatively simple task to take care of him. Anything that would kill a mortal being should be enough to kill him. But there are a few things you should know first.**

"Like what?" Jeanne said.

**First of all, Crayak can absorb any living creature to make his power grow. The process itself takes about one to two minutes to complete and he is vulnerable at that time. That would be the best time to strike. Second, he still has a small army of morph capable humans with him which will follow him to the very end. These will have to be dealt with before Crayak himself can be. And third, he can appear as anyone he has "possessed" and he has all their attributes, including morphing capabilities and the victims own morph arsenal.**

"So," I said, "Do you have a plan for us or do I have to do all the dirty work myself?"

**Jake, I enjoy your sense of humor at a time like this, but I'm afraid that you will be the one to make the plan, **The Ellimist answered.

"I figured as much," I said with a sigh. "So where do we find this guy?"

**You are closer to him than you'd think,** he replied.

"But how will we know who he is if we find him?" Jeanne asked.

**You have witnessed him before,** the Ellimist said. **I believe he's going by the name "The One" among his crew.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

**I wish you good luck on your mission Jake. I will help you as I can.**

And with that, the room grew silent. Leave it to The Ellimist to overly confuse a seemingly simple situation.

_What, that's it? _Tobias said, flying back into the ship. _No superhero powers, no directions, no plan, no anything?!?_

"Did you expect anything less from the Ellimist?" I asked Tobias. He just ruffled his feathers and didn't respond. Suddenly an idea hit me. "Menderash," I said, "Try to morph me."

"What are you suggesting?" he said tentatively. I shot over a look to Tobias and his usually expressionless face. If I hadn't know it was impossible, I'd swear I'd seen him grin.

_Just go with Jake on this one, _Tobias said out loud. I walked over to where Menderash was sitting and he placed his good hand on me. I began to feel sleepy, like I hadn't slept well in a few days (which was kind of true actually). My mind began to drift away into nothingness and I just stood there calmly staring straight ahead. In a few seconds it was over and I didn't even have to say anything more before Menderash started to change.

"It…It…It workthed!" he said as his mouth made some slight changes from his mid-life-crisis "normal" self into my twenty-year-old body.

_Yeah,_ Tobias said, _That's one thing the Ellimist CAN do._ _Be ready for some kind of flashback to be able to acquire your old self as well._

"This…this is terrific!" Menderash practically shouted, "I can finally return to my Andalite self! No longer will I be stuck as this weak human!"

"Hey!" I said jokingly, "You know that you're surrounded by weak humans, don't you?"

He looked around at us and quickly said, "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

_Don't forget,_ Tobias added, _You'll only be able to be an Andalite for up to two hours at a time. _That seemed to dampen his enthusiasm, but not by much.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days went by without much incident after that. Menderash had had his flashback "dream" just as Tobias had and acquired his old Andalite self. He was tempted to go over the two hour limit and just be a normal Andalite without morphing power, but he and Tobias had a few nice, long talks and in the end he decided that we needed him morph capable. That didn't stop him from spending ninety-nine percent of his time awake as an Andalite however. It made the rest of us kind of feel bad actually. How bad could being a human really be?

Anyway, with Menderash's new mobility, he managed to get some of the extra systems up and running like the spectroscopy machine. We'd then quickly learned what plants we could eat and which we couldn't which was a relief to everyone. We were all so tired of eating puréed green beans. Tobias was out of luck for the plants though since his body couldn't digest them but he did manage to finally catch a small animal that looked sort of like a mouse with six legs. He hadn't stopped boasting about it since either… Anyway, we ran a few samples through the spectroscopy machine and everything came out fine so at least Tobias had one decent meal.

Along with the spectroscopy machine Menderash had also gotten a few other things running like a heating system and an elemental separator. The elemental separator (Which has a long Andalite name which I won't even attempt) basically was a mining machine on steroids. It would separate anything we put into it into their elements like aluminum, silicon, and carbon. It was definitely a plus since now we could begin fixing more systems on the ship with the new materials. It still was slow going though.

We'd been exploring a bit as well. We'd found some pretty scenic spots, and extra pond of water or two, and a nice little forest of strange looking trees from which we got most of our new food. But there was something else that we found too that was more important than everything else put together.

Tobias had been out flying around and "surveying" the surroundings (He was really just out looking for more food, but we gave him the benefit of the doubt). When he returned to the ship he only had one thing to say to me.

_Jake, you've gotta come look at this. _


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

We all decided to go and take a look. We morphed into birds and took off, and what an interesting flock it was: two seagulls (Tobias and me), a red-tailed hawk (Menderash) and a crow (Jeanne). Since it was quite a flight away and there were only some occasional thermals here and there, Tobias and I decided to take our seagull morphs. Menderash was out of luck since all his morphs he had before becoming a nothlit were lost he only had Tobias to acquire for a flying morph. Jeanne was doing fine in her crow morph, but Tobias let here have it all the way there…

_A crow!?! One of those mangy, dirty scavengers who have nothing better to do than try to ruin my life? And I was beginning to really like you Jeanne…_

It was a decent flight to the location; about two hours for a one way trip flying at a nice and even pace. There were some thermals here and there, but a lot of it was straight up flapping. Menderash was having a hard time keeping up with the rest of us so we had to take a break every now and then. He even considered just running along with us in his Andalite form, but we really needed his laser eyes as we got closer so I told him to tough it out.

After a bit more flying, arguing, and complaining from our motley crew, Tobias said we were getting close and Menderash confirmed it. . As we got closer we all started to see it. We all had a feeling we knew what it was, but Menderash was the first one to confirm it.

_It's…It's…the blade ship!_ he cried out.

_Yep_, Tobias said like been expecting his reaction. _That was my reaction too._ _A bit of good luck, wouldn't you say?_

_Good luck my butt, _I said jokingly. _If the Ellimist didn't have something to do with this then I'm the queen of France. _

_But, correct me if I'm wrong, _Menderash started.

_It was a joke Menderash,_ the rest of us almost said in unison.

_Ah, I see, _he said sounding puzzled, _I fear that I will never understand the characteristics of human humor._

So, after that awkward silence we decided to swoop in for a closer landing. There weren't many places to choose from to get a good vantage point of what was going on.

_Hey Menderash, _I said, _where would be the best place to get a look inside the ship but without them noticing us?_

There was an almost too long pause from him before he actually responded. _There is no place that would be totally safe, and based on the somewhat minimal damage of the ship I would think that most of the security measures are operational. However, just because the systems are operational doesn't mean that they'll be necessarily in operation. I would fathom that there would be almost no reason to have a force field operating as it would take the majority of the power and I doubt that many other such protections would be operating as well. There seems to be no dangerous animals or anything of that sort to warrant such a waste of power. They'd want to maximize their power usage into fixing whatever is keeping them here. Taking all that into effect, I'd say that the upper docking hatch, which I can see from here is open, would probably be the best place._

_You know,_ Jeanne said sarcastically, _you could've just said the sun roof and that would've been enough._

_Alright guys, settle down, _I said quickly, _we're just here for some reconnaissance. Let's just play it cool and keep a low profile._

We landed next to the "sunroof" as Jeanne put it and morphed into our birds of prey. After a sort of comical scene between Tobias and Jeanne which went something like: _After you fly all the way here in a crow morph of all things, you now want to acquire ME?!? You just became the most pathetic bird of all time and now you want me to let you take my noble DNA into the same system as that other waste of bird DNA? You've got to be kidding me!_

After a bit more of that and a few "Hawks are the greatest birds of all time" lines from Jeanne we had our bird of prey army complete. I should've just cut Tobias off so he wasn't wasting our time with his overly dramatic and drawn out episode on the crow, but the truth was that it _was_ pretty funny and there wasn't much going on in the ship below. No one was on the bridge anyway and that's the only vantage point we had at our position. I was just about to order us to move to another position when the bridge suddenly sprang to life.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

About five or so human controllers burst into the room and starting madly flipping the switches and hitting buttons.

_Menderash,_ I said anxiously, _are you sure we're safe up here?_

_I am not sure of anything,_ he replied. And the universe's most frank species award goes to… _But the probability of them doing anything related to the outer shielding of the ship should be relatively low. _It didn't quite ease my nerves, but it did keep us all up on the roof. Then, all of a sudden, he burst into the room. The One. And I'm not talking about Neo from The Matrix, I'm talking about Crayak himself.

It's difficult to describe what he accurately looked like exactly. The best that I can come up with would be a large blob of shimmering energy constantly shifting it's shape. It looked like someone with the power to morph had taken a large dose of some amphetamines and was morphing as quickly as they could into as many things as they could. One second it started to grow human feet and arms and the next second they shifted to become some weird creature I'd never seen before. It looked like it had twenty spider-like legs welded on to the bottom of a giant brown egg for lack of a better description. From there it shifted to a relatively small hork-bajir and back to a human all while being surrounded by a magical luminescence. Every once in a while it would also shift to a familiar blue deer/human/scorpion hybrid that everyone except Jeanne knew and loved. It was kinda sad to see one of my good friends trapped up in some bizarre creature like that. It was hard to keep myself from crying really. But it helped that birds of prey don't cry in the first place...

We could hear everyone murmuring frantically trying to get something done. What it was we weren't sure, but Crayak was standing there patiently. Or, at least I think he was being patient. Who could tell what someone's expression is when it changes every few seconds?

Finally, after what seemed like a few minutes of frantic work by the human-controllers, the main doors to the bridge opened and in stepped two hork-bajir controllers with a weird looking creature in between them.

You want a description of this one too? Alright, but you'll have to stay with me on this one. Imagine Grimace (you know, the big purple fuzzy egg-looking guy from McDonalds) being about three feet tall and covered in green spots. Now, merge that image with an image of a Troggle from the games Number and Word Munchers and you'd have a pretty good idea of what it looked like. He was kind of cute actually; like he'd be a cuddly toy for kids.

It had a look on it's face that said it was in between being scared and trying to be brave and it was constantly shifting back and forth between each extreme. All the human controllers almost completely stopped their frenzied work to look at him. His brave face was slowly diminishing in frequency of appearances as he was lead closer to Crayak and by the time he was at his "feet", I guess you could say, the little guy was almost as scared as could be. His short and stubby legs and arms were shaking, his eyes darted from left to right and in every other direction as well, and he looked like he was having trouble standing upright and was about to fall over any second.

**So**, Crayak said in a manner and voice similar to the Ellimist, **We have finally captured one of the elusive Vanderschput. How nice it is to meet your acquaintance**, he said sinisterly.

"Ym elpoep lliw emoc rof em," the little Vanderschput said. I've never met a Vanderschput before, but I could tell that whatever he said was full of fear and doubt.

**I am looking forward to it, **Crayak contested. **The more the merrier.**

_Jake, we've got to do something,_ Jeanne said in thought-speak. _I don't think this is going to turn out well for that little purple guy._

_Not right now, _I countered._ We're on reconnaissance only.__ We don't even know what's going on exactly. _Almost as if on cue, Crayak gave us the answer.

**I've been looking for a Vanderschput since my ship had to make an emergency landing on your planet. You are a very ingenious species in your methods of adaptability and survivability. You would definitely beat even the humans in those respects**.

That got me, Jeanne, and Tobias nervous a little bit.

**I could use a being like you in my little arsenal of biological weapons. You see, my plan is to go around the universe and take control of as many different species and beings as possible. Then, I will alter them somewhat to carry a virus so deadly that almost nothing will survive. I will then return them to their home worlds where they will spread this virus and the universe will lie in almost total destruction. Of course, then I'll just move on to the next universe and do the same thing. Then the next and the next and the next. There are so many of what you call "universes" out there that by the time I'm finished going through them all this one will already be functioning with new life ready to start the process again. It's the ultimate game!**

_Where's The Justice League when you need them?_ Jeanne said with a laugh. It was understandable. This seemed so crazy and insane that it had to be thought up by an evil comic book villain. But, as I've seen many times before, reality can be much stranger than fiction.

**Now, for your part in my plan**, Crayak continued. **Are you ready to become the first Vanderschput to become a part of me and start off my little game?**

"Uoy yam teg em, tub eht srehto lliw ylerus teg uoy"

**Ha! Let them try,** Crayak said menacingly. And with that, what I can only describe as an energy tentacle shot out of Crayak and enveloped the Vanderschput in a bubble of energy.

**Don't struggle,** Crayak said, **It will only make it worse**.

_We've got to do something Jake!_ Jeanne cried out.

_What can we do?_ I countered_. We know next to nothing about Crayak, the Vanderschput, what defenses they might have down there, and just about everything else that's going on here. We need more information before we act._

_Jake, whatever happened to the reckless decision making that Marco was talking about? _Tobias said almost painfully.

After a short pause I said, _Fine,_ _a reckless decision got us into this mess, and maybe one will get us out. You want reckless? Well, here we go._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10_  
_

_Okay Tobias_, I said while starting to demorph with everyone else, _I need you to be the distraction. Dive on in and do your thing to distract Crayak from whatever he's doing._

_Gotcha, _he replied. _Go now?_

_Give us a few more seconds of morphing…NOW!_ I said. I also added, _Tobias, don't die on me please, that's an order._

_Jake_, he said, _I've done this plenty of times_. _I know what I'm doing._

I wanted to give him a response, but then my thought-speak capabilities cut out. "Awlright guysch," I said, my mouth still forming from my beak, "We need battle morphs. Jeanne go lynx and Menderash go Andalite. Menderash, it'll be yohr jyob thoo…" Nice time for my jaw to start reforming, huh? In a few more seconds though I'd have my thought-speech. In the mean time, I could hear the ruckus Tobias was creating inside the ship. Human and hork-bajir controllers alike were shouting orders at one another. At least one of them had a Dracon beam and was shooting wildly. But it looked as if Crayak was unfazed by the sudden appearance of a red-tailed hawk far away from it's native planet. In fact, he didn't even seem to notice at all.

_Jake, I don't think it's working man,_ I heard Tobias say. _He doesn't seem to notice and I flew right past him a few times. Things are getting…WOAH! Not so close man. Watch it._

_Tobias, are you okay?_ I asked receiving my thought-speaking powers back just at the right time.

_Yeah, guy almost got me with a pipe,_ he replied panting. _You know, anytime you feel like dropping in is good with me. I'm getting too old for this._

_We'll be right there in a second, hold on,_ I said.

Turning my attention back to Menderash I said, _Menderash, I need you to cut that energy…um…tentacle away with your tail blade. You're the only one who could have a shot at it without risking your entire body._

He nodded his almost fully formed Andalite head in agreement.

I turned to Jeanne and said, _It's up to me and you to protect him._

She also gave me a cat nod in return.

_Jake…_ I heard Tobias cry out.

_Alright, let's go!_ I yelled out.

The ship wasn't really that tall, but it was still farther than I'd thought down to the floor from the roof. The three of us landed with their respective THUDs hard on the floor. Everyo_ne okay? _I asked nervously.

_We're fine_, they both said in unison.

_Alright Menderash_, I said, _we've got your back. Let's move._

And so we ran towards Crayak, still seemingly oblivious to the goings on around him. Right as we got withing striking distance Menderash shot a quick blow with his tail right through the energy tentacle. I could see a little hiccup of empty space appear in the stream of energy, but it wasn't enough to cause any real disturbances to whatever Crayak was doing. I shot a glance and the Vanderschput inside the energy bubble. He seemed frozen in a scream as the sort of watery energy blob flowed all around him and, it seemed, through him as well. Menderash tried to slice a few more times with his tail blade, but all we got was the same result, a hiccup.

_Menderash_, I said to him, _try holding your tail blade in the stream of energy. Maybe that will interrupt it enough to break the Vanderschput free._

He nodded in agreement and stuck his entire tail blade into the stream of energy. What do you know, it looked like it could work. The energy around the Vanderschput was becoming fainter and fainter with every passing moment. I could see Menderash in some pain, but he wasn't usually one to complain. I would've helped him if I could've, but at that moment a giant cape buffalo slammed into me and sent me flying across the room. Of course! How could I be so careless! What were all the controllers doing at a time like this? Morphing into their respective animals of course! Once I got up I turned to see an interesting zoo of Earth and non Earth animals. The buffalo of course, a lioness or two, a few things that I couldn't even describe, and that polar bear Tobias and I knew all too well…

Jeanne was trying to keep the small heard of animals away from Menderash, but it obviously wasn't working too well. A lynx is a nice creature, but it's no match for some of the best that Earth and some other planets have to offer. I raced back as quickly as I could to try and help, but it would be like adding a few toothpicks to a raging fire, not that much of a difference. Through it all though, Menderash was able to keep the blade of his tail in the line of fire of the energy tentacle and the energy bubble around the Vanderschput was down to almost nothing by the time I got back there. Jeanne was a mess of gashes and blood, but she was still able to run…hopefully.

I ran over to the Vanderschput, slid my tiger head under him, and tossed him up onto my back. I think he was still conscious. Conscious enough anyway that when I told him to hold on I could feel his hands and legs get a better grip on my fur.

_Alright, we're out of here_, I yelled. _Menderash, we need a door._

_Coming, AH!…, right up,_ he said as he flexed his tail and sliced straight through the wall.

_Everyone out!_ I yelled as an order. _Tobias, you still alright buddy?_

_Yeah…I'm…gonna…be…fine, _he said gasping for air between every word.

We all jumped out the newly formed door. An Andalite with a severely swollen tail, a bloodied lynx, a Siberian tiger carrying a purple fuzzy egg on his back, and, finally, a red-tailed hawk.

_Tobias_, I said to the exhausted hawk as we all started running away from the ship, _perch on me for a bit. I'm sure you can't go much further in the shape you're in now._

_But…won't that…_he tried to say.

_No time_, I said forcefully, _just do it. _

I quickly felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my back just behind where the Vanderschput was lying. I let out a loud roar as a reflex, but then I quickly wished I hadn't.

_I'm sorry Jake… I should just take off again_, I heard Tobias say with some panic and a lot of exaustion in his voice.

_No, it's fine,_ I said quickly, trying to hide the pain from my voice.

And so we ran. We ran until we couldn't see the Blade ship in the distance. Maybe Andalites can run forever, but tigers and lynxes aren't built for things like that. Me and Jeanne were as tired as we'd almost ever been by the time I felt safe telling everyone to take a short break before we morphed back into birds. I knew they'd be out looking for us as fast as they possibly could so we didn't have a lot of time to waste on breaks. But I had forgotten one thing. What about the Vanderschput that we'd rescued? What would we do with him?


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I think our short run together helped get his mind straight as he seemed almost as good as new. He climbed off my back as I began to demorph into my human self.

_Hey Menderash,_ I heard Tobias say_, did your translator chip pick up anything from this guys language yet?_

_I do not have a complete picture of the Vanderschput language yet, _Menderash replied._ I estimate my understanding to be at around thirty percent._

Just then the Vanderschput said, "Knaht uoy rof gnivas em."

We all gave a confused look to Menderash who said, "All my translator chip could translate was a you, for, and me. I believe that he can understand our thought-speak but as of now we cannot understand him."

"So, tell him that," I said calmly.

_We cannot currently understand the language that you are using, but if you can understand what I'm telling you right now lift both your arms in the air, _Menderash said.

Right after he'd finished, the Vanderschput lifted both his hands in the air.

_That's a good start_, Tobias added, _now, the more you use your language the faster the guy that just changed from the big blue thing can understand you._

I'm not a master of alien emotional expressions by any means, but I could feel that he understood.

_Do you have a name that's shorter than Vanderschput that we could call you by? _Tobias asked.

"Bahab," the Vanderschput responded.

We all just kinda looked at him funny for a second. We've seen some pretty crazy names for aliens and alien species in our day, so we were all expecting some sort of outlandish, over-the-top mix of syllables from this little fuzzy guy. It's kinda ironic that his name turned out to be Bob.

"_Bob?_" everyone asked at once. Bob didn't nod, but I just felt that he agreed.

_That just blows my mind,_ Tobias said. _Of all the names in the universe, we found an alien with the name Bob._

I gave Tobias a sort of shut up stare.

_Sorry Jake, _he responded privately, _It's just that it's kinda funny._

I softened my expression to let him know that it was alright and then began to turn my attention back to Bob again.

After a moment or two Menderash asked Bob _So, do you have idea of what to do now?_

"Sey, sey!" Bob replied, "Uoy evah deksir ruoy sevil ot evas enoemos taht uoy evah on egdelwonk fo. Taht si ylurt na elbaronoh deed. I tsum ekat uoy ot ees eht neeuq dna evah reh yaper uoy."

We all looked at Menderash again as he said, "I believe the chip is starting to take effect. I believe that he said something along the lines of you saved me, that is great, I must repay."

_What do you have in mind?_ Tobias asked with all of us hoping that Menderash's translator chip was function as it should.

"I lliw ekat uoy ot eht neeuq," Bob said. "Eht neeuq," he added for emphasis when we didn't seem to understand him. "N-e-e-u-q," he said drawing it out.

We all looked at Menderash yet again and he looked like he was getting uncomfortable from all the attention. "I'm…I'm not sure," he said.

Bob appeared to be getting frustrated so he ended up saying, "Wollof em," and starting walking away from our group.

"I think he wants us to follow him," Jeanne said.

_Gee, you think?_ Tobias said playfully, adding some of his crow speech's tone to it.

"Settle down you two," I said trying to hide a laugh. We all got up and started to follow the little purple fuzzy egg across an almost featureless brown-irony looking desert landscape.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

We walked only a short distance before Bob suddenly stopped in what looked like the middle of nowhere. We all looked at one another confused and then focused our attention on Bob. He bent down and brushed some of the dirt off an area of the ground and we could start to make out the makings of something underneath the dirt. In a few more seconds it was all uncovered. It looked to be some kind of door to an underground cavern or something.

"Siht si eno fo eht secnartne ot eht dnuorgrednu layor rebmahc. Ev'I nesohc a erom dedulced ecnartne ecnis eht niam seno dluow tsom ylekil trela ym serutpac."

Once again, we all looked at Menderash for some clue as to what he was saying.

"I believe he said that this is an entrance to…somewhere and that he's chosen it because of…of…either salty fish or a mountain," he said cautiously.

It still didn't make a whole lot of sense to us, but it was better than what we had before. I guess Bob took our indecision as a sign of agreement or something since he then walked over and stomped on the ground about three feet away with one of his feet. The "doors" opened and there was a gigantic rush of air that poured into the opening. So much so that we were all sucked in with it.

I'm not sure if it was just a design feature or it was an accident, but we all went tumbling through a somewhat long downwards-sloping tunnel with a rush of air pushing us from behind. Me, Jeanne, and Menderash in our human forms were being bounced around the edges of the tunnel wildly while Tobias was having the roller coaster ride of his life riding the giant rush of air.

_Woohoo! Alright! Man, this is awesome! I've never done anything like this! We totally have to install one of these back on Earth!_

Meanwhile, the rest of us were getting tossed around like clothes in a dryer. A bump here, a scrape there, and a small collision between me and Jeanne every now and then…

Finally, after what seemed like a good few minutes of being tumbled down a tube to the center of the earth the tunnel began to flatten and widen out. The rush of air was also dissipating into the growing cavern we were entering into.

We came to rest in a slightly bruised, slightly scraped, and slightly bloodied pile. Well, all of us except Tobias of course. He just did a few large circles in the air to kill off his speed and then gracefully landed down beside the rest of us.

_You guys alright?_ he asked with adrenaline still flowing through his voice.

"Never better," I said struggling to get up. We weren't seriously injured, but it still wouldn't be fun be any of us right at that time. After a quick morph and demorph to ease our pains, we began to explore our tunnel. We didn't get far before we heard someone else coming from where we just came. We all heard and felt a giant rush of air as a fuzzy purple egg came tumbling out of the tunnel just like we had a few minutes ago. We all just kind of stared at Bob for a second as he popped right up and began walking towards us.

_It looks like you had a better ride then they did_, Tobias said alluding to us.

"Yhw, saw ereht a melborp?" Bob asked.

We didn't even have to look at Menderash to get what he was asking, but either way Menderash said, "I believe he asked if there were any problems." He didn't wait for any cues from us before telling Bob, _our bodies don't seem to have the same amount of tolerance for erratic movements as your body seems to have._

"M'i yrros rof eht ecneinevnocni, tub ew tsum og won ot teem eht neeuq," Bob responded.

We all, once again, looked toward Menderash as Bob started to walk down the tunnel. As we started following him, Menderash said, "Um…I believe that he said he's sorry to lubricate his fur, but we have to go see a salesman…" We all just sort of stared at Menderash with faces full of confusion. "This language that they speak is very difficult to translate," he added quickly, "It's almost as if everything is backwards."

"If it was only that easy…" I added.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

After walking down the constantly growing tunnel for a few moments we began to see some other signs of life. From a distance all we could see in the very dim light was a few tall square structures. As we got closer though we could begin to make out some smaller square structures spread around and in between the larger ones.

"It's like an underground city!" Jeanne exclaimed.

"That's what it looks like to me," I said in return.

.We all just stared around in amazement. The place was huge! Now, I've seen some pretty big underground caverns before. The Yeerk pool complex was pretty nice, and the Nartec underwater city was even bigger, but this cavern takes the cake. It was unfathomably massive! I wish I could give you a size reference, but I couldn't see where the cavern ended. That might have something to do with the weak light, but nevertheless this was still the biggest cavern I've ever been in for sure.

As we got closer, some of the details of the city started to come to life. We could see a whole cities worth of Vanderschput running around going in and out of the "buildings" doing whatever it is Vanderschput do all day. Everywhere you'd turn there'd be something going on. Buildings made of what looked like dirt stood hundreds of feet high were being entered and exited by purple fuzzy eggs. There was also what appeared to be some sort of construction going on here and there on new buildings and some other things that I couldn't really see too well. And in some other places there were just masses of Vanderschput digging. Digging both into the floor and into the side of the cavern. (At least I think they were. I couldn't really see that far that well) Digging for what? Well, I'm not sure, but they were definitely digging. I guess they should be pretty good at it since they built an entire city underground and out of dirt.

All throughout our little tour of the Vanderschput city we were all ooing and ahing with excitement and wonder. Menderash was asking a lot of questions to Bob and I probably should've been paying more attention to them, but I was too busy gasping at the sights. Then, a thought hit me.

"Hey, Menderash," I said, "could you ask Bob if it would be okay for me to morph into an owl so I could get a better look around?"

After he relayed my message and got some sort of response from Bob, he replied, "It would be okay with him. He just wishes that you'd stay close to us and follow us to where we're going."

"Sure thing," I replied already starting my morph. I stopped walking and sort of hid behind the corner of a building just incase there were any Vanderschput with weak stomachs watching me. It was sort of a familiar morph to me, but I hadn't done it in a while. It feels good to refresh yourself with some not-as-frequent morphs once in a while to tell yourself that you could still morph into them if you really needed to.

The first thing that I noticed happening was that familiar 2D feathery tattoo appearing up my arms and across the rest of my body. I began to get that familiar strange itchy feeling when they started to become 3D and popped out of my skin. My nose and mouth slowly melted into each other like heated wax, turned sort of blackish and hooked, and shrunk to become my beak. My toes started to melt together and my toenails became thin and sharp to complete my talons. Good thing we left our shoes back at our ship… My arm bones twisted, hollowed, and my joints reversed to become my owl wings with some audible cracking and snapping here and there. My eyes, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, were almost the last thing to change. I went from seeing just vague shapes and shadows to seeing nothing to seeing everything all within the span of a few seconds. Once the last part of me turned from human to owl I lifted off and flapped to gain some altitude.

Owls are amazing, pure and simple. At night they can see just as good as any bird of prey can during the brightest day, and I wasn't disappointed now. I still couldn't see to the far side of the cavern, but I could see the walls to the right and to the left of me now relatively clearly. There were in fact Vanderschput digging there, probably to make the cavern even wider. The skyline I described earlier was much more varied than I had thought. All the buildings were rectangular in shape, but they varied in height and thickness. It seemed like all the buildings were built just when they needed them since there seemed to be no real order to them. There were a few short ones here, a group of medium and tall ones there, a mix of short and medium ones over there, and all three sizes were mixed in everywhere else. They all seemed to be made the exact same way and out of the exact same stuff, hardened dirt. It was almost like concrete I would guess, but it definitely looked more like dirt than rock.

As I got ready to try and land on one for a short break I heard a familiar voice in my head. _Hey, Jake, is that you?_

_You know any other owls around here? _I asked Tobias.

_Other than me and you, no, _he replied. It was then I caught a glimpse of him. He had the bright idea of morphing into an owl as well.

_Since when have you had an owl morph?_ I asked.

_It's kind of a sad story actually,_ he said, _but I acquired an injured owl about three years ago after it got hit by something on the highway. I figured that it might come in handy some day._

_Gotcha, _I said quickly, trying to get the image of a dying owl by the side of the highway out of my head._ Hey, did you land somewhere and morph or did you morph in midair? _I said almost jokingly._  
_

_Nope, in midair. It's just about as hard as it sounds, but I've had some time to practice, _he said almost boasting.

_Jake! Tobias! _I heard in my head_, Bob would like me to inform you that we are getting close to our destination and that he would appreciate it if you'd join us in your human form._

_Coming dad, _Tobias said sarcastically. I let a chuckle escape as we flew off to join the others.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Let me tell you that morphing in mid air isn't just as hard as it sounds, it's as hard as it looks too.

_The secret to staying airborne is to just feel when your current wings aren't giving you the support you need,_ Tobias said while morphing and flying as well. _I can't really explain it; you'd just need to feel it. Also, be sure to get some safety altitude incase something goes wrong._

I really didn't have anything to say at that point. I was watching some species of owl that I wasn't familiar with turn directly into a red-tailed hawk all without missing a wing flap. _Wow_, I said as a reaction, _you didn't even miss a wing flap!_ Then I sort of added, _What else don't I know about you?  
_

_There's a lot about me that people don't know_, he responded sort of mysteriously. _Don't worry Jake, I'm sure that you're better than me at a few things,_ he added trying to cut off my jealousy.

I was kind of jealous. I mean, that was just purely amazing. You have no idea what an accomplishment that really is without trying it yourself, and believe me, I have, with not quite the same results. I haven't tried morphing into another bird while flying since I can't physically do that, but I have tried to run while morphing and that's got to be way easier than morphing while flying anyway. I had to think of a comeback quick before I let Tobias get the better of me.

_Yeah, I can definitely drive a stick better than you_, I said sort of weakly.

_You got me on that one,_ he replied.

_And I could probably run faster as a human than you can,_ I said starting to get cocky.

_Probably could_, Tobias replied, playing along.

_And I definitely could beat you in a race back down to the rest of the guys too_, I said quickly getting ready to start my dive.

_What was that, Jake?_ I heard Tobias ask.

_I said that I could…_ And with that I saw a red-tailed hawk go flying past me only a foot or two away already in a dive. _Hey, that's not fair,_ I said taking off after him.

_All's fair in love, war_, _and aerial races_, he said as he reached the rest of the group first and began to morph to human.

As I landed and began to demorph I realized just how different it was getting between me and Tobias. We'd always been friends (Well, I'd always been his friend at least), but we were never really extremely close friends. We'd always left our closest friendships up to Marco and Ax. I guess that since they were both gone now, we each needed someone to call our best friend. Menderash and Jeanne were nice, but me and Tobias have been through hell and back many times before with each other and that's not something that's easily forgotten on the friendship scale.

So, anyway, me and Tobias finished getting into our human shapes and followed the others into one of the dirt buildings that looked a little bit different from the others. It was a lot shorter and longer than the others; like someone had taken one of the medium-sized buildings and knocked it over. Other than that it pretty much looked the same though.

While the outside of the buildings just look like boring rectangles, the insides were wonderful. I was still trying to get used to my puny little human eyes and the relative darkness of the inside of the building after demorphing from the owl so I couldn't see a whole lot, but from what I could see the inside was pretty amazing.

I swear that there were no sharp corners anywhere to be found on the inside which was quite the contrary to the outside. It really looked like someone almost instantly froze some water after it was pouring down the sides of the walls and then put some dirt over it. It was almost like a gigantic half-pipe all throughout the building. All the walls were extremely smooth and hard as rock. And that was just the passage way inside. Once we got into the building a decent amount the tunnel opened up into a magnificent room.

It seriously would have been a skateboarder's paradise in there. There were just so many different curves that I couldn't even begin to describe them all. It's not as if there were just random curves thrown up against the wall; there was definitely a pattern to them. It was kind of like a giant wave was going around the entire room and being followed by some smaller waves and some slightly bigger waves. All of this going on made the room itself start to look like a giant microwave-warped bowl. Trust me, when done with some beauty it looks a lot better than I'm making it sound. It's really kind of hard to describe fully. You'd have to see it for yourself to get a good picture.

Anyway, in the center of this room there was what appeared to be a giant…well…squashed-looking bubble or a gigantic bean bag chair or something like that for lack of a better description. It definitely wasn't made out of the same stuff as the building since it was giving off a strange blue-green glow. A single Vanderschput stood at the top, but when it noticed us it screamed out, "SDRAUG!" and, almost out of nowhere, a small army of Vanderschput appeared and circled the glowing…thing.

"ECAEP!" Bob yelled out and the small army of Vanderschput seemed to just melt away back into the shadows.

"This is just weird," I heard Jeanne say.

"You got my vote on that one," Tobias chimed in.

"Count me in too," I added.

As we all stood there still trying to see where all those Vanderschput could have gone I heard Menderash say, "Bob wishes me to inform you that now you are in the presence of the queen of this colony and to show respect however it is humans would show respect to a superior figure."

"Queen?!?" the three of us shouted out.

"That's right," Menderash said, "the Queen. I'd assume that perhaps a bow or a kneel would be an appropriate human display of respect at a time like this."

Who was I to disrespect the queen? I slowly kneeled and Jeanne and Tobias followed closely behind me.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Tahw si eht gninaem fo siht?" the queen spoke out. We didn't have time to look at Menderash again before Bob responded.

"Rouy ytsejam, siht puorg fo sgnieb devas em morf eht tehto puorg fo sgnieb. I saw nekat renosirp dna saw tuoba ot eb dellik nehw eseht sgnieb dewohs pu."

We still didn't have time to look at Menderash before the Queen replied, "Tahw erew uoy gniod pu ereht ni eht tsrif ecalp?"

Bob quickly replied, "I saw gniod emos ecnassiannocer no taht puorg fo sgnieb nehw yeht was em dna derutpac em."

As me, Jeanne, and Tobias all stood there extremely confused looking I heard Menderash say, _I will inform you of the conversation after it is completed._

Okay then, I told myself, time to step back into the real world and figure out what's been going on in the past few hours. As far as we know so far, Crayak has some evil plan to spread a virus throughout our universe. To do this, he needs to absorb many different creatures, alter them somewhat, and then release them. To be able to do this however he had to become a mortal being and The Ellimist wants us to kill him before it's too late to stop him. His ship is about two hours of flying away from ours and there are at least five or so morph-capable human-controllers with him. We'd need to take care of those first before we can even try to get at Crayak. But there's only four of us and four against at least five isn't the best odds for us. We'll need the Vanderschput's help…

_Jake…JAKE!_ I heard in my head.

"Wha…what," I said snapping out of my deep thoughts.

"The queen wishes to know if there's anything we'll need."

"Yeah," I said quickly, "Their help." I didn't know how peaceful or warrior-like the Vanderschput were, but I had a feeling that every species in the universe needs to have some kind of defensive instinct and therefore some kind of aggressiveness. "I'd like to know how they'd feel if I asked them to join us in a raid against Crayak and his crew."

I got some concerned stares from my little group as Menderash asked the Queen. "You can't just drag them all into this," I head Jeanne say quietly. "It's not their fight."

"One of their own was almost absorbed by Crayak," I said harsher than I really wanted to. "I think that makes them a bit more than involved."

"The Queen approves your idea," I heard Menderash say. "Her exact words were we'd be more than happy to risk the lives of our colony just as you have risked yours."

"Well then, that's some good news," I said in response. "What kind of army do they have?"

After a few more questions and answers between Menderash and the Queen Menderash told me, "They haven't had a war in a very long time. I would estimate it would be approximately fifty thousand human years. There is no one in this colony or probably any other colony that has any sort of experience in combat of any type."

"We've got a lot of work ahead of us then I guess," I said with a sigh.

"It would seem so," Menderash answered with the same sigh.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

We spent the next day or two, by Menderash's clock anyway, trying to prepare the Vanderschput all we could. They were a really fascinating species.

Let me start off with the basics. The Vanderschput live in underground colonies of approximately three to five thousand. In our colony here there were 3586. At least, that's what they told us anyway. There are as many as two hundred other colonies scattered all over their planet and most of them follow the same procedures as this one for the most part. There are a few rebel colonies that do things differently, but they didn't tell us much about them.

The Vanderschput are omnivores, but they prefer eating the roots of an underground…fungus I think it would be classified by Earth terms. They basically farm them like humans on Earth farm wheat or corn. That's what they were digging up when we first saw them. We came into the city from the "city pipe" I guess you could call it because most of their underground cavern is just full of fields of fungus. They told us that they used to be mostly carnivores and they would go out and hunt for anything from small insects to something that could compare to a large wolf in size. Then, one day about seventy-five thousand Earth years ago, a meteor crashed into their planet and killed off most of it's life. The Vanderschput were mostly unharmed since they lived underground, but their carnivorous ways had to change since they had almost no more prey to go after. They were already eating the same fungus that they do now in limited quantities, but they started cultivating it in order for it to become their primary food. They haven't hunted meat for fifty thousand years and the only time they go out and get a different kind of plant for food is for some big festival they have every ten growing sessions of the fungus.

The numerous buildings around are mostly for storing either their fungus roots or their other festival plant. A few of the smaller ones do house other things like a sort of senate to decide what goes on with the colony, a few buildings to store the raw materials for making new buildings, and a few processing plants to get those raw materials.

Those raw materials consist of dirt which is kind of abundant underground, and a sort of glue to hold it together which must be processed from a different plant. (On a sort of side note, the Vanderschput don't really have names for many things since their lives are pretty simple. This makes it pretty confusing for us to understand what they're talking about sometimes.) Anyway, they take this glue and mix it together with the dirt to form something that I would call concrete since that's what it acts like. It's a very strong substance but since it forms square crystals it's hard to make anything but squares and rectangles out of it which is why all the buildings outside are square. It is possible to make some curved sections the Vanderschput informed us, but it takes a lot more work and needs a few extra ingredients. That's why they only use curves for important things like the queen's palace and the senate building. They also make everything else they need out of this concrete mixture too, but besides a few tools for digging and construction they don't have really much else to make.

They were once an amazingly intelligent race who had many of the technical benefits humans and Andalites do now. They'd even come up with a few neither of us has or ever had. Andalites think we evolved fast, huh? Well, these little purple fuzzy guys came up with a sort of basic engine that ran on Uranium (but not with nuclear fission), an orbital rocket, and a teleporter (which even The Andalites haven't created yet) all within the span of about thirty Earth years. They wouldn't give too many details on why they just abandoned all that in favor of this extremely simple lifestyle, but it definitely had something to do with their last war fifty thousand years ago.

So, you say, all that Vanderschput history is nice and all, but what the hell have you been doing for the past couple of days with them? Well, I'm glad you asked. We started off with a big meeting of the whole colony. The queen, members of the senate, a few random citizens of the colony, and us had a debate and figured out what our best course of action was going to be. Everyone in the colony wanted to be part of the plan since before both ships landed nothing interesting had happened in about a thousand years around here. (To put that in perspective, the average lifespan of a Vanderschput is about thirty years). We decided that having everyone in the plan was not a good idea since they all needed some type of training. We decided to only take about a hundred or so that were the biggest and strongest and give them the best training we could in a short time. A hundred and four against anywhere from five to seven were good enough odds for me.

We didn't have much more of a plan that just to storm the ship, so we focused on a guerilla type warfare strategy. They didn't have any what they or us considered weapons to speak of, but one of their farming tools looked like it could do the job. It was kind of shaped like a shovel and it had a square and sharp tip. It looked easy enough to swing around and do some damage. We put in the order to make a hundred more since we didn't want to waste the colonies actual farming tools. We had no idea how many we were going to lose in the battle or even if any would come back at all…

Their training went okay. They weren't masters of the square shovel by any means, but when twenty of them gang up on one person it should be enough for them to get the job done. We got everyone ready, they all said their last goodbyes, and then we were off.

The tube ride back up was almost the same as it was down we were informed, so I morphed into my peregrine falcon to see what Tobias had been so excited about before. Menderash and Jeanne both morphed into a duplicate of Tobias since they were also curious. I was feeling a little lonely being the odd bird out of our little group so I did what anyone would do.

_Hey Tobias_, I called out.

_Yeah_, he said sounding distracted by something else.

_Would you mind, since…you know…everyone else already looks like you…and…um…I'm feeling a little left out so…_

_Yeah, sure_, he said still sounding extremely focused on something. I quickly demorphed to human and walked over to acquire him. I had a feeling I knew what was bothering him, and I really didn't like it. It was bothering me too, but I could only imagine what it was doing to Tobias. He was about to get revenge. Revenge for something that's been bothering him for the past three and a half years. I wanted revenge too, but I knew this was something that Tobias needed more than me. I just hoped that he would be able to maintain control of himself and not do anything stupid. I wanted to tell him that I knew what he was going through and to keep some level of control, but we were up next to go up to ground level so it would have to wait. I quickly morphed to my new red-tailed hawk form and was just able to finish before the doors opened.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Note: I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue the story from Jakes POV to move the story forward or to switch to Tobias' POV to witness all the stuff he's going through, so naturally I did both. You can read your favorite one, read both, read your least favorite one, or just not read either and skip ahead a few chapters where I'll probably narrow it back down to just one persons POV. Who's? Well, you'll have to read and find out...

-------------------

Jake

Let me tell you that Tobias wasn't lying about the flight down the tube. It really was amazing! It was almost pitch black so I had no idea where I was going. My only form of reference to where the tunnel turned, steepened, or did whatever else tunnels do was the motion of the wind. With my bird brain knowing what every miniscule change in the airflow meant to me and my flying patterns it was like I didn't need to see at all. Then there was my human brain that was absolutely terrified out of its mind. Dark, enclosed space that was rushing around me while I was moving at probably fifty or so miles an hour seemed a bit dangerous. My human brain was terrified but my bird brain balanced it out. I was out of control and in complete control at the same time which was the best feeling I think I've ever had. I can't really explain it more than that since it didn't make any more sense to me either, but just trust me on this one.

After one of the best rides of my life the tunnel opened up and we were shot out at what seemed to be about fifty miles an hour. I soared up as high as my kinetic energy would take me then at the top of my arch I quickly folded my wings back and dove to the ground. One last rush couldn't hurt, right? Right before I hit the ground I banked right, did a few large circles leading into a spiral pattern about five feet off the ground and eventually landed sort of clumsily tripping over my own talons. I was expecting Tobias to make some sort of witty remark on my landing, but he just continued soaring above all of our heads. He doesn't miss much so I was sure that he saw my landing, but yet he was completely silent. I had to talk to him now.

_Tobias_, I called out. No response. _TOBIAS!_, I practically screamed.

_Wha…What?_ he called back out loud since everyone gave him a funny look.

_Tobias, we need to talk,_ I said back.

_What is it?_ he said still seemingly distracted.

_Tobias_, I started, _I know. _I really didn't know what else to say. It's not like I planned everything out in advance. Maybe I should have. I guess I'm starting to slip as a leader. I should have known when I started getting everyone killed… Wait, what am I doing? This is about Tobias' problems, not mine. I waited for a response from him for a little bit before I continued. I got nothing.

_Tobias_, I started again, _I know what you're going through. I know what you're thinking, and I don't blame you for it. But I can't have you go off and make some stupid mistake because you were blinded by revenge. I've done that a few times in the past and let me tell you, it almost never works out the way you're planning in your head. You need to step back and let reason take control of your actions instead of blind fury. I need you to be at your best for what we're about to do and if you can't do that then you risk not just your own life and your chance at revenge but everyone else's life in the process. _Planning, who needs it?

I knew that Tobias had heard my little speech, but I still got no response from him. Was he silently agreeing? Was he silently disagreeing? Did my little speech go in one ear and out the other? To be honest, I really didn't know.

Looking back, maybe I should've done something about Tobias. He was clearly not in the best state to do anything that I asked him to. But we've become pretty close friends over the past week or two that we've been stuck on this chunk of rock and I knew that if he didn't at least try and go after that bear with everything that he could it would haunt him the rest of his life. I just couldn't do that to him. He already had too many things that would be haunting him for the rest of his life, and I didn't want to be solely responsible for adding another. So, I just gave up on him and began to focus my attention on getting the remaining Vanderschput out of their super air coaster tunnel and getting everyone organized for the coming assault.

Tobias

Ever since Jake told me that Ax had been captured by the blade ship it had been in the back of my mind. Revenge. I knew who was on the blade ship, what they had done to Rachel, and now I wanted to do the exact same thing to them. I realized that the reality of that actually happening was pretty low early on so the idea, for the most part, stayed in the back of my mind. I had other things to do. Duties to perform on our little ship. But there really wasn't a whole lot to do and most of our time was spent just lounging around. Sometimes I would just daydream away about how I'd valiantly storm into the blade ship and under a hail of bullets or animal swipes or whatever else they could throw at me and epically strike down that polar bear with a single blow just like he did to Rachel. Then, I'd go down under a hail of enemy fire just like Rachel had. Hey, a hawk can dream, can't he? My daydreams were just that, dreams, until the day we'd finally located the blade ship.

All my daydreams and fantasies came back to me at that moment. My heroic last charge turned from just my imagination into a possible future reality. I was honestly disappointed when I heard Jake give the order to ram the blade ship. It literally shattered all the hopes and dreams that were going through my head. I didn't have much time to worry about it right then though since Jake had some sort of over-the-top plan that was almost sure to fail ready to go and he needed me to make it happen. For a moment or two I was seriously thinking about just letting us ram the blade ship like it was now and at least go out with a bang. I had nothing left to live for. Revenge wasn't possible anymore and I had no one who'd really care for me back home. Reality and realism finally snapped me back after what could've only been a few seconds or so but felt like almost an eternity to me. _This isn't just about you idiot! We're talking about everyone else on this ship as well. _

I was scared. Had I really thought like that? Had I given up hope for everything that I'd worked so hard to gain just like that? I couldn't let myself get in that state of mind again. I had to block it out at all costs or else something could go terribly wrong.

For the next few days after our crash I tried to keep myself as busy as possible. There really was a lot to do which definitely helped me keep my mind off of my fantasies and what happened to me in those few seconds of indecision. But always in the back of my mind there was that little voice that kept saying _the only thing you have left is revenge. Without that you're nothing! _I didn't want to believe it, but it slowly kept getting louder and louder. It was practically screaming at me when I found the blade ship was just about a two hour flight away from our own ship. I had to keep control though. If I didn't have control I knew that I'd do something that was probably stupid, risky, and just irrational.

So, you could just imagine what that little voice was telling me when Jake ordered a reconnaissance mission of the blade ship. I just kept telling myself all the way there _I have to be in control, I have to be in control, I have to be in control. _It was hard, but I managed to stay in control the whole way there. Even when I ended up diving into the blade ship itself I was still in control and after a few moments of flapping continuously I was too tired to care anymore. That didn't stop me from trying though. I felt it coming, I knew it was coming, and I knew that if I wasn't so tired I would've done something stupid. I did however manage to get a good look at the controller who had the polar bear morph. In fact, that had to be the only thing I really focused on after I saw that The One wasn't reacting to me. The polar bear controller looked, for lack of a better description, like a pothead. He was somewhat tall, had dreadlocks, was wearing a hemp necklace and bracelet, sandals, and a pair of baggy jeans with a faded green t-shirt. I was so focused on him and his morphing into the polar bear that I totally didn't see the buffalo before he had already gotten to Jake. _Stupid! I knew something would go wrong if I didn't focus and there you go Tobias, that's what happens._

As we escaped the blade ship with the Vanderschput in tow I told myself never to lose sight of what the mission was. I had what I could describe as a mental backlash against that little voice in my head and it almost completely faded away. Oh yeah, that little air coaster of a ride down to the Vanderschput colony didn't hurt either.

I tried to keep myself as busy as possible down in the Vanderschput colony with the training of the Vanderschput, helping them make some of their square shovels, or just joking around with the rest of our crew, but it slowly crept back. As we were getting closer to the planned attack time it started to take over my mind. Sure, I'd had a few chances to get that polar bear before, but this time it was serious. This was an all out assault, not reconnaissance and definitely not a ramming attempt. This was it. It would be now or never. Me verses that polar bear. And I had a special surprise for him…

I really didn't even notice the ride back up to the surface. My mind was way to busy to worry about things like that. _What would I do? Wait for him to morph and have a fair fight, or just take him out as a human? _That's when I heard someone calling out my name.

_Wha…What?_ I said out loud not being sure who was calling me. Right after I yelled it out I felt kind of felt stupid as my normal brain bounced back for a second. I knew it was Jake and I already knew what he was going to say.

_Tobias, we need to talk,_ he said very leaderishly.

_What is it?_ I replied quickly, feeling that little voice in my head quickly taking back control from my normal, well functioning brain.

_Tobias_, he started, _I know. _He then paused for a bit.

_Yeah right_, that little voice said. _He knows exactly what you're going through. I can't count the number of times that he was stuck as a hawk and had his girlfriend's killer right in plain sight and within striking distance. _

_No_, I said back to the voice, _he knows what he's doing. He's got us this far, he can get us to the end._

_And what a fun little trip it's been_, the voice replied.

I was losing it. I was having an argument with myself! I couldn't do this. I had to tell Jake to let me out of the mission. I couldn't be trusted. I was like Marco with his mom, Ax with the Andalite fleet, or Erek being tricked to go against his programming. I tried to speak. I tried to say something, but it just wouldn't come out. It was like something was holding me back. Revenge? Fear? Responsibility? Loyalty? No, I was still in control of those. There was only one other thing I could possibly imagine it being…

Rachel.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Jake

It was relatively simple to get everyone organized since we'd practiced it quite a few times. Everyone knew where they were supposed to be and what they were supposed to be doing when the emerged from the ride up. They lined up in ten rows of ten so that I could quickly count that everyone had made it up and then we started off toward the blade ship.

We didn't really have a solid plan. We figured that the blade ship could be doing any number of things so we decided to wait until we got there to figure something out. We hadn't emerged that far from the blade ship, but it was far enough that they wouldn't be able to see us directly from the ship. We couldn't just start walking up to the ship though since there was absolutely no cover for us anywhere. It looked like it was a desert wasteland in every direction. We talked for a bit and decided on my original little group going in first since we could get in closer with one of our smaller bird morphs than the Vanderschput could.

All of us began to morph into our smallest birds. Tobias and I had acquired a chickadee morph a while back, Jeanne had her crow, and, unfortunately for Menderash, a red-tailed hawk was the only flying morph he had. We flew towards the ship while the Vanderschput army buried themselves in the dirt and began to tunnel towards the blade ship underground. We knew that there was no way that they could create a full tunnel within a reasonable time, so we had settled on them getting as close as possible until I gave them further instructions after I took a good look at our target.

The ship definitely seemed less vulnerable than it did before, and it didn't really look that vulnerable to begin with. They had fixed the outer shielding where it was damaged by Menderash last time which made it look like nothing had taken place here at all. The whole area was very calm and serene, but there was one thing that broke that serenity; the large, red, glowing bubble around the blade ship.

_I'm pretty sure I already know the answer, but what is that red bubble doing around the ship Menderash?_ I said.

_Why, it would be the ship's forcefield obviously,_ he replied acting like I was a child. _They added a red shift to it to make it visible. They probably would like to discourage any attacks before they begin._

_So, is there any way to get past it? _I asked.

_Unfortunately, with our available equipment there is nothing we could do to penetrate it, _he replied bluntly.

_I figured as much, _I said quickly. _Well then, I guess we're going to have to make them open it. An injured Vanderschput should be appealing enough to get them to lift the shield. And once they do, we'll sneak in and hope that some of the remaining Vanderschput can make it in as well before the shield goes back up. Sound good to everyone?_

_Not really, _Jeanne said_, but it's better than any plan that I got._

_I agree_, Menderash said, _it seems to be the best course of action taking into account our circumstances. _

Tobias, of course, said nothing. I had expected that though. I don't know what was going on in his head at that moment, but I just hoped that whatever happened to him between the moment he spaced out and the moment after he came back wouldn't put everyone else in jeopardy.

I quickly flew back to the last place I had seen the Vanderschput digging and called out my plan to them thought-speak. There was no shortage of volunteers for the injured Vanderschput job so I ended up just picking one at random. I had assigned them all a number between one and one hundred before we left for simplicity's sake and I chose number thirty seven. There was no real reason for my choice; it was just a random number. I explained to him that he had to act injured and sound injured all the way up until the rest of us came in to save him. He agreed wholeheartedly and with much more enthusiasm than I would've guessed. I'll give the Vanderschput one thing, they're brave. Either brave or stupid, but there's usually only a fine line between them both anyway.

I let the remaining Vanderschput get a bit closer to the ship before I'd have number thirty seven come to the surface. To make it seem sort of realistic I told a few others to drag him towards the blade ship like a sacrifice to Crayak so he wouldn't suspect something was up. Me, Jeanne, Menderash, and Tobias had to get relatively close to the ship in order to make it in before they closed the shield back up, so after giving them a two minute timeframe until they put their part of the plan into motion, the four of us took off towards the ship.

Tobias

It had to be Rachel, it just had to be. She had come back to help me get revenge on that polar bear. Tough, strong, brave Rachel had taken control of my body and I was going to let her do whatever she needed to. I knew that she had defeated a polar bear more than once before so I didn't have any worries about her doing it again. And I had a little surprise for her as well. Maybe she already knew, maybe she didn't. I'm not quite sure how the afterlife works exactly. But either way I knew she'd be happy.

Shortly after Rachel's funeral I had started seriously thinking about revenge. At that point in time most of my anger was focused towards Jake, but I still had a few plans for going after that polar bear as well. Anyway, I really didn't have any super ferocious morphs in my arsenal. I was mainly the reconnaissance and surveillance guy in our little group so I didn't need many ultra powerful morphs and usually whenever I was in a battle I'd just use my natural hawk-self and do plenty of my own damage that way. To take down Jake and anyone else that I needed to I'd have to acquire something with way more muscle and power than what I considered my strongest fighting morph now, the Hork-Bajir. I thought about it for a little bit and at first I thought that I might acquire a lion since we'd had so much fun with David in that morph, especially Jake. I had almost tried to acquire a lion, but a better idea came to my mind. Jake would know who and why right away after he saw my morph possibly ambush him on his way somewhere or even just sitting in his living room. It would be a morph that he'd be very familiar with, but he'd never have to deal with again, or so he'd think. I was going grizzly. And not just any grizzly, THE grizzly. As far as I knew he was still there at The Gardens just like he was when Rachel acquired him for the first time. A bit older perhaps, but it still would be the same DNA.

I never actually got the courage to attack Jake, and looking back on it now I'm really glad that I never did. It wasn't his fault that Rachel was dead and I knew it all along. If I had only realized that after I killed him I don't know what I'd have done. But that's all in the past now since we turned out to be sort of best friends as of now. I'm sure he'd forgive me for thinking that way just the same as I had forgiven him for Rachel's death. He's just that kind of guy, and I really wish that I could be more like him in that respect.

Rachel wasn't feeling very forgiving right at this time though. All I could hear was_ …revenge…kill…revenge… _from inside my head. It struck me as a little extreme, even for Rachel. Sure, she could be ruthless, foolhardy, and even just down right stupid sometimes when in her battle mode, but the Rachel I knew best was nothing like that at all. The Rachel I knew better than anyone else, maybe even her, was a scared little girl. She was scared about losing so many things: losing her sisters, losing her mom and dad, losing me, and even losing the entire human race and everything that went with it. We all had been scared out of our minds the entire time we'd been fighting and will probably continue to be for the rest of our lives, but Rachel seemed to be the most frightened of us all, at least to me.

Everyone has a way of dealing with it. Marco had his jokes, Cassie had her animals to take care of, I, sort of regretfully, usually just blocked it out and flew away, Jake… well, I really don't know what Jake did. I guess he just kept it inside the whole time and created fantasies of rescuing Tom for all I know. But anyway, Rachel was the one with the greatest reaction. When it came down to fight or flight, she'd always choose fight. For some reason all her fear gave her incredible bravery and endurance. She was like a killing machine, especially towards the end. And it was all due to her being scared.

That's why she'd decided to come help me now. She was afraid. Afraid of me being hurt or killed. Afraid of the rest of us being hurt or killed. Probably even afraid that Crayak's plan was going to work and then everybody in the universe would be hurt or killed. For the most part she had known what she was doing and almost always came out of a battle taking down the most guys or doing the most damage. I figured that I'd let her take control and let her do what she does best.

It was almost like I was watching a movie. She flapped my wings for me, she adjusted altitude and kept pace with the slower mob of creatures below me as we got closer, and she even morphed to a chickadee when the time came for some reconnaissance and then the final lunge toward the ship as the Vanderschput began carrying out whatever plan Jake had come up with. Rachel wanted to be in one last battle and I wasn't going to get in her way.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Note: Yay! The big battle scene is finished (from Jake's view anyway). I'm sorry for the enormous length compared to my other chapters, but I didn't want to confuse some people by putting Tobias' point of view a few chapters after starting Jake's, so I just crammed all of Jake's POV of the battle into one big chapter. Speaking of Tobias, his POV will be in chapter 20. Enjoy!

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Jake

We reached the ship about ten seconds before the Vanderschput began to pop out of the ground. Everything seemed like it was going to plan so far. Number thirty seven and a few of his friends popped out of the ground and soon had, who I'd assume was number thirty seven, pinned down to the ground and started to lead him towards the blade ship while the rest of the Vanderschput kept digging closer to the blade ship. If I didn't know any better, I'd have figured that they really were bringing a sacrifice. Each of them was playing their parts beautifully and almost even had me convinced. Maybe we could get a few of them back on Earth when all this is over to replace some of the actors in the Animorphs TV show…

Anyway, we could hear the noise inside the ship starting to increase in intensity. They definitely had seen the Vanderschput and probably contemplating what to do. With my chickadee ears I couldn't hear anything specific, but I thought that maybe Menderash with his hawk ears could hear something. _Hey Menderash_, I asked, _you've got the hawk ears, can you hear anything specific?_

_Not quite_, he replied. _I can only hear the occasional word, but out of context they really make no sense whatsoever._

As Menderash finished up his response, the red bubble around the ship slowly began to dissolve away. It sputtered, it flickered, and then it started to break apart just like it was a giant bubble of electricity and someone was slowly turning down the power.

_Looks like they brought it,_ Jeanne remarked.

_Okay_, I said adopting my leader's tone, _let's go_. _Aim for one of the growing gaps in the field and take it slowly to make sure that it's really turned off and not just going back to being transparent. Me and Tobias will go first since we're the smallest and least conspicuous followed by Jeanne. Menderash, you'll come in after the rest of us are safely within the force field since you're the biggest and most likely to set off an alarm._

Me and Tobias swooped down from flying above the blade ship and made a few grazing runs across where the force field used to be to make sure that it really wasn't there anymore. After I felt safe, I dove in with Tobias right on my tail. _Well_, I thought to myself, _at least he's still following me. That's a good sign…_

_It's all clear Jeanne, _I said, _come on. _A crow then swooped down and landed right next to where Tobias and I had perched, behind some sort of square box that was popping out of the roof. And, rather amazingly, Tobias hadn't said a word about crows the whole time Jeanne had been morphed. This had to be a new record for him. I almost laughed to myself after thinking about it for a bit, but then the doors to the blade ship started to open up and a glowing blob of constantly shifting energy just kind of floated out of the door when it was sufficiently open followed by two "bodyguards" I guess you could say. One was human and one was…well…something else. _Menderash_, I said quickly, _land in behind one of these things we're behind so they don't see you flying around up there_. He swooped down and made an almost noiseless landing behind a different square thing that was just big enough to cover him from Crayak and his bodyguard's view just in case they looked back.

I wasn't sure how far the Vanderschput had gotten tunneling underground or if they were even in thought-speak range, but I had to at least try and let them know what was going on. _Hey guys_, I called out to everyone except Crayak and his crew, (with some practice it's amazing how precise you can be with thought-speak) _keep tunneling but_ _Crayak is on his way out with two controllers._ _I'll need a few of you to distract Crayak, but I need most of you to focus on the morph-capable controllers. They are our primary target as of right now. And I still need a few dozen to rush the blade ship and try to get in before the shield gets back up. Menderash tells me that you'd have about five minutes from when the shield starts reforming until it's back at one hundred percent capacity. That may seem like a lot of time, but I don't want you to waste it. The actual door to the blade ship will be a bigger problem than the shield though. I'm not sure how long it'll take to close once they get the idea that it's a trap. Get here as quickly as you can. I hope you can hear me at least a little bit and I'll let you decide who does what._

So then we waited. We watched as Crayak and his crew got closer and closer to the little group of Vanderschput carrying another struggling Vanderschput. Before he was able to reach them however a giant pit opened up beneath him and Crayak's bodyguards fell in while Crayak just continued to float above it. I could see about twenty or so Vanderschput jump out of the hole and while five of them tried to attack and distract Crayak the other fifteen started running toward the blade ship.

I got to hand it to the Vanderschput as a race. They're quick, smart, and very resourceful. I can see why Crayak wanted to have one at his disposal. I had really nothing to do with the whole hole plan and they managed to dig farther than I'd thought they could've towards the blade ship and still had enough time to dig a giant pit. They executed their plan perfectly and it looked like they had the two controllers vastly outnumbered in a small and tight space underground which meant that they shouldn't have a problem with taking them out.

It really has come to that. No longer was it only try to injure or only kill if you yourself are on the verge of dying, it's just kill now. That was our early problem with the Animorphs, we tried to be too nice and take every precaution we could to try not to hurt anyone we didn't need to. That attitude was probably the reason our war lasted for the better part of three years. But in the later stages of the war I had realized that that's not how wars are fought. You can't spare this person and not attack that one just because it seems wrong; you need to kill everyone that could possibly be a threat in order to be most effective. There's a famous quote from General George Patton which goes "No bastard ever won a war dying for his country. You win a war by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country," and I couldn't really sum it up any better than that. That is real war. That's how it's supposed to be done and I had realized it too late in my opinion.

_What do we do now, Jake? _Jeanne asked snapping me out of my guilt trip from the past.

_Alright_, I said still sort of stunned from my previous thoughts, _we need to wait for either the first Vanderschput to get to the door to the blade ship or for the door to be almost closed. _As I said that the door began closing rather slowly. I took a look at how far the Vanderschput were away from the door, how fast they were closing in, and how fast the door itself was closing. _My estimate, correct me if I'm wrong Menderash, would be that at their current rates the shield shouldn't be a factor and the door should close just as a few of the Vanderschput get in._

_It seems likely to me_ _as well_, Menderash added.

_Okay then_, I continued, _I don't think that the crew of the blade ship knows we're here yet so we'll need to wait until the absolute last minute and if we could sneak in undetected it would be even better. _I paused for a second as an idea came to me. _Hey Menderash, could you slice a hole in the outer shielding of the ship from the outside just like you did from the inside last time?_

_No, _he replied as bluntly as ever_, the outer shell contains alloys of titanium carbide, magnesium sulfides…_

_We don't have time for a chemistry lesson Menderash, _I said quickly.

_Yes, well, _he said in reaction_, the outside is too hard to penetrate by myself but I was able to penetrate it from the inside by using a particularly weak portion and with the help of the ship's geoneural hybridization core which was located at that exact spot._

_Could you possibly do that again from the inside then?_ I asked trying not to get confused in Menderash's words.

_I'm not aware of what repairs or modifications they have done to that spot since then so I cannot be sure_, he answered.

_Well_, I said, _if it's possible I need you to do it again to let in any Vanderschput that couldn't make it in the front door._

_Speaking of which,_ Jeanne remarked. Oh no! I'd gone on too long with Menderash. I had lost track of the door and the Vanderschput. The Vanderschput were just about at the door and the door was just about closed. We needed to move now!

_Okay, okay_, I said frantically as I took off from my perch. _Lets go. Try and go in through the topmost area so we could leave as much room as possible for the Vanderschput at the bottom. Also, we'd attract less attention that way._

Tobias and I were the first ones in since we had the best acceleration from stop to start. Jeanne followed close behind and I didn't wait and see Menderash enter before I found a corner and quickly began to demorph along with the other two. It was mayhem at the door. As it was being drawn up to where it would be closed sort of like a castle's drawbridge there were Vanderschput hanging off the side and trying to climb in while two controllers (one human, one hork-bajir) on either side were trying to knock them off with some long piece of metal or something. A few of the Vanderschput were getting crushed by the closing door and the sides of the door were starting to become lubricated by the greenish brownish blood. It wasn't helping any of the other Vanderschput getting in, that's for sure. The few of them that had made it in though started to attack the controllers trying to push the other Vanderschput off the door. As I was about to turn away from the gruesome scene I saw a red-tailed hawk squeeze in through the top of the door. Unfortunately, so did the rest of the crew. We hadn't been detected up until then and our element of surprise would've still been intact. But as soon as they saw that familiar red-tailed hawk fly in, even if it wasn't really the same one that had done so earlier, they knew what was up. It was going to be one hell of a fight.

_Menderash_, I called out, _try and keep them busy for as long as possible so we could get as far into our morphs as… _Nice time for my thought-speak abilities to stop working, huh? I think he got the message though as he kept flying around the ship just as Tobias had done a few days before. Speaking of which, where was he? I took a quick look around as my eyes started to change back to human and I saw what looked like a brown fuzzy ball slowly crawling away from our little group. Right then I knew what Tobias' plan was and I knew that there was no way I'd have any control over him. "Tobias," I called out while my mouth was still functional. I know it was stupid and risky, but I wasn't sure if I'd ever get to tell him this again. "Good luck."

My attention then shifted back to Menderash who still flying around the ship. _Jake… _Menderash called out sounding out of breath. I didn't have my thought-speak ability yet so I couldn't respond, but as my black and orange fur began to sprout out of my skin I really wished I could've. I didn't have any time to waste right now so I quickly focused my attention on Jeanne for a second. "Jeanne, go help Vandershhhppuit," I said as my mouth began to grow a set of tiger's teeth. About four or five Vanderschput had made it inside before the door closed and they were still doing battle with the controllers who were previously trying to push them back out the door. The controllers looked pretty beaten up, but the unfortunate thing about morphing in this case is that their injuries were being healed as they morphed. Jeanne needed to get over there now if they had any chance of getting them. _Jeanne, go now!_, I said realizing that I had my thought-speak capabilities back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a creature that was mostly lynx take off towards the little group of Vanderschput and morphing controllers, but since I had my thought-speak ability back I focused all my attention on Menderash.

_Menderash_, I called out to him, _land over by me and start to demorph as quickly as possible. I'll try and hold them off while you morph._ All I heard in response was panting and gasping, but I assumed that he agreed with my plan as his alternatives weren't all that great. He only had two controllers following him now. One was already morphed into something with six legs that was six feet tall and had a potato-shaped body and so many tentacles that it would've been crazy to try and count them all. Oh yeah, there was a human controller following him too.

I was more than halfway into my tiger morph when a red-tailed hawk crashed down behind me. I was hidden behind some sort of box in the corner so the controllers had no way of seeing me until it was too late. _Menderash_, I said quickly, _demorph and morph into your Andalite self as quickly as you can. I'll see what I can do to hold them off._

As I saw some feathers start to disappear from the hawk I turned my attention to the two controllers that were closing in. Menderash had lead them to the other side of the ship before diving in behind me which brought me some precious few extra seconds of morphing time. By the time they were within striking distance I was about seventy-five percent tiger. I waited an extra second until the human controller got right up to the edge of the box I was behind and then sort of clumsily, since I still wasn't fully a tiger yet, pounced on top of him. This mission was all about killing so I didn't wait for him to morph into anything really dangerous before I sunk my tiger's teeth right into his neck. I could hear him scream out in pain. I could taste the blood from his jugular vein in my mouth. I could feel his vertebrae snapping, cracking, and disconnecting as I sunk my teeth in farther and began to twist. Sure, I had done the same thing to many hork-bajir, but doing it to a human was a totally different experience, and I never wanted to do it again. There was just something unsettling about killing one of your own species as opposed to something totally alien, and I hated how it felt. It made me sick. But I didn't have any time to worry about all that now. As I felt his body finally go limp I felt a tentacle slap my side creating an intense burning sensation. I let out a loud roar and dropped the unconscious human controller out from my mouth. I quickly looked to see if he was still breathing. He was, shallowly, but he'd die of blood loss before he was able to wake up.

_Well,_ I thought to myself, turning my attention to the other controller, _I've done it again. I've let someone sneak up on me without giving them as much as a second thought. What would the weird tentacle monster be doing while I mauled his friend? Drinking a cup of tea? No, of course not. Stupid, stupid, STUPID! _I wish I had some more time to instill some more doubt in myself right then, but another tentacle struck my other side and left a similar burning sensation. I let out another smaller roar and tried to get away to a better attack position, but I realized I couldn't move my hind legs. He must have had some kind of paralyzing agent in those tentacles because I definitely couldn't move my legs no matter how hard I tried. I was in trouble. Another tentacle hit me across my back and my rear end just gave out and slumped to the floor. _Menderash…_ I called out just as he had done to me.

_Jake_, he answered back,_ I will have my tail blade in approximately twenty seconds. Until then I should inform you that the creature that you're battling is called a Bomberian Swamp Monster. It carries a mild neurotoxin in it tentacles which it uses to kill its prey on it's home world. _THWACK! Another slap of a tentacle on my now almost useless tiger body. _I would assume that that level of neurotoxin in a tiger's body would only lead to temporary paralysis. Although too much neurotoxin would probably lead to nervous system problems. Just great_, I thought to myself. _That's exactly what I need right now. _Menderash continued,_The best way to defeat the Bomberian Swamp Monster would be to sever it's main tentacle which houses it's brain. The only problem is that the specific tentacle looks just like all the others_.

_Menderash... _I managed to get out before I was hit with another tentacle, except I didn't feel the familiar burning sensation this time. The tentacle bounced off my tiger body, which was now laying sprawled out on the floor, and rolled off to the side. I looked up to see a still mostly human Menderash with a gigantic blue tail jutting out of his rear.

I guess it got the Swamp Monster's attention too since he was now missing a tentacle. He turned toward Menderash who was still morphing into an Andalite and tried to strike him with a tentacle. Menderash was quicker than he was however and the tentacle landed on the floor before it ever reached him. The monster tried again but he met the same fate, one less tentacle. But it was hard for Menderash to keep his balance on just two legs, even though he had more practice with them then just about any other Andalite, and after taking off another tentacle he began to lose his balance and fell backwards.

I was starting to get some feeling in my rear legs back, but it wouldn't be enough to make it over to him in time. So, I did the only thing I could do. I took a big breath of air and let out one of the loudest roars I think I ever managed to pull off. I'm not kidding when I say that the floor was shaking. And that seemed to get the Swamp Monsters attention as well since he turned around to see what was going on. It was just enough of a distraction to allow Menderash time to get up and once he was up and on his three and a half legs or so there was no stopping him. He was like a food processor turned up on high. SLICE! SLICE! SLICE! All within the span of less than a second. Tentacles were falling left and right, but the monster was still standing. And then what I hoped wouldn't happen happened.

_Ahhh!_ I heard Menderash cry out, _he struck my tail. I don't know how much longer it will continue to function Jake, but I will try and do as much as I can. _I had just started to get real feeling back into my legs and paws so I quickly, yet still kind of clumsily, ran over to the monster and let my jaws clamp around the first tentacle I could find. Almost instantly the monster stopped thrashing about and collapsed in a heap to the ground with its tentacle still in my mouth.

_Good job Jake_, Menderash said with more enthusiasm than I had ever heard from him and with some hints of fear and exaustion, _you managed to get the right tentacle. I believe that we shouldn't have any more problems with him. _

_Did you just try and crack a joke Menderash?_ I asked sort of confused as I spit the tentacle out of my mouth.

_I'm not sure,_ he replied. _Did you find it funny?_

_Actually_, I started, _coming from you, yeah._

I wish we could've basked in the afterglow of our battle for a bit longer, but right then I faintly heard Jeanne call out, _help… _How could I have totally forgotten about her? I turned toward where she was and what I saw was bad. Real bad. All the Vanderschput that were supposed to be helping her were lying sprawled out on the ground. Some were in pieces, some were split open, and some were just not recognizable. It was a slaughter. A bonafide slaughter. I was stupid to ever think that such a simple, peaceful species like the Vanderschput could ever be effective against battle hardened warriors like these controllers. But that's not what really grabbed my attention. That honor belongs to Jeanne. A lioness had her pinned down with her back to the floor. They were both bloodied and beaten, but Jeanne looked a lot worse than the lioness did. But that wasn't the worst part. There was someone else there too. The other controller had morphed into a buffalo. It was the same one that had sent me flying across the room the last time I was here. He was standing right in front and above Jeanne and the lioness. Then, before I could react, he reared up on his hind legs and put all his force directly into his front hooves which were aimed directly for Jeanne's head. When the two made contact it was no contest who'd win. Jeanne's head simply shattered into pieces. Bloodied fragments of bone shot out across the floor in all directions. Pieces of lynx brain flew up in the air and landed in small chunks all around. There was also a slight mist of blood and brain matter that gradually fell back to the ground and gave everything in the area a reddish tint. A large chunk of lynx brain was still inbedded on the buffalo's hoof as he stomped again on what remained of the lynx's skull. Blood poured out of where there used to be a head and was starting to make a river which slowly turned into a lake of blood right next to what remained of the shattered skull of the lynx.

_NOOOOO!_ I cried out. But I was too late. There was no morphing out of this injury. Jeanne was gone. And it was all my fault. If I only could've gotten over there a bit sooner I could've done something to save her. It was all my fault! But I wasn't going to let them get away with it, oh no. They were going to be in for the surprise of their lives when they saw a gigantic Siberian Tiger lunging at them...

The last thing I remember was charging directly at the lioness and getting ready to pounce. I really can't remember what happened next. All I remember was getting this intense feeling of anger with some frustration and revenge mixed in. It bubbled up inside me and was so overpowering that it took control over my every action. It was all a blur after that until I finally regained my composure. The next thing I remember was standing over the lifeless buffalo with a good chunk of its throat in my mouth which I had ripped off. I was panting like I had never panted before. There must have been blood covering my eyes because everything was a shade of red, but I felt no pain. As I began to get my bearings, I spit out the portion of throat I still had in my jaws and tried to slowly walk away. I tried to take a step, but my back left leg buckled and I fell to the ground. As I slowly started to come back to reality all the pain started to come back. My back left leg was definitely broken in more than one place. I knew I had some ribcage and spinal issues as well. My face had a slash right across the forehead and my skin was starting to peel off. And I had so many other cuts, scrapes, and bruises that I couldn't even begin to describe them all, but I felt them.

I started to demorph, more out of instinct than from my conscious mind, and I began to get an even clearer picture of things. I was lying next to a dead buffalo, that was for sure. And as I became more human I managed to also see a lioness that had met almost the same fate as the buffalo. And as my eyes grew more human and less full of blood I could begin to make out that at the far side of the ship lay what I could only guess were pieces of a human and the human and tentacle monster duo me and Menderash had battled earlier. And lying with what was left of the Vanderschput was a lynx with most of its skull gone. It was all slowly coming back to me now. Our entrance, my orders, the human and tentacle monster, Jeanne…

When I was done demorphing I stood up very slowly and shakily and saw Menderash, still in his Andalite form, and Tobias in his hawk form just staring at me. I just stared back at them for a while before I managed to say, "Um…what…what happened exactly?"

_To borrow a human expression_, Menderash replied in his normal tone of voice, _you "kicked ass"._

_Yeah, _Tobias said in agreement, with what seemed like shock and awe in his voice_, that sounds about right._

"You mean…" I said looking around at the mess of bodies, blood, and other stuff that I didn't even want to guess at.

_That is correct_, Menderash said in response.

There was a slight pause from me. "Wow," was all I could think of to say.

_Yep, _Tobias agreed.

Snapping out of my bewilderment long enough to do what I was good at I said, "So, we managed to get all the controllers aboard the ship, right?"

_As far as I can see, yes_, Menderash said.

"But Jeanne is…" I managed to start while looking over at the mostly headless lynx lying over on the ground.

_I'm afraid so_, Menderash said with more emotion in his voice than I had ever heard.

I let out a loud sigh to release some of my emotions and then tried to get back in my leadership role for my remaining group of two. "Okay," I said, "Let's get out of here. Menderash, could you possibly open the door or would you like to make one again?"

_I believe making my own would do more damage to the ship than just opening the existing one_, he said with a humorous touch. When even Menderash is trying to cover up some of his emotions with humor, then you know it's been a rough day.

I looked passed his attempt at humor and said, "Okay, make one yourself then. I'll need you to carry Jeanne with you though and when we get back to our ship I want to have her buried in the same spot as Marco and Santorelli. Me and Tobias will morph into our distance birds and keep watch for anything suspicious around you.

_Alright,_ Menderash said.

_Gotcha_, Tobias said.

Menderash walked over to the wall and quickly struck it with his tail blade. A small shower of sparks and a little metal grinding noise later there was an opening big enough for him to fit through. I helped position Jeanne on his back, Tobias and I morphed to our seagulls, and we all took off through the door.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Note: Yay! Tobias' big reckoning and battle scene is done! Just as a fair warning, it does get sort of gruesome and gory towards the 4/5ths mark until the end.

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Tobias

Rachel and I circled around the ship with the others. Since I wasn't in control of the flying for the most part it gave me some free time to look around. The blade ship had a sort of red glowing bubble around it which I assumed was the shield. A few of the Vanderschput had come to the surface and it looked like they were carrying one of their own kicking and screaming toward the ship. I gave a quick look over to Jake and he looked as calm as a chickadee could be so I figured it was part of his plan. Maybe I should've listened to it a bit better.

Suddenly, the red bubble around the blade ship started to sputter and fizzle out in a few places. I heard Jake say that me and him would go first since we're the smallest and when he dove off Rachel and I followed. I really didn't pay much attention to what we were actually doing since Rachel was controlling the flying part. I was too busy running over one of the many battle scenarios I had come up with in my spare time. I was kinda hoping that Rachel would give me some sort of sign indicating which one she liked best, but the constant hum of …_kill…revenge…kill…_ was all I got. I was starting to get worried about Rachel. She wasn't like this. She didn't have a one track mind that could be so … so evil. She really was a smart girl. She usually was able to think things through somewhat logically and come up with something better than_ kill_ and _revenge_. Maybe she was just really mad at that polar bear for some reason. Maybe something had happened to her that I didn't know about. It wouldn't be unheard of for Rachel to lose it for a short time, but I'd only _really_ seen her lose once or twice and that was only for a few minutes to a few hours or so. It had been over three years since her death, so I had a hard time believing that she could be like this for this long. But then again I don't know everything.

I was snapped out of my worrying and reasoning when Jake said, _Okay, okay. Let's go. In through the top…_

Rachel and I took off right after him and stayed on his tail all the way in through the top of the draw bridge like door of the blade ship until we landed in a corner behind some sort of box. I quickly started looking around for the polar bear guy. My chickadee eyes were nowhere as powerful as my hawk eyes, but then the ship wasn't gigantic to begin with. Rachel had already begun to demorph when I spotted him. He looked like he was in the process of chasing something around the ship. My money was on either Jeanne or Menderash, but I didn't get a good look. I was too busy focusing on the polar bear morpher himself to worry about what he was chasing.

Right about then I had finished my morph back to hawk (It doesn't take as long if the morphs are relatively similar). Almost immediately my feathers began to grow skinny and brown while more brown hairs popped out of my skin. My wing bones cracked and snapped while they changed direction and filled in. But before I could get any farther in my morphing process Rachel decided it was time to go. She started moving my still taloned feet along with my slowly forming wing-arms and we took off towards the polar bear guy. _Um, Rachel, don't you think we should wait to morph a bit more before we reveal ourselves?_ I said internally.

I got the same response that I'd been getting since we started; _… kill… revenge… kill… _

_Rachel_, I said in response, _you need to chill out. Take a moment and think this through. We need something better than just kill. _I got nothing but the same response back.

Now I was getting scared. I wasn't sure if Rachel could hear me, what she had become, or if it was really even Rachel in the first place. I tried to take control back from her, but I couldn't. It was like I was a controller or something. I could still hear and see everything that was going on around me, but I wasn't in control of any of it. Maybe I _did_ have a Yeerk in my head. Maybe I _was_ a controller. Maybe, while I was sleeping or something, one of the crew members of the blade ship managed somehow to put one of his brothers in my head. What was I going to do? I had to warn the others somehow, but how? I couldn't go on to fight like this. Wait! If I was now a controller, why am I going to attack a fellow controller? Okay, so maybe I wasn't a controller, but that still didn't change the fact that I didn't have any control over my body. I tried to stop moving again and I just couldn't do it. _Okay_, I said to calm myself down,_ I guess I'll just have to tough it out_. _Whoever has control of me now has at least some idea of what they're doing, so I guess I'll worry about what's going on with me after I get done with what I came here to do._ I really haven't had much experience with my bear morph, so I guess I was kind of glad that someone who knows what they're doing, possibly even Rachel, was in control.

As I was walking/crawling/dragging myself away, I did manage to hear one last thing from Jake, "Good luck". I really don't know why, but those two words really meant a lot to me right then. If Jake was behind me and whatever crazy ideas my utterly confused mind was coming up with, then I'd have loads more confidence. Jake was a brilliant strategist and just all around person in general. He always was very modest about it, but I couldn't think of a person that I'd rather follow into a battle than Jake. It seemed like he always knew just the right thing to do at the right time to get the job done. He was the leader of the six kids that destroyed an entire empire that even the entire Andalite race couldn't for goodness sakes! And now, he was backing me up on my ideas. It felt great. It put me in a totally different state of mind. Now I was ready. I was going to work with Rachel or whoever was in control of my body to do everything in my power to take down that polar bear. _Alright_, I said to myself, _you want a fight Rachel, you've got yourself a fight. Let's do it! _And with that, and my newly better formed bear paws, I started to charge at the guy who had taken almost everything I had cared about away from me.

I was still a shifting blob of half hawk, half bear when I pounced on him. I didn't exactly have all my body parts fully functioning yet, but I had enough to get the job done. I don't know many people that could stay upright when a 250 lb mass comes crashing into your chest anyway. And he was to busy following something else that he never even saw it coming, which also helped. And now he'd ended up with his back against the floor and a still changing hawk-bear hybrid on his chest. I stared him straight in the eyes and got one of the most scared looks I'd ever seen from anybody out of him, and that's saying something. His face turned from its normal, fleshy color to almost pure white, his pupils went from being a normal size to being as wide as an owl's,his mouth was open in a silent gasp/scream, and he started shaking like he was having a seizure. I gave him a good stare down as he started breathing rapidly and heavily. I think he knew who I was and what I was going to do to him. Well, maybe not exactly who I was, but then again I myself didn't really know who I was at this moment. Then, as my beak started to melt into my muzzle right in front of his face, I called out to him in a voice so menacing that I didn't even think was possible for me. _You have one minute to start your polar bear morph before I come after you. I suggest you use it wisely. _He didn't need to be told twice, nor did he have anything to say in return. He just started to morph.

As I stepped off his chest I heard a few things crack under my now almost completed grizzly bear weight. It felt good, it really did. Revenge is sweet; there's no two ways about it. But I knew that it was only a prologue to what was about to happen.

I didn't have any real way of telling how long a minute was, and I frankly didn't care. I was going to let him get about ninety percent done with his morph, and then move in for the kill. I watched him the entire time with the same stare that I'd given him on his chest. I never took my eyes away from the twisting mass of human and polar bear. I just kept trying to psych him out, to feel some of the power and confidence that I was leeching from him, and I had a feeling I was doing a good job. He was getting shaky and inconsistent with his morph. A few times it looked like he almost completely stopped and maybe even once he looked like he regressed a bit. It definitely took longer than a minute, but he was slowly making his way into the realm of the polar bear. When he was around eighty percent done or so, he turned around and began to run. I had imagined he might in one of the scenarios in my head, so I was ready to chase him down. He had a little head start on me, but I was fully formed while he was still morphing. I managed to catch up to him, jump onto his back, and send him sprawling across the floor.

_That wasn't part of the deal_, I said in that same menacing voice. _And now, you've lost the rest of your minute. _As I finished my last few words I began to charge. He looked like he was going to turn and run again, but at the last second he tensed up and swung a paw at me. He got me a little bit, but it was only a flesh wound. He just barely managed to get out of the way of my charge before I would've run into him head on. I quickly stopped and turned around. We were now face to face … or muzzle to muzzle; whichever you prefer.

We were a pair of evenly matched ursines. I swear that if we had the same fur and skin color, you wouldn't be able to tell us apart. It was almost like I was fighting a white mirror image of myself. He could match me move for move and pound for pound. It would come down to who really wanted to win more. And I had wanted to win for more than three years…

Since I was still on the attack, I made the first move. I opened my muzzle with a loud growl, stood up on my hind legs, and went after him with my paws. He matched my moves almost perfectly and we both ended up in the same position. I swatted at his head, but he was able to dodge out of the way. He came back with a swat of his own, but I was able to deflect it with my outer front leg. I launched a series of swats in his direction and connected with a few. He did the same in return, but missed with most of them. He did get in one solid hit that made my ears ring and my vision blur for a split second. I felt no pain however. Maybe it was due to my adrenaline rush or maybe Rachel had taken it away from me, who knows? But pain was one of the least important things happening with me right then.

Our battle went on for a little while with us matching each other move for move, blow for blow. Two bears would never end up fighting this long in the wild. One would always give in to the other one after he realized he was weaker. At least, that happened in every bear fight I'd ever seen. And if you live in Yellowstone as long as I had, you'd see your share of bear fights.

Both of us were dead tired after a few minutes. I had managed to rip one of his eyes out of it's socket and now it was dangling by the optic nerve off to the side of his face. But he got a good chunk of my ear and a piece of my upper lip in exchange. I was fighting my heart out for everyone and everything I still cared for, but he was fighting for his life as well. We were evenly matched. I had the greater want for the kill, but he had more experience in a bear morph than I had. It would come down to who showed the first weakness. Who would be the first one to screw up? Who would be the first one to make their last mistake?

With both of us panting heavily we separated from each other for the first time since we'd started and just began to stare each other down while we caught our breath. Then, an idea hit me. He was probably relying heavily on the bear's own instincts to guide him, so what if I did something that no real bear would do…

Taking one final big gulp of air I began to charge. He looked confused at my stupidity for a second and then dove to the right to avoid my charge, or so he'd thought. That's precisely what I had expected him to do. I dove at the other bear and in midair I twisted my body ninety degrees so that I could now swipe up and down with my paws instead of just left and right. (I'd like to see a real bear try that move out for size.) It definitely caught the polar bear off guard just as I had hoped as I swiped upwards in a bear upper cut right into his chin. I heard a loud crack as the polar bear's head tilted farther back than it ever should normally from the force of my blow and we both fell to the ground almost simultaneously.

I quickly got back to my feet and went over to take a look at the polar bear that was now lying in a heap on the ground. It hadn't killed him, unfortunately, since he was still breathing, but my uppercut had broken his neck and paralyzed him. The only thing left for me to do was finish him off. I got ready to move in for the kill, but before I could do anything I heard him say something. _Who are you and what are you trying to prove?_

_What, _I said sort of disappointed that he didn't pick it up_, don't I look familiar enough to you?_

_I remember a fighting a grizzly before, _he said in response_, but that was a female and she's been dead for a few years now._

_That's right, all thanks to you, _I answered back. _Let's just say I'm an old friend. A really good old friend._

_What, were you her boyfriend or something? _he said back as a joke.

_As a matter of fact I was and still am_, I replied with the same menacing tone as before. _You messed with my girl, now you've gotta mess with me._

_Ha! _he said in response. _You humans are far too emotional for your own good. Think of everything you could've accomplished by now if you didn't get so attached to someone else. Think of all the time you've wasted thinking about your revenge. With your power and experience you could've done something great. Instead, you filled your silly little mind with meaningless thoughts about one person when there are millions of others just like her everywhere you turn._

_No! _I said interrupting his little speech, _you're wrong. She was special. She was one of the only people who cared for me. She meant everything to me and I meant everything to her._

_Ha! _he said again trying to keep down a laugh_, more weak human emotions. I sometimes wonder how you've survived as a race at all._

I tried to come up with a good response, but nothing was coming to me. He was wrong. Emotions made humans stronger. I hadn't wasted all my time thinking about Rachel. She was special and I'd never find someone else like her…

Or would I? What if he was right? What if I had wasted all my time fixated on some silly little emotion? What if I had done everything for nothing? What if… What if…

It was only then that I saw what he was doing. He was stalling. He was already mostly human and was hoping to keep me occupied until he could morph into something more dangerous. But I wasn't going to give him the chance. _You're wrong_, I said for the last time and then dove for the now mostly human controller.

It was no contest. I had him knocked down, pinned him to the ground, and had my teeth sunk into his arm before he had a chance to run. I squeezed, twisted, and pulled until I was able to rip his arm completely off at the shoulder in a small shower of blood. I could hear him screaming in pain the whole time, but I wasn't even close to being done yet. While he held the bloody stump where his arm used to be I took my claws and made a surgical precision cut directly through the top of his chest all the way down to his intestines. He was screaming in pain at the top of his lungs as he tried to morph into something else, but there was no way I was going to let him escape. I had him pinned down and there was no way I was going to let him get up. I gave his ribcage a good stomp with all the weight of the bear behind it and it ended up shattering into pieces. His organs were beginning to reform into different looking ones, but I could still identify what I was going for. I saw it, beating frantically, trying to keep up with the loss of blood and the other trauma that it had to endure. I reached in with my muzzle and gripped it with my teeth. I barely had to pull before it detached in another small shower of blood. His screams didn't stop, but they changed to more of a gasp than anything else. He knew that he was done for and he had stopped morphing into whatever he was morphing into and started to change back, probably more instinctively than anything else.

With his last few moments of life he gave me the most horrifying stare directly into my own eyes which would haunt me until the day I die. His face said so many things: how did it come to this, why did you end it this way, how much of a bloodthirsty savage are you? Pain, disgust, anger, confusion. His expression said it all. His face was as pale as when I had first landed on him which lead to his expression being that much more frightening. With that inhuman expression still on his face, he finally stopped twitching and convulsing and lay peacefully on the ground in a pool of his own blood. It would haunt me more later, but right then I was to exhilarated to care. I had done it. Revenge was mine, and it was the best feeling in the world. But that wasn't the only thing I felt right then. I had kept these other feelings inside for too long without letting them out, and now I had the perfect opportunity to see what really was inside of me.

I bit into the leg of the now lifeless body and thrashed my head left and right. More blood spattered around the room as the whole body was tossed violently around. Any loose internal organs detached and managed to fly out across the room in their own blood-soaked glory. I kept tossing until I had managed to sever his leg. I spit it out of my muzzle and kicked it aside. I still wasn't done with the rest of his body. I dug into his now exposed chest cavity and pulled out any organs that were still attached and anything else of interest with my teeth and brute force. But I wasn't forgetting about the best part, which was still to come. The Yeerk was still inside its host's head and I wanted it out. After I had finished removing just about everything from inside his chest, I bit and twisted at the neck of what was still left of the controller and was able to sever the head after a few attempts. I carried it off to a less messy spot to begin my work on it. I laid down with the head in between my front paws and began to slowly peel off the layers of skin and scalp with my claws and teeth until I finally got to the skull. I really couldn't think of an effective way to open it with my claws or teeth since it wouldn't fit in my mouth and it would be too hard for my claws alone, so I ended up using it for a little soccer practice. After kicking it against the wall a few times it developed a crack big enough for me to get one of my claws in and pry the rest of it open.

There it was, sitting on the side of the brain, about ninety-five percent detangled from the brain and still squirming trying to get the rest out. I gave it a quick, but gentle pull with the pads of my paws and it was free in no time. I didn't want to hurt it…yet. I put it down and watched it squirm around in a pool of it's former host's blood for a while, pushing, prodding, trying to confuse and torture it the whole time until I came up with a suitable way for it all to come to an end. Squishing it would be too quick and painless. Just watching it squirm in blood was fun for a little while, but it got dull quick. I thought about just keeping it for three days and watching it slowly die from starvation, but that would take too long and I'd probably get bored of that too eventually. Plus, how was I going to get it back to our ship in good enough condition for it to live? Then, I came up with an idea. Not as quick as squishing, but still a little quick, sure. I didn't really get to watch, sure. But I was convinced it would be the most painful way to go out of all my options, and that's all that really mattered now. What was it? Well, it would be slowly broken down by acid. Its outer layers would slowly start to melt away as it struggled in vain to get free. Eventually, the acid would eat away at everything holding it together, quite painfully I might add, and it would eventually rupture sending out all it's organs and whatever else it had in there effectively ending it's life.

I knew what he was getting into. I had been in a stomach before, Marco's to be exact. It wasn't a fun place. Without the Helmecron's help, there would've been no way out short of ripping a bigger hole in Marco's stomach than we did. All that would've been left was to slowly dissolve away. And the thought of that happening to the Yeerk who was responsible for all my pain and suffering the past few years made me happier than anything had in a long time.

I carefully picked up the still squirming and now bloodied Yeerk with my paws and gingerly placed it on my tongue with a few tries. I made sure none of my teeth would puncture it when I closed my mouth to swallow. That would make its death come faster, and that was the last thing that I wanted right then. After that all that was left to do was to close my mouth and swallow. I felt it wiggle down the entire length of my throat before I felt it splash down in its acid bath. My stomach lurched and turned as the Yeerk thrashed about, but it was no use. After a minute or two my stomach began to ease and in another minute it was back to normal. It was only at that moment that I realized what I had truly done.

I hadn't just killed the polar bear, I'd waited until it was fully human to brutally attack, maul, and dismember him. I had made an extra effort to go and rip out almost all his internal organs after he was already dead. I had decapitated him and used his head as a soccer ball. I had ripped open his skull, swallowed, and digested the reason for all of the innocent guy's actions.

I was disgusted with myself. I felt sick like I had never felt sick before. I didn't normally end up killing things in battle, but even so I had ended up killing more than I'd like to admit. It was usually not my intention, but in a war those sorts of things happen. Even the few that I had really meant to kill were usually about to kill one of my friends or it was down to either me or them surviving. I never really liked it, but it was just one of those things that were necessary in order to free planet Earth. This kill was nothing like that. I had brutally instigated the death in the first place which was bad enough itself, but then add the desecration of a dead body to it and it was almost unbearable.

I had snapped. I had totally lost it. What I did was inhuman. It was even inhawk, inbear, in-just-about-everything. There was no reason to go back and do what I had done afterwards, there just wasn't. I was sick, twisted, demented, and I needed some help. What had driven me to do such a thing? At that moment my thoughts somehow focused on Rachel who had been along for the ride in the back of my mind as well. _What have I done?_ I asked her on the verge of breaking down and crying, _what have I become?_

There was no answer. The low murmur of kill and revenge was gone too. I asked again, _what's wrong with me?_ Still no response. And then it hit me. There was no Rachel. There had never been any Rachel. I wasn't being controlled by her, a Yeerk, or anybody else. It was me all along. I had focused completely on the kill. I had started to run while I was only beginning to morph. I had said those words to the polar bear. And I had been the one who's responsible for what happened to the body of the controller.

I wanted to run. Run away and never come back. I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I was not only capable of things like this, but that I had already done it before. I wanted to run, but I just stood there, frozen, looking out at what I had done. No, I couldn't look anymore. I didn't want to be reminded of what I'd just done, even though I knew I'd never get that picture out of my head. I tried to think logically, but there was nothing but fear clouding up my head. I was afraid for myself, afraid for what the innocent controller had gone through, but, most of all, afraid of what everyone else would think of me.

But through the clouding fear in my head, I had managed to somehow find the one person that could help me. Jake. He always knew what to do. He'd help me out. I was sure of it.

Clearing almost everything else out of my brain, I took a quick look around the ship to find the familiar Siberian Tiger that I knew so well. My bear's eyes weren't that great to begin with, but now stained with my own blood and the blood of the controller they were almost useless. I began to demorph to my normal hawk self as I kept searching, trying to find Jake.

My eyes were one of the last things to change unfortunately so I was almost entirely hawk when I was first able to see him. He was doing battle with a familiar foe, a cape buffalo. They were squaring off face to face when the buffalo charged. Jake easily dodged left, but so did the buffalo. The two collided and I think that the buffalo won as it sent Jake sprawling across the floor. I flew over to try and help, but there was something that was holding me back. I can't explain it, but it was sort of like someone was saying "I've got him, don't worry". So, I landed next to Menderash who was just standing there and staring and began to watch.

Jake was hit good. He tried to get up, but just ended up slumping down on his side. I could make out from my vantage point that one of his legs was definitely broken and that his ribcage was distended and contorted. It didn't look normal at all and I was sure he'd broken a few ribs when he got slammed. I wanted to say something to Jake; tell him that he should demorph or run or watch out or be careful, but that same feeling I'd gotten before kicked in and I just sat there quietly, watching the whole scene like it was a movie. The buffalo came over to where Jake was lying on his side and straddled the fallen tiger so that they were face to face. They probably had said something privately to one another since they stood there an awfully long time like that. Then, without warning, Jake pounced.

He was lying on his side to start with underneath the buffalo. He quickly, in one fluid motion, kinda rolled over onto his feet and sprung up in another 180 to catch the neck of the buffalo in his jaw. His kinetic energy was enough, along with the buffalo's pain and confusion, to knock the buffalo down with Jake on top of it. It all happened in what seemed like slow motion; like it came straight out of The Matrix or something. That was one move that I don't think any real tiger could've had the intelligence or possibly the will power to do, and it was purely amazing.

Jake then quickly twisted and pulled with his head and ripped a large chunk of neck meat right off of the buffalo with a small spray of blood squirting out of the wound. The buffalo was trying to get back up, but when there's a full grown male Siberian Tiger lying on top of you, it's pretty hard to get back up; doesn't matter who or what you are. Jake dove on in for another piece of it's neck and quickly managed to rip another significant chunk off in a much larger shower of blood as he'd hit an artery. The buffalo was starting to visibly weaken as Jake took a few more chunks out of his neck. Then, as the buffalo stopped moving, Jake took one final chunk out of it's neck and just stood there like he'd just realized what he'd done. He slowly spit out the chunk of meat still in his mouth and tried to take a step off the buffalo before he tumbled down behind it. He went out of sight for a few moments before he reemerged as mostly human.

He stood up very slowly and shakily and gazed around for a bit before he saw me and Menderash just staring at him in disbelief. He stared back for a little bit and we both just kind of sat there staring at one another until he finally broke the ice by saying, "Um…what…what happened exactly?"

_To borrow a human expression_, Menderash said for the first time, _you "kicked ass"._

_Yeah, _I said in agreement_, that sounds about right._

"You mean…" he said looking around at the small mess of bodies that surrounded him.

_That is correct_, Menderash said in response, already knowing what Jake was going to ask.

There was a slight pause from him followed by a, "Wow."

_Yep, _I agreed. I didn't really have much else to say. He'd just pulled off one of the coolest moves I'd ever seen a tiger do and totally take down one of the meanest creatures I'd ever seen.

After a moments pause, Jake then said, "So, we managed to get all the controllers aboard the ship, right?"

_As far as I can see, yes_, Menderash replied. I was glad to hear that. I hadn't really been a part of anything except my own personal vendetta, so I hadn't had a chance to help anyone else or to even notice what was going on. It was sort of a relief to me to find out that everything else had gone according to plan.

"But Jeanne is…" Jake continued. He said it in that ominous tone which always meant something was terribly wrong. I took a quick look around for Jeanne, but I didn't see her anywhere. It was only when I looked down at the floor almost directly beneath me I saw an almost headless lynx sprawled out in a pool of blood.

I quickly looked away as I could barely stand to see any more carnage. Jeanne was gone. I probably should've been sadder or angrier or something at that point than I really was, but I was emotionally and physically drained from everything that had taken place in the past few moments. It just made me feel empty. She was a really nice girl. She was kind of quiet and private, but compassionate and caring whenever you got her to open up. Then there was her battle mode where she reminded me a little of Rachel in a way. I hadn't gotten to see too much of her battling since I was usually busy doing whatever my crazy mind was telling me to do at the time, but what I did see reminded me of Rachel: strong, brave, tough, and not afraid to get hurt a little to do the most damage possible. It would be a heavy loss to our team.

_I'm afraid so_, Menderash said in response after a short pause in the normal conversation, snapping me out of my recollections.

Jake let out a loud, mournful sigh, quickly regain his leaders look and tone, and said, trying to throw some humor in there to hide all his other emotions, "Okay, let's get out of here. Menderash, could you possibly open the door or would you like to make one again?"

_I believe making my own would do more damage to the ship than just opening the existing one_, he said with a slightly humorous touch.

_Man_, I said to myself, _when even Menderash is trying to be funny you know it's been a rough day._

I think Jake was past the point of caring for any return in his own humor right then as he sternly said, "Okay, make one yourself then. I'll need you to carry Jeanne with you though and when we get back to our ship I want to have her buried in the same spot as Marco and Santorelli. Me and Tobias will morph into our distance birds and keep watch for anything suspicious around you."

_Alright,_ Menderash said.

_Gotcha_, I said.

As I started to morph into my seagull morph I saw Menderash walk over to the wall and strike it with his tail blade. A small shower of sparks and a little metal grinding noise later there was an opening big enough for him to fit through. Jake helped position Jeanne on his back, which he held onto with his tail to keep her balanced. Jake then morphed into his own seagull, and we took off out the door.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Jake

As we flew and ran by the small crater that the Vanderschput had dug everyone peered in and took a look. Let me tell you that I was glad that I was a seagull now and not a peregrine falcon, because I didn't want to see what I thought I saw down there in that much more detail. It's was another massacre. The blood slicked walls of the crater were now greenish brown thanks to all of the dead Vanderschput. Bodies and body parts lay just about everywhere on the inside of the crater and, by far, most of them were purple. There were so many dead that they just started piling on top of each other to make a layer of dead bodies so tall that there was no ground showing in the bottom third of the crater. But through the mess of dead Vanderschput I could see two very good things. One was a beaten and battered dead human lying on top of the floor of dead Vanderschput. The other was a gigantic brown blob with almost every appendage you could think of jutting out of its main body leaning against one of the sides of the crater and not moving. I watched it as we flew by to see if it was breathing, moving, or doing something, but it wasn't. It was dead too.

We had succeeded in our primary mission objective. All of Crayak's reserve forces were dead. But it didn't really feel like a victory. I had lost another member of my team, on my watch, when I could've done something about it. I didn't get that familiar pleasure rush that I usually do after we succeed in a mission, all I felt was emptiness.

I forcefully put everything out of my mind that I possibly could and just flew. I wanted some time to digest what had actually happened and let some of the emotions from it all die down a bit before going through what happened bit by bit like I almost always do with any of my missions.

We went on flying and running in complete silence. No one said a word to each other until Menderash broke the silence with, _Jake,_ _I will need to demorph within five earth minutes. _He had been in morph ever since he'd landed on Crayak's ship, so I knew he wouldn't be able to make it back to our ship without stopping for a morph break.

_Alright_, I said, speaking up for the first time since we'd left, _we'll take a short break in that little oasis over there. _I guess that the rest of my team saw it before I said anything as they both turned and made a beeline towards it.

Me and Tobias landed just as Menderash came crashing through the light foliage around the little salt water pond. I began to demorph back to human to help him carefully get Jeanne off his back and then he began to demorph himself. We all just sat there for a minute or two; me and Menderash as humans sitting down and leaning our backs against what would classify as a tree, and Tobias perched up on one of the branches preening his feathers. I knew that we could stay like this forever if we weren't given any motivation to continue on. As tempting as that was, I knew we still had a few more things to do and that I was the one who needed to get things started and moving along. That's why I'm the leader I guess.

I slowly stood up from my place against the tree and Menderash got the picture right away. He began to morph to his Andalite form and I walked over to the now almost frozen body of Jeanne, lifted it up, and placed it on his back just as it finished forming. I then morphed back into my seagull and we all took off once again.

The rest of the trip back was pretty uneventful. Everyone continued to keep silent, and I tried, as best I could, to keep my mind as blank as possible. I let the seagull mind take over the flying and my mind eventually just slowly wandered off into nothingness. I was awoken from my mind-coma though when I saw the outline of _The Rachel_ on the horizon bathed in light from the setting sun. It really was a pretty sight; all the yellows and oranges dancing across the barren plain with only our ship in the way to cast a spooky looking shadow. It raised my spirits a little bit, but it would take far more than a pretty sunset to get my spirits back to normal now.

As we got to the ship I told Menderash to leave Jeanne's body just outside of the ship to freeze and preserve since it would only begin to rot inside. I demorphed to help him, now in his human form as well, to place her in safe spot in one of the ships external cargo holds. Once that was taken care of I went inside the ship, took a tube of whatever vegetable mix I grabbed first, plopped down in a corner of the ship with my knees up, arms crossed with my elbows on my knees, and put my head down in my arms.

We all had our own ways of dealing with the post-traumatic stress of a battle. Marco had his videogames to get lost in, Cassie had her animals to take care of, Ax, and probably Menderash as well, had their computers to play with, from what I'd heard from Tobias Rachel used to just lay down on her bed and cry it all out, Tobias himself liked to take a nice long flight, and I just laid down somewhere, closed my eyes, and thought.

_Where to begin?_ I asked myself.

I started from the rescue attempt of the first Vanderschput. I went over the scenario we'd chosen, all of our other available options, my team's response to my commands, our effectiveness executing the proposed plan and the overall damage we'd done. All in all I think that we'd done a good job with that one. Then my thoughts focused on the training of the Vanderschput. What we had taught them, what we should've taught them, how we should've carried out the training, what we could've done to better prepare them, and why they weren't as good fighters as I had hoped they would be. After that my thoughts shifted to the main event. The foolish lack of any sort of plan going in, the Vanderschput's brilliant formation and execution of their own plan to make up for mine, our entry into the ship along with the five or so Vanderschput that made it, my dealing out of orders to Jeanne and Menderash, my lunge at the human controller, my horribly fought fight against whatever Menderash called it, and the stupidest part of it all, those few moments after I'd taken out my enemy where I could've done something to help Jeanne, but just stood there. In those precious few moments that I could've possibly saved Jeanne's life, I was asking if Menderash was making a joke. If I could only have those few moments back…

I couldn't remember much after that, but after dwelling on what happened to Jeanne for a bit I focused on the future. What could we do to take down Crayak once and for all? Our normal battle tactics wouldn't work since he was made up of gas or energy or something like that. We could try poisoning of some kind, but I didn't have the slightest clue on what exactly would be poisonous to him. I doubt some snake venom would even get into his system, if he had a system. There were just too many unknowns. I needed to know more. I needed more…

I don't know how long I was sitting there. I probably had fallen asleep at least once since I hadn't had a good night sleep for some time now and when I had snapped back to reality because of Tobias it was completely dark outside (I found that out later). I heard him flutter down to the ground in front of me, quite noisily I might add. He shuffled around for a bit, seemingly uncertain on what to do, and eventually said softly, _Jake…_ I was still too deep in my thoughts to answer, so he tried again. _Jake? _I was beginning to come back out of my thoughts and back to my normal functions when he finally said, _Come on Jake, we need you now. _

I let out a "humph". It was more of a involuntary reaction than anything else, but I think Tobias took it as a sign that I was disagreeing with him.

_No Jake,_ he continued, _we really do. Don't get down on yourself for losing someone; you need to focus on the bigger picture. We need a plan to get Crayak_.

I felt him flutter up and land as softly as a hawk could land on my elbow. I slowly raised my head out of my arms, stared him straight in the eyes, and said, "Plan, huh? I don't have a plan."

That surely put a damper on his enthusiasm as all he could think of in response was, _you'll come up with one._

"Jake, if I may," Menderash said, obviously listening in to our conversation, "I believe I might have an idea."

"Shoot," I said not moving from my current position. He seemed to pause a bit as Tobias quickly explained what I meant to him.

"Yes, well," he said starting back up again, "Since he appears to be made out of some kind of energy force, it will be next to impossible to do any sort of physical damage to him."

"Yeah, tell me about it," I said in response.

"Well," Menderash continued, "I figured that if he was just composed of energy that we could provide some sort of interference for that energy and possibly alter his energy as we'd choose."

_Kind of like the Ghostbusters?_ Tobias asked humorously. I wasn't in the mood and Menderash obviously didn't understand so after a few awkward moments Menderash continued.

"Well, I couldn't conceive of a mortal being that was only made of purely energy, so I figured that there must be some sort of matter involved. And that matter must behave according to certain rules of physics. And when enough energy is transferred into this matter, it would change and therefore not be able to continue its normal function. The organism would fail to continue normal body operation until it effectively dies."

"That's nice and all," I said sort of interrupting him, "but how are we going to do that?" I stretched my arms and legs as Tobias fluttered to the ground and I began to get up for the first time in what felt like a year.

"Well," Menderash started, "This ship has five main power cells. One of them was damaged in the surge and crash so we effectively have four left. I can take the ship down to completely basic operation running on just two cells so that would leave us two cells to use as a trap."

"How much power is in one of these cells?" I asked now intrigued by his idea.

"From the limited Earth data I have, each one would contain about as much power as an average bolt of lightning. As for an actual number I believe that, at max capacity, once cell could hold about 1.20 gigawatts, possibly as high as 1.21 or 1.22."

"So, let me get this straight," I said. "We're going to zap him with two and a half gigawatts of electricity and that should be enough to break him apart."

"Again, I don't have enough data on him to be sure, and the power cells are not at full charge giving us about two gigawatts of power, but that is an awful lot of power to direct into anything."

_But how are we going to get all that power to go into him and not into us or anything else?_ Tobias asked.

"Well…" Menderash said with a long pause afterwards, "We need to have it totally hidden so that he wouldn't know that he was walking into a trap. That rules out any sort of ray or gun of any type." He then took one of those pauses which meant that he didn't really have a clue as to what to do.

"Why don't we just hide it under a panel in the floor and have the arc travel from the floor to the ceiling?" I blurted out.

Menderash stared at me for a second like his mind was processing a million different things and finally said, "That could possibly work. The resistance to the flow of electricity in air is pretty high, but with the kind of energy we're talking about…" I stopped listening before I was too confused to think anymore.

I let him go on for a little bit more before saying, "That's great Menderash, but you're going to have to figure out the logistics by yourself since I have almost no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, yes, of course," he said still rambling on in his head no doubt. "Electricity isn't my most favorite subject, but I believe that I know enough to make this work."

"Great", I said, "but we have something else we need to do first." I was referring of course to Jeanne and what I had said earlier as we were leaving Crayak's ship.

We unfortunately had too much experience building a sheet metal coffin, or for better description a box, so it only took us a couple of minutes of melting, cutting, and bending to make another one. We brought Jeanne inside to thaw out her legs so that we could bend them in the box and therefore make it smaller using less material. After we'd done that we went out into the cold, dark night to the spot where Marco and Santorelli were buried and buried her beside them. I tried not to let it get me down as I was newly invigorated by the new and possibly final plan we'd need to get Crayak, but it did. I couldn't stop thinking that it was all my fault and looking at the three gravestones of the people that have died under my command didn't exactly make me feel any better.

After that we slowly went back to the ship and started to do some work on our trap. That is, after Menderash got done with the calculations and said that it might be possible. It felt weird being out of the leadership role and moved to just another part of the team. It didn't really feel good or bad exactly, just different. I didn't really like it or hate it, it was just different. On the one hand I wasn't in control of what was going on and that gave me this sort of fearful feeling inside. On the other hand, I wasn't responsible if the plan didn't work which made me feel sort of relieved. The two feelings came together to make me feel … different.

But with Menderash handing down the orders, I had work to do. Insulating the specific floor and roof panels from the other ones, cutting into the main power line and connecting the two power cells we'd use to the roof panel and the ground to the ground panel, and hiding all the evidence so that everything looked normal. We continued working on the system throughout the night until we got a strange visitor in the morning.

Tobias

As we flew by a giant crater that was not that far away from the ship, I managed to catch a glimpse of some of the worst carnage I had ever seen, and that's saying something. I didn't know what went on in there or when it happened exactly, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't there when we first got here. I sure hope that the Vanderschput in that hole weren't planning anything after they got back to their colony. It was an absolute mess. I was glad that I only had a seagull's eyes now and not my normal hawk eyes. I didn't need any more close-ups of any more carnage. I had enough of those today. I didn't want to see anymore so after that first quick glimpse I diverted my attention forward and never looked back. I had a lot on my mind now, and I didn't need to pile on even more.

Usually a good flight will get my mind off of whatever's bugging me, but this was one of the rare times that it definitely wasn't working. I tried to focus my thoughts on my flying mechanics and other stuff like that, but it was no use. _What had I done in there? I didn't think I was capable of something like that. How could I lose control like that? What was I going to do now? What would everybody think of me?_

My mind kept racing at a million miles an hour, trying to come up with some answers, but I didn't have any. That's why I needed to talk to Jake. He'll know what happened to me. He'll know why I did what I did. And he'll help me to make the best out of it, whatever that could be. _But what would I say? How would I break the ice? I had to be subtle. I just couldn't come out and say Jake, I'm crazy. What should I do?_

That was what my flight was like until Menderash broke the eerie silence between all of us by saying, _Jake,_ _I will need to demorph within five earth minutes_.

_Alright_, Jake answered, speaking up for the first time since we'd left, _we'll take a short break in that little oasis over there._ My mind was now beginning to be flooded by the "now is a good time to talk to Jake" thoughts. I knew I'd need some time to sort them out, so I spotted the oasis (not that hard in an almost featureless landscape) and raced over to it as fast as I could without looking like I actually wanted to get there as fast as possible.

I grabbed a hold of one of the only tree's branches in the small pond of an oasis and began to demorph into my natural form. My mind was still racing at a million miles an hour. _How to start? What to say? What if he can't help me? What if he casts me out of our group for being a psycho and untrustworthy…_

When I finally figured out what I was going to start the conversation with, Jake, now in human form, who was sitting up again the tree I was on, began to get up and helped place Jeanne back onto the back of a now morphing Menderash. _You idiot_, I said to myself, _you blew a perfectly good chance. _

_But who says it's over, _I said in response to myself_, he's still here. I could still ask him._

_But he's morphing now. He's getting ready to leave. You can't talk to him now._

_Oh yeah, watch me._

I stopped preening my feathers and stared at Jake halfway through his morph. I tried to say something to him, but nothing came out. I tried again, but my brain just wouldn't pass the message through. It was like something was there to block it from escaping. After a few more attempts, I saw Jake and Menderash start off again, leaving me behind stuck in my almost never-ending confusion. I let out a private sigh of frustration and took off after them.

I morphed to seagull in midair and things slowly went back to the way they were before we'd made our pit stop. I tried everything I could think of to keep my mind off of what had just happened. Not just inside the ship, but at the oasis as well. I tried all my old tricks that I used to do to get my mind off a bad day: did another midair morph or two, practiced some of my more complex aerial maneuvers, tried to fly as low as I could and almost touch the ground, but none of it worked since I was too tired to do most of them efficiently. Those same thoughts kept popping up in my head over and over again. I knew then that the only way to finally get it out was to talk to Jake, and that's what I was having the most trouble with.

For the rest of the flight back I kept thinking of how to talk to Jake. As I thought about it more I figured that the way I had originally planned it wasn't good enough, so that put me back at square one. It wasn't my favorite topic to think about, but at least it was better than trying to figure out what happened back in that ship.

When _The Rachel_ started to come into focus along with a beautiful sunset in the background, it seemed to make my thoughts start to focus for some reason and everything started to make a little more sense. Maybe the thought of coming back to a safe place had helped calm me down and think straight, I don't know. But I finally figured out what I was definitively going to say to Jake. I'll ask him what his plan for taking care of Crayak is, and then I'll try to lead that back into the battle on the ship and eventually what happened to me. I was pretty sure that Jake wanted to know my part of the story anyway so he could put all the pieces together and figure out what to do next like he always does.

Now that I finally had that part figured out and what happened at the ship began to excruciatingly slowly fade just the tiniest bit into the back of my mind, I began to realize something very important. I was hungry.

Jake and Menderash reached the ship first, but they stopped just outside it to unload Jeanne and put her in one of the external cargo holds no doubt. I just flew straight into the ship and towards where we kept the food. I began to demorph even before I had landed as I scooted over to where my special stash of meat in a tube was. Over the past few months that we'd been in space I'd learned, quite effectively I might add, how to open up the twist cap on the tubes and slowly squeeze out the contents with my talons and beak. I had to lie down on my back, hold the tube in one talon, and twist the cap off with my beak. I had it open rather quickly and I began to squeeze my talon and chow down.

It tasted horrible. Well, I really shouldn't say it "tasted" horrible since hawks don't have anywhere near the taste sensation of a human, but it was the texture that my hawk brain really cared about and the meat from a tube had to be the absolute worst. Runny, goopy, drippy, liquefied, gelatinous, and whatever other adjectives you could think of that basically mean the same thing. In the wild, if something had a texture like that, it's probably best to stay away from the rest of its disease ridden source. But here, I had no choice. It was either eat or starve, and starvation was a horrible way to die. Thinking a bit more clearly about it I was glad that I didn't bring the Yeerk here to starve…

As my mind, after being fed, slowly started to return to the events which took place at Crayak's ship, I realized that I needed to talk to Jake now or live with these feelings until I was able to. I carefully put the cap back on the tube (which is a lot harder than taking it off mind you) and then stood up to look for Jake.

He was slumped down in a corner with his knees up, arms crossed with his elbows on his knees, and his head down in his crossed arms. He looked like he was either sleeping or deep in thought, so I didn't want to bother him, but my thoughts kept probing away at me. I decided to give a nice, long, flight another chance before I talked to Jake so I took off and flew out the door.

The sun was setting slower than on Earth, but it was still going down relatively fast. I figured that I only had an hour or so before it was completely dark, so I decided to make the best of it as I flapped up to the top of the ship.

One of the only things that I'd found that could make any kind of a decent thermal was our ship. It gave off a little heat by just operating, but it was also as black as night on the outside which helped turn the light energy from the sun into more heat. It wasn't the greatest thermal I'd seen by far as it could only get me to about fifty feet before it maxed out, but it was far better than flapping all the way up there.

While I was gliding up on my thermal, I tried to keep my thoughts as clear as possible, but still the images and memories of what had happened only a few hours ago were popping up in my mind constantly. Try as I might, I just couldn't get them out. I really did need Jake to talk to as my flight didn't really seem to be working as of right now. I thought about trying to talk to Menderash possibly instead, but he probably wouldn't understand most of what I wanted to say. Plus, he wouldn't have the advantage of knowing me for as long as Jake has so he might just brand me off as a psycho or some other negative thing. That's why it had to be Jake.

I know what you're thinking. "Hey, what gives? I thought you hated Jake's guts a couple months ago and now you're almost like his boyfriend or something."

Well, thanks for the whole boyfriend thing, but it was more complicated than that. I did hate him after the war was over for some time. He was part of the reason that I just flew off to live in Yellowstone; so I could be away from him. But as time went on, I began to lose those strong feelings I had against Jake and when he asked me to come along on this trip to possibly save Ax I tried to rekindle those feelings of hatred, but I couldn't. They just weren't there anymore.

We still weren't talking more than we had to on the ship and there was obvious hostility between us until Jake did something great. He told me and showed me that he was just as distraught as I was that Rachel was gone. He regretted his decision almost every day and, if he could go back in time, would choose something else for her to do. That alone broke off the outer covering of any hatred still left on me, but as I began to seriously think about it with a straight mind for the first time, I realized that it wasn't entirely Jake's fault. Rachel was just doing what she did best in a war, killing. She would've gone and done the same thing regardless of Jake saying anything to her if she had the chance. Hell, maybe it even was her own plan. Maybe she wanted to be the one who took down one of the things that had plagued us for the entire war. It sounds like the Rachel I knew to me. And once I had realized that, then I felt like one of the biggest dicks in the world because of the way I acted against Jake for all that time. I tried to say that I was sorry, but he said that I had nothing to apologize for. I didn't really believe him, but if that's what he wanted from me, then that's what I'd give him.

After Jake and I "made up", I began to look at him in a whole different light. I couldn't even fathom how much courage it took to tell me that he felt the same way I did and open up as much as the usually quiet Jake had. As I stepped back from my point of view and looked at him for the person that he is, I couldn't help but be amazed. He really was a great guy and I was honored to have met him, much less be under his command. He was the one guy who led the six kids that toppled a whole empire. That in itself was amazing, but I knew all the little details that went along with that as well which really made it special. I'd been with him for almost all of his decisions and a track record as good as his was basically impossible, but he had accomplished it anyway. I kind of looked up to him I guess. Maybe I saw myself in him in a past life, or maybe that's what I wanted to be or could've been in this one. I don't know. But when there's someone like that around you all the time, you can't help but be amazed.

My mind snapped back to reality as my belly scraped against something on the top of the ship. I hadn't been paying attention to my flying I guess as my thermal had all but ended. My constant circling had slowly diminished in altitude and now I was all the way down to the top of the ship. The sun had set and it would've been completely dark if not for the light from the two moons this planet had and the other stars. I wondered which star was our sun for a second as I flapped for some altitude and I figured I'd ask Menderash later. The ship seemed to be powered down a bit too as there was almost no heat coming from it. I flapped a bit more to get a safe distance above anything on the top of the ship and then dove inside.

I couldn't make out very much in the dim light, but I could see that Menderash had passed out at the controls and was lying back in his chair asleep. I couldn't really blame him as none of us had had a good nights sleep for a long time. I circled around Jake and noticed that he was still in the same position that he was before. Sort of disappointed at the lack of anything to do to keep my mind off everything else I landed up in my makeshift perch that I had made for myself when we first started our mission and tried to get some sleep as well.

I tried and tried, but it just wasn't working. My mind was still to frantic to care about my bodies need for sleep as I just stood there gazing out into the dim ship. My thoughts were all coming back, but now that I really had nothing to keep my mind busy at all, they began to mix with all my other thoughts.

My constant memory of Taylor and all the things she said to me was one of the first new things that popped into my mind. I had never gotten over what she did to me, but I had learned to live with it and I had proven most of what she had said wrong in my opinion. But now, I wasn't so sure. Was I weak? I had let my emotions get the better of me and I did something that I would've never done normally. Would that be considered weak? Was I really worthless? Jake, Menderash, and Jeanne had taken out more than their share of controllers on that ship and what had I done? Just one and it had taken far longer than any of the others took with theirs. Am I really pathetic? I used all my free time up to now thinking about Rachel and when I finally do what I wanted to for so many years I end up screwing it up and hating myself even more.

Another new thought that popped up in my head was that of Rachel herself. Did she know what I did? Was she possibly there with me, guiding me? What would she say? Would she still love me after knowing what I did? Would she still care for me after knowing what I was really capable of? Would she even still bother to talk to me and even acknowledge my existence after she found out what happened?

I must have fallen asleep eventually because I woke up to Menderash's fury of switch flipping and button pressing. I slowly opened my eyes to the somewhat brighter environment and looked around. Menderash was now awake and doing his usual computer thing. I looked over to Jake and he'd still not moved from his position. I let out a metaphorical sigh in my head to try and get some of my most recent thoughts out. Then, I swooped down next to Menderash.

He didn't even look up as I landed a foot away from him on the armrest of the copilot's chair. I gave him a second to see if he was going to respond to me somehow, but he just continued doing his work.

_Hey Menderash_, I said quietly and apprehensively, breaking the awkward silence between us, _what are you doing?_

_I'm trying to conserve as much power as I possibly can, _he responded sounding like he was just about ready to fall asleep again.

_Why? _I asked curiously, _is there some sort of problem with the power supply?_

_No, _he answered back_, but I have an idea about how to defeat Crayak._

_Which deals with electricity? _I asked sort of confused.

_Precisely_, he answered back. _Since he must be made of matter, it must be possible to break that matter apart and with enough energy it should be possible._

_What did Jake say?_ I asked, already knowing what he was going to say.

_I have not had a chance to talk to him since he has been in the same position ever since we've gotten back to the ship_, he said in reply.

_Since we both need to talk to him_, I said trying to draw up some courage in my voice, _I think we need to wake him up._

_Be my guest as you humans would say, _Menderash said dryly and tiredly.

Great, just what I didn't want to do. I wanted to say something back to Menderash, but anything I would've said would've shown my weakness and fear and I wasn't about to let Taylor be right. I had to prove myself.

As I flew over to Jake, it felt like one of those times where you're completely nervous and apprehensive even though there's absolutely no reason to be. It was just Jake I was talking to, but yet I had no idea what to say or even what to do. I felt stupid for feeling that way and tried to block it out, but, as usual for me now, I couldn't get control of my emotions.

I fluttered down to the ground in front of Jake as nosily as I could to try and wake him up. That way, I wouldn't have to say anything, but he remained steadfast. I shuffled around for a bit trying to figure out what to do next. My worn out mind didn't come up with anything except the obvious so I eventually just softly said, _Jake…_ I waited for a moment or two and when it looked like he wasn't going for it I tried again, _Jake? _ For another moment I waited for a response but nothing came. Getting frustrated and with my courage growing I said, _Come on Jake, we need you now. _

He let out a "humph" which took me by surprise. Jake didn't think we needed him? Well, I thought different. _No Jake,_ I continued, _we really do. _It then hit me why Jake was so depressed. _Don't get down on yourself for losing someone, _I said, trying to be as authoritative as I could._ You need to focus on the bigger picture. We need a plan to get Crayak_.

I fluttered up to his elbow to look at him face to face to let him know I was serious, trying not to really dig my claws into his silvery jacket or more importantly his arm. He slowly raised his head out of his arms, looked at me straight in the eyes, and said, "Plan, huh? I don't have a plan."

That broke my spirits as all I could think of in response was, _you'll come up with one. _

_Well, that's another failure in my_ _department_ I thought to myself. _Good job getting the conversation going._ I was just going to flutter off and go back to my roost defeated when Menderash rode in to the rescue.

"Jake, if I may," Menderash said, obviously listening in to our conversation since I had broadcast my thought-speak over to him as well, "I believe I might have an idea."

"Shoot," Jake said not even moving from his current position. I quickly told Menderash to go on and tell Jake his idea before he decided that Jake meant something else.

"Yes, well," he said starting back up again, "Since he appears to be made out of some kind of energy force, it will be next to impossible to do any sort of physical damage to him."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Jake said sarcastically in response.

"Well," Menderash continued, "I figured that if he was just composed of energy that we could provide some sort of interference for that energy and possibly alter his energy as we'd choose."

Ever have one of those private thoughts that come out of your mouth where immediately afterwards you wish it never had? Well, that's what I felt like after I said, _Kind of like the Ghostbusters?_ I could tell right away that Jake wasn't in the mood and after an awkward moment or two I told Menderash to continue on and I'd explain it to him later.

"Well", Menderash continued, still seemingly confused on the whole Ghostbusters thing, "I couldn't conceive of a mortal being that was only made of purely energy, so I figured that there must be some sort of matter involved. And that matter must behave according to certain rules of physics. And when enough energy is transferred into this matter, it would change and therefore not be able to continue its normal function. The organism would fail to continue normal body operation until it effectively dies."

"That's nice and all," Jake said sort of interrupting him, "but how are we going to do that?" He began to stretch his arms out as I fluttered down to the ground and out of the way of the heavy and gigantic mass of a human that was slowly getting up.

"Well," Menderash countered, "This ship has five main power cells. One of them was damaged in the surge and crash so we effectively have four left. I can take the ship down to completely basic operation running on just two cells so that would leave us two cells to use as a trap."

"How much power is in one of these cells?" Jake asked now seemingly intrigued by his idea.

"From the limited Earth data I have, each one would contain about as much power as an average bolt of lightning. As for an actual number I believe that, at max capacity, once cell could store about 1.20 gigawatts, possibly as high as 1.21 or 1.22."

"So, let me get this straight," Jake said starting to get back into his leadership role, "we're going to zap him with two and a half gigawatts of electricity and that should be enough to break him apart."

"Again, I don't have enough data on him to be sure, and the power cells are not at full charge giving us about two gigawatts of power, but that is an awful lot of power to direct into anything."

_But how are we going to get all that power to go into him and not into us or anything else?_ I asked, trying to be part the conversation.

"Well…" Menderash said with a long pause afterwards, "We need to have it totally hidden so that he wouldn't know that he was walking into a trap. That rules out any sort of ray or gun of any type." He then took one of those pauses which meant that he didn't really have a clue as to what to do.

"Why don't we just hide it under a panel in the floor and have the arc travel from the floor to the ceiling?" Jake blurted out almost all at once.

Menderash stared at him for a second like his mind was processing a million different things and finally said, "That could possibly work. The resistance to the flow of electricity in air is pretty high, but with the kind of energy we're talking about…" He then went into one of the infamous Andalite ramblings on this theory, that theory, this law, that law, etc. I usually liked trying to follow along and trying to figure out what they were saying exactly, but right now was definitely not the time for a high level physics class.

Jake and I let him go on for a little bit more before Jake said, "That's great Menderash, but you're going to have to figure out the logistics by yourself since I have almost no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, yes, of course," he said still rambling on in his head no doubt. "Electricity isn't my most favorite subject, but I believe that I know enough to make this work."

"Great", Jake said, "but we have something else we need to do first." I knew he was referring to Jeanne directly after he'd said it.

We unfortunately had too much experience building sheet metal coffins, or basically a box, so it was easy work for Jake and me. After I morphed to my human form of course, we busted out a few Dracon beams, got some left over sheet metal, and got to work. It only took us a few minutes to get what looked like a decent coffin completed. Jake brought Jeanne back inside to thaw out her legs because she wouldn't have fit in the box otherwise. A few seconds with a Dracon beam on its lowest setting was all that was needed to warm up her joints enough for them to bend. Jake and I gently placed her in the box, closed it up with the top, and began to carry her outside.

Menderash took over for me carrying the box as I demorphed from human and morphed into my owl to keep a lookout for anything suspicious. Nothing but a cold, dark, lonely night awaited us on our trip to our little graveyard.

I was never one for funerals, weddings, or any other ceremony like that. There was just too much emotion being displayed for and introvert like me. As I flew I kept my mind watching out for Crayak, the Vanderschput, or anyone else who wanted to pop up, but there was nothing.

Once we got to the site Jake and Menderash silently dug a shallow hole with the tools we'd left there before, placed Jeanne's coffin in, covered it back up, and slowly took off back towards the ship without as much as a simple glance between them or me. All that made it even more depressing than it should've been, but I had something to keep my mind on and I wasn't about to screw it up with any more of my emotions getting in the way.

After we got back to the ship, we almost immediately started to do some work on our trap. That is, after Menderash got done with the calculations and said that it might be possible. It gave me some time to think and that was the last thing I wanted. Jake was right there and talking to him would've been as easy as just saying his name, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was another one of those stupid and pointless fearful things that I just couldn't break through this time. He was so close, and yet so far away.

But all my indecision ended when Menderash started giving out the orders on what to do. My mind then focused on what needed to be done and I put everything else away in the back of my mind. Since Menderash was working with the control panel and making all the necessary connections on the big switchboard he had to work with, and Jake was taking care of the actual site of the trap, I just went in between the two of them and helped out where I could. I held this wire here, crudely soldered this connection here, threw up a cable or two to Jake here, and untangled a mess of wires for Menderash there...

We continued working on the system throughout the night until the very early morning. Then, we got a visitor that I won't be forgetting for a long time.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Jake

I was just finishing up putting the floor and ceiling panels back into place when I heard Tobias say, "Does anyone else hear that?"

I stopped what I was doing and listened closely.

"There it is again," Tobias said. "It sounds like someone is hitting the outside of our ship with something."

I still didn't hear anything but I trusted Tobias on this one. I guess being a hawk for so long will make you more aware of your senses. I strained my ears one more time and this time I could hear a faint _…tap…tap…tap… _I quickly looked at Tobias to confirm that I'd heard it too and then I focused my attention on Menderash. As if he knew what I was about to say, he said in response, "Since the ship is at only the basic operation level I do not have any of the external sensors operational."

So, we were going to have to do this the old fashioned way. I whispered into Tobias' ear, since he was right next to me, "Cover up any evidence of what we're doing. Don't say anything about our plan no matter who it is, and tell Menderash the same thing. Also, tell him to open the door when I get there and to morph to Andalite to back me up if I need it."

He looked at me for a second before I could see that he started to relay my message. I wasn't going to let anyone else die under my command, so I decided that I would be the one who'd be first in danger. That way, if it was something hostile, I'd be dead first and then no one else could possibly die under my command.

I waited until Menderash was almost completely Andalite before I began to walk towards the door. I could still hear the weak tapping and it was getting louder and louder as I got closer and closer. Whoever it was had to have at least some knowledge of our ship or at least a general knowledge of ships because they knew where the door was hidden. The tapping seemed to be coming from straight behind it. As Menderash finished morphing he quickly flipped a switch on the switchboard and galloped over to me as the door opened.

I just stood there in shock. I had expected to see a lot of different things, but this was something that I didn't even think of. How could it be possible? What happened?

_P…Prince Jake…help, _was the first thing I heard. That confirmed what I'd thought when I first saw him. It was Ax.

I stared at him sprawled out on the ground and his tail blade raised up against the ship for what seemed like forever to me. The first thing that went off in my mind was _TRAP! _But as I looked around, behind, and above him I didn't see anything suspicious.

_I…I will…explain everything, _Ax said very weakly, _I need…food…water._

I continued to stare at him. I was trying to see if this was the Ax I knew, or just an imposter. I stared into his large almond-shaped main eyes for a sign. A sign of something familiar, a sign of something different, just any kind of sign. What I saw was a weak Andalite in desperate need of food and water. Even if this wasn't Ax and it was some kind of trap, I couldn't just leave him out there like that.

"Tobias," I said just a bit reluctantly, "Get some water. And Menderash, get some food."

I walked out to where Ax was lying, brought one of his arms over my shoulder, and helped the weak Andalite inside the ship. _Well_, I thought to myself as I brought Ax inside, _if it is a trap than I don't think it worked. _

I managed to get Ax inside the ship, but he was too heavy to drag far so I had to put him down on the floor just inside the door. I quickly ran over to the control panel and flipped the switch to close the door just in case.

Tobias and Menderash went straight off to get their respective supplies so I didn't think they knew who or what was outside. That was confirmed when Menderash came galloping back and just about dropped the tube of food as he stopped dead in his tracks. _P..P…Prince Aximili? _he managed to get out before regaining his composure.

_Yes_, was all Ax could say in response.

I motioned for Menderash to come over as quick as possible since he was still just standing there in shock. He got the message and quickly galloped over. As soon as he got there he opened the tube and began to smear the contents on the bottom of Ax's hooves.

Just as Menderash started to settle down a bit, in came Tobias with a half full bowl of water, splashing it everywhere as he went. He quickly put it down by one of Ax's hooves and gave him a big hug. "Ax!" Tobias said while still hugging him, "How are you buddy? Long time no see." Then, he started to ask the questions that all of us wanted to ask. "How did you escape? How did you find us? What do you know about Crayak? Where is he now?"

I gently slid the half full bowl of water to Ax's hoof and placed it inside since Tobias had forgotten. I then gave Tobias a tap on the shoulder and said, "Calm down, let him get some rest for a second before asking him a million different questions." He seemed to understand as he gave Ax one last pat on the shoulder and slowly backed away.

Menderash, on the other hand, seemed to be making quite a mess with the vegetables in a tube paste. It was all over his hands and the floor while only a little bit was actually on any of his hooves. I'm sure he had some private thought-speak going on with Ax, but since I couldn't be sure I didn't say anything. Eventually though Menderash finished painting Ax's hooves and everything else green, since he ran out of paste, and gave Ax his space. Ax seemed to zone out for a moment before he looked at me with his main eyes finally and said, _Prince Jake, I will explain everything as soon as I get some rest. I need some time to gather my thoughts as well._

"Yeah, alright," I said in response. He turned his head and seemed to fall directly asleep. I got up and looked around to my remaining crew. They all just stared back at me as if they were waiting for me to give them an order.

"I don't really have much to say," I started. "Let Ax get some rest and when he wakes up we'll take it from there. We could all use some rest anyway." I lowered my voice a bit and continued, "Remember what I said before."

And with that we all went to our respective sleeping spots. That is, all except me. I wanted to keep an eye on Ax personally. I still didn't feel 100 sure that it was really him. Even though it seemed like he was the Ax I knew, I still had this feeling that not everything was as it seemed. We were being tracked down by something we know almost nothing about right now, so just about anything could be possible. But maybe it was only Ax's changes that I was picking up on. I hadn't seen him since he went off to command his own ship over two years ago and I hadn't really had a good conversation with him since the war ended. I'm sure that I've changed a bunch in that same time as well. He also just got free of whatever Crayak was doing to hold him which probably also changed him a bit. I knew I was worrying a bit too much, but if I wasn't the one to worry, who would be? Even through all the worrying I was still glad to have Ax back though. He seemed to give everyone on the ship a boost of morale, including me.

I grabbed my pillow and blanket from the room I used to share with Santorelli and Marco and brought them out to the bridge area. I found a nice little spot over by the control panel, set up my sleeping area, and plopped down against one of the still warm computers. My plan was to watch Ax for as long as I could to make sure that it really was him and that he didn't pull any tricks, but after not sleeping for a few days and just finishing probably ten hours of hard work I didn't last too long before sleep took over.

I woke up to Menderash's usual flurry of switch flipping and button pressing. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room. Menderash, in his Andalite form, was at the control panel not two feet away from me obviously. Tobias was sitting in his perch, still seemingly asleep. And Ax was in the same position that he had been since I helped him in. I slowly stretched my arms and legs and began to get up.

I walked over to Menderash and asked as quietly as I could, "How long have I been asleep for?"

_You have been asleep for around ten Earth hours_, he responded in thought-speak.

"Yeah, it's been a while since I had a good nights sleep. It still doesn't feel like enough though," I said with a yawn.

_I agree_, Menderash said in response while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

After a moment of silence I said to Menderash, "So, what are you doing up so early like this?"

_I'm trying to put the final touches on our trap_, he said in private thought-speak. _The portion you were working on is all but finished, but the connections and programming here still have a little work to do. I don't want to work on the physical connections since then we run the risk of Prince Aximili finding out about or plan, so I'm finishing up the software portion._

"Good," I said in response. "So, how complicated would it be to finish the physical connections?"

_It should be very simple,_ he replied. _Everything is color coordinated so it would just be a simple matter of plugging the matching connections in._

"Good," I said once again. After a short pause I asked, "So, has Tobias been up yet? He's usually the first one to wake up."

_Of course I'm up Jake_, I heard Tobias say directly after I'd finished. _You know what they say, early bird gets the worm. Or in my case, a tube of liquefied meat._ I knew Tobias really hated that stuff, but that was all we had for him to eat. So it was either live with it or starve.

Tobias swooped down and landed on his favorite armrest on the co-pilot's seat. Just then, Ax began to stir as well. He slowly stretched out his legs, tail, and arms as he slowly began to get up. He must have felt pretty awkward since he had three sets of eyes staring at him while he was waking up. I decided to break the awkwardness by saying, "Sleep well Ax?"

_I have slept in more comfortable places before_, he said while still trying to stretch his body parts, _but it was a decent sleep nevertheless._

_So_, Ax said after he finished stretching a bit more, _I bet you're curious as to how I got here._

"Yeah", I said in response, "just a little bit."

_Well_, Ax continued, _I'm curious as to how you all got here as well. I don't know what happened from the moment I was captured until I managed to escape._

"Alright," I said, "We'll go first. What's the last thing you remember? We'll start from there."

_Let's see…,_ Ax said. _The last thing I remember is finding some polar bear hairs on a gigantic seemingly abandoned ship before being attacked by a ball of energy._

"Menderash", I said looking over to him, "you wanna take it from there?"

"M…Me?" he tried to say.

"Yeah," I said in response, "you were the only one there out of the three of us."

"Well, O.K.," he said sort of shakily, "that is, if Prince Aximili will permit me."

Ax looked at him with a weird glance before saying, _Um… go ahead._

Then in a quick private thought-speak message I heard Ax say, _I see what you mean about the prince thing Prince Jake, it does get rather annoying._

I just gave him a funny look and then focused my attention on Menderash.

Tobias

I was helping Jake make the last necessary connections to the roof panel when I heard it. It was nothing more than a faint _…tap…tap…tap…,_ but I think somehow my hawk senses had flooded over to my human brain which gave me a bit better hearing than I used to have. I listened in again and heard the same thing. I looked over to Menderash to see if he was tapping anything, but he was just sitting there staring at the computer monitor. Since it was too faint for Jake to be doing anything, I only had one conclusion I could draw. It was coming from outside.

I stopped what I was doing and suddenly said, "Does anyone else hear that?"

Jake and Menderash both stopped in their tracks as well and listened in closely.

"There it is again," I said as I heard the familiar tapping noise again. "It sounds like someone is hitting the outside of our ship with something."

It took a few more hits for Jake to hear it, but once he did he gave me a look to confirm it before we both focused our attention on Menderash.

As if he already knew what we were going to ask, he said, "Since the ship is at only the basic operation level I do not have any of the external sensors operational."

Jake's expression never changed as he came close to me and whispered in my ear, "Cover up any evidence of what we're doing. Don't say anything about our plan no matter who it is, and tell Menderash the same thing. Also, tell him to open the door when I get there and to morph to Andalite to back me up if I need it."

I kinda gave him a weird glance for a second before relaying the message to Menderash in thought-speak. As if he knew exactly what I was thinking he asked me, _And what are you going to do?_

_I'm not sure, _I said as Menderash began to morph. _Jake didn't give me any instructions, and I'd have to morph through my hawk body to morph to anything dangerous, so I guess I'll be the first to run if things start going bad._

I meant the last part as a joke, but I wasn't sure if Menderash took it seriously or not. It's hard to tell with Andalites. And I'm probably the best human expert on Andalites out there.

I decided to use Menderash's morphing time to completely cover up the last remaining evidence of our trap. I slipped a few wires under the floor panel and slid it into place just as Menderash flipped the switch to open the door and galloped into place just to the left of the door. Whoever was outside couldn't see him, but if they tried to come inside unwelcomed they'd know that he was there.

As for me, I just stood in the same place that I had been ever since I'd covered up the floor panel. Since Jake didn't give me any orders yet, I knew that I'd be the first one to get them next. So I stood there, ready for anything.

Once the door opened Jake gazed out the doorway an awfully long time. I looked over at Menderash as if to say 'should we do something', but Menderash gave me a look back which said 'not until Jake gives us orders'. Nevertheless, I slowly started creeping forward towards Jake. It was more out of impulse than anything else really, but I was curious what was taking Jake so long and what was out there.

Suddenly, I heard Jake yell out, "Tobias, get some water. And Menderash, get some food." Menderash and I looked at each other for just a split second before we both went racing off to complete our respective missions.

Our water dispenser looked like an old sink from back on Earth. Hell, it _was_ an old sink from back on Earth. I guess that when the Andalites were fixing up the ship for us to take off with they were missing a few things. And they filled in those things with stuff that humans would recognize. Either way, it worked fine so there were no complaints from me. There was only one small problem though. The Andalites forgot to pack us cups, bowls, or anything else to transport our water with. Luckily for us, we had Marco and Santorelli on board. Just a few hours after we left, they were playing around with something when they broke a piece off of some computer. It was some sort of parabolic dish that Menderash said wasn't too important, so from then on we used it as our water bowl.

I quickly grabbed the bowl from beside the sink and began to fill it as fast as the water could come out of the faucet. That's when I heard Menderash shout out, _P..P…Prince Aximili? _I turned around as quickly as I could and stared at the now two Andalites and Jake.

I had a few guesses about whom or what it might be outside our ship before we ever opened the door. My thoughts ranged from everyone to an injured Vanderschput from our battle to Jeanne. But Ax definitely wasn't who I'd expected.

After I finished gauzing in shock at him for a bit, I remembered that I had a job to do as I looked back to my overflowing bowl. I shut the water off and quickly tried to take the bowl to Ax. I lost about half the water on the way over, but that wasn't my biggest concern now. I was just happy that Ax was back.

I placed the bowl at Ax's hooves and instantly gave him a big hug. I thought he would be gone forever, but here he was. Alive. Millions of thoughts went through my head at that moment in time. If I could have a chance to do it all again though I probably would've said something better than, "How are you buddy? Long time no see."

But shortly after that I began to regain some of my thinking capacity. I began to ask the questions that I'm sure everyone wanted to ask. "How did you escape? How did you find us? What do you know about Crayak? Where is he now?"

We were at an arms length apart now and I could see it in his main eyes that he was too weak to answer any questions now. He looked like he was on the verge of death so I knew that I wasn't going to get any answers right now. I just looked into his eyes for a bit more until Jake gave me a tap on the shoulder and said, "Calm down, let him get some rest for a second before asking him a million different questions." I gave Ax one last pat on the shoulder and took a few steps back to let him get some air.

I'm not sure how long I was standing there, my gaze still fixed on Ax the whole time, but the next thing I heard was Ax's thought-speak. _Prince Jake, I will explain everything as soon as I get some rest. I need some time to gather my thoughts as well. _

"Yeah, alright," I heard Jake say in response as Ax turned his head and seemingly fell instantly asleep.

After I was sure Ax was asleep, I looked over to Jake. It must have been weird to him to look up and see the rest of his crew staring at him, but we've done it enough times before that he already knew what we wanted.

"I don't really have much to say," he started. "Let Ax get some rest and when he wakes up we'll take it from there. We could all use some rest anyway." He lowered his voice and added, "Remember what I said before."

So with that, I began to demorph. My all too familiar feather tattoo appeared first and then they began popping out of my skin with the same weird itchy feeling they always did. My bones began to shrink, hollow out, and twist in all sorts of various ways to accommodate to my rapidly shrinking height with some audible cracking and grinding noises. My nose and mouth melted into one large blob of what looked like melted wax and slowly began to become hooked and sharp to form my beak. My toes fused together and began to get hard and sharp to form my talons. And the last things to come in were my senses; hearing and sight.

I flew up to my perch and tried to digest what just happened, but after a few days of almost no sleep and directly after working hard for about ten hours straight, my mind didn't get a chance to do much before sleep took over.

I woke up to the sound of hooves clicking on the metal floor. I quickly opened my eyes as I thought it could be Ax, but I was sort of disappointed that it was only Menderash in his Andalite form. That's one of the downsides of being a hawk; you almost always wake up from just the slightest noise. But I had a good nights sleep for the first time in quite awhile, so getting mad at Menderash was one of the last things on my mind.

_Hey Menderash_, I said while stretching out my wings, _how long have we been asleep?_

_Sorry to wake you Tobias_, was his first response, _but I must finish the programming that is necessary for our trap to be functional. You've been asleep for almost eight-and-a-half Earth hours by my count._

_That's the first decent night's sleep I've had in a while, so don't worry about it, _I said in response. After a bit more stretching and preening of a few places that were bothering me I said to Menderash, _Hey, could you open the door? I'm going out on my morning flight. _Without saying anything back, the door slid open and I glided out into the cold afternoon air.

I had always taken a morning flight before breakfast back on Earth. It helped me wake up my still sleeping mind and get all my senses tuned into the day ahead of me. Back on Earth it would also help me scout out the area for any prey or danger that might have been in the area, but there was almost no prey out here and I had no idea what to look for that was dangerous, so it was just a chance to get out and do what birds do best, fly. When I was stuck in the ship on our mission to find Ax it had been a nightmare. Try getting any bird that's used to flying free and stuff them into tight space for a long period of time. You'll see how happy they are yourself. I usually only did a lap or two around the ship in the morning and that was it. It was horrible flying and I always got tired real quick, but when that's all you have you've got to make the best of it. Ever since we landed though I've taken just about every opportunity I could to get out and take flight since I had no idea if or when I'd ever get a chance to again. It also helped that I didn't eat breakfast beforehand because then I'm sure I'd be out flying until I needed to eat again. And that way I wouldn't get anything done inside the ship that needed to get done. This way I was sure to limit my flying because of my hunger and get some more work done.

I noticed the sun was about halfway between noon and sunset as I flew out the door, so I knew there still would be a bit of a thermal coming off the ship. I let my momentum carry me a bit before I started flapping up and into the only thermal I could find. It was actually a somewhat decent thermal today and it picked me right up and launched me into the sky. There was also a nice breeze for the first time I'd seen on this planet which also helped me get up a little higher. I got up to about one hundred feet before I broke out of the thermal and just glided across the sky.

A nice, relaxing glide was just a bonus to everything that's been happening to me in the past ten hours or so. First, we basically finished out trap for Crayak in about ten hours which was a nice achievement. Then, I found out that Ax was still alive and he actually showed up right at our door. And then I got a good night's sleep for the first time in a long time and caught a nice thermal up on my morning flight. Things have been going pretty good for me lately which is a change for me. Maybe thing are going to start getting better from now on.

I thought about it for a moment before coming to the only sensible conclusion, probably not. I'm not stupid. I've been through way too much to believe that just because things start looking up everything is going to be better.

My mind then shifted from it's mostly happy thoughts to trying to figure out what could possibly screw up all the good things that were going on. It's kinda sad I guess looking back at it, but that's just the way my mind seems to work nowadays. And just about all of my thoughts focused on Ax. He was the one who was in the center of this whole mess now and I wanted to know what he knew about Crayak. Maybe he was sent here as a trap for us. Crayak probably wants to know what we know about him, so he sent someone we knew and felt comfortable with to sort of spy on us and get all our secrets. The trouble with that is that he'd have to have some level of control over Ax which means that Ax wouldn't be himself. Ax is my _shorm_ and if there was anything different about him I'd know right away. We'll just have to see if he's the Ax I know or not when he wakes up I guess.

Crayak could've also used him to track us down. Maybe he let him go on purpose just so that he could find us. In that case, his plan worked. There wasn't much we could do about that now. But we wanted him to come here anyway so we could spring our trap. Maybe we had outfoxed him at his own game. Too many questions and not enough answers. I'd have to wait to hear what Ax had to say to make any judgments.

I was a decent distance away from our ship by the time I realized how far I had gone so I quickly made a big U-turn in the sky and started to head back. Leave it up to my favorite moment of the day to ruin my almost too good of a mood. Kind of ironic, huh?

On the flight back I continued to wonder about Ax. I tried to only focus only on the good points of him being back so I could bring myself back to my happier state of mind. And there was one point that hit me right away. Since I was having so much trouble, for whatever reason, talking to Jake about what happened at Crayak's ship, I could now just go and talk to Ax about it. He knew me better than I think Jake ever would, so if anyone could help me at least deal with what I've done it would probably be Ax. And I would have no trouble talking to Ax since we've shared some of our most precious secrets before. Telling him what I did at the ship would be way easier that telling him a few of the things that I already had…

On that uplifting note, I arrived close enough to the ship to make my entrance back in. _Hey Menderash_, I called out, _I'm ready to come back in. _The door slid open and I dived straight in and took aim at the food storage area. I was hungry and no liquefied meat-in-a-tube would be bad enough for me to resist now.

I fluttered to a stop right in front of my special food area and grabbed the tube of meat that I had started earlier. I hadn't gotten a good look at the label before, but this time it was staring me right in the face. _Salisbury steak huh?_ I thought to myself, _could've fooled me._

I grabbed the tube in my right talon and began the same tube opening ritual that I had done every time before. Once I was done with what was left in the tube and my stomach was full, I dropped the tube over next to the other empty ones and decided to join Menderash at the main computer.

_Is there anything I could do to help?_ I asked, looking for something I could do before everyone else woke up.

_Not as of now_, Menderash replied. _I must complete rerouting the power to where it's needed via all the computer controlled systems. I don't believe you've had any experience with those sort of procedures,, have you?_

_Well, _I began_, Ax let me work on some of the stuff he was building back on Earth, but I usually just did some the physical work, not the software portion._

_In that case, _Menderash said in response_, you could probably help me make the necessary connections I have yet to make in the mainframe computer. But that will have to wait until later. The orders from Jake are that we shouldn't do anything to make out trap known to Prince Aximili as of yet, and that would include visibly working on connections._

_How hard would it be to finish the connections? _I asked sort of curious.

_It should be very simple, _Menderash replied_. All of the remaining connections are color coded. You shouldn't have much trouble with them. _In human language that usually meant that I _could_ possibly figure it out, but god knows how long that'll take.

_Alright, _I said, not having much else to say_, I'll leave you to your work then._

Since Jake and Ax weren't up yet, there was nothing much more for me to do. I considered going out for a flight again, but I didn't want to have too much of a good thing. I decided that I'd try to get some more rest since god knows when I'll be able to do that again.

I flew up to my perch, closed my eyes, and started to zone out. I wasn't really trying to go back to sleep, I just was trying to clear my mind and relax. Quite shockingly, I was, for the most part anyway, able to clear my mind as I sat there and felt a wave of peace and calmness take over my body. I was never really into meditation or anything like that, but I guess that's kind of what this was. I'd have to try it more often from now on I guess since I kinda liked it.

I have no idea how long I was resting there before I heard the familiar rustling of a heat-shield jacket and pair of pants. I knew that Jake had woken up, but I was still too deep in my "meditation" to really do anything just yet. I heard him move around a bit before whispering to Menderash, "How long have I been asleep for?" He was trying to be as quiet as he could to try and not wake me up I guess, but something I haven't told them was that no matter how quiet they are I'll still hear it and wake up. It's something I've been trying to hide for the whole journey since I really didn't want to get on everyone's nerves like that, but it was the truth. It was never too big of a problem though as I usually got enough sleep to be normal; or what I guess was normal for me at that time. It still was one of the disadvantages of being a hawk trapped in a small tin can in space, but I guess I've lived through worse.

I guess Menderash was using private thought-speak, trying not to wake me up as well, because the next thing I heard was Jake say, "Yeah, it's been a while since I had a good nights sleep. It still doesn't feel like enough though."

I began to slowly come back to reality now when I heard Jake ask Menderash the same question that I already had, "So, what are you doing up so early like this?" After seeming to like whatever Menderash was doing and not doing he asked about me. "So, has Tobias been up yet? He's usually the first one to wake up."

_Of course I'm up Jake_, I said directly after he finished, trying to surprise him at least a little bit. I guess he knew me better than that though since he didn't even flinch. So much for that. Anyway, I continued by saying what I'd been saying almost the whole trip (thanks to Marco), _You know what they say, early bird gets the worm. Or in my case, a tube of liquefied meat._

I swooped down to the co-pilot's chair's arm rest like I had done many times before and waited for an order to come from Jake as to what I should be doing. He didn't have time to respond since almost the instant I'd landed Ax began to get up.

He slowly stretched out his legs, tail, and arms as he slowly began to get to his feet. He must have felt pretty awkward since he had three sets of eyes staring at him while he was just starting to wake up. We just both stared at one another for a few moments before Jake decided to break the awkwardness by saying, "Sleep well Ax?"

_I have slept in more comfortable places before_, he said while still trying to stretch his body parts, _but it was a decent sleep nevertheless._

_So_, Ax said after he finished his stretching and after another somewhat awkward moment, _I bet you're curious as to how I got here._

"Yeah", Jake said in response, "just a little bit." And Menderash and I looked at each other to silently agree.

_Well_, Ax continued, _I'm curious as to how you all got here as well. I don't know what happened from the moment I was captured until I managed to escape._

"Alright," Jake said, "We'll go first." I tried to give him a cautious look, but I guess he knew what he was doing since he didn't even decide to notice me. I trusted him though and I was sure that he had some sort of plan already in progress. "What's the last thing you remember? We'll start from there."

_Let's see…,_ Ax said. _The last thing I remember is finding some polar bear hairs on a gigantic seemingly abandoned ship before being attacked by a ball of energy._

"Menderash", Jake said looking over to him, "you wanna take it from there?"

"M…Me?" he tried to say.

"Yeah," I said in response, "you were the only one there out of the three of us."

"Well, O.K.," he said sort of shakily, "that is, if Prince Aximili will permit me."

Ax looked at him with a weird glance before saying, _Um… go ahead._

I was pretty sure Ax said something to Jake in private thought-speak since Jake decided to give him a funny look. It probably had something to do with the whole prince thing no doubt. Ax had been carrying on that joke for just about as long as he figured out that Jake didn't really want to be called prince.

Anyway, I took my attention from Ax and Jake and focused it on Menderash.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Jake

_Well_, Menderash started, _I'm still not exactly sure what happened. After you boarded the seemingly lifeless ship our sensors indicated a spontaneous generation of no less than seven living organisms. We tried to send in more reinforcements, but almost immediately after the organisms appeared the entire ship instantly came to life and hit us with a tremendously strong weapons blast. It not only knocked out our primary and secondary engines, but it took out all communications and power as well. It was then that I knew that this would be the end. They had our ship crippled and our prince either captured or dead, so there was no hope. That's when I made the decision that I have been regretting ever since I'd made it. I gave control of the ship over to the second officer and headed towards one of the escape pods. I knew since our communications were down that there was no way that the home world would know where and what attacked us so someone had to deliver the message personally. Going against almost everything that I had sworn on that ship, I climbed into one of the few escape pods and took off just as the ship was hit with another weapons blast which lead to the ultimate destruction of the ship and everyone else on board._

_As I started plotting my course to the home world, I managed to intercept a transmission from the other ship. All I could make out was that they were ready to travel into kelbrid space to acquire some new targets. After hearing that I quickly began to doubt my decision since both of us know there was almost nothing we Andalites could do in kelbrid space, but I had already sealed my destiny and I had to continue on to the home world._

_Once I arrived I went straight to the council to tell them everything I knew. They said that they would do their best to try to get a rescue party together, but both they and I knew that there was nothing they could really do. I couldn't just leave it up to the council and I knew it. I hadn't violated all my officer codes in vain. I was either going to rescue you or die trying just like everyone else on the Intrepid had. I knew I couldn't do this alone, so after a few failed attempts at raising support for my mission on the home world, I decided to get help from your friends back on Earth. They didn't have the treaty with the Kelbrid and could freely travel in Kelbrid space unlike the Andalites._

_When I reached Earth in one of the vacation transporters, I immediately went to the Andalite base to see if they could help me find Jake, the leader of Earth._

_Jake, _he said, breaking out of his story for the first time, _would you like to continue the story now? You would know what happened from here better than I would._

"Yeah, alright," I said clearing my throat and getting ready to talk, still a bit embarrassed about the whole "leader of Earth" thing. I guess it kinda was my fault since that's what I had told the Andalites the first time we'd met, but it still made me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, I'd been watching Ax's reactions to Menderash's story and he seemed to be the Ax I knew, but there was still something that was bugging me about him. _I was probably worrying too much_, I thought to myself as I began to continue our story.

"Well, I just finished conducting a class on morph control when I got a visit from Menderash. He told me what happened and what his plan was to rescue you. I decided to come along since I couldn't just abandon you after all we've been through now could I? Besides, I knew that you'd do the same for me."

"Anyway, I knew that the rest of our group would be more than willing to help, and I also knew I couldn't rescue you with just Menderash's help, so I found out where Tobias was with Cassie's help and reluctantly got him to join. I then stopped over at Marco's place and didn't even have to ask if he wanted to come or not since I knew that he was bored with his life on Earth already. Cassie wanted to go as well, but I knew that there was a good chance that we'd never come back. She still had some important work to do on Earth so I told her to stay behind. Reluctantly, she agreed. I grabbed two students from my morphing class and along with Menderash, who became a human _nothlit _to join us, "stole" a ship from Andalite possession which just happened to be stocked with food and had most of it's controls modified for human use."

"We then set out on our quest to find you here in Kelbrid space. After searching for a couple months, we ran into a ship whose leader called himself "The One". After we saw you in his rapidly shifting form we knew that he was the one we'd been searching for. After a bit of failed negotiations, we came up with a plan to get inside their shields and fire a shot, but it ended up hurting us more than it did them. Both of our ships then had to make an emergency landing on this planet. Well, ours more crashed than landed really. It wasn't a pretty sight as Marco and one of my students both died in the impact."

_I'm sorry to hear of Marco's death_, Ax interrupted.

"Yeah," I said with all my emotions of the incident starting to return, "but he knew what he was getting into. He knew that he might not make it out alive. And hopefully now he's in a better place."

"Well put Jake," I heard Tobias say, now in his human form.

"Thanks", I said giving out one last sigh before continuing the story. "Anyway, the remaining four of us tried to do what we could with the ship to survive until The Elimist dropped by for a visit. He told us that The One was none other than Crayak himself. He had broken the rules of the game between them and was now a mortal being that was intent on spreading a virus around the universe and killing off most of the life and The Elimist could do nothing to stop him by himself. He told us that we had to be the ones to stop him now or else he might grow too powerful to stop later. Before leaving though he did give Menderash his ability to morph back and his old self as a morph just like he had done with Tobias."

"After that, it didn't take long for Tobias to find Crayak's ship not too far from here and we decided to go in for a reconnaissance mission. When we got there though we saw that they had a prisoner and that Crayak had plans to, well, I guess absorb him would be the best way to put it. We just couldn't stand by and watch him get absorbed, so we dove in and rescued him. He was very grateful that we saved him so he took us to the Vanderschput underground city to meet his leader. We all came up with a plan to strike back at Crayak and his crew which involved both our and the Vanderschput's help. When we put our plan into motion, we managed to kill all of Crayak's crew, but we paid for it with the lives of most of the Vanderschput that were helping us and my other student. We came back here to regroup and that's when you showed up."

Throughout my story I kept trying to gauge Ax's reactions to what I was saying. He still seemed like the Ax I knew, but there was this part of him that I didn't recognize. I can't really explain it, but it was almost as if Ax had forgotten who he was and was just now slowly regaining his self. But then again, I hadn't talked to him for a long time and he'd just been trapped inside Crayak for the better portion of a year, so I had no idea what sort of changes he's gone through in that time. Sure, I was worrying too much. But as a leader you have to worry. You can't show it, but you have to worry way more than anyone else. It's your job to see all the possible outcomes and pick the appropriate actions for each situation.

_Perhaps you would like to hear my side of the story?_ Ax said after I had finished speaking for a moment.

"Perhaps we would", Tobias said with a hint of arrogance. I guess he was trying to determine whether it was really Ax or not by testing him too.

_Well_, Ax continued, _perhaps I will tell you then._

"Perhaps you should"countered Tobias, seemingly content with Ax's response.

_Like I said before_, Ax began, _the last thing I remember on that gigantic ship was being attacked by a ball of energy. I remember the intense burning sensation best. It was as if my entire body was engulfed in flames and there was nothing I could do to put them out. I couldn't move, I couldn't fire my weapon, I couldn't do anything but stand there trapped and burning. Slowly though the pain started to become numb and my consciousness was slowly transported into a gigantic, foggy, dark void. As I tried to get my bearings I realized that I was in some sort of maze with some strange symbols marked on the ground below the fog. It took me a while, but I eventually started to make sense out of everything and proceeded to make my way out of the maze. I met a few other people trapped in the maze as well on my journey, but we didn't have much time to talk. You see, every once in a while my consciousness would flash to another reality where I could see what I thought was the outside for just a split second and everytime that happened I would be transported to a different part of the maze._

_Eventually though I was flashed very close to what I thought the markings indicated was the end of the maze. And sure enough, where the markings indicated that the maze would end there was a small oval of bright, white light. As I stepped into it I began to come back into this world. Then, everything started to hit me at once; hunger, exhaustion, pain. Things that I hadn't felt since I was "absorbed", as you put it Prince Jake, all came back to me at an alarming rate. I contemplated going back inside for just for a brief moment, but then I realized that I was free once again and that I could now possibly help free the rest of the people stuck inside somehow. _

_I turned around to look at where I came from and saw the same energy ball that I had seen before when I was attacked. I tried to brace myself for another attack, but it didn't move. It looked like it was feeding from the ship's main power supply and hadn't noticed me. I didn't want to wait around and give it a chance to, so I quickly made my way out of a hole in the side of the ship. _

_It looked like some kind of battle had taken place, which I now know you were a part of, and I saw a lone set of Andalite hoof prints leading away from the ship. I had originally thought that maybe the crew of my ship had tried to rescue me, so I decided to follow the prints as far as I could I knew there was nothing I could do in my current condition, so I knew I needed help. _

_I managed to follow the tracks to some sort of oasis where I decided to take a break. My hunger and thirst were almost overwhelming and this was the first place that I had seen that had any water or grass. I slowly took a taste of the grass, but it was too salty to eat effectively without dehydrating myself more. I figured that the water in the oasis would be extremely salty as well and didn't risk drinking any. I picked up the Andalite tracks on the other side of the oasis and continued on as far as I could go still in desperate need of food and water._

_Just when I thought that I couldn't go any further, I saw what I thought was a Yeerk ship in the distance. Looking back at it now I was foolish to even consider asking the Yeerks for help, but when you're on the verge of death you do things that you wouldn't normally do. I managed to get up close enough to the door to tap it with my tail blade and you know the story from there._

"So," I asked after a moment of silence, "What can you tell us about Crayak? Does he have any weak points?" I already knew that Ax probably didn't know too much since he had been inside him the whole time, but maybe there was something that he'd forgotten to tell us.

_I do not know much that I haven't told you already_, he said as I had expected, _except how to get out of the maze. You have to look for a sign like this. _He took his tail blade and began to scratch an image in the floor of our ship. It looked sort of like a stick figure with a triangle for a head and a line going through it's neck.

_It's the Anochi symbol for salvation_, Menderash said suddenly. _The tip of the triangle would traditionally point in the direction of a temple to one of the Anochi gods so that anyone traveling by would be able to pray._

_I had thought that it might be an Anochi symbol_, Ax said in return, _but I wasn't sure. I really hadn't paid much attention to the symbolism of the Anochi furwork that some Andalites wear. I never really understood it. _

He then looked over to Tobias and me and saw our confused expressions. _Let me see, how to describe it in human terms…_he started. _I guess that it would be sort of like an American human wearing a Chinese symbol on their arm as a tattoo. Some Andalites dye their fur in a pattern that contains one of a few different Anochi symbols and then wear it until their fur begins fall out and regrow._

"Not that Andalite culture isn't fascinating," I said after another short pause in the conversation, "but is there anything else you know about Crayak?"

_Only that he must recharge by using a ship's power supply_, Ax answered back. _That may be the best time to strike as he is seemingly unaware of what's going on around him._

"Would you have any idea of where he goes and what he does?" I decided to ask. "I would guess that those mind flashes you were talking about happened when your form came out to the surface. Did you happen to see anything that could help us determine where Crayak is now?"

_Oh_, Ax said as his tone began to change dramatically, _I know exactly where Crayak is now. And he's a lot closer than you think._

And that's when all hell broke loose.

Tobias

As Menderash began his story I began to morph to human. It made me more comfortable doing human things, like listening to stories, while being human. I guess my human mind wasn't as lost as I had thought it to be sometimes. Anyway, I didn't really listen to Menderash's story or even Ax's in any great detail. I was too busy trying to see whether Ax was the Ax I knew best. He seemed to act like I remembered most of the time, but there was just this strange feeling I got from him. It was like every once in a while he would break character and do something a bit different from what I thought he would do, but it was never enough to throw up any red flags. It was just like he used a word that he hadn't used all that much or he moved his tail blade somewhat strangely and stuff like that. I tried to test him with one of our old in jokes, the perhaps one to be exact, but he caught right on to that. I guess I was worrying too much. Again, I hadn't seen him for about two years and he'd just been through a really terrible experience. I should know best what something like that can do to you, so I sort of calmed down after that and began to accept that it really was Ax, even if he was just a little bit different. Everything continued going smoothly until Jake asked, "Would you have any idea of where he goes and what he does? I would guess that those mind flashes you were talking about happened when your form came out to the surface. Did you happen to see anything that could help us determine where Crayak is now?"

That's when Ax's tone changed dramatically into something I've never heard from him before._ I know exactly where Crayak is now. And he's a lot closer than you think._

And that's when all hell broke loose.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Note: Alright, finally some more action! It should be mostly action from here until the end (except the next chapter actually), so enjoy!

---------------------

Jake

As soon as Ax finished saying those last few words he immediately changed to his natural form, the energy blob we all knew as Crayak. Before anyone could make a move, he shot out an energy tentacle that caught Menderash before he had a chance to move.

**Well**, Crayak began, **that was fun, but let's get down to business. I will ask this once and only once, so make sure your answer is truly the one you wish to give.**

I was in shock. How could this have happened? How could I be so blind? I knew that there was something wrong with Ax, so why didn't I say or do anything? It was my fault. Because of me, another person under my command was probably going to die.

**Since you have unfortunately killed all of my crew,** Crayak began again,** it will be very difficult to fly my ship. Let me reassure you that it will not be impossible, but I'd rather not have to do it by myself. Therefore, I propose that, since your ship is nowhere near operational, we shall make a temporary truce and agree to help one another. We will fly my ship back to Earth upon where you will be allowed to leave and do what you wish. I will gather up a small crew and continue on my way as well. Then, we will let fate decide what truly becomes of us both.**

I knew immediately that there was no way Crayak was telling us the truth. And even if he was, there was no way we could help him. I'm sure he knew that too, but I guess he liked to play games with us. That's what he's been doing ever since we first met.

I knew what my answer would be, but I needed more time to figure out how to get Menderash out of his grasp. The moment I said no he would begin absorbing him. I tried to look around for a scrap piece of metal that would be big enough to block the beam and thick enough to hold it back, but I couldn't find anything. Crayak could see that I was stalling for time, so to try and get a little more of it I said, "And what if we refuse?"

**Well**, Crayak began, **I'd imagine that you could see very clearly what will happen if you refuse. I will have no choice but to do to you what I have done to so many others, "absorb" you as you so eloquently put it. Then, I will have to fly my ship myself to another planet where I will easily obtain another crew.**

I continued looking around for something, anything that could possibly block Crayak's absorbing beam, but I couldn't find anything out on the bridge. I had an idea where a few possible items might be, but they were all in some distant corner of the ship. I started to think about what morphs Tobias and I had to stop the beam, but I couldn't come up with anything. Tobias was the only one with an Andalite morph, but he'd have to go through his hawk form first and by then it would probably be too late.

**I have very little patience**, Crayak said getting annoyed. **I need an answer or else I will make the decision for you. And it would be a lot easier to deal with the two of you after I absorb Menderash here.**

I knew that he needed an answer, and I knew what my answer would be, but I still needed some more time to figure out what to do about Menderash. As if on cue, Menderash spoke out for the first time. _Please, don't worry about me. You cannot possibly think that he is being truthful. We must destroy him. It is our only option. I have done all I can._

I could see that Crayak was just about to start absorbing Menderash, so with my eyes still darting around the room I began to say, as slowly as I could, "There is no way that we would do anything to help you. We'd all rather die than be responsible for anything that you do."

Before I could say anything more to buy just a little more time, Crayak interrupted with, **So be it.**

Just as he finished, there was an intense thought-speak scream that came from Menderash.

I instantly started to begin my tiger morph without even thinking about it. I guess it was just a reaction I'd picked up from everything I've been through. I had only the stripped tattoo and some of the tiger's teeth done before I heard Tobias say, "Jake, a tiger's not going to help us here. Help me find something to block the beam with."

That snapped me back to reality and I quickly reversed my morph. I started to think about anything on the ship that would be able to block the beam as I quickly ran to my bedroom.

The bed base! That was a nice solid piece of metal. Light, strong, and exactly what I needed right now. I quickly ran over to the "mattress" and flipped it over only to find out that the bed base was missing. I quickly went over to the other two beds in the room and came up with the same result. I didn't have time to worry about where they had gone, so I quickly began searching the room for anything else I could use. All the floor and ceiling panels could only be removed by computer control so all those were out. I tried to break off a shelf from the wall, but it was welded on tight. I quickly gave up searching in my room since I couldn't find anything else that would work and continued on to the bathroom, still hearing Menderash's cries of pain as I went.

I tried to break the sink off the wall, but it was again welded firm. I searched everywhere from the medicine cabinet to the toilet, but there was nothing I could use that would do what I wanted. Just then it hit me. _Of course, the scrap pile in the engine room!_

I quickly ran into the engine room to see if I could use one of the bigger pieces we had to block the beam, but the only pieces I could find were too small to be of any use. I continued searching frantically through the engine room until I heard Tobias say in thought-speak, _it's over. He's won._

"Don't give up yet Tobias!" I shouted as loud as I could and continued my search through the room. I was trying to tear a piece of the covering of the engine housing off when Tobias responded with what I was trying not to think about, but I already knew was the truth.

_It's over Jake. He's beaten us. He's been planning this for some time now, and it looks like he got us good. He's taken anything that we could possibly use to stop the beam, probably while we were sleeping. There's nothing we could do._

"We're not done yet!" I shouted as I gave up on the piece I was trying to break and raced back into the bridge.

"Yes we are Jake", Tobias said as calmly as could be as I entered the bridge. "He's out thought us this time. He's got us."

"No!" I shouted as if I was still in the other room, "We still have time. We could still do something!" I was beginning to sound desperate now. "I know, I could morph into a rhino and block it with my horn!"

"You'd have to be closer than you can possibly get to make that work Jake, and you know it," Tobias said still as calmly as ever.

"No!" I said in defense, "I'm not losing another person under my command! I have to try!"

I ran up to the edge of Crayak's beam while starting my morph, but quickly realized what Tobias had meant.

It was hot. Very hot. So hot that when I tried to bring my still human hand close to it I could only get within three feet or so of the beam or so before my skin started to burn. That's when I heard a voice that I knew I'd be hearing for the last time.

In between the gasps and cries of pain I could hear Menderash try to say, _Jake, Ahhh, there is nothing you, Ahhh, can do for me now. Ahhhhh! I will try to keep my mind, Ahh, away from him for as long as, Uhhh, possible. You must finish the connections, Unghh, for the trap and then lead him to it, Ahhh, as soon as possible. As for me, I have done all that I can. AHHHHHHHHHH! For now though, you must leave and draw Crayak, ughh, away as well so that you may be able to finish the trap unbeknownst to him. Ugh._

"No Menderash", I said on the verge of breaking down, "I can't leave you."

"Jake," Tobias said pleadingly, "we have to get out of here. There's nothing more we could do for him."

"No!" I said for the hundredth time and on the verge of tears, "you're wrong!"

_Jake_, I heard Menderash say for the last time, _you must leave!_

I couldn't believe it. My entire crew had turned against me! No one was going to help me. No one was even listening to me. I had been voted out. And this time it didn't just feel weird, it felt downright awful.

I gave a quick, confused, pitiful, and pleading look from Menderash to Tobias before Tobias practically had to scream, _COME ON JAKE!_

I gave one last look to the frozen Menderash in Crayak's energy bubble as I started to morph into my seagull. I guess that Tobias had already started his demorph to hawk because by the time I passed by him on my way out the door he was almost already completely seagull as well. I took off out the door and flew into the cold air with no idea where I was going or what I was going to do now.

Tobias

As soon as Ax had said those words in that tone I knew that something was wrong. And I didn't have to wait long to find out what. Immediately after he finished those words he instantly changed back into his natural form. The form that we knew as The One. And almost as instantly as he changed his form, he shot out another energy tentacle that caught Menderash dead in his tracks

I knew it. There was something just a little bit off about Ax, and I knew it. Why didn't I say something? Why didn't I do anything? I could've prevented this, but Crayak had done such a good job imitating Ax that I just wasn't sure...

**Well**, Crayak spoke for the first time, **that was fun, but let's get down to business. I will ask this once and only once, so make sure your answer is truly the one you wish to give.**

I looked over to Jake for some sort of guidance on what to do, but he was busy scanning the room. I did have an Andalite morph, but to get to it I'd have to go through my hawk form first which would take a long time. Probably too long. In fact, just about any morph I had would be out of the question.

Since morphing was out that only left me one option. I had to find something on the ship to block the beam with. I gave the room a quick scan, but couldn't come up with anything. I debated demorphing to hawk to get a better look, but that would take time. Time where the visual cortex of my brain wouldn't match what my eyes were sending out. And not to mention that there wasn't much my human eyes couldn't see that my hawk eyes could on the ship since it wasn't all that big. My hawk brain seems to be slowly melting into my human brain anyway, so all the scanning tricks that a hawk has had been ingrained in my human mind.

I did a more thorough search this time, but I still didn't see anything that would possibly help. I knew we had at least one big piece of the outer shielding of the ship in the engine room, and that was my backup plan. But I still would've liked something closer if I could find it.

I continued to scan the room as Jake talked to Crayak. I didn't really hear what Crayak had to say, but I knew that there was no way that Jake would strike any sort of a deal with him. That left us only one option, to try and save Menderash like we had saved Bob.

My constant searching of the bridge was getting me nowhere and I knew after a few failed attempts at trying to find something that there was nothing in here that would work. That's when I heard Menderash's thought-speak scream as Crayak started to "absorb" him as Jake had put it. The searching was over, now it was time to act.

I turned around to start to head off to the engine room, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Jake's face start to change colors from his normal skin tone to orange and black. It must have just been a reaction since I knew Jake was smart enough to know a Tiger wouldn't do any good here. Nevertheless, I still called out to him, "Jake, a tiger's not going to help us here. Help me find something to block the beam with." I saw his face quickly return to it's normal shade as I raced over to the engine room.

The moment I entered the engine room I knew that we were in trouble. I looked to where the large piece of the outer shielding had been since we'd put it there, and there was nothing there. I tried to remember if either Jake or Menderash had said anything about moving it, but I didn't even remember anyone even mentioning it after we put it here. I knew that I didn't have time to worry about it right now, so I continued looking for something else that I could use while trying not to listen to Menderash's thought-speak cries of pain.

I raced over to our pile of metal scraps, but I saw only small fragments of what used to be there. I dug through a bit, trying to find something I could use, and cutting myself pretty good in the process, but there was nothing longer than maybe a foot or so. I was pretty sure I couldn't get that close. Menderash's tail looked pretty bad after rescuing Bob and he had _at least_ a foot between the fleshy part of his tail and the beam. I continued frantically searching the room until I found something that I thought just might work.

Underneath a piece of machinery I found about an eight foot length of pipe. It wasn't incredibly wide or incredibly thick, but it was the only chance I had. I immediately raced back onto the bridge carrying the cumbersome pipe. It didn't look all that heavy, but that was one heavy piece of pipe. When I got over to where Menderash and Crayak were, I held it as far down the length as I could manage and stuck as much of the pipe as I could into the energy beam. It was really too small to do much more than make the bubble around Menderash fade just a bit, but at least I might be able to slow Crayak down enough for Jake to come and help me with whatever he'd found.

The pipe didn't last long before the end inside the beam started to turn red, then orange, then yellow, then bright white. It wasn't just getting hot at the tip though. I could feel it all the way down at the other end as well. And it wasn't long before I had to drop it because my skin was literally burning. I wouldn't give up that easily though.

I took my heat shielding jacket off and wrapped it around the cooler end of the pipe. I then sat down, propped the pipe up between my legs, and continued to hold the glowing end of the pipe in the beam. It didn't take long for the pipe to become bright white again, but this time something else started to happen. It started to melt.

Beads of melted metal started splashing onto the floor and a few of the bigger ones actually began to melt through. I tried to slide in closer to put some more of my quickly disappearing pipe into the beam, but the closer I got the more drops of molten metal began to land on me. I couldn't have scooted in more than a foot more when a small drop of molten metal landed on my arm causing me to drop my pipe in pain.

I've had my share of injuries over the course of my life. And I had thought that a broken wing would top the list as the most painful. But nothing compares to a serious burn. Sharp, stabbing, burning pain that doesn't end after the metal is cool. The pain stays for as long as there is an open wound, and scar tissue takes time to fill it back in...

I realized that my pipe wasn't going to be any more effective since there was only about five or six feet left, so after the initial pain started to slowly fade away, I quickly got up to look for something else that would work. I only had to search around in vain a bit more before it hit me. Crayak must have planned this all out. He must have taken anything we could've used to stop him out of the ship. It's over. He's won.

I didn't even realize that I had said anything out loud until I heard Jake yell from another room, "Don't give up yet Tobias!"

I was about to say something back, but then the frozen image of Menderash caught my eye. "I'm sorry Menderash," I said sadly to him, "but it looks like Crayak has beaten us this time."

_It would appear so,_ he said between his gasps and grunts of pain. I guess he could still see what was going on in the outside world just as well as I could.

I was on the verge of crying. To see someone suffering like that and not be able to do anything about it was heart wrenching. All I could do was stare into his one stalk eye that was pointed at me and watch.

I guess he saw what was about to happen as well, so with some cries of pain in between he said to me, _Don't cry Tobias. AHHH! There will be time for sorrow, Ahh! Later. As for now, Gaghhh, your main focus should be, Ahh, on our trap. You'll need to finish the connections, AHHHH! The connections in the main frame computer before, Agh, before the trap will be complete. AHHH! All you will need to do to trigger the trap then, Ugh, would be to pull the lever farthest to the right on the main control panel to, AHHH! To activate it. You will only have one chance, so use it well._

I knew what I had to do, but I had no idea what to say. I knew that I could never figure out an Andalite's wiring before Crayak finished what he was doing with Menderash and came after the rest of us. I knew that this would probably be the last time I'd see Menderash alive as well. "Menderash," I began, "it was an honor to meet you. I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to work with you and..."

_Tobias, there is no time_, Menderash said cutting me off. _You must get Jake and escape while you still can. AHHHH! I will try and withhold my memory from him, Ah, as long as I can so that, Ugh, you can return here and finish the trap when he leaves. _

He was right. My thoughts quickly went back to Jake. _It's over Jake,_ I said in public thought-speak, _h__e's beaten us. __He's __been planning this for some time now, and it looks like he got us good. He's taken anything that we could possibly use to stop the beam, probably while we were sleeping. There's nothing we could do._

"We're not done yet!" I heard him shout as he raced back to the bridge.

"Yes we are Jake", I said as calmly as someone who realizes that there's no hope anymore. "He's out thought us this time. He's got us."

"No!" he shouted as if he was still in the other room, "We still have time. We could still do something!" He was beginning to sound desperate now, and I saw it in his face. His mind was racing, his eyes were darting here and there, and his whole body was shaking from the adrenaline and fear. He was trying to deny what I think he already knew. "I know!" he said finally, "I could morph into a rhino and block it with my horn!"

"You'd have to be closer than you can possibly get to make that work Jake, and you know it," I said as calmly as before.

"No!" he said in his defense, "I'm not losing another person under my command! I have to try!"

He ran up to the edge of Crayak's beam while starting his rhino morph, but then he quickly realized what I had meant. I saw him get to about five feet away from the beam and then stop dead in his tracks. He reached out with his still human hand, but pulled it away quickly.

That's when I heard Menderash try to tell Jake what he had just told me. J_ake, Ahhh, there is nothing you, Ahhh, can do for me now. Ahhhhh! I will try to keep my mind, Ahh, away from him for as long as, Uhhh, possible. You must finish the connections, Unghh, for the trap and then lead him to it, Ahhh, as soon as possible. As for me, I have done all that I can. AHHHHHHHHHH! For now though, you must leave and draw Crayak, ughh, away as well so that you may be able to finish the trap unbeknownst to him. Ugh._

"No Menderash", Jake said visibly on the verge of breaking down just as I was, "I can't leave you."

"Jake," I said as soft and comforting as I could, "we have to get out of here. There's nothing more we could do for him."

I felt for him. I really did. By now I knew how Jake leads and how he takes almost everything that happens as his own fault. I knew that this was no exception and he would be just as distraught over this as he was with Rachel, the auxiliary animorphs, the yeerks that he ejected into space, Tom, Santorelli, Marco, Jeanne, and anyone else that I was forgetting. I was beginning to wonder how much one guy could take before he truly lost it. And with all the added stress of everything that's happened on this mission already, I knew that it must be hell for him right now to leave when you still think there's a chance to do something.

"No!" he said for the hundredth time while still on the verge of tears, "you're wrong!"

_Jake_, I heard Menderash say for what was probably the last time, _you must leave!_

I saw Jake's old, weathered face go through so many emotions. Determination, hope, confusion, anger, despair, and finally he gave me and Menderash a quick, confused, pitiful, pleading look. I had already started to demorph to fly out of there, and I'd already opened the door for us to escape when I yelled at Jake as loud as I could, _COME ON JAKE!_

Both me and him gave one last look to the frozen Menderash in Crayak's energy bubble as Jake started to morph into his seagull. I had already finished my return to my hawk form and started on my seagull when I saw Jake quickly take off and fly out the open door. I finished my morph and took off after him into the cold, growing darkness. I had no idea where he was going or if he even knew himself, but I followed him nevertheless. I hadn't been following him for all these years only to give up on him when he really needed me. We continued to fly as the sun slowly began to set behind us.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Note: This chapter is brought to you by sadness and all it's related emotions. But don't worry, the next chapter will be brought to you by Pringles!

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Jake

I had no idea how long we were flying for and how far we actually flew. I had come to terms fairly quickly that my crew was trying to get me to do the right thing, and I didn't blame them for it. Crayak had beaten us. The question now was how. How did he get everything that could possibly stop him out of the ship? It must have been while we were sleeping, but he didn't even wake anyone, not even Tobias. Maybe he just absorbed the pieces as well. Could he do that? I didn't know. And that was my problem, I didn't know. Ever since we first had an encounter with him I wasn't sure what he could and would do. And now, four people are dead or captured because I didn't wait to find out. I didn't have the information I needed, but I tried to go ahead anyway. That's when I had failed everyone as a leader.

I could've kept flying until my seagull body finally gave out. And I probably would've if it hadn't been for Tobias. I really wasn't aware that he was even following me until he said, _Jake, we only have about twenty minutes left in morph._

After hearing those words I guess my subconscious mind took control since I was too far gone. I stopped flapping and slowly began to lose altitude. I didn't even attempt to land as I just continued to glide until by belly scrapped against the ground. After one of my wings finally dug into the ground, I took a few tumbles to kill my momentum and ended up spread out on my back gazing up at the slowly appearing stars. Then I began to demorph.

After I had finished demorphing I just continued to lie there in the dust. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to do anything. All I could think about was all the times I'd failed everyone as a leader at almost every point in our stupid mission.

I'd managed not to lose anyone under my command for almost the entire war back on Earth, and now I had lost four people in a week or two. I'd lost my leadership skills. I was no good to anyone now. And to top it all off, everything that happened since we left Earth was my fault. "It's all my fault," I said out loud, not really meaning to at the time, "everything's my fault."

I had once again forgotten that Tobias was still there until he said in response, "Jake, don't say that. You know that it isn't all your fault. Crayak just flat out beat us this time. We still have the trap waiting to be used and we still have a chance to get him."

"But I felt something odd about him," I said quickly in response. "I should've known. I should've seen it coming. But I failed you and Menderash by not doing anything. And that wasn't the first time."

"Jake," Tobias interrupted, "I felt the same thing too. But Crayak put on such a convincing show that I just couldn't be sure. And if I couldn't be sure I wouldn't even dream of you being sure. And what do you mean that this wasn't the first time?"

"I've been failing you this whole time," I said, getting as angry as I could at myself. "Everything that we've done while on this mission has turned out to be a complete failure."

"Jake!" Tobias said quickly interrupting me, "you know that's not true! We were able to rescue someone from Crayak. We took out his entire crew and have a trap almost ready for him. I wouldn't call that failing exactly. In fact, we're right on the edge of victory."

"But at what cost?" I asked in response, sitting up for the first time and staring Tobias in the face. "We've lost four people already, not to mention all those Vanderschput as well. Back on Earth we could've done all we have here and more without so much as breaking a sweat."

"But we're not on Earth," Tobias said, starting to get frustrated, "we're here. You can't go off and compare them both together. They're two totally different things."

"Even though they may be different," I said in response, "They're not as proportional as they should be. On Earth, we had six kids fighting off an entire army of alien invaders and we didn't lose anyone until the very end. Here, we had six slightly older kids trying to fight off a small ship's worth of enemies and we've already lost four."

"But Jake," Tobias said pleadingly, "You know that the circumstances are different here. First, we had our ship crash which killed Santorelli and Marco, not you. Then, we had to fight morph capable controllers which we never really had to do back on Earth. And then, Crayak just beat us. It wasn't your fault. He just beat us."

"But it was my fault we were in all those situations to begin with," I countered as I let my body fall back down to it's previous position. "I lead everyone into them without knowing what I was up against. Knowing your enemy is a fundamental part of being a leader, and I've failed in that regard. I've not only failed you, but I've failed everyone who's been under my command this whole trip. I've failed as a leader more times than I can count. If I were you Tobias, I'd go find somewhere safe and away from me or you might end up like everyone else. I'll try to do what I can and hopefully deal with Crayak."

There was a moment of silence as Tobias tried to digest what he just heard. I was a little shocked myself at what I had actually said as well. Sure, I was just trying to look out for him. But the way I said it made it feel like I didn't want him around anymore which wasn't the case. I knew that I would need all the help I could get with Crayak, but I didn't know if I could live with myself if I lost anyone else under my command.

"Jake," Tobias said eventually, "You're a great leader. I'm sure that we wouldn't have stood a chance back on Earth if it wasn't for you. And the moment we spotted the blade ship out here I thought we were all going to die right there and then. But we didn't. Because of you the majority of us survived to continue fighting another day."

He seemed to pause for a bit as if he was waiting for a reaction from me, but although I could hear his words, they really didn't seem to register with me yet. After a moment's silence, he let out a sigh and continued.

"Jake, I trust you with my life and I have ever since the beginning. I've followed you down to the gates of hell and back more times than I can count, and I'll continue to follow you back down until I physically can't anymore. If you rationally told me to do something, I'd do whatever it was in a heartbeat. I know that things have been tough for you lately, so I want to tell you something that I've wanted to tell you ever since you decided to become our leader."

"Thanks."

"Thanks for taking up the role that no one else wanted to. Thanks for keeping your cool when it looked like there was no way out. Thanks for coming up with all the plans you did and thanks for being there when we all needed someone to be strong. I'm not sure if anyone else ever said thanks, but I know that every single person that was ever under your command would say the same thing if they had the chance. And I'm sure that when their respective times came to go that they didn't put any of the blame for it on you. And no matter what happens to me, I know I won't put any of the blame for anything that's happened in my life on you."

He paused again as if he was waiting for a reaction, but I didn't give him one at first. My mind was slowly coming back from wherever it had been and needed a second to understand what he was trying to say. I could feel him trying to come up with something else to say when my mind finally caught up with what was going on.

"Tobias," I said as I sat up again to look him straight in the eyes, "do you really mean all that?"

"Every last word," was all he said in reply.

I immediately threw my arms around him and gave him a giant hug. He had just said exactly what I needed to hear. If Tobias was still behind me then there was no reason that I shouldn't be behind myself. If he still believed in me then god damnit, I should too. And just knowing that he didn't blame me for everything that had been going wrong made me feel a whole lot better inside.

I felt the tears start to come. _No_, I told myself, _I have to be strong. I can't break down in front of Tobias. I need to lead. And I can't lead if I'm too busy wrapped up in my emotions…_

But it was no use. I had been strong for too long and I couldn't hold it back any longer. I felt the tears begin to flow as I began to sob into Tobias' shoulder.

Almost as soon as I had started Tobias pulled me out to an arms length away with his hands on my shoulders and said, "Jake, if we start crying now we might never stop. After we take care of Crayak we can just sit and cry the rest of our lives away. But for right now, we need to focus."

"You're right Tobias," I said clearing away the tears with my hand, "you're right."

As I started to catch my emotions and get myself under control once again, something that's been bugging me ever since we left Earth decided to pop into my mind.

"Tobias," I said still with a hint of the previous sobbing left, "I have something I want for you to do for me."

"What is it Jake?" Tobias asked. "You know that I'll do anything you need me too."

"It's something that I wanted to say to everyone after we left Earth, but I could never muster up the courage to actually say it," I replied. "But since we're being so open with each other now, I figure that it's now or never." I took a deep breath and continued. "If…if I don't make it out of here alive…"

"Don't say things like that Jake," Tobias interrupted.

"No Tobias," I said quickly interrupting him, "this is important to me. I need you to listen."

He seemed to want to say something else, but he thought better of it and he slowly went back to listening.

"If I don't make it out of here alive," I began again, "I want you to tell Cassie that it's my fault that things worked out the way they did and I'm sorry. But if she's happy then I'm happy for her too."

I just sat there for a while and stared into Tobias' usually unemotional eyes until I heard Tobias say, "Jake, you can…"

"Tobias," I interrupted, "I want you to promise me that you'll tell her if you can."

Tobias took a short pause and finally said, "Sure Jake, I promise."

For the first time in a while, a smile crossed my face. "Thanks," I said, wondering whether I should pull him into another hug. But at that point another thought crossed my mind. "Could you also tell Ronnie to take good care of her?"

"Sure Jake," Tobias answered, "whatever you want."

I gave another small smile before I started to stand up with renewed energy and say, "So, you ready to go kick Crayak's butt?"

"Actually Jake," Tobias with a hint of nervousness in his voice, "since we're being so open here, I kinda wanted to ask you for your help."

I sat back down and started to listen. He seemed tentative to start, but he eventually squeezed out some more words.

"I know that this might seem like a weird time to talk about this, but I've been trying to ask you about it ever since we got back from Crayak's ship." He paused for another moment as if he was deciding whether to continue or not, but eventually he kept going.

"When I went after the polar bear, I wasn't myself. I didn't have control over anything I did. So when it finally came time to end our battle I couldn't control what I did. Not only did I end up violently killing a demorphed, helpless human controller, but afterwards I desecrated his body. I ripped out almost all his vital organs, tore off his leg, and then tore off his head. I smashed the skull open to get at the Yeerk inside which I eventually…eventually swallowed whole to be digested by my stomach acid. When I finally snapped back into reality it was too late to do anything about it. And now I keep having these flashbacks of everything I did, even though I didn't really do any of it."

I had a suspicion that it was going to have something to do about what happened on Crayak's ship. I hadn't seen Tobias actually do any of the things he just told me, but I had caught a glimpse at the remnants. I knew that Tobias would have too much emotion stored inside him to control, but I also knew that it would be better for him to experience what all that emotion could do instead of trying to get him to snap out of it. Even so, I still hadn't expected that he'd go as far as he did and I was a little shocked at what I had heard, but I couldn't show it. That would be the exact opposite of what Tobias wanted and needed to see right now.

"I guess what I'm trying to ask is," Tobias continued after a short pause, "what should I do? What should I do to stop these memories? What should I do to make myself feel like I'm not what I had become? What could I do to make myself feel better?"

"Tobias," I finally said after giving it some thought, "we've all been in situations like yours before. And I guess the first thing I should ask is that are you really sure that you regret what you did? Take a moment and really think about it. Was what you did all worth it?"

I was trying to get him to see the positive point of view of what he did instead of just the negative, but I had a feeling inside that it wouldn't be enough.

He thought about it for a little bit before finally saying, "No, what I did wasn't worth it. I could've lived with the gruesome death because some times things like that happen, but what I did afterwards was just plain wrong and there is no excuse for it."

"In that case," I continued on, "there's only one thing that I've found that works. You have to learn something from your experience. You need to figure out what it was that lead you to do what you did and make sure that it never happens again. You'll always have that memory in the back of your head to remind you of what you did, but knowing how to prevent it from happening again will calm your mind down some. And in your case, what you should learn from your experience is to not hold in your emotions for so long. That's what took control of you, your emotions. And if you don't let them out a little bit at a time there might be a chance that something like that will happen again. As long as you're able to let out a reasonable number of your emotions, you should be fine."

He kind of stared at me for a minute before he pulled me into a soft hug this time. "I don't know why Jake," he said in my ear, "but that's exactly what I needed to hear."

"Glad I could help," I said as I slowly pulled away from him. "Now are you ready to go kick some Crayak butt?"

"Let's do it!" Tobias said with just a hint of a smile on his usually emotionless face as we both began to morph.

Tobias

So we flew. We flew and flew and flew. Half an hour, an hour, an hour and a half. We just kept on flying in complete silence. I had no idea where Jake was going, or even if he knew himself, but I knew that he'd need me whenever we got there. We've been through so much together that I wasn't about to abandon him now when he really needed me. So I just followed him quietly until we had around twenty minutes left in morph. (Having to morph as much as I do, even after a few years of limited morphing, you get a real good idea of how long two hours is.) After I let him know he seemed to stop flapping and start to glide into a landing, but I don't think that landing was the most important thing on his mind at that point.

He didn't as much as flinch as he passed by his safe landing height. He just continued to glide. I thought about trying to call out to him, but I figured that it wouldn't do any good anyway. So I just watched him as his belly started to scrape the dusty, sandy ground. Eventually, one of his wing tips dug into a small pile of dirt and he began to roll. He ended up on his back looking up at the sky and began to demorph.

I landed quietly next to him and after my own quick demorph I morphed to my human self and lied down next to Jake. I figured that my human form would be a lot easier to talk to than a hawk. I knew that I wasn't that good with facial expressions really, but every once in a while something would squeak out. Anyway, my human face would be a lot easier to look at then my intense and intimidating hawk face would've been.

So I just lied there and looked up at the slowly appearing stars with Jake right by my side. I tried to think of something to say, but besides the old cliché lines that everyone always says I couldn't think of anything. But I didn't have to wait for too long before Jake made the first move.

"It's all my fault," he said out loud surprising me, "everything's my fault."

I wasn't sure if he really meant it or not, but either way I had already prepared an answer. "Jake, don't say that. You know that it isn't all your fault. Crayak just flat out beat us this time. We still have the trap waiting to be used and we still have a chance to get him."

"But I felt something odd about him," he said in response. "I should've known. I should've seen it coming. But I failed you and Menderash by not doing anything. And that wasn't the first time."

"Jake," I interrupted, "I felt the same thing too. But Crayak put on such a convincing show that I just couldn't be sure. And if I couldn't be sure I wouldn't even dream of you being sure." And then the last part of his statement hit me. "And what do you mean that this wasn't the first time?"

"I've been failing you this whole time," he said with some anger and frustration in his voice. "Everything that we've done while on this mission has turned out to be a complete failure."

"Jake!" I yelled in surprise while sitting up for the first time and staring him straight in the face, "you know that's not true! We were able to rescue someone from Crayak. We took out his entire crew and have a trap almost ready for him. I wouldn't call that failing exactly. In fact, we're right on the edge of victory."

"But at what cost?" he asked gloomily, sitting up for the first time and staring straight into my eyes. "We've lost four people already, not to mention all those Vanderschput as well. Back on Earth we could've done all we have here and more without so much as breaking a sweat."

I paused for a moment to think of a good answer. I already knew that Jake would probably blame himself for everyone that we've lost, but I didn't really expect him to come from this angle.

"But we're not on Earth," I said, hoping that it would be good enough to convince him, "we're here. You can't go off and compare them both together. They're two totally different things."

"Even though they may be different," he quickly said in response, "They're not as proportional as they should be. On Earth, we had six kids fighting off an entire army of alien invaders and we didn't lose anyone until the very end. Here, we had six slightly older kids trying to fight off a small ship's worth of enemies and we've already lost four."

"But Jake," I said pleadingly, "You know that the circumstances are different here. First, we had our ship crash which killed Santorelli and Marco, not you. Then, we had to fight morph capable controllers which we never really had to do back on Earth. And then, Crayak just beat us. It wasn't your fault. He just beat us."

"But it was my fault we were in all those situations to begin with," he countered as he let gravity take his body and pull it back to the ground. "I lead everyone into them without knowing what I was up against. Knowing your enemy is a fundamental part of being a leader, and I've failed in that regard. I've not only failed you, but I've failed everyone who's been under my command this whole trip. I've failed as a leader more times than I can count. If I were you Tobias, I'd go find somewhere safe and away from me or you might end up like everyone else. I'll try to do what I can and hopefully deal with Crayak."

I was in shock. Had Jake just told me to go somewhere safe and away from him? Sure, I guess that he thought about things like that all the time, but to say it out loud was something that neither me nor probably him had expected. He must've been in worse shape than I had originally thought if he let something like that slip.

I knew that I had to do something to help him feel like he hadn't failed us, but I didn't quite know what to say. And after a short pause in the conversation I still didn't know what it was that he needed to snap him out of whatever he was in, but I felt a speech coming on…

"Jake," I said eventually, "You're a great leader. I'm sure that we wouldn't have stood a chance back on Earth if it wasn't for you. And the moment we spotted the blade ship out here I thought we were all going to die right there and then. But we didn't. Because of you the majority of us survived to continue fighting another day."

I thought that maybe those few words would be enough, but Jake didn't change his blank expression at all. I waited and tried to give him some time to think, as well as some time for me to think of something else to say, but eventually I knew that I needed to continue. Even though I was far from the best at coming up with comforting words, I wasn't going to give up on him now. I let out a small sigh and tried to continue on from a slightly different direction.

"Jake, I trust you with my life and I have ever since the beginning. I've followed you down to the gates of hell and back more times than I can count, and I'll continue to follow you back down until I physically can't anymore. If you rationally told me to do something, I'd do whatever it was in a heartbeat. I know that things have been tough for you lately, so I want to tell you something that I've wanted to tell you ever since you decided to become our leader."

I took a small pause and finally told him what I've wanted to since I'd met him.

"Thanks."

"Thanks for taking up the role that no one else wanted to. Thanks for keeping your cool when it looked like there was no way out. Thanks for coming up with all the plans you did and thanks for being there when we all needed someone to be strong. I'm not sure if anyone else ever said thanks, but I know that every single person that was ever under your command would say the same thing if they had the chance. And I'm sure that when their respective times came to go that they didn't put any of the blame for it on you. And no matter what happens to me, I know I won't put any of the blame for anything that's happened in my life on you."

I was breathing sort of heavily when I finished. I had put a lot of emotion into that little paragraph, but Jake still didn't seem to even notice that I was talking to him. I didn't really have much more to say. I figured that I would just have to leave it up to Jake to realize what the truth was. But even so, there was an eerie silence over the two of us that I had to do something to break. I tried to think of something, anything else to say. And as if right on cue, the memories that I had done such a good job suppressing the past day or so started to come back. I had been so busy with the trap and Ax that I had almost forgotten what I needed to talk to Jake about. But now, at this point, all my memories came flooding back. I was about to say something when I heard Jake slowly get up.

"Tobias," he said as he sat up again and looked me straight in the eyes. His usual stone face was gone and replaced with the Jake I had first met in the bathroom at school. "Do you really mean all that?"

"Every last word," was all I could think of to say in reply.

He immediately threw his arms around me and gave me one of the firmest hugs I'd ever had. After successfully catching my breath, I began to return it as well. I could feel tears start to form in my eyes, but I pushed them away. If I started crying now, there was no telling when I'd stop. But that's when I heard the muffled sobs of Jake starting to cry into my shoulder.

As soon as I heard him start I put my hands on his shoulders, pulled him out to arms length, and said directly to his still sobbing face, "Jake, if we start crying now we might never stop. After we take care of Crayak we can just sit and cry the rest of our lives away. But for right now, we need to focus."

"You're right Tobias," he said clearing away the tears with his hand, "you're right."

We both just sat there for a few moments to get our composure back before Jake said, "Tobias, I have something I want for you to do for me."

"What is it Jake?" I asked. "You know that I'll do anything you need me too."

"It's something that I wanted to say to everyone after we left Earth, but I could never muster up the courage to actually say it," he replied. "But since we're being so open with each other now, I figure that it's now or never." He took a deep breath and continued as I started to get slightly worried at what he was about to say. "If…if I don't make it out of here alive…"

"Don't say things like that Jake," I interrupted quickly. Those are the kinds of things that slowly eat away at you. And that's not what Jake needed at this moment.

"No Tobias," he said quickly interrupting me, "this is important to me. I need you to listen."

I wanted to tell him that he could do whatever it was himself when we got back, but the look on his face made me stop and listen to what he had to say.

"If I don't make it out of here alive," he began again, "I want you to tell Cassie that it's my fault that things worked out the way they did and I'm sorry. But if she's happy then I'm happy for her too."

I just sat there for a while and stared into Jake's sad and sorrowful eyes before I decided to tell him to tell Cassie himself when we both got back. But I didn't get too far before Jake interrupted me again.

"Tobias, I want you to promise me that you'll tell her if you can."

I wanted to try and tell him again, but I knew that he wouldn't listen even if I had gotten to finish my sentence, "Sure Jake, I promise," was the only thing I had left to say.

For the first time in a while, a smile crossed his face. "Thanks," he said, looking like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. And almost as a final thought he added, "Could you also tell Ronnie to take good care of her?"

"Sure Jake," I answered, giving up on the 'tell them yourself' line, "whatever you want."

He gave me another small smile before he started to stand up with renewed energy as he said "So, you ready to go kick Crayak's butt?"

"Actually Jake," I said almost subconsciously, "since we're being so open here, I kinda wanted to ask you for your help."

He started to sit back down while my mind was screaming at itself. _I can't talk to him now. I don't know what to say. I'm not ready. _But the other side of my brain kept saying _this is a golden opportunity. It's either now or never. You already started the conversation anyway, so go with it. _

I didn't know what to do or what to listen to, but soon enough just thinking about talking about what happened was enough to bring the memories back. That's when I decided that I had to keep going.

"I know that this might seem like a weird time to talk about this," I started tentatively, "but I've been trying to ask you about it ever since we got back from Crayak's ship." I paused for another moment struggling to push myself further. Eventually though I managed to suppress the anti-talking side of my brain and continued on.

"When I went after the polar bear, I wasn't myself. I didn't have control over anything I did. So when it finally came time to end our battle I couldn't control what I did. Not only did I end up violently killing a demorphed, helpless human controller, but afterwards I desecrated his body. I ripped out almost all his vital organs, tore off his leg, and then tore off his head. I smashed the skull open to get at the Yeerk inside which I eventually…eventually swallowed whole to be digested by my stomach acid. When I finally snapped back into reality it was too late to do anything about it. And now I keep having these flashbacks of everything I did, even though I didn't really do any of it."

"I guess what I'm trying to ask is," I continued after a short pause, "what should I do? What should I do to stop these memories? What should I do to make myself feel like I'm not what I had become? What could I do to make myself feel better?"

Jake gave it some thought before he finally said, "Tobias, we've all been in situations like yours before. And I guess the first thing I should ask is that are you really sure that you regret what you did? Take a moment and really think about it. Was what you did all worth it?"

I think I saw what he was trying to do, but I was pretty sure that the negatives outweighed the positives. Even though I already knew that, I took a look back at it all anyway. Sure, I had been able to kill a morph capable controller by myself, which was not an easy task, and take out one of Crayak's crew as well. But everything that followed his death still didn't have any reason to have happened.

I thought about it for a little more before finally saying, "No, what I did wasn't worth it. I could've lived with the gruesome death because some times things like that happen, but what I did afterwards was just plain wrong and there is no excuse for it."

"In that case," Jake continued on, "there's only one thing that I've found that works. You have to learn something from your experience. You need to figure out what it was that lead you to do what you did and make sure that it never happens again. You'll always have that memory in the back of your head to remind you of what you did, but knowing how to prevent it from happening again will calm your mind down some. And in your case, what you should learn from your experience is to not hold in your emotions for so long. That's what took control of you, your emotions. And if you don't let them out a little bit at a time there might be a chance that something like that will happen again. As long as you're able to let out a reasonable number of your emotions, you should be fine."

I kind of stared at him for a second. He hadn't told me anything I didn't already know, but for some reason it was just what I needed to hear. Maybe it was because he said that everyone had gone through the same thing. Maybe it was just the way that he said it. Maybe I just needed to hear it come from someone else. I didn't know. It didn't make everything just magically disappear like I had thought it might, but it calmed my mind down enough to where I could think and focus. Without even really meaning to I pulled him into a soft hug and said, "I don't know why Jake, but that's exactly what I needed to hear."

"Glad I could help," he said as I slowly pulled away from him. "Now are you ready to go kick some Crayak butt?"

"Let's do it!" I said, adding a smile after I had realized what I'd just said. _This is for you Rachel, _I said to myself as I began to morph.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Note: As promised, this chapter is brought to you by Pringles! Buy them, eat them, and then poop them out!

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Jake

We flew back almost in complete silence. But this time, it was a happy and newly-energized silence. We had both gotten what we'd wanted to off our chest, and now it was time to finish what we came here to do.

As we approached the ship I told Tobias to circle around and watch the perimeter while I tried to sneak in. I had no idea if Crayak was still in there. And if he was still in there, I had no idea what he might be planning. I wasn't about to lose the last person who probably still believed in me, so I decided to go in by myself first and play it safe. After I landed about a hundred feet away I demorphed back into my human self. I got as close to the ship as I thought I could and began the all-too-familiar morphing process to cockroach.

The ship still had plenty of cracks from the crash in it's outer hull, and still a decent number of cracks and gaps in the floor. We'd tried to patch what we could, but after patching about the five hundredth hole or so we all found better things to do. And now I'm glad that we didn't finish patching them since it had left me a way in.

The ship looked just the way we had left it from the outside. The door was still open and the dim lights we had on were still shining. But, as I had been reminded recently, you can't judge what's on the inside just by looking at the outside.

As I finished my morph, I crawled through dirt particles as big as boulders until I felt the metal hull of the ship. I searched around for a crack to squeeze into and after a few moments of searching I easily found one. In I went.

It was total and utter confusion inside the ship from this angle. What I could only guess were the original Yeerk wiring and piping was mixed together with the renovated Andalite wiring and piping and all our handiwork was squished somewhere in-between the two. I raced around the maze of wires and pipes for a few minutes, getting periodic check-ins from Tobias every now and then, until I saw a giant, bright, white light. Every part of my roach body was telling me to get as far away from it as possible, but the roach wouldn't be our dominant small morph if we hadn't learned to control it by now. I raced ahead and tentatively poked my feelers and roach head out of the hole.

I knew I wouldn't be able to see anything but light, but it made the human part of me feel a little safer at least. After I pulled the rest of my body out of the hole, I let the roach take over and find me someplace dark to hide and demorph.

If you ever need to find a small, dark place, call in a roach. It's what they do best. After almost instantly racing over to a nice, dark corner I very slowly began to demorph.

Even with all the morphing we've done, we still really hadn't gotten a hold of how to morph the part of the body we needed first. But every now and again it would happen the way that we wanted. Right now I needed my human eyes and brain first, so that's the part of me that I really concentrated on. And sure enough, the first thing I could feel forming was my head. I'm sure it must have been a funny sight; a mostly human head on a foot-and-a half long cockroaches body. But that wasn't my main concern right now. My focus was on finding Crayak. But first I had to figure out where I was.

I took a good look around, which was hard since my neck joints hadn't really developed yet, and soon realized that I must have been under the main computer desk. Then, my thoughts focused on looking for Crayak as I slowly finished demorphing the rest of me.

The room looked pretty much exactly how we left it. The half melted pipe that Tobias had told me about on our way back was still exactly where he'd left it, as were the burn holes in the floor. I could only get a small glimpse into the bedroom from my vantage point, but I could see that all the mattresses were tossed aside just as I had left them. I continued looking out for anything unusual as I finally finished demorphing, but everything was just how we'd left it. I'd knew that I'd seen all I could have seen from this position. Now it was time to find out how good Crayak was at hiding.

I slowly and carefully got up and out into the open. I was prepared for the worst, half expecting to be trapped in Crayak's beam right there and then, but there was nothing to be prepared for. Either Crayak was hiding well or this room was empty. And if he was indeed hiding either here or in some other room, I was going to find him.

I knew that my human senses were nothing compared to a few of my other morphs, so I quickly began to morph to my signature morph, the tiger. Better dim-lighting sight, much better hearing, and a much better sense of smell were just what I'd need if Crayak was still here.

And so the hunt began. I thoroughly searched every nook and cranny of the ship, both in my tiger form and my human form, but there was nothing unusual anywhere to be found. After I was as sure as I could be that there was nothing else on our ship, I took one more quick trip around as a tiger before finally telling Tobias to come inside. I was still a bit tentative about it actually and I'm sure that he picked it up in my voice.

_Don't worry Jake_, he called back, _if he's really in there somewhere we'll still find a way to kick his butt. _It was a lame attempt at humor, but it made me feel like we were back in the good old days, if you want to call them that. It kind of reminded me of Marco in a way, and it was comforting to at least think that everyone was still with me. _Marco_, I said privately to myself, _I'll get him for you. Don't worry._

Tobias took his time flying in, but once he finally did he asked the question that I'm sure he'd been wondering for some time now, _Alright, what's the plan Jake?_

"First," I said after I finished demorphing again, "I gotta go to the bathroom and get something to eat."

_Sounds like a plan to me_, Tobias responded with a chuckle.

"Then," I continued, getting more serious, "since you're the only one with any sort of first-hand experience with alien technology, I figure that you should be the one who handles the wiring. I'll morph to owl to keep watch and see if Crayak decides to show up."

_No arguments from me_, Tobias answered back. And after a moments silence he said, _So, about that food…_

So we both went and chose out something good to eat. I'd been eying a certain blueberry-pomegranate tube for some time now, but I always told myself to save it for something special. This could be my last meal for all I knew, so I decided that now would be as good as any. It was a refreshing change from the liquefied broccoli and cauliflower that I usually had. For some reason the Andalites that prepared our ship left us way more vegetables than anything else. I guess it had something to do with the whole eating grass thing, but I couldn't really complain. At least we _had_ some kind of edible food.

Anyway, after eating my jelly-tasting fruit mix I took the bathroom break, like I said I would, and then morphed to owl. I flew out the still open door and perched up on the roof of the ship.

The great thing about being an owl is that your head can turn almost all the way around if it needs to. That eliminates the need to fly around in the dead night air to get a good look at things which was more than a little relief for me. I had done copious amounts of morphing today already and I was beginning to tire out. Not to mention that I probably still had some morphing left to do…

So I sat perched up on the roof, scanning for anything unusual and trying to come up with a plan for when Crayak either got here or reveled himself. I knew that someone would have to pull the switch, so that only left one person to try and lure him into the trap. And under no circumstances was I going to put Tobias in danger before me right now, so I naturally would be the one to lure him. I'd have to be as far away as I could be when Tobias throws the switch or else I might end up looking like a piece of burnt toast. But Crayak can't have any idea what's coming until after it happens, so turning around and starting to run would be out of the question. I'll just have to hope that luck is on my side and that I make it through ok. That's all I can really do.

When I had around fifteen minutes remaining in morph, Tobias and I quickly demorphed and remorphed. And no sooner had I gotten back to being an owl before I saw something in the distance. It was just a small dust cloud at first, but as it got closer I could begin to make out the shape. All it took was a few more seconds before I figured out what it was.

_Tobias_, I called out, _I think… yeah. I think we've got company._

Tobias

We flew back in relative silence, but it was a much better silence than on the way there. We were both reinvigorated and ready to go. We'd gotten what we wanted off our chests, and now it was time to get down to business.

As the ship finally came into view, Jake was the first one to break our relative silence. _Here's what we're going to do Tobias. I'm not sure if Crayak is still in there or not. But if he is, he's probably waiting for us so he could ambush us. That's why I'm going to morph to roach and try to sneak into the ship through one of the cracks in the hull. I need you to cover me from the air, and if anything that changes let me know._

_Sounds good to me Jake, _I replied. It didn't really sound all that good. But I knew that there weren't very many alternatives. It was better than anything that I'd come up with anyway.

So I watched as Jake landed, demorphed from his seagull morph, morphed into a cockroach, and eventually found a crack to slide into. I knew that I was getting close to my time limit as well, so I perched up on the roof of the ship and quickly demorphed. Then, I started to morph into my owl.

A seagull's or hawk's eyes aren't that great in the dark, so I knew that I'd need an owl's eyes to get a good look at what was going on. And the best part of it is that an owl can look almost 360 degrees around without having to move it's body. So I wouldn't have to endlessly flap my wings in the dead night air just to get a good view of the ship.

There was one bad side to the perch method though. I couldn't see inside the open door to the ship. But that wasn't a huge problem to correct. Every now and then I swooped down off the edge of the roof and flew past the door to get a peak inside.

I checked in with Jake every now and then. Mainly to see if he was still alive or captured by Crayak. I figured that it must be hard to navigate through that mess of wires and pipes, but even so he was sure taking a long time. Eventually though, I heard some shuffling and footsteps coming from inside the previously quiet ship. _Jake_, I called out, _is that you making noise? _I didn't realize at the time that he had no way of communicating back to me without letting anything on board know as well, so I called out again. _Jake. Jake! Where are you. Are you alright?_

_Calm down Tobias, _I finally heard Jake say, _it's alright. That was me. I just couldn't say anything back because I didn't want the whole ship to hear. _I felt a little stupid afterwards and really didn't say much for a little bit afterwards

After hearing Jake rummage through the entire ship half a dozen times I finally heard him say, _Alright Tobias, I think the ship is clear._

He didn't seem too convinced himself, but with all of the searching he did and with all of the opportunities that Crayak had to attack him I think I was more convinced than he was. Either way, to try and inject some humor into the situation and relieve the tension, I replied, _Don't worry Jake_. _If he's really in there somewhere we'll still find a way to kick his butt. _I'm not sure what I expected to hear in return, but I felt like I made Jake feel a bit better even if he didn't respond. I demorphed from my owl and flew in the open door.

I perched on my familiar armrest and almost immediately asked, _Alright, what's the plan Jake?_

"First," He said after he finished demorphing out of his tiger morph, "I gotta go to the bathroom and get something to eat."

_Sounds like a plan to me_, I responded with a chuckle. It was then that I knew for sure my previous comment had some effect.

"Then," he continued, getting more serious, "since you're the only one with any sort of first-hand experience with alien technology, I figure that you should be the one who handles the wiring. I'll morph to owl to keep watch and see if Crayak decides to show up."

_No arguments from me_, I answered back. If Jake hadn't suggested that I work on the wiring I would've volunteered to do it anyway. But the wiring wasn't really the first thing on my mind at that point. _So, _I said after a short pause_, about that food…_

Both of us made a beeline for the food storage room. I'd gone without food for longer before, but I usually didn't have to go through this much while doing it. It had already been a hectic day and I had a feeling that it was only going to get worse.

But I brushed those feelings aside for now and concentrated on my food. I had learned very quickly that no matter what it said on the tube, it all pretty much tasted the same to me. So I didn't really have anything saved for a special occasion like I knew Jake had. I just grabbed the first tube that my talons landed on, fluttered over to the table, and started eating. Although I didn't have a special tube waiting for me, I did decide that this time I'd eat the whole tube instead of just half. I've been having to ration my small supply of meat almost since the day we'd left. The Andalites seemed to forget that humans eat other things besides vegetables, so I was low on meat to start with. But I had a feeling that this might be our last battle, so I forgot about the rationing part and just chowed down.

I eventually finished off the entire tube and tossed it aside. I hadn't felt this full for a long time, but the full feeling slowly slipped away as I morphed into my human self. As Jake went off to the bathroom, I went off to start working on the wiring.

I was hoping for the best, but expecting the worst as I pulled off the covering to the mainframe. When an Andalite tells you that something is very easy, it can range in difficulty anywhere from actually being really easy to having me almost rip out all my feathers in frustration. But after I finally got a good look at the wiring, I knew that I was going to be a lot closer to ripping out all my feathers than I had hoped.

There seemed to be about fifty different wires looking for a connection. Some were laid out straight, but most of them were tangled in a maze of knots. Sure, everything was color coded. But all the colors were all different shades of blue. Some were fairly easy to tell apart, but most were very close to one another. And that was just the beginning. There were a few different kinds of plugs and sockets as well. And it looked like the same shade of blue was used on different socket pairs. One pair was totally unique to itself, but the others seemed to fit into each other just fine. I knew that I had a lot of work ahead of me.

And so I began. All of the easy ones fell into place first, which left me with about thirty-five or so that seemed like they could all go in the same slot. But carefully I pressed on. Soon I was down to twenty-five, then twenty, fifteen, then down to ten. I had about five or six still left to go when I realized how long I'd been in morph. But before I could say anything though I heard Jake say, _Tobias, it's getting close to our time limit. We should both demorph and remorph._

_I was just about to tell you the same thing, _I said as I felt the changes begin. After I'd morphed back into human, I went to get a drink of water and clear out my head to refocus. No sooner had I gotten back than I heard Jake say, _Tobias_, _I think… yeah. I think we've got company._


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Note: Unfortunately, we were unable to find sponsorship for this chapter. And for that reason, this will be the last duel perspective chapter in this story. Have a nice day!

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Jake

I instantly went back into leader mode as I quickly flew back into the ship. I landed next to the control panel and hit the close door button with my beak. Then, I flapped into the middle of the room and began to demorph. Preparation was over, now it was time for some action.

"What did you see Jake?" I heard Tobias ask a fraction of a second before I was going to tell him.

_There's an Andalite coming this way_, I said as my feathers started to disappear. _Are you almost done with the wiring?_

"I just have a few more to connect," Tobias answered frantically.

_He'll be here in about three minutes judging by the rate he was going,_ I said in return, _so you need to hurry up. Do it fast, but do it right. We may not get another chance._

"I'm trying," was all that Tobias said back. He knew what was at stake just as well as I did, but sometimes a little reminder goes a long way.

I didn't really watch him since I was concentrating on my morph, but I'm sure that he was moving as fast as he could. Eventually, I heard Tobias say, "That's as close as I'm gonna get," as he quickly popped the cover back onto the computer. Then, he quickly looked back at me and said, "What's the plan Jake?"

"Here's what were going to do," I said using my newly formed mouth and vocal chords, "I need you to take off your heat shielding pants and jacket and put them on the opposite side of the ship. I'm hoping that it might possibly distract Crayak for a split second at some point. But it's mothtly thow…" My mouth always chooses the best places to start growing razor sharp teeth, doesn't it? Instead of saying something, I just pointed to the back wall with my now half human hand, but I think that Tobias was one step ahead of me. He was already rushing over before he saw me point.

After I saw him run off, I focused almost entirely on my morph so I could get my thought-speak back as soon as possible. That's right, I was morphing again. Back to the good old tiger. Call it just a natural reaction if you want, but whenever there's going to be trouble I'm much more comfortable as a tiger than I am as a weak and defenseless human. Greater senses and reaction times are usually a good thing to have.

_Like I was saying,_ I managed to say after I had gotten my thought-speak ability back, _It's mostly for you to be able to hide under the computer console. You're going to be the one who throws the switch when Crayak gets into position over the tile. That leaves me the task of luring him over to it._

"What if Crayak captures you?" Tobias said suddenly. "What if the shock doesn't work? And maybe even worse, what if it does work? I'm no expert in electricity, but we're pumping a huge amount of energy into the air. We have no idea what kind of collateral damage it'll do and what the lethal radius would be. You'll have to be far enough away so you won't get killed yourself, but you'll still have to lead Crayak there without him suspecting anything."

_Believe me__Tobias_, I said softly, _I know exactly what could end up happening to me. But there's no other way to do it. I just have to take my chances and hope for the best. Besides, we've been in worse situations before and we made it out okay, so why should this be any different?_

Tobias just stood there as if he was waiting for something more. I did have something more to say, but I wasn't sure if now was the best time to bring it up.

_Tobias_, I started tentatively while changing my tone, _if… if something goes wrong, I want you to run. Don't try and save me. You and I both know there's nothing you can do. The only way you'll be of any help to me is by staying alive to fight another day. Depending on what happens you'll have to come up with a plan of your own to get Crayak, but I'm sure that you're more than capable of doing that._

He seemed confused by my quick change in tone, but eventually he said, "Be careful Jake. Don't die on me now."

_I won't Tobias_, I said more convincingly than I really thought. I usually didn't like to look on the bad side more than I had to, but the bad side was overwhelming with this plan. I couldn't help but think that it could be the last time I'd see Tobias. But I tossed those thoughts away and focused on what needed to be done. Whatever happens happens and I'll deal with it when it comes.

Tobias gave me one last look, turned around, and headed off to hide himself under the control panel. And no sooner had he gotten settled then I heard a slight tapping on the door.

Crayak was mocking us and it made me sick. It's one thing to outright beat me and capture one of my crew, but if you have the balls to mock me afterwards then you probably won't be alive for very much longer.

I let out an angry low growl as another series of taps fell on the door.

_Doesn't anyone want to help me?_ I heard Menderash say, although I obviously knew that it wasn't really him. _I'm just a poor, helpless, dying Andalite. I need some food and water badly. Won't someone help me?_

_Open the door, Tobias, _I said with a little more than a hint of disdain in my voice.

I saw him fumble around for the button, but eventually he managed to push it. The door swung open to reveal an Andalite lying on the ground. Although he quickly got up and advanced inside the door. I let out another low, angry growl as he slowly began to get closer.

_What's a matter Jake, don't you recognize me?_ He said very mockingly. _I'm your friend. One of your pals. _And almost as an afterthought he added,_ and one of the people that you let die under your command._

I just kept my low growls and roars going without replying to him. He wanted me to respond. He wanted me to start to get angry. He wanted me to do something irrational. Well, I wasn't about to do any of that. Our plan was dependent on me keeping my cool and doing my job, and that's what I was going to do.

I watched as he almost instantly changed back to his natural form and kept slowly advancing toward me. I kept my growls coming while I slowly backed up towards the trap at the same rate.

**Well**, Crayak said in his natural booming voice, **you're not as much fun today as you were before. No matter, however. The reason I've returned here is to see if you had reconsidered my proposal. I remember telling you that I would not ask again, but after you witnessed your eventual fates firsthand I was wondering whether you've reconsidered. **

I continued my growls as I kept slowly moving backwards. I said nothing in return. I was hoping that Crayak would keep trying to ask me some questions and remain occupied for as long as he needed to be, but after a few seconds I could see that it wasn't going to work out the way I planned.

**As you have seen**, he said after a moment of silence, **I'm not very patient.**

That still got nothing from me. I had just touched our trap panel with my back paws, so I still needed more time. But I could see that he was getting ready to attack, so in an effort to buy some more time I let out a ship rattling roar in addition to my regular symphony of growls.

**What?** he said mockingly, **is the little kitty scared? Is the little kitty trying to escape? Or is the little kitty just waiting to spring his little trap?**

That fazed me for only a brief second, but it was enough for Crayak to pick up on.

**That's right**, he continued,** I know that you have a trap planned for me somewhere in this ship. I'll admit that Menderash is protecting the details fairly well, but it doesn't really matter. Nothing an Andalite or even a simple human could possibly come up with would work against me. The idea is just plain ludicrous! And I had more than a good laugh when I first found out.**

_He knows Jake! _I suddenly heard in my head_, he knows about our trap!_

_He doesn't know anything other than we have one, _I quickly responded_. Plus, we're committed to this plan anyway, so we have no choice but to keep going._

Tobias didn't say anything back, but I figured that he understood.

I was just about all the way across the panel before I heard Crayak say something that I didn't want to hear yet. **You're boring me Jake, so let's start having some fun. I believe that you're familiar with this creature already.**

And almost instantly he changed into the same Bomberian Swamp Monster that I had first seen on his ship.

This was bad. This wasn't part of my plan. I knew what he could do to me, and if it was successful, then my plan would fall apart. Almost instinctively I began to turn around and run. I didn't get a chance to take my first step though before a barrage of tentacles slapped me all over my lower back and rear end. I managed to make one somewhat strong leap to get as much distance as I could. But as I went to take a second gallop both my rear legs went numb and I crashed to the ground. I knew that both my rear legs were useless now, so I had to rely on my front ones to pull me along.

I looked back over my shoulder to see how far I'd gotten and how close Crayak was to the trapped tile. I'd made it only a few feet from the edge while Crayak had yet to set foot on the actual tile yet. He was close, but he wasn't close enough.

I thought about telling Tobias to throw the switch now, but I was still too close and Crayak was still too far. My only hope was to pull myself far enough away that Crayak would have to follow me and get onto the trapped tile. I strained all the muscles in both my front legs and began to pull myself as fast as I could.

I can only guess that Crayak changed back to his natural form shortly after, because I could hear him say, **Now that's what I call fun. And just for almost boring me to death in the beginning I'll make sure to make your absorption process as slow and painful as possible.**

At first, all I felt was more resistance with my attempt to move forward. But as the resistance grew, I began to feel an intense heat starting from the middle of my back and moving upward. That's when I knew Crayak had gotten me. It was over. My plan was done for.

But I couldn't give up. Not now. Not with Tobias watching my final moments. I had to be strong. I had to fight it! I had to give it everything I had!

I fully extended my claws and began to scratch at the metal floor. I pulled, twisted, and jerked with every ounce of strength I had in me. But it was no use. Crayak was just playing with me now. He was letting me believe, if only for a moment, that I could possibly escape by letting me pull slowly farther away. But as soon as he got bored of that he began to apply more force to pulling me back, and I could do nothing but try and slow him down.

That's when I knew I had no hope. My plan was truly finished and there was nothing I could do to save it. Unless…

That's when it hit me. I knew how to make my plan work. It was going to cost me, but the price wasn't anything that I hadn't already decided to give up by coming on this mission in the first place. If I wanted to get rid of Crayak, then I'd have to get rid of myself too.

That's why I decided to come on this mission. I needed some closure. I needed a fitting end to all I've been through. And what better way to get it then by sacrificing yourself for one last epic victory?

As I got to the edge of the trapped tile, I thrust all my claws into the small gap in between it and the next one. My body had to be touching the panel somewhere, so I was hoping that the electricity would travel through me and into Crayak via his own connection to me.

_Tobias_, I yelled with as much authority as I could, _pull the lever!_

_But Jake, _he started to respond_, you'll be…_

I didn't hear the rest as Crayak gave one hard pull to free my claws from their resting place. I let out a loud roar of pain as his pull had broken a few claws and tore at least one of them completely out. And, in addition to my claws, Crayak's beam was getting farther up my back. Now I could really feel and smell my own tiger hair begin to smolder and catch fire.

Even with all of my pain, I still managed to call out to Tobias again, _Pull the lever!_

_Jake, _I heard almost instantaneously in response_, I can't…_

But once again I let out a loud roar as what was left of my claws caught the other end of tile. The pain was immense, but I knew what I had to do. I reached out with my more broken paw, somehow finding the energy to hold myself off against Crayak with the other one, and quickly touched it onto the trapped tile.

_TOBIAS_, I screamed as loud as I could, _PULL THE LEVER!_

And just as I was about to let go there was a brilliant flash of white light.

Tobias

The moment I heard Jake say that, I knew what was coming. I frantically tried to get the remaining wires plugged in, but I knew that I had to do it right. There probably wasn't going to be a second chance…

I heard Jake fly in and close the door in the background. Then, as he began to morph, I asked him, "What did you see Jake?"

_There's an Andalite coming this way_, he said as I tried desperately to focus on the last few connections. _Are you almost done with the wiring?_

"I just have a few more to connect," I answered quickly, trying not to lose all my focus.

_He'll be here in about three minutes judging by the rate he was going,_ Jake said in return, _so you need to hurry up. Do it fast, but do it right. We may not get another chance._

"I'm trying," was all I could say back. I didn't have to be reminded what was on the line.

And so I went to work trying to match the basically identical wires to their respective basically identical slots. I'm not sure how long it really took me, but it felt like an eternity, and I knew that I didn't have much time. I finally ended up just plugging all but one of the remaining wires into random slots because I knew that I could be there for days if I didn't do something.

"That's as close as I'm gonna get," I said quickly as I popped the cover back onto the computer. Then, I quickly gazed over at Jake and asked the question that had been bothering me for some time now, "What's the plan Jake?"

"Here's what were going to do," he said, adopting his familiar leaderly tone, "I need you to take off your heat shielding pants and jacket and put them on the opposite side of the ship. I'm hoping that it might possibly distract Crayak for a split second at some point. But it's mothtly thow…"

I hadn't really noticed before, but Jake was beginning to morph once again. I didn't wait for further instructions because I knew that I didn't have time to wait. Crayak was getting closer by the second and now I had some free time to use until Jake got his thought-speak ability back.

I quickly took my jacket and pants and spread them out against the wall on the back of the ship. I didn't think that it would be much of a distraction for Crayak, but I trusted Jake enough to listen to him. He'd gotten us through worse by stranger means before…

After I finished that, I started to go back over to where I was before, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard Jake say, _Like I was saying,_ _it's mostly for you to be able to hide under the computer console. You're going to be the one who throws the switch when Crayak gets into position over the tile. That leaves me the task of luring him over to it._

"What if Crayak captures you?" I said suddenly. I trusted Jake and his plan, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't give some criticism on it as well. There were just so many unknowns and possible things that could go wrong. I'm sure that he'd probably thought of most of them by now, but I still needed to get my own concerns out of my system. It's one of the ways I've found over the past few hours that would help me to let out my emotions.

"What if the shock doesn't work?" I continued. "And maybe even worse, what if it does work? I'm no expert in electricity, but we're pumping a huge amount of energy into the air. We have no idea what kind of collateral damage it'll do and what the lethal radius would be. You'll have to be far enough away so you won't get killed yourself, but you'll still have to lead Crayak there without him suspecting anything."

_Believe me__Tobias_, Jake said very convincingly, _I know exactly what could end up happening to me. But there's no other way to do it. I just have to take my chances and hope for the best. Besides, we've been in worse situations before and we made it out okay, so why should this be any different?_

I hesitated for a bit. There were so many what ifs going through my mind. What if Jake couldn't lure him over? What if the shock kills Jake as well? What if he gets captured and Crayak starts going after me...

I stood there for what felt like a very long time. I guess Jake thought that he needed to say something else, because he began speaking again.

_Tobias_, he started tentatively with a drastic change in his tone, _if… if something goes wrong, I want you to run. Don't try and save me. You and I both know there's nothing you can do. The only way you'll be of any help to me is by staying alive to fight another day. Depending on what happens you'll have to come up with a plan of your own to get Crayak, but I'm sure that you're more than capable of doing that._

I was sort of shocked by what he said, but I knew that every word was the truth. And for Jake to come out and actually say things like that meant that it had to be very important to him, even though I didn't think I could actually do something like that to Jake.

I knew we were running out of time, so to try and move things along I finally said in response, "Be careful Jake. Don't die on me now." Even though I didn't like it, I knew that his plan had a chance of working and it was the only option we had left.

_I won't Tobias_, he replied sounding very convinced. But he wasn't going to fool me. I knew that he was just as scared, if not more scared, about his plan than I was. He understood everything perfectly and was willing to do what needed to be done. It's times like these where I wish I could be more like him. We'd grown something special between us this past week or so that we never had before. We were always friends, but now, being the two remaining survivors of the original Animorphs on this planet, we'd become more attached than ever. I didn't think that I could pull the lever if Jake's life was in any real danger. But if Jake was willing to put everything on the line, than I should too. And Jake's life was one of the only things that I still had control over that I could put on the line.

I gave Jake one last look, turned around, and headed off to hide next to the lever for the trap under control panel. And no sooner had I gotten situated then I heard someone tapping on the door.

Crayak was mocking us; torturing us if you want to see it like that. There was no way that we'd fall for that again, but I don't think that he intended us to. He was just simply reminding us what we had done in the past. Bringing up painful memories of one of our biggest mistakes. He wanted to fill us with all the emotion we had felt when he revealed himself and hope that it might possibly blind us with rage. But that wasn't going to happen. At least not to me. I had learned first hand what stored emotions could do, so I worked harder than ever to keep all of them from coming back and to focus on what needed to be done.

Jake let out a low growl, since he was now fully a tiger, as another series of taps fell on the door.

_Doesn't anyone want to help me?_ I heard Menderash say, although I obviously knew that it wasn't really him. _I'm just a poor, helpless, dying Andalite. I need some food and water badly. Won't someone help me?_

_Open the door, Tobias, _Jake said with a little more than a hint of disdain in his voice.

I quickly fumbled around for the button. I had an idea where it was, but not being able to see it from underneath the console was more of a hindrance than I had thought. Eventually though, I managed to locate it and push it. Thank God that is was close enough to the trap lever for me to reach without switching my position.

The door immediately swung open. I couldn't see what was out there from my angle, but from Jake's growls I figured I knew what it was. He let out another loud low growl as Menderash slowly walked through the door and began to advance towards Jake. I knew that it couldn't be the real Menderash, however low of a chance it actually might have been, since he kept all four eyes pointed forward. I had never seen Menderash or any other real Andalite be so careless before. I was safe in my hiding place as long as he didn't look back. And thanks to Jake's continued growls and slow retreat towards the trap, he kept all of Crayak's attention on him.

_What's a matter Jake,_ Crayak said very suddenly and mockingly,_ don't you recognize me?_ I'm not sure why he was broadcasting in open thought-speak, but I knew that it probably wasn't an accident. It was probably an attempt to lure me out of my hiding place, but I wasn't going anywhere. After everything I've been through I'd hope that I had enough discipline to stay in place until I was needed.

_I'm your friend, _Crayak continued_. One of your pals. And one of the people that you let die under your command._

I thought that Jake might lose it for a second there, but he kept his slowly retreating pace and constant growls going without missing a beat. I wanted to call out and say something to him; good job or keep at it or something like that, but he needed to concentrate now and that would only get in his way.

Not getting the reaction that he'd wanted from Jake, Crayak changed back into his regular form almost instantaneously. Jake, once again, never as much as flinched.

**Well**, Crayak said in his natural booming voice that I've come to know and despise, **you're not as much fun today as you were before. No matter, however. The reason I've returned here is to see if you had reconsidered my proposal. I remember telling you that I would not ask again, but after you witnessed your eventual fates firsthand I was wondering whether you've reconsidered. **

Jake just continued doing what he'd been doing the whole time; taking small steps backward and keeping a constant low growl going. I knew that he was stalling for time, but I couldn't help but feel that he'd be able to get more time if he tried to communicate back to Crayak. But this was Jake and he knew what he was doing, so I just continued to feel helpless and watch.

**As you have seen**, Crayak said after a moment of silence between them, **I'm not very patient.**

No change from Jake. Now things were getting critical. I could see Crayak was losing his patience rather quickly. Just as he looked like he was about to start an attack, Jake let out a loud roar to distract him for just a moment more. I could see that Jake had managed to get onto the trap panel himself, so it was only a short matter of time before Crayak was in position. But now, he seemed more annoyed than before.

**What?** he said mockingly, **is the little kitty scared? Is the little kitty trying to escape? Or is the little kitty just waiting to spring his little trap?**

I had to have let out a small gasp. Menderash hadn't been able to hold on. Crayak had gotten to him. He knew everything. Our trap was done for. We were all done for.

**That's right**, he continued,** I know that you have a trap planned for me somewhere in this ship. I'll admit that Menderash is protecting the details fairly well, but it doesn't really matter. Nothing an Andalite or even a simple human could possibly come up with would work against me. The idea is just plain ludicrous! And I had more than a good laugh when I first found out.**

_He knows Jake! _I said suddenly and franticly without really thinking_, he knows about our trap!_

_He doesn't know anything other than we have one, _Jake quickly responded in a tone that almost instantly calmed me down_. Plus, we're committed to this plan anyway, so we have no choice but to keep going._

I didn't really have anything to say in return, but I knew that he was right. Without the details he had no way of knowing what was really coming and therefore no way to prepare. Although the part about no trap working on him had me more than a little concerned, but it was too late for that now. We had what we had and we had to go with it. We'll worry about what happens if it doesn't work when it doesn't work.

By now Jake had managed to get across the panel, but I couldn't tell if Crayak was in place or not yet. And that's when I heard Crayak say something that I knew couldn't be good.

**You're boring me Jake, so let's start having some fun. I believe that you're familiar with this creature already.**

And almost instantly he changed into this weird creature that looked like it had hundreds of tentacles. I didn't know what Crayak meant about Jake being familiar with it, but Jake sure did. Almost as soon as Crayak finished changing, Jake began to lose his composure. He tried to turn around and run, but he didn't get a chance to take a step before a barrage of tentacles slapped him all over his rear end.

He managed to take one somewhat strong leap and got a short distance more between himself and Crayak. But as he went to take a second spring to start running it looked like both his rear legs stopped working and he tumbled to the ground. I had no idea what Crayak had done to him, but I did know one thing. We were in serious trouble.

Both Jake's rear legs seemed useless now, so he struggled to pull himself along weakly with his front paws. Crayak just seemed to stare and enjoy seeing a big and powerful tiger having to resort to this pathetic last attempt to try and get away.

I wanted to spring up and draw Crayak's attention to me so that Jake could get away, but something deep down inside told me that it would just make things worse. And, if I did that, there would be no one to throw the switch and Crayak would move towards me and away from the trap. I knew that I needed to stay hidden, but it was almost unbearable to stay hidden and helpless while your best friend was so close to dying.

But Jake was still making progress, however slowly, towards his goal. It looked to me like Crayak had stepped onto the tile, but I knew that the only way I could flip the switch was if I got the okay from Jake. He was the one in real danger and the farther away he got from the blast site the better.

After watching Jake struggle along for a little bit, Crayak changed back to his normal form and said, **Now that's what I call fun. **He was enjoying every minute watching Jake struggle along like some sadistic psycho killer. **And just for almost boring me to death in the beginning I'll make sure to make your absorption process as slow and painful as possible.**

And that's when Crayak finally shot out one of his energy beams and, at first, only caught Jake's tail. But as Crayak slowly moved up Jake's body, Jake started to lose momentum. I'm not sure if Crayak was playing with him or if Jake was really pulling away from him, but either way Jake finally came to a stop with about one-sixth of his lower body already starting to be absorbed by Crayak.

And it wasn't a pretty sight either. The closer a live portion of Jake's body got to the edge of the beam, the more damage it seemed to cause. The first indication of some effect started to happen about three feet away from the very edge of the beam. That was where the tiger's fur began to start smoking and smoldering from all the heat. A foot closer to the beam and the fur was spontaneously catching on fire, charring Jake's skin in the process. And what wasn't charred by the burning fur was practically melted away any closer to the beam. It was horrific to look at and it must have been the most excruciating pain Jake had ever felt, but he kept trying, however in vain it actually was, to either get free or to resist being pulled back.

He fully extended his claws and began to scratch at the metal floor. There was a loud screeching sound as Crayak began to pull him in closer. I'm not sure if I called something out to Jake or not, but even if I did I don't think he heard me.

Things had gone from bad to worse. Now I knew that there was no hope of rescuing our plan. I hadn't pulled the switch when I had the chance and now Crayak had Jake just where he wanted him. And there was nothing I could do to save him.

I knew what Jake wanted me to do, and I also knew inside what I had to do, but I just couldn't leave Jake. He hadn't abandoned me when I was being tortured, so how could I find it within myself to abandon him? The problem was that I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do. I had been trying to come up with a plan if something like this happened ever since I saw Menderash being absorbed, but I still hadn't come up with anything. I wasn't going to leave Jake like this, but I needed a stroke of genius to come up with something in time. I won't deny that I'm a smarter than the average kid, but I was nowhere near as smart as I needed to be right now.

I quickly focused my attention back to Jake as it looked like he had gotten to the edge of the trapped tile. I couldn't come up with a plan, so the least I could do was to stick with Jake until the very end. Then, I'd wait for Crayak to leave before coming out and taking it from there. I'm sure that Jake would've done the same for me had our roles been reversed. But no sooner had he grabbed a hold of the gap in between the panels than I heard him yell out, _Tobias_, _pull the lever!_

Instantly I knew what his plan was. I knew what he wanted me to do. And I knew that it was the only chance we had left to possibly take Crayak down. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't.

_But Jake, _I started to respond_, you'll be…_

I didn't get a chance to finish the rest as Crayak gave Jake a hard pull and popped his claws free of their holding places.

I got up from my hiding place after that. I really don't have an explanation why. It was just my body reacting on its own again. But I wasn't about to give away my position or anything like that since Crayak was more than preoccupied with Jake to notice me.

I saw Jake continue to get dragged along as he shouted out again, with some added pain this time, _Pull the lever!_

_Jake, _I said almost instantaneously in response_, I can't…_

But once again I was interrupted by a loud roar as Jake had caught the other end of the tile with what was left of his claws. I saw him struggle to get one paw free and place it just on the very edge of the trap panel.

_TOBIAS_, Jake screamed with more authority than I'd ever heard in the past, _PULL THE LEVER!_

And with that my body turned almost involuntarily and immediately pulled the trap lever down.

There was a brilliant flash of white light.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

The first thing that I remember when I regained consciousness was the intense pain all over my body. It was like my whole body was on fire. But it couldn't be because along with the intense burning sensation I also felt very cold. It really felt like I was on fire in a giant bucket of ice. But even though my brain wasn't quite working as it should yet, it was working enough to know that something like that couldn't be happening.

I tried to move, but the pain seemed to intensify just by thinking about it. So I just laid there, on my back, trying not to move, and trying to deal with the tremendous pain while my brain started to figure out what happened.

But in order to do that, it needed to know where I was. I tried to open my eyes to take a look, but the pain in my eyelids was excruciating. I fought past it however, and eventually got them to open. Or, at least I thought I did.

When I finally managed to get my eyelids open, I still couldn't see anything. Everything was totally black. I tried to listen carefully to see if my ears were still any good, but all I heard was a dull ring. They were gone too.

By now, my brain had started to come up with something. The last thing that I remembered before I woke up like this was a huge blast complete with blinding light and deafening sound. The light must have burned out the retinas in my eyes and the sound must have blown out my ear drums, but where did the blast come from?

I knew that I had to do something. I couldn't just lay here like this for the rest of my life.

I focused my slowly recovering brain even more on putting together all the details and finding out what happened. That way, if I knew what happened, it might give me an idea of what to do about it now.

As I tried to push through the cloudiness of my brain, several details began to slowly come back to me.

I remembered an intruder. Someone had come into our…our…ship! We were on another planet. We came out here to rescue Ax. Did something go wrong?

Yes! The intruder was Crayak. He'd absorbed Ax. We went out to get him…but… No. He came to us. The trap! The big bolt of electricity! That's what fried me and my senses. I was in morph to…

Oh no! How long had I been in morph?!? I couldn't be stuck like this for the rest of my life! I couldn't have been out for more than two hours, could I?!?

I brushed everything else from my mind and frantically tried to focus on my natural self. And, after a short delay which scared me more than I think anything ever had before, I felt the all-to-familiar changes come. It had to be the greatest relief of my life. In a few short moments I wasn't going to be paralyzed with pain, and I would be able to see and hear just fine. The changes couldn't come fast enough.

The pain increased for a short time when the changes first started, but after a few moments I could feel it lessen and start to numb. My hearing came back to me first, but it wasn't much use to me since there was nothing interesting to really listen to. What I really needed were my eyes. They'd tell me exactly what I needed to know.

I didn't have to wait too long before I got my wish. Very blurry and watery at first, but as my visual cortex changed to accommodate my new set of eyes, everything eventually came into focus.

I nodded my head forward to get a look at myself first, and my legs immediately caught my attention. The rest of my body had almost finished changing, but both my legs were still almost completely unchanged. And now I could see why it hurt so much to move. I didn't really have much skin left.

All the hair I had was gone; vaporized within the intense heat of the blast no doubt. And the parts of my legs that were facing the blast were almost completely black with only some small, blood red cracks running across the surface. The parts of my legs which weren't facing the blast looked even worse, although in reality they probably had less damage done to them. They were blood red. Dark, dark, blood red. It looked like someone had peeled off my epidermis and left only the living part of my skin showing, which probably wasn't too far from the truth. But it wasn't just a solid piece of dark red skin. All along the entire length of the back of my legs there were blisters. Some were very minor but most of them were very large and extremely painful. And the worst part was that some of them had opened up and spewed their contents all over the floor and the back of my legs. I couldn't imagine being stuck like that for the rest of my life, however short it really was going to be. Slowly but surely though, and to my great relief, that pair of legs disappeared and was replaced with a brand new, slightly different pair. And, due to the magic of the morphing process, my old legs would be good as new the next time I needed them.

After staring at my legs in disbelief for a short time, I managed to get back up on my feet and take a good look around the ship.

Everything was covered with a layer of black. The only parts of the wall that were immune were those which were hidden behind something like a chair. This left an eerie silhouette on the wall in a few spots. All the equipment I still managed to make out was scattered around the entire ship, and it had the look as if it tried to melt, but the heat wasn't on for long enough. It left the various computer terminals and such looking a little droopy and lopsided.

I continued to take a long and detailed look around until my gaze shortly fell upon a gigantic melted hole in the floor and ceiling. By now my brain was working like it should and I knew exactly where that hole had come from. That was our trap. And the blast was far greater than I had originally thought it would be. I knew that it would be big, but I had no idea that it would start to melt the computers on the other side of the room.

The huge holes in the ceiling and floor were almost identical except for the drips of frozen metal hanging down from the ceiling hole. They were both about fifteen feet in diameter in an almost perfect circle. I could see a few of the wires I had helped set up still dangling from the ceiling with their connecting ends vaporized and all of the insulating plastic melted off. At least one of them still had some energy left in it as I could see smoke rising from the bubbling plastic goo around it. The bottom part of our trap was smoldering as well as the still hot metal was burning into the ground.

As my mind snapped back from the awe inspiring site, there was only one thing I wanted to know. Did we get Crayak?

I searched around the perimeter of the gap, but there was nothing to be found except some recently melted metal.. I expanded my search to a wider area, but still there was no sign of Crayak. After searching for some sign of him for a few more minutes, I decided to give up the search since I really didn't know what I was looking for. I didn't know what Crayak would look like dead anymore than I knew anything else about him. But as I gave one last sweep across the area something caught my eye. It originally looked like it was just another small pile of charred debris, but upon closer inspection it seemed just a tad lighter in color than everything else. I had to focus hard on it before I finally realized that there was only one thing it could be. The fried remains of a tiger.

I fluttered up to a near by toasted chair to get a better look, but when I turned to look back I saw someone standing over the pile. It didn't take me long to figure out who it was, but I was so in shock that I couldn't even move.

It was Jake! That pile of carbon wasn't him after all. He'd made it out okay!

I didn't know what to say to him. How did he survive? Where had he been all of this time all this time? How could he just show up like that?

But it wasn't long until Jake made the first move. Without even looking up from the small charred pile he said out loud, "You know, there were _a lot_ of ways that I'd thought I'd eventually end up going, but this wasn't even on the list"

Jake's sentence dove me even further into shock. I couldn't even manage to say anything intelligent in thought-speak I was so far gone. _Jake, you're… you're…_was all that I could get out. But I think that Jake knew what I was trying to say.

"That's right," he said way too joyously, "I'm a real life ghost. Kinda cool, huh?" After a slight pause, he raised his hands and started to shake them around while playfully adding, "BOO!"

This wasn't like Jake at all. He seemed so...so happy; so carefree. It was almost as if everything that happened over the past few years had been erased from his memory. But it couldn't have been since he still remembered all the different ways that he thought he might die. And he didn't just come up with them all one day. They were probably accumulated over all his past experiences, which meant that he must still remember everything. Then why did he seem so happy?

Around this time my mind began to slowly come out of shock enough for me to ask, _you… you seem happy. _I didn't get a chance to finish before Jake interrupted me.

"Yeah," he said, still not wavering from his joyous tone, "where I am now can do that to you. Heaven, Nirvana, Valhalla, or whatever else you want to call it is a great place. I can't really go into any more detail because you wouldn't understand unless you've been there, but if it's good enough to turn my mood around then you probably already have a pretty good idea of what it's like."

_So if it's really that good_, I said finally getting enough composure to finish complete sentences, _why are you here?_

"Well," he started off, "two reasons really. The first reason is that I have another message for you to pass along. I'd go myself, but I'm bogged down by all these rules of this whole ghost thing. I only get one ghost appearance every now and then and I'm using mine up now. But anyway, like I was saying, the message."

"I've had a lot of time to think and to go over my life detail by detail. Time flows very strangely in the afterlife, or AL as we call it there. Anyway, I was trying to see if I left anything undone; if I had forgotten to put something back in it's place; if I hadn't righted some wrong that I'd done. And, besides what I want you to say to Cassie and Ronnie, there was one other big thing that consistently kept popping up. I had never really apologized to Erek and the rest of the Chee for what I forced them to do during our final battle back on Earth. Up until… well… probably about half an hour ago in your sense of time I still didn't think he deserved an apology after trying to power down our ships weapons. But with all my time to think, and after getting free of everything that was still hanging on my shoulders, I managed to look at what he did from an angle that I never was able to see before. I couldn't blame him for doing what he did since that was what he was programmed to do. I realized that the result of what happened was mostly my own fault for not realizing that in the first place and doing something to prevent it. So I couldn't put any blame on him for just doing what he's programmed to do. And, therefore, since his part of the equation was taken out, I feel that I truly now owe him an apology."

"But it's not just because of that I wanted to apologize. I've been wanting to ever since it happened, but for one reason or another I never did. I really did feel bad about having to use someone like that. I can't imagine how I would feel if I was taken advantage of like that by someone I once trusted, but I did what I had to do to defeat the Yeerks. I don't want Erek to forgive me if he doesn't want to, I just want him to understand my point of view and why I needed to use him like I did. That's all that I can ask."

He grew quiet for a second as if he was thinking of something more to say, but eventually he said with a small chuckle, "You can sum all that up a bit and take out all the unnecessary stuff. I don't expect you to remember every word."

I still hadn't moved or taken my gaze off of Jake since I first saw him. I was still trying to process everything that had happened in the past six hours or so and my brain wasn't quite caught up yet. But, after a short pause in our conversation, I eventually managed to say, _Alright Jake. It's the least I could do._

"Thanks Tobias," he added with more cheerfulness than I'd probably ever heard out of him before, "I knew I could count on you."

There was another small pause in our conversation before I managed to say, _So, what was the second reason you came here for?_

"Why, it's the most important reason of all," he added while bordering on the edge of sarcasm. "Even if there are really only two reasons to begin with," he added comically.

"Anyway," he began, "the second reason I'm came here was to be the first one to say thank you to the guy who saved not only this universe, but every other universe out there as well. I'll be honest with you for a sec. I've done some pretty cool things with my life, but I never even came close to saving our entire universe, much less all of them. But you did. You really did it! You were able to defeat Crayak. You managed to save billions of races, most of which your mind can't even comprehend exist. You're probably the greatest hero of all time!"

_Me_? I busted out in response, _I barely did anything. If anyone deserves the credit it should be you. You sacrificed yourself to get Crayak into position, and all I did was pull a lever._

"You're right," he said as if he was expecting me to say that, "but here's the thing. If our roles were reversed, I know that you would've done the same thing that I did in a heartbeat. But I know for a fact that I could've never thrown that switch knowing what was going to happen to you. And that's what makes you more of a hero than me. That's a level of strength that I could only dream of having myself after all that's happened since we first saw the blade ship."

_But I didn't really mean to pull the lever_, I said weakly in response, _it just sort of happened._

"It doesn't really matter how or why it happened," Jake said with his tone growing slightly more excited by the minute, "all that matters is that it _did_ happen and everything worked out like it was supposed to."

_But what about you?_ I almost screamed out in response, _you're dead! When am I going to see you again? When am I going to be able to talk to you again? We've grown something between us that we've never had before this mission. And now, it's all over! Who am I going to turn to now? Who'll be there when I need somebody? First, Rachel was gone. Then, Ax left and was captured. And now, you're dead as well._

"Nothing in either of our lives has ever been easy," Jake said starting to show some other emotions for the first time, "but you still have people who you can turn to. Toby is still alive back on Earth and so is Cassie just to name a few. But don't worry about me. I'm doing fine where I am and I'll always be with you when you need me. And once your time comes we'll see each other again and it'll be as if nothing has changed."

I did feel a little better after Jake's short speech, but I still wasn't feeling all that great. I mean, how are you supposed to feel after you've just learned one of your best friends just died and come back a few minutes later as a ghost? But I didn't have much time to think about it more as Jake began speaking again.

"Tobias, my time is almost up. Don't forget to deliver those messages and take care of yourself buddy. I'll see you again when the time comes."

_No_, I shouted out in response as Jake slowly began to fade away into thin air, _don't go yet Jake._

"Trust me Tobias," he said bringing back his happier tone, "I would like nothing more than to stay here. But the rules are the rules and I have to follow them. Plus, I think there's someone else who wants to talk to you…"

As soon as Jake uttered those last few words, whatever was left of him instantly vanished into thin air leaving another person in the exact same spot he'd been standing.

She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Even in my own memories of her she'd never looked this good. And now, she was only about twenty feet away from me, staring straight at me with a great big smile on her face.

_Rachel!_ I yelled out loud not really meaning to. I instantly took flight and made a beeline directly for her. It had been so long and there was so much that I wanted to say. But most of all I just wanted to hold her. I needed to know that we still both cared for each other after all this time.

Her reaction confused me at first. Her smile turned into more of a grin as she held out her arm for me to land on as she'd done so many times before. I flapped over as quickly as I could and once I had made it over I began my landing procedure. Rachel's reaction remained unchanged and I'd soon find out why. Just as I was about to finally touch her skin for the first time in years, I realized what was wrong. She was a ghost, and ghosts aren't made of anything solid. I realized that a moment too late though as my talons went directly through her arm making me lose my balance and flutter clumsily to the floor. But it would take more than me making an idiot out of myself to make me lose any more time with Rachel. There was so much that I wanted to say. So much I wanted to do. So much that I needed to hear and feel and see.

After I made sure that I was indeed on solid ground again I quickly began to morph into my human self. I wanted to do a lot of things at that moment, and a lot of them weren't possible as a hawk. But the one thing that I could still do as a hawk was talk to her.

As Rachel bent down to my level of sight, everything quickly tried to get out of my mind at once. This created a gigantic log jam in my brain and I was only able to get out, _Rachel! I… I… I… _I must have sounded like a blubbering idiot, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. So many things trying to come out at once just wasn't going to work. And there was nothing I could do to hold myself back while Rachel was only a foot away from me after all of these years.

But then she decided to remind me why it is that I love her so much. Without me have to say anything more, she already knew everything that I wanted to say.

"I know Tobias," she said while a tear strolled down her cheek. She left a small pause for me to comprehend what she was saying and then added, "me too." We didn't need words. We both knew what the other one was trying to say and how they felt. It was enough for us just to stare into each others eyes as I watched the tears of joy slowly stream down her cheek.

She put a hand on top of my still forming head and tried to stroke down the back of my neck just as she'd always done before, but all I could feel was a cold chill. Still, it didn't really matter what it felt like, it just mattered that it was coming from Rachel. I let her pet me all the way until I was almost fully human while I just continued to stare into her eyes. If I couldn't say anything then the least I could do was make an everlasting impression of this moment in my mind. This might be the last time I ever see Rachel for who knows how long, so I was going to do everything in my power to make it last.

When I was almost fully human my mind finally decided to let something else slip through the clogged mess of my thoughts.

"I've missed you," was all that came out, but it spoke volumes. I shifted onto my knees and tried to give Rachel a hug, but as I squeezed my arms went right through her back and out her stomach. Feeling a bit awkward, I held my arms up where they should be as Rachel did the same.

"I've missed you too Tobias," Rachel said into my ear, "but I've always been right there with you and I'll continue to be for as long as I need to. I'd never leave you all alone."

I don't know exactly why, but I was a little shaken by her response. She'd seen everything? Did that include what happened a few days ago? What did she think of me know? Would she still love me? I had to know.

"You've been with me through everything?" I said with some obvious anxiety in my voice.

"Everything," was all she said in response. It was clear that she wanted to tell me something, but it was even clearer that she wanted me to ask the right question.

"So," I began while the level of anxiety in my voice continued to grow "you saw what I did during our attack on Crayak's ship?"

I slowly pulled away from here to try and gage her facial expression, but she just kept wearing the same smile she'd had ever since she first showed up. She nodded in response to my question, and, in a slightly lower voice, she said, "Yeah." I didn't know why she just wouldn't come out and say what she wanted to, but I could tell that she had something she really wanted to say. I just had to ask the right question.

"Um," I said a little confused about how everything was unfolding. I took a second to choose my question carefully and ask the most important question I could come up with.

"Do you still love me after what I did?"

It seemed like everything Rachel had been holding back began to erupt at once. In a fury of words, she said rapidly, "Of course I still do Tobias. We all make mistakes and lose control of ourselves sometimes. I was proof of that. But just because you lost it once doesn't mean that I'd care any less for you. Infact, I probably care more about you now knowing that even you're not immune to things like that. It makes it easier for me to forgive myself for all the things that I ended up doing. If I know that this sort of thing happens to everyone the I can tell myself that I'm not some sort of nut."

She took a pause to catch her breath and my mind took it's time to digest what she had said. It made me feel better, no question. But I didn't think that Rachel would be so understanding and compassionate in her answer, so I still felt a bit of remorse.

"But I… I…," I tried to say.

"Tobias," Rachel said cutting me off in a much calmer voice than before, "I still love you just as much as ever. It'll take more than one silly screw-up like that to make me think different about you. What happened happened and there's nothing you can do about it. You can only try and learn something from it to keep it from happening again."

I pulled myself back into a pseudo-hug with her and said, "You got that from Jake, didn't you?"

"As if!" she replied loudly, "more like he got it from me."

I let a smile escape me for the first time in ages. Good old Rachel.

She paused for a second before saying, "I'm sorry that I had to force you to ask me, but I had to follow the rules. I couldn't tell you anything unless you asked."

"It's okay," was all I had to say in response.

We sat there for a few moments just enjoying each other's presence like before until Rachel broke the silence. "Tobias, my time is running out and there's one more thing that I want to tell you."

I recoiled a bit when I ultimately realized that Rachel would have to leave, but I quickly caught myself and responded, "And what would that be?"

"I just wanted to be the second person to say thank you. I'm so proud of you! You saved more than you could ever imagine by throwing that switch!"

"But," I said interrupting her, "that's all I did, flip a switch. If anyone deserves the credit it would be Jake. He gave his life to take down Crayak and I'm still here as alive as ever."

"Weren't you listening to what Jake said?" Rachel responded. "Without you doing what you did, Crayak would've won. Jake himself said that he couldn't have done what you did and I don't know anyone else who could've either, including me. You haven't realized it yet, but you're probably the greatest hero that's ever lived. And I'm proud to be the second one to thank you for what you've done."

And, before I had a chance to respond to her, I heard a different voice that rung inside my head. I knew who it was instantly, but my mind wouldn't believe it until I actually saw him.

_Let me then be the third to thank you Tobias._ I quickly turned around to stare at none other than Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, my father.

"Elfangor!" I quickly yelled out in shock. But I didn't get a chance to think much more about it before I heard a different, yet still familiar voice.

_Then I will be the fourth. Thank you Tobias._ Right next to Elfangor there appeared a very similar, except still slightly smaller Andalite.

"Ax!?!" I yelled out similar to before. But, once again, a new voice took my attention away.

"Hey bird boy…, nice going back there." I spun around to see Marco standing there with his trademark grin on his face.

"Nice going Tobias," Santorelli said appearing out of thin air.

"Nice job Tobias," Jeanne said with a small giggle in the beginning.

"Knaht uoy Tobias," I heard some Vanderschput said.

And so they all started to appear and then slowly fade away. There were a few more that I recognized right away; another human or two, a few more Vanderschput, a Hork-Bajir, and even the tentacle monster that paralyzed Jake. But most of them I couldn't recognize and there were even less of them that I could understand. They all must have been either trapped within Crayak or effected by him in some way since most of them (well, the ones that I could read the expressions off of anyway) seemed incredibly happy when they delivered their message. I didn't understand exactly what most of the creatures said, but I figured that it must be some form of gratitude. They came to thank me just as Rachel and Jake had, but I still felt that I really didn't deserve any of it.

After a few moments, the last of the creatures disappeared leaving me and Rachel alone once again. I looked up at here with the same confused and shocked face that I'd been wearing ever since I heard Elfangor's voice. I tired to say something, anything, but nothing would come out. But Rachel decided to make the first move.

"Tobias, my time is up. I have to go. Take care of yourself. I'll always be with you no matter what."

"No Rachel!" I screamed out painfully, "don't go!"

"I have to Tobias," she said in response while starting to slowly fade away into nothingness.

"No! Don't!" I managed to say before she completely vanished into thin air with a single tear starting down her cheek. But it was too late. Rachel was gone.

I'm not sure how long I cried. It didn't seem too long, but it was long enough to remember all the other things that I had forgotten to ask or say to her. They all slowly started coming back to me now and with each one I cried just a little bit more.

When I finally ran out of things I should've done I slowly began to get a hold of myself. I lifted my head out of my arms to see a wizard-looking person standing not far from where I was sitting. I didn't have to think twice who it might be, I already knew.

All my lingering sadness quickly turned into anger as I quickly got up and stormed over to where he was standing. "You!" I said almost scaring myself by the way it came out, "I knew you were behind this!" The Elimist's expression didn't change at all as I continued to scream at him.

"Bring them back!" I said as authoritatively as I could, "Bring them back now! Crayak's gone so there's no more rules you have to follow. Bring them back. Just please, bring them back. Bring them back, please!" Before I finished yelling my anger slowly turned back into sadness making my last line seem more of a plea than an order. I felt the tears begin to come again as the Elimist finally decided to give me a response.

**Tobias**, he said in his natural grand voice that reverberated throughout the ship, **what you just witnessed was none of my doing.**

"It had to be you," I said back while still continuing to sob, "who else could it have been?"

**I'm not entirely certain**, he said in response, **but I would be led to believe that it was your friends who made the decision to appear before you, not me.**

"Well," I said finally ending my sobs, "then just bring them back. I still have things that I need to tell them."

**I regret to inform you that I cannot do as you have requested**, he said as my heart sank even lower than it already was.

"But," I started up once again, "You're the Elimist. You have control over everything. And now that Crayak's gone you have no more rules to follow. You can do whatever you want."

I managed to see him crack a smile (or, at least I thought he did) under his mess of facial hair for just a split second before he began to speak again.

**I am not as all powerful as I seem from your vantage point Tobias. There are things which even I still don't understand and there are even some things which I have no hope of ever understanding. And the afterlife would constitute as something I have no hope of ever understanding. A few short moments after the death I still have control over what can happen, but after that the soul is lost to me. I've been trying to find a way to access the deceased for a very long time now, but to no avail. And that is why I can honestly say that I am very sorry. I sincerely wish that I could do as you ask, but I haven't the knowledge. **

**And just because Crayak is gone doesn't mean that there are no more rules. Crayak was not the only one of his kind; there are others. And, as we speak, new rules are being formed between them and I. You can never defeat evil in this universe or any other one for that matter. Even though you have dealt it a great blow, it will never leave.**

I just sat there for a second trying to absorb what he was telling me. I had gone through so much in the past few hours that I was just about ready to drop dead from all the mental exhaustion, but I knew that this was no time to give up being so close to the end.

I guess he sensed my feelings since he said, **I truly wish that there could be some way I can repay you for your great deed before the new rules are set into place. Is there anything that you would desire?**

I'm sure that he already knew what I was going to ask, but I was just as sure that he wanted me to ask it anyway. "There's nothing you can do to bring back anyone for any period of time, even just as they were just now?"

**I am truly sorry for the first time in a great while,** he said while his wizard-like face changed to show some real sorrow and sympathy, **but that I simply cannot do.**

I thought about it for a moment before I finally said, "Well then, take me home."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Note: I've decided that this chapter was going to end up being**_ FAR_** too long to exist as one chapter, so I'm going to split it into five different ones in order to end on a somewhat nice number of chapters, 35.

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Tobias

And just like that I was back on earth, soaring over the treetops in my natural hawk form as if nothing had happened at all. It took me a second or so to regain my composure after instantly popping into the sky, but I eventually pulled myself together enough to try and figure out where I was exactly. It didn't take me long since I knew this part of the woods very well, even if I hadn't been back here for a few years.

I looked over to my left and sure enough there it was, my first real meadow. I was tempted to go and take a good look at it, but I knew that some other bird of prey had long since claimed it. And since birds of prey usually don't take unexpected visits from other birds of prey too well, I just continued to stare at it from a safe distance.

It looked almost exactly as I had left it except for a bunch of new bushes at the far end. That could only mean that there would be more prey, on top of the usual fair amount, for whatever lucky bird claimed that meadow as it's territory. What small fuzzy mammal could resist a cozy little shrub to make its home in with a nice big meadow to gather food right next door?

Just thinking about prey was making me incredibly hungry. It had to be more than six months or so (we honestly lost count on the ship) since I'd eaten a nice, big, and juicy earth mammal, but as my mouth began to water (figuratively of course) a second thought crossed my mind.

The Elimist had put me in the wrong place. This wasn't my home anymore. I lived in Yellowstone with Toby and the rest of the Hork-Bajir now. I'm sure that my meadow there had been taken by someone else as well, but I could find another one. Toby was the only being I'd had serious contact with over those few years that I had lived there, and I had grown to miss her on the ship. How could I talk to her now if I was all the way back here? I'd just have to fly back there like I did in the first place. It's not a lot of fun, but it was really my only choice.

_But the Elimist has to be smarter than that,_ I thought to myself. _He had to know that this wasn't my home anymore. So what if…_

What if he put me here for a reason? If he could instantly warp me across space like that, then I'm sure he could've stuck me right back where I wanted to be. So why did he stick me here? Or, to ask an even better question, why did I _want_ to be here?

Then it hit me. It's Erik! Erik must still be around here somewhere! That's it! He's letting me deliver Jake's message. But I wasn't sure where Erik lived anymore. So many things changed after the war was over that I had no idea where to begin looking. His house was destroyed by the Yeerks to make a kill zone around the Yeerk Pool, but the underground dog park was probably unharmed. They might still be there, but I have no idea how I'd get down there without knowing a specific entrance. I'd have to do some research…

Then another thought hit me. If Erik was close by, then maybe Cassie was too. Perhaps she was visiting her parents while on vacation for a week or two. That's usually where she went when she had some time off anyway. It sounded like the Elimist's thinking to me. And if she really was visiting her parents, maybe she knew where Erik was. There was only one way to find out. I banked a hard right and began flapping in the direction of Cassie's old barn.

From about a mile away I caught my first glimpse of her carrying some hay bails into her parent's newly renovated barn. Cassie told me about it a few times, but I had never seen it. Cassie and her parents had opened up a major rehabilitation clinic not that far down the road from their house, but they still used their barn for some of the bigger animals and all the animals that needed special 24hr care. It didn't look much different from the outside, just a little less rickety and with a fresh coat of paint. But, according to Cassie, the inside was totally renovated and upgraded to match a serious medical hospital.

I'd been so intrigued by the renovated barn that by the time I remembered I was looking for Cassie I was almost right on top of it. I made a few circles around it while trying to spot her, but she had to have gone inside. Just as I was about to dive through the open barn doors, I caught a glimpse of her stepping out of the barn as she began to close the two large doors.

I was going to call out to her, but I had no idea what to say. I was never very good at starting conversations like this. Usually someone noticed me first before I had to say anything, so I didn't have much experience doing it either. But thankfully Cassie noticed first me before I had to say anything.

The first time she saw me she just gave me a quick look and then went back to closing the doors of the barn. I must have seemed like an average everyday hawk to her since she wasn't expecting me to be there like I was. But something made her stop and slowly look back at me again, more intensely this time. She continued to stare at me for a moment longer before I could see her mouth the word 'Tobias?' with a questioning look on her face. That was the cue I had been waiting for.

_Do you know any other talking hawks?_ I replied with a hint of sarcasm. She just stood there for a moment, paralyzed with shock, before she quickly finished closing the barn doors and continued to stare up at me like I was a ghost or something.

"Tobias," I heard faintly, "is that really you?"

_The one and only_, I said as I spilled the air from my wings and dove straight towards the railing on Cassie's porch. I killed my speed at just the right time and softly came to rest on the almost brand new porch railing, which I tried hard not to dig my talons into. Cassie came running over to me as quickly as she could asking all the questions I knew she was going to ask.

"When did you…how did you…where is…did you...?" she tried to ask while almost completely out of breath.

_Cassie_, I said in response, trying to calm her down, _do you have a few extra minutes? I've got one hell of a story to tell you._

Once Cassie caught her breath and calmed down a little bit, she morphed into her osprey and we took off together. Once we had some good altitude and a few nice thermals to ride on, I began to tell her everything I remembered from the time our ship left Earth until I spotted her carrying those hay bails. She was almost completely silent throughout my whole story only adding a 'wow' or an 'oh my god' here and there. And after a few hours, I had finally told her everything. Well, all except for once thing that is.

_Wow_, was all Cassie had to say when I finished, _so you're really the only one left?_

_Unless someone is playing some sort of twisted joke on me, _I said in response.

_So Marco, Ax, and…and Jake are really gone?_ She forced herself to ask, but she already knew the answer.

_Yeah_, was all I could really say in response, _we're the only two original members left._

_Tobias,_she said in her familiar 'lets talk about our feelings' voice_, I really don't know what to say. I've been through some hellish stuff in the past, but I can't imagine going through what you've had to. Even before you went on this last mission I had felt that way. And now, I just don't know what to say. I can't imagine… _She let her voice trail off.

_It's alright Cassie_, I tried to say as softly as I could, _I'll be fine._

_Tobias,_she said sounding like she was on the verge of tears_, you're the strongest person I've ever met. And the only reason I haven't gone insane by now is that I can draw from your strength and add some of it into myself when I need it._

_Thanks Cass, _I said back to her. I wasn't much for that kind of gratitude, but for some reason it just hit me extra hard this time_. You gonna be okay? _I asked, trying to be as gentle as she usually was with me.

_I don't know_, she said in response, _I just need a few moments by myself to think. _And with that she spilled the air from her wings and landed at the base of a tree. I heard her demorph and start to cry as I continued to circle up above her. After a few moments, I came down and landed on a low branch on the tree she was sitting up against.

I never like any of these touchy and emotional moments where someone (usually it was Jake) gathered up everyone's feelings and focused them elsewhere, but I just couldn't stand to see Cassie like this any longer.

"You…you know what really gets me about all this," Cassie managed to say through her sobs.

_What?_ I said softly in response.

"It's that I never got a chance to really say goodbye to Jake. Even if our relationship didn't work out like we'd planned in the beginning, we still had something special between us. But when the day came for all of you to leave, I... I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to him. Maybe I wanted to believe that he'd be coming back so I didn't need to say goodbye, but I knew deep down that this could very well be the last time I'd see him. And now it's too late. He's gone."

I figured it was time to let her know what I'd left out of my story_. Cassie, Jake told me that he'd always be with me when I needed him, so I see no reason that he wouldn't be with you either. You can tell him what you want to say anytime you want and I'm sure he'll hear you. And actually, I have a message from him for you. He made me promise that if I made it back to Earth without him to tell you this. I was going to wait and let some of the immediate emotions dissipate a bit so that everything doesn't overload you, but this seems as good a time as any._ She stopped sobbing for a moment and stared directly into my eyes. _He wanted to tell you that it was his fault that things didn't work out between you two and he feels awful about it, but as long as you're truly happy with Ronnie than he's happy for you and wouldn't want it any other way._

"But that's not true!" she shouted out loud. "It was more my fault for not being there for Jake when he really needed me."

_Shhh_, I managed to get out before she went any farther, _I'm just telling you what he told me. You'll be talking to the wrong person if you try and argue with me._

She gave me a strange look and then diverted her eyes towards the ground. "You're right," she said after a moment, "I'm sorry…"

_No, I'm sorry_, I said quickly in response, _that came out sort of harsh and I didn't mean anything by it._

She gave me just a hint of a smile while continuing to stare at the ground. After a minute or two of awkward silence Cassie finally decided to say something again. "Well, we should be getting back. Everyone's probably out looking for me since I just kind of disappeared."

_Hey_, I said surprising Cassie, _is Ronnie with you? _The Elimist always had a way of doing the most with the minimum, so I had a good feeling I already knew her answer.

"Yeah," Cassie said sort of confused, "Why do you ask?"

_Well_, I said in response, _Jake had something he wanted me to tell him as well._ Cassie started to look slightly worried, so I quickly added, _don't worry, he just wants me to tell him to take care of you. _

Her worried expression quickly turned into one of annoyance. "Is there anyone else Jake has a message for that you didn't tell me about?"

_Only an apology to Erik_, I said quickly.

"Well, it's about time," she said in response.

_I have to agree with you on that one_, I said.

After another moment of silence Cassie finally said, "Well, let's get going." She morphed back into her osprey and we took off toward her barn together once again.

_If you don't mind_, Cassie said once got some decent altitude, _I'd like to do something to Ronnie when we get home that involves you._

_Like what? _I asked sort of cautiously.

_No, it's nothing weird_, she said quickly in her defense, _it's just that he hates it when I bring wild animals into the house. I was just thinking that it's time to show him how nice they normally are unless you say something bad about them…_

She let her thoughts trail off. It didn't really sound like something I'd normally do, but after what I had just put Cassie through I felt like I owed her one. _Only if you'll have a nice, big, juicy, live rat waiting for me afterwards and a nice cozy place to spend the night, _I said in response.

_I'll have to check what we have in stock_, she responded, _but I'm sure I can whip up something._

And with that we continued to fly relatively silently towards Cassie's barn.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

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We made it back to the barn just as it was beginning to get dark. Cassie and I both landed on her porch's railing and she quickly demorphed. She held out her arm for me to perch on and I carefully scooted onto it. I'd had a lot of experience with this sort of thing with Rachel before, but I hadn't done anything like this ever since. I was out of practice, but I still tried my hardest not to dig my talons through Cassie's thin shirt and into her arm. But it seemed that she had much more experience carrying large birds on her arm than I gave her credit for. For every small movement she made, she perfectly balanced out the forces against me making it a very smooth ride.

When we got inside the first thing I noticed was the TV since it seemed so loud to my hawk ears. I gazed over to see Ronnie comfortably seated on the couch staring mindlessly at it.

_On the couch_, I quickly said to Cassie as she finished closing the door.

"Figures," she said quietly enough for only me to hear with a smile on her face.

She made it over to the edge of the couch before Ronnie finally turned his attention away from whatever he was watching.

"Cassie!" he said in a somewhat surprised voice, "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you! Where have you been?" Then his eyes fell on me.

"I was just spending some time with my close friend here," Cassie said innocently enough while giving me a stroke with her knuckle down my chest.

"Cass…" Ronnie said like he'd been through this a thousand times already, "I love animals and the outdoors and all that just as much as you do, but once I come inside then it's just human time. No deer, no ferrets, no wolves, no geese; nothing except humans."

"But this isn't just any old animal," Cassie said exaggerating her speech like a kindergarten teacher, "This is a Red-Tailed Hawk. It's one of the noblest species of birds. It's graceful, majestic, elegant, stylish…" As she went on I did my best to puff out my feathers as best I could and stand straight and noble which almost made Cassie chuckle and drop her charade, but she somehow managed to continue. "…proud and dignified birds in existence!"

"I don't care if there was a dodo bird made of solid gold perched on your arm," Ronnie responded, ruining my ego-boosting moment, "wild birds don't belong in the house. They're dirty, smelly, leave feathers all over the place, rip up everything with their talons, and just cause a general commotion while they're busy pooping all over everything."

After something like that, I couldn't hold back anymore. _Keep it up and I just might_, I finally said out loud. Let me tell you that the expression on his face was totally worth having to listen to what he just said.

"Um…um…sorry about that," he said still seemingly confused and in shock, "I didn't really mean that…" He trailed off and moved very close to Cassie.

"Cassie!" he whispered as if he thought that I couldn't hear him, "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, I'm sure you know him," Cassie said with a smile still on her face, "you just don't recognize him."

"Is that Adam from work?" Ronnie said, obviously still clueless, "I thought that he lived out in…"

"No," Cassie said cutting him off, "It's not Adam." She then gently placed me down on the arm of the couch and said to me, "Would you mind morphing for us?"

_Sure, no problem_, I said in response. _It's probably the best thing to do since otherwise I'd have to start a commotion and poop all over everything. _That got a laugh from both of them as I began to morph.

"I'm really sorry about all that," Ronnie said once again, "It's just that…"

"Dwon't thworry abouth it," I said as my mouth finished forming, "I get that all the time."

He still kept trying to apologize after that anyway, so eventually Cassie had to come into the conversation and say, "I think he gets the point Ron." I nodded in agreement and he seemed to finally get it. I really couldn't blame him though. It was unusually mean of Cassie to do something like that. But I guess after hearing Ron say things like that about animals all the time Cassie needed to retaliate eventually.

Once I finally finished morphing into my human self, I focused my gauze on Ronnie as if to say 'well?', but he still had no idea who I was.

_Not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he Cassie?_ I said jokingly to her in private thought-speak. That got me a mean look and a punch in the shoulder for my trouble.

And then, all of a sudden, it was like a light switched on in Ronnie's head. "I…I think I know who you are! Are you…are you really Tobias. _The_ Tobias?"

"In the flesh," I said in return.

"Wow, no way!" Ronnie said sounding more shocked that I'd expected, "It's an honor sir, a real honor!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a forced hand shake. "I'd never thought that I'd actually meet you!"

I pulled my hand slowly away and said, "Um…the pleasure's all mine?" Cliché I know, but it was all I could think of saying.

And then, almost as suddenly as he recognized me, his expression changed radically again. "I thought you were on that mission," he said almost solemnly, "did everything work out? Did you rescue Ax?"

"Not exactly," I said with some sorrow beginning to show on my usually emotionless face. "Cassie could fill you in on the details, but what basically happened was we crash-landed on a planet with a ship whose captain had "absorbed" Ax and made him a part of himself. We fought it out and when the dust cleared I was the only one left. Then I got transported back to Earth by the Elimist and I came here."

Ronnie just stared at me in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that Marco and Jake are…dead?"

"Yeah," was all I said in response.

"I…I don't know what to say," Ronnie said in response.

"You don't have to say anything," I said going back to my usual emotionless expression, "I know how shocking it sounds."

He took his eyes off of me and averted his gaze toward the ground, not having anything to say in return.

After a few moments of awkward silence between the three of us, Ronnie finally turned his attention back toward me and said, "So, what made you come here after all that?"

"I'm glad you asked," I said, trying to push all the memories and emotions of the past twenty-four hours away as best I could. "I actually have a message for you."

"For me?" Ronnie said surprised, "from who?"

"Before Jake died," I began, "he told me that if he didn't make it back to Earth to deliver a message to you from him. He wanted to tell you himself for a long time, but he could never bring himself to actually say it."

Ronnie had a nice mix of surprise and worry on his face as I took a small pause in the conversation. I didn't blame him. If I was about to get a message from one of Rachel's former boyfriends I'd be a bit nervous myself.

"Jake wanted me to tell you," I continued before Ronnie had a heart attack, "to take care of Cassie like he would've. And if you're both happy, then he's happy for both of you." Okay, that wasn't_exactly_ what he wanted me to say, but I knew that's what he meant.

Ronnie's surprise and worry quickly turned into a softer expression as he pulled Cassie close to his body in a hug. "Of course I will," he said quickly, "I wouldn't dream of doing anything less." He gave Cassie a small kiss on the top of the head which made me give off a small smile in response.

"I know you will, and I'm sure that Jake knew it too," I said while feeling a bit of happiness for Ronnie and Cassie. They sort of reminded me of myself and Rachel…

After cuddling for a minute of so, Cassie and Ronnie finally separated. Cassie then came over to me and said, "So, what's the plan now?"

"Well," I said, "Do you know where I can find Erik?"

"That's right!" she said, "I almost forgot all about him. Unfortunately, I haven't talked to him since the end of the war. But, I did meet a Chee on a hike while I was working in Yellowstone. I asked about Erik and she said that he has continued on with the life he's supposed to be leading. They had to rebuild their house, obviously, but they ended up rebuilding it a small distance away from the old one since someone decided to build a highway through where their old one had been. The underground dog park was unharmed, so they just needed to dig a new tunnel for an entrance. And that's all that I had time to listen too since I had to be getting back to catch a plane, which I was already late for. I guess that doesn't really help us here, though."

"I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way then," I said trying in vain to pull my mouth into a grin, "to the phonebook!"

There were only about twenty-five or so Kings in the book, so Cassie, Ronnie, and I each took about eight numbers or so and started dialing. After a few failed attempts, Cassie called me over to where she was sitting and whispered to me, "I think I've got him."

She continued to answer a few questions with some 'yeas' and 'uh-huhs' as I came over. When I reached her, she handed me the phone.

"Hello?" I heard someone say over the line.

"Hey," was really the only thing I could think of saying.

"Who's this?" the voice on the other end asked. I guess Cassie hadn't told him.

"This is Tobias, and I was wondering if Erik was around."

There was a small moment of silence during which I thought we actually had the wrong number again, but eventually the voice, who I figured was Mr. King, finally responded. "Tobias?" he asked, "_the_ Tobias?"

"None other," I said in response.

"I thought that you were on that mission to save Ax," he said quickly._How does he know about that_? I quickly wondered to myself before my mind focused back on what Mr. King was saying.

"So, how'd it go?" he asked way too optimistically.

"Not so good," I said in return. "Cassie can fill you in on the details, but I'm the only one left."

There was a moment of silence before he weakly said, "I'm…I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I said before he could pour some more empathy on me. I'd had more than enough of that today. "But I do need to talk to Erik," I said quickly. "Is he there now?"

"No," he said weakly, still trying to recover from the shock of what he'd just heard, "No, he's not here. He's gone off to college. Fresno State to be exact. If you want, I can communicate whatever you want to say to him over the Chee-net."

"No," I said quickly, "I'd rather talk to him face to face."

"Well," he said acting a bit surprised and worried, "I guess I can go pick him up and bring him here over the weekend if that would be alright with you."

"What day of the week is it today?" I asked. Fresno wasn't incredibly far away, about a good six to eight hour flight in ideal conditions, so making the trip myself shouldn't be too much of a problem. And the quicker I got this over with, the quicker I could go back to my "normal" life.

"I think that it's Wednesday," he said in response. That sealed my decision.

"No," I said in response, "you don't have to go pick him up. I'll meet him there."

"Alright, if that's what you want," he said as if he was trying to change my mind. "I'll contact him and see what time is good for him." There was a slight pause in our conversation before I heard Mr. King's voice again. "Are you planning on being there tomorrow or Friday?"

"I'll be there tomorrow sometime in the afternoon." I said in response. There was another short pause before I heard his voice again. "He said that he'll meet you in the lobby of the Visitor's Center after his last class let's out at 3:30."

"That should be fine," I said to Mr. King, "Thanks."

"You know," Mr. King's tone changed drastically, "Erik has been through so much in the past couple of years. He's had to get his software rebooted numerous times and he's just now getting back to normal operations. All the Chee would appreciate it if you weren't too hard on him when saying whatever you have to say. There hasn't been one of us in this bad of shape since the end of WWII, and we'd all greatly appreciate not having to go through that again."

And as soon as he finished he hung up. I was tempted to call him back and explain to him what I really wanted to say, but I thought better of it. I'm sure Erik would tell everyone what I wanted to say anyway. In fact, I was hoping he would. All the Chee needed to hear it, but I was convinced Erik should be the first since that's who it was truly intended for.

I gave Cassie her phone back as she said, "Well…?"

"Erik is going to college in Fresno State," I replied. "I'm gonna go up there tomorrow and tell him what Jake wanted me to say."

"Great," Cassie said excitedly, "I'll drive you first thing in the morning."

"You don't have to do that." I said quickly, "you're on vacation and you need to take care of all the animals here anyway. I'm guessing that since I haven't seen your parents around, they've taking a vacation as well. So that would only leave Ronnie to look after all these animals, and that would be too much work for one person. I'll take off in the morning and fly there myself. It's not that incredibly far away anyway. And after that I can start my trip back to Yellowstone."

Cassie took a pause for a moment before saying, "You're right Tobias, but are you sure you can still handle all that flying? You're no juvenile any more, you know."

"I've never felt better," I said rather convincingly. It was an outright lie, but either Cassie brought it, or she could lie just as good as I could.

"So," I continued as I began to demorph, "about that rat…"

Cassie let out a small smile and said, "What is it about guys and food?" I would've smiled back, but just then my lips began to stretch out and harden making it kind of difficult.

She turned around and began walking towards the door with me half walking, half scooting, and half crawling behind her until I was hawk enough to take flight. But by then we were both outside as I flapped a bit to get some height. I wasn't able to get too high though as Cassie quickly got to the side of the barn and opened a door that I'd never seen before. She motioned for me to go in first, so I spilled what little air I had from my wings and dove on in.

I quickly found a suitable place to land (on the edge of an operating table), fluffed out my feathers a bit, and began to take a good look around the place.

Cassie's family had some serious work done to the inside of the barn. It looked a lot more like an operating room now that the old barn that I remembered. There was a gigantic stainless steel operating table right in the middle of the room, which I just happened to be perched on, surrounded by cabinets and drawers of almost every size a shape. The whole barn wasn't turned into a big operating room though. The back 1/3rd looked like it hadn't really been touched. I couldn't see much since there was only a small window in the wall separating the new operating room from the animal cages. But what I could see brought back a few memories. The same style cages were still there, albeit a bit newer looking, as well as a few stalls for horses and the like. The rafters were all still exposed as well unlike the rafters on this side. And, unfortunately, the new ceiling on this side was covering my favorite perching spot.

I was so busy checking out the interior of the barn that I didn't even notice Cassie again until she was standing right next to me with the biggest Norway rat I'd ever seen! It had to be at least a foot and a half in length from it's nose to the tip of its tail! She held it suspended by it's tail right in front of me while it continued to wiggle and squirm. It was almost like she was taunting me with it.

"This was going to go to the nice California Condor we have the privilege of taking care of," she said still taunting me with the squirming rat, "but if you really want it…"

_Just give him some ground beef_, I said quickly in response, trying to restrain myself from lunging directly at the rat, _he'll like it better anyway._

Cassie let out a small laugh. "Ok," she said, "you can have it. Do you want it as is, or do you want me to make it a bit easier for you?"

Even though I was extremely hungry, that didn't make me instantly stupid. I knew better than that after having to catch prey myself for all those years. I probably couldn't hold onto a squirming rat that large, and even if I could it wouldn't be a fun meal until it finally stopped moving.

_Make it as easy as possible_, I said back to her. _I don't want to have to work for my first real meal in months. _

She gave a small nod as she took the rat's head in between her thumb and pointer finger as she gave it a quick twist. An eerie crack resonated throughout the room, and the rat finally stopped squirming. I just stared at Cassie for a moment afterwards. _That's not the Cassie I remember_, I said to myself. But it was almost as if she could read my mind since she quickly said, "Don't worry, I'm use to it by now. We took your advice around here about a year and a half ago and began using live rats to feed the birds of prey. They seem to like it a lot better than the frozen meat we used to have."

She plopped the now motionless rat right next to me as she continued. "If you wouldn't mind though, could you please eat outside? I'm not trying to be mean, but I just don't want to clean this area up for the fourth time today.

_Yeah, sure_, I said still trying to recover from watching Cassie do something like that. I placed both my talons on the recently paralyzed rat, squeezed just enough to get a good grip on it, and began to take off.

Unfortunately, I slightly misjudged the actual weight of the rat as I almost immediately plummeted towards the ground as I took off, but I managed to catch myself just in time to continue on towards the still open door, struggling all the way.

Once I was outside I began searching for a low-lying place to perch. The rat was heavier that I'd thought and I knew I probably couldn't get to any normal safe height without giving myself a heart attack. I scanned the tree line at the edge of Cassie's property and found a very nice little spot to perch and eat.

I was gasping for air by the time I got there, but one look at the paralyzed rat in my talons made me forget about everything else. Finally, I was going to have a decent meal for the first time in months!

As I ripped the first chunk off the rat and swallowed it, I was in pure heaven. It was, without question, the best rat I'd ever had. The only thing I could really compare it to is taking my first sip of soda in that lawyer's office or taking a big bite of a Big Mac after I got my morphing ability back. But still, I'd never experienced anything like this while being a hawk. It was pure magic.

So I ate. And ate. And ate.

Usually in the wild I'd never go after a meal this big. For one, I couldn't carry it back to my perch and two, I'd probably only end up eating less than half of it before I was full. That wasn't going to stop me now, but something else did. It was the inevitable pain I felt in my stomach from eating so much. I sort of snapped back into reality when I first began to realize it and saw that I'd eaten about 3/4ths the rat which way more than I should have. And now I was going to feel it for quite awhile.

I let what remained of the rat fall to the ground as I tried to clean off any remaining blood and internal organs that still happened to be on my beak and talons. Once I was satisfied that I was clean enough, I cumbersomely took off from my perch, with my stomach pain slightly intensifying, and flew back to Cassie's barn.

I morphed to human as soon as I got there to help relieve some of the pain. I knew that it would just come back when I demorphed, but for now it seemed like a reasonable solution.

I met up with Cassie inside the barn. She was in the process of cleaning out the cages; more specifically, trying to grab a mallard duck out of it's dirty cage to place it in a holding one.

"Enjoy your meal?" She said without even losing her focus.

"It was the best I'd ever had," I said in response, "Thanks a bunch."

"No problem," she said as she lunged for the duck's neck, grabbed it, and slowly began to pull it out from the back of the cage. "It was the least I could do for you."

I stood there just watching Cassie work for a second before I said, "So, do you need any help around here?"

"Sure," she said as she started to reline the duck's cage with some wood chippings, "I can always use some help out here. I asked Ronnie to come out here and help a little bit ago, but you know how guys are."

I couldn't resist giving off a small smile a cocking my head to the side a bit.

"I mean," Cassie quickly continued, "I love him to death, but sometimes he's just so…you know."

"I can guess," was all I said in response as went over to help Cassie with the cage.

And so both of us went to work. And, in the process, we talked about everything. Everything from how her parents were doing to what went on in the world while I was gone to how I dealt with the confined spaces aboard the ship. Before we knew it, it was pitch black outside and the clock on the wall was reading slightly past eleven. Cassie and I finished giving enough food and water to the animals to last the night, and then it came time for us to say goodnight.

"So," Cassie asked, moving a large bucket of animal food back to the corner of the barn, "have you decided where you want to spend the night?"

"Kind of," I said in response. "Since I don't have a territory here anymore, I figured I'd just perch up in the rafters, if that's alright with you that is."

"Yeah, it's fine with me," Cassie said in response, "Goodnight Tobias. I'll probably check in with the animals around seven or so. If you're not up yet I'll wake you."

"Alright," I said back, "thanks Cassie."

"Sure, anytime," she said. "Mi granero es su granero."

And with that, I demorphed back to my natural self, flapped up towards the rafters, found a good spot, and settled in for the night. Cassie turned off the lights and as she closed the door I heard her say, "Goodnight Tobias."

_Goodnight Cassie_, I said back. And then I closed my eyes and began to drift off to sleep.

I awoke to a small shuffling noise down on the floor of the barn. I quickly opened my eyes to take a look around like my instincts told me to do, but it was still almost totally dark. The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon as the tiniest ray of light was shining through the window. I quickly scanned the area, but when I didn't see anything interesting I proceeded to stretch out my wings and the rest of my body parts.

As I was stretching, I heard the faintest whisper say, "I'm sorry Tobias, did I wake you?" It didn't take me long to figure out who it was.

_That's all right Cassie_, I said back in response, _it's about time to get up anyway._ But both Cassie and I knew that it was a lie. It was too early for me to be up. There wasn't even enough light for me to see very well yet.

Nevertheless, I took a closer look around this time and saw Cassie leaning up against one of the walls. _You're up early today_, I said to her, _it's not anywhere near seven._

"No," she said softly in response, "it's a lot closer to five actually. I'm sorry I woke you, Tobias. It's just that I couldn't sleep."

I instantly felt a bit guilty. _I'm sorry Cassie_, I said quickly to her, _I knew I shouldn't have told you everything that happened in one day. I realize that it's a lot to deal with and…_

"No," she said interrupting me, "it's not really about that. It was more about you than anything else."

I looked for something to say in return, but I couldn't find anything. Why me?

"It's just that," Cassie continued, "I don't know. I guess I'm just worried about you. I mean, you've already been through a lot; much more than any of us even before you went on that mission. And now, I just can't keep from wondering how much one guy can take before something serious happens."

_Cassie_, I said as reassuringly as I could, _you don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine. _I wasn't 100 sure myself actually, but up till now I'd been doing fine, so why should anything change?

Cassie gave off a small smile as she said, "I think you'll be fine too, but I just can't help from wondering what if you won't be."

I soared down and landed on one of the edges of the stalls. _Don't worry, I will be._

"Alright Tobias," she said forcing it out harder than she probably wanted me to notice, "I believe you."

I didn't exactly feel content with Cassie's answer, but I didn't really like to talk about things like this, so I let it slide.

_So_, I said trying to change the mood a bit, _what's for breakfast_? That made Cassie smile.

I picked out a slightly smaller rat than before and flew off with it still very much alive. I knew that I'd have to refresh some of my skills if I was going to survive in the wild again, so why not get some practice when I could?

As I made it out the door I gave the still squirming rat a good squeeze with my talons which made him "calm down" a bit. I carefully flew up to a safe height this time in the very dim lighting and began to chow down. It wasn't as good as yesterdays meal, but it still was one hell of a good rat. I ate as much as I could since I knew the next few days would be sort of tough, cleaned myself off as best I could, and flew back into the barn where Cassie was starting her morning routine.

_I'd help Cassie_, I said as I perched on the edge of the stall again,_but I've got to be going soon. I'm not exactly sure how long it'll take to get there and what the flying conditions are going to be like._

"Tobias," Cassie said as she stood up and brushed the dirt from her knees, "just be careful. I know I'm starting to sound like your mom, but please, do be careful."

_I will Cass_, I said in response. I didn't really blame Cassie for worrying so much about me. That's just the way Cassie was. If she only knew how hard of a journey it really was going to be, she probably wouldn't let me go at all.

_Hey, Cassie_, I said quickly before I decided to leave, _thanks for everything; the food, the shelter, the company. I really appreciate it._

"It was nothing Tobias," she said quickly, "I only wish I could've done more."

_You've done more than enough already_, I said as I turned around and got ready to fly, _thanks. I'll see you back at Yellowstone when you get there._

"Tobias," Cassie said quickly and sharply, "Before you go I have something to ask you."

I turned back around and looked straight at her as I said, _What is it?_

"Well," Cassie began, "I'm not sure if you noticed, but everybody knows about the mission you just came back from. I managed to keep it a secret like Jake had wanted for a few months, but the media is relentless. They just wouldn't stop until I told them where all of you guys had gone off to. It all started with just a little slip after a long day of work, and then it quickly snowballed into me having to tell them everything I knew, although I was still able to keep the Andalite help a secret. I just told them that Jake had come up with the idea and planned it all out."

"That's fine Cassie," I said in response, "I really didn't think that it would be possible to keep it a secret, much less after we'd been gone with no word for a couple months. I'm sure Jake and everyone else knew that too."

"That's not really my point," Cassie said continuing. "If the media find out that someone made it back to Earth, they won't stop until they get what they want. Since they don't know yet, there won't be much of a push to find out if anyone returned. But if a rumor somehow gets out, then you, me, and anyone else who has even a chance of a link to you will be mobbed by so many media reporters that it would be impossible to breathe without them reporting on it. I'll try my best to keep it a secret if you want, but I know that in the long run they'll find out. They always do; they have their ways."

She took a small pause before continuing. "What I'm trying to ask you is how do you want to go about this? We could hold a press conference tomorrow if you want and you could answer whatever questions the reporters have then and get it over with. Or we can sit on this as long as possible before we're both overtaken by the media leading to a frenzy that isn't going to be pretty."

_Why don't I just write a book?_ I said in response. I meant it as more of a joke than anything else, but I don't think Cassie thought it was funny. She slapped her hand against her knee and said, "That's perfect! A book would have enough detail so that the reporters would be satisfied for a good long while. That way, they wouldn't bug me constantly since I wouldn't know the answers and you wouldn't even have to hold a press conference!"

_Cassie, I_...I tried to begin. But Cassie cut me off before I could say anything.

"Don't worry about the editing or publishing or anything like that Tobias, I'll take care of all of that. The only thing you should worry about is getting the story you told me down into writing. I'll take care of the rest."

I was going to try again to say that I was joking, but I have to admit that it did sound like the best course of action right about now. So I told Cassie that I'd work on it and finally took off to start my long day of flying.

As I flew towards the open door, I heard Cassie say one more time, "Tobias, be careful!" If I had a mouth I would've smiled as I flew out into the cold morning air and began flapping for some altitude.

Red-tailed hawks aren't really known for their distance flying. And especially in the early morning when the thermals are just starting to form. Red-tails up in Alaska and Canada do migrate in the winter, but I had a hard time believing it the first time I'd heard it. Its things like that which make me happy I used to live in southern California…

But anyway, my natural form just wasn't going to cut it right now, so after a little morphing I began happily flapping in my mallard morph.

The first leg of my trip was pretty uneventful. I flapped and flapped and flapped while checking out some of the scenery. But even a mallard has its limits. After what I guessed to be about four hours or so I began to seriously tire out, so I decided to take a break. Around this time of day the thermals were just starting to pick up, so I decided to ditch the mallard morph and continue on as myself. A bit slower, yes, but less tiring, most definitely.

And onward went my journey; find a thermal, get some height, use that height to get some distance, find another thermal to get some more height, use that height to get some more distance, find another thermal…

It gave me some time to plan out what to say to Erik when I got there. But everything I came up with had to follow it's own specific plan to work, so I decided to ditch any plan I might have had and just see what happens when I get there.

I could only guess that I was about two-thirds of the way there when I started to get hungry again. I tried to push it away, but when you have nothing else to focus on it becomes incredibly difficult. So, as I continued soaring North, I began to scope out any decent places to grab a quick bite to eat. This was going to be my first real test of survival in the wild in quite a while, and I prayed that I could still do it effectively.

Eventually, I found a nice looking field which looked promising. I hadn't seen any signs of any other birds of prey around it, so I decided to circle around and see if I could catch something moving.

This was the dangerous part. I was a stranger in foreign territory, circling above another potential bird's field with the hope of stealing a meal right out from under it's nose. If I was wrong about the field and it actually did belong to someone else, then I was in trouble. I had to move fast since other birds don't take kindly to uninvited visitors and they wouldn't be oblivious to me for very long.

Luckily, there were all sorts of movements in the field. I picked out what my hawk brain thought to be a good target, folded my wings in, and quickly dove.

Each feather on my body was making the tiniest of adjustments to influence the air movement around my body to keep me aligned with my prey. The ground was rushing up at me at a million miles per hour. The air was rushing by me making a slight whooshing noise. But all I cared about then was keeping myself aligned with the prey. Thirty feet, twenty feet, ten feet, five feet, two feet…

I flared out my wings to kill a bit of my speed as my talons lunged for the tiny animal. I felt them make contact with a soft and fuzzy surface as I drove my claws through its outer skin, snapping its spine from the pressure.

But I didn't have any time to celebrate my second real kill in months. For all I knew a small family of hawks was going to be right on my tail unless I got out of there quick. I flapped as hard as my muscles would move as I dove into the line of trees. After playing dodge the tree for a short period of time I took one last loop around and came to rest on a high branch. I braced myself for any sort of attack that might come, but nothing did. Did I lose them? Did they not chase me? Was there anyone in the field at all? It didn't matter to me now. I had my prey and my hawk brain was going crazy with delight. I looked down for the first time at what I had grabbed and saw a small field mouse which lay motionless at my talons. Not the greatest catch ever by far, but I was in no position to complain. I ate it as fast as I could, cleaned myself off a bit, and continued flying, taking the long way around the field just in case.

I had gone on the internet with Cassie the night before and got directions to the campus, but those only got me so far. I eventually had to stop at a gas station and ask for directions. I landed in behind the first semi-busy one I saw (which had enough people so that the cashier in the mini-mart wouldn't be suspicious as to why no car had pulled up). I demorphed and went inside to ask directions. I wasn't worried about anyone noticing me since the only real picture they had of me was a zoomed in image on my face from my sixth grade class photo. They also had an alleged security camera recording of me walking past some bank's ATM machine, but the resolution on that was so low that it was almost impossible to tell it was me. And, due to whatever the Elimist had to do to get my morphing ability back, both my hawk form and my human form seemed to age at their respective rates. I looked a bit different now than I did in sixth grade, so I wasn't too worried about being found out. If worse came to worse, I could say that I always get told that I look like Tobias.

The cashier was nice enough to give me a few simple directions. I realized I was closer than I thought, about twenty-five miles away going by the roads. I also shot a glance at the clock and I had about an hour and a half until I was supposed to meet up with Erik, so I quickly thanked the cashier, ran out back to demorph, and took off toward the campus.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

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The campus wasn't that hard to find. There were more than a few signs to guide me along the way.

Once I got there I took a few laps around the relatively small campus to look for the visitor's center which was dubiously hidden in the corner. Instead of just going right in, I decided to take a perch in a nearby tree to get myself somewhat familiar with the surroundings. But as soon as I'd landed I spotted someone who looked strikingly like Erek, but just a little bit older. I was pretty sure it was him, but if I happened to send my thought-speak to the wrong guy then things could get bad for me very quick. I figured that if it was really Erek, I'd just meet him in the visitor's center like we'd planned.

He did eventually reached the entrance to the visitor's center and he went inside. Once the coast was relatively clear, I flew off towards a nice hidden spot that I'd spotted earlier and began to demorph. Once I was fully human, I walked around the corner of the building and went through the entrance doors.

I saw Erek almost instantly as I walked into the small lobby, but he didn't notice me at first. He was too busy reading some sort of book.

I walked up right next to him and said, "Erek?"

He gazed up from his book and threw it down as he jumped up out of his seat.

"Tobias!" he practically shouted, "how are you buddy? Long time no see!" He then grabbed me and wrapped me in a strong hug. Not really expecting a reaction like this, I gently returned the hug and said, "It's good to see you too."

It seemed like he got control of himself shortly after that since he slowly let go of me. "Sorry," he said sounding sort of embarrassed, "it's just that I'd thought that you were dead for the longest time. And now, here you are."

Not really knowing what to say in response to that, I didn't say anything. I just gave off a small smile to which Erek responded with, "Come on, we need a safer place to talk than here."

As he packed up his bookbag I decided to try and make some conversation. "I'm sorry I made you lose the page in your book," I said.

"Don't worry about it," he said just as he'd finished packing up, "I've already read _Oliver Twist _seventeen times. Wonderful story."

In a somewhat quieter voice I asked, "Know anyone who was associated with it by any chance?"

"Shhh!" was what I got as an answer, "not here." Then he softly added, "No, not really."

So, as we made our way out of the building and onto the walkway outside we started to talk about everyday things; both of us were still trying to conceal our true identities. It was actually quite funny. Even with the war over and everything somewhat resolved, both me and Erek still couldn't be open in public. It was like everything we had fought the war for was instantly undone when either of us set foot in a public place.

But anyway, after walking for a few minutes we came to a somewhat small building and Erek led the way inside. We went through a small maze of corridors and hallways until we finally got to a small room. Erek opened the door and locked it when we were both inside.

"This is kind of like my secret room," he said as he turned back to me. "It's so far away from everything that no one ever comes here. I just toss a hologram over the window in the door to make it look like a class is in session and I can do whatever needs to be done. It's also used as a music room which means that it's well soundproofed to the outside."

While he was speaking, there was a small flash of light and afterward there stood Erek without his hologram, which was probably extended to the door's window now.

Not wanting to kill the casual mood just yet, I decided to keep our conversation going like it was before, only changing the subject matter slightly.

"So," I began with a small chuckle, "you're going to college now? Haven't you learned enough in your life to be a professor by now?"

"If only it were that easy," he responded playfully. "I do have to keep up appearances you know. I can't just magically know everything."

"Yeah," I said agreeing with him, "I guess not. But you must get straight A's though, right?"

"Not really," he said back, "more like B's or C's."

I stared at him in disbelief for a second before he continued.

"The Chee as a rule don't like to get involved too much in the development of the human race. We're content to see where humanity takes itself. If I was getting straight A's with a 4.0 GPA then every major company would be looking to hire me and I'd end up developing some super secret high-end project. I'd much rather settle in with a smaller company and do some minor research."

"What are you majoring in?" I asked, now sort of intrigued.

"Chemistry," Erek said in response. "It's been a while since I've had a profession that had anything to do with chemistry. The last one I remember was when I was an alchemist back in the 1600's. A lot has changed in human sciences since then, so I decided that it was about time to come and get a refresher course on the subject."

"I guess so," I said, not really knowing what to add to that.

"But enough about me," Erek said with excitement in his voice, "how about you? How did your mission go? Were you able to rescue Ax?"

I contemplated whether to tell him the truth or not for a moment before I finally answered. "It didn't go so well," I said as my mood turned solemn, "I'm the only one left."

After hearing those words, which I knew were going to be very hard for him to hear, he gave a small twitch, and then another. After that, his whole body started to shake violently.

_Oh no,_ I thought to myself, _what had I done!_

I tried to rush over and help him, but I'm still not sure what I was actually going to try and do to this day. He dropped to one knee and as I got closer, one of his flailing arms connected with my head. It was just a grazing blow to my jaw, but his arm had to weigh close to one hundred pounds so I felt it pretty good. I spun my head away in pain as I heard his seizure finally stop in the background. When I looked back I saw another Chee, who had knelt over the now still Erek, attaching some sort of device to some place in Erek's chest. I wanted to say something, but no words came out. So I just stood there with my lower lip bleeding and watched the other Chee work.

After a few seconds, I saw Erek begin to move again. The other Chee spoke first in a series of tones and beeps which Erek slowly responded to. Then, the other Chee said in a female human voice, "I think you'll be fine. That was quite a show there. You even had me worried a bit."

"Yeah," Erek said sort of weakly in response, "once I felt the system shut down coming on, I assumed that the worst was true to try and detect any errors I could before rebooting. Thanks for the help."

"That's what I was here for," the other Chee said back.

I was still in shock. Too many things happened in too small of a time span for my mind to process correctly. But after a while I was finally able to say, "Erek, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"No," he said quickly interrupting me, "it's not your fault at all."

I looked at him in disbelief as he got to his feet and continued, "Plus, its better that I hear about this now under controlled conditions instead of hearing about it on my way to class for example. I'm sorry I had to put you through that. I was hoping not to have to do a complete system shutdown, but when I hit you with my arm it created more paradoxes in my operating system than I could handle. Therefore, I assumed that the worst news you could tell me was true in order to detect any more paradoxes in my system. Thankfully, when I was rebooted I found a way around most of them. Now I'm currently running what would compare to a "safe mode" on a human computer. Most of my functions are down, but I can still do enough to pass as a normal human until I get an extensive software restore done."

After a short moment of silence I heard the female Chee say, "So, how's you jaw feeling Tobias? Mind if I take a look?"

I had almost totally forgotten she was there. But before I could say anything in response she was already reaching for my face.

"Oh my!" she said, taking a good look at it as she gingerly held on to my head, "You got him good, didn't you Erek?"

"Don't remind me," Erek said as the other Chee went to get something out of a dufflebag that was hidden under the teacher's desk.

In an attempt to make light of the situation, I said, "It's nothing. I've had worse done to me before."

Erek, in his millennia of wisdom, wasn't fooled. He came over to me, put his arm on my shoulder, and said, "Nice try Tobias, but it doesn't cover up the fact that I harmed a human being which clearly violates my programming."

I guess Erek wasn't in the mood right now, or maybe he just didn't have his humor program running. Either way, I didn't have anything to say in response to that. But luckily, the other Chee came back with a small instrument in her mechanical hand.

"Here we go," she said as she gently took hold of my head again and waved the laser pointer-like device over my now swollen jaw, "you'll be good as knew in just a few seconds."

I felt a slight tingling sensation and then the pain slowly began to fade away. In a few seconds I was as good as knew.

"Thanks…" I said, leaving a space to fill in with her name.

"Oh, I'm sorry Tobias," Erek said, "I'd like you to meet…um…Amy is it this time around?"

"Yes it is," Amy said in return. "It's a nice name and I figure that I'd try something different every now and then."

"Amy's actually going to be my future wife. It'll be around the twenty-seventh time we'd been married together."

"More or less," Amy added, "depending on what you count as a marriage."

"Well, congratulations to you two," was all I could think of saying to something like that.

"Thanks," Amy said with a slight giggle, "but we haven't even met each other yet."

"We're planning to meet at a basketball game when I'm a senior and she's a junior. We're still not sure of the details though. Some things become truly better left to chance"

We seemed to be getting back into a happier discussion topic after what I just saw happen with Erek, but I guess Erek had another idea.

"Anyway Tobias" Erek started with a drastically different tone, "let's get back to business. There's something I need to tell you, and I made sure that if I needed to reboot my system it would be the first thing in my memory. I've been wanting to tell you this ever since the events unfolded as they did on the pool ship, but I felt that you were to fragile just after it happened to discuss it. I wanted to wait until you'd had some time to sort out your emotions, but you disappeared before I had the chance to tell you anything. I'm not sure what you came here to tell me, but I really need to tell you this first."

I gave Erek a solemn 'go ahead' look and he continued. "On the pool ship on that fateful day I made the worst decision any Chee has ever made by far. Instead of just going along with your plan, however much I was truly appalled by it, I decided to take things into my own hands."

I immediately saw where this was going and I tried to say that it wasn't his fault, but he cut me off just as the first few syllables came out of my mouth.

"Don't interrupt me Tobias," he said sounding like he was on the edge of breaking down, "this is hard enough for me as it is."

I thought about saying something else, but he began again before I could even start.

"After I heard that Jake was planning to fire on the blade ship, I did only what I was programmed to do. I tried to find a way to stop the violence with anything that was under my control. And the first thing that came to mind was removing the power from the weapons. I didn't know what Jake had planned, but I did what I thought was right. But I made a horrible mistake."

He took a small pause to gather himself back up before he continued, "If I had left the power alone, then the blade ship could've possibly only been crippled with the pool ship's weaponry. That would've possibly lead to just a simple boarding and, in the best, case a bloodless surrender by the crew of the blade ship. That way, all the Yeerk hosts could've been freed harmlessly and everyone would've survived. But that's not the way it happened."

I thought about interrupting him again, but I remembered how good it felt after I'd told Jake 'thanks', and I knew that Erek must have the some of the same emotions stored up as I had, so I decided to let him continue.

As his human hologram flashed back on, he continued with a look of complete regret on his face. "Because of what I did, Jake was forced to play another hand which I sincerely had no knowledge of. Because of what I did…"

He was on the verge of tears, but I knew that he needed to get it out now.

"Because of what I did," he said again as he started to cry, "Rachel is dead!"

He ran over and grabbed me in a hug as he started to cry into my shoulder. Was this really how he felt, or was he just using his hologram to try and lure me into forgiving him? I didn't know. But there was one thing I knew for sure regardless.

After the sudden hug from him I gently wrapped my arms around him and gave him a few pats on the back as he kept trying to apologize.

"I swear to you Tobias that this was the absolute worst thing I've ever had to live through. I felt as awful about it as my programming would allow, sometimes even more. I'd trade anything in the world to have that one moment back. I knew how much she meant to you and I can't imagine losing someone like that. It's my fault! All my fault! I fully deserve whatever you think about me now, and I don't expect you to forgive me, but all I ask is that you see it from my point of view. Whether or not you think it was the right thing to do, I just want you to see it how I saw it through my own eyes. What else could I do? I… I…"

After that his little speech broke down even further into some incoherent mumblings before he stopped trying to say anything more and focused strictly on crying. I didn't want to interrupt him since I knew that this was the only way he would get over something like that, so I just continued to pat him gently on the back until his cries slowly turned into sobs.

"There, there," I said eventually, like a mother to her young child, "it's all right Erek. I don't blame you for anything."

After hearing that he stopped all but the faintest of whimpers and looked me straight in the eyes.

"It's not your fault, Jake's fault, or anyone else's fault that Rachel is gone," I continued. "She was just doing what she did best; taking out the enemy in any way she could. I know that she wouldn't blame you for anything and therefore I can't either. And, knowing Rachel like I did, she would've liked going out like she did; one last heroic charge to take down one of her closest enemies that had plagued her for so many years, and then go down swinging in the very end."

It was hard for me to talk about Rachel like that one more time. Even having just seen her no more that a day ago, it was still painful to bring up anything about her from my past and I started to get a little choked up. I'd hoped Erek hadn't noticed as much as I had. I needed to be as strong as I could right now, and if I lost it he'd never forgive himself.

The mood was extremely somber in the room as Erek just continued to stare me in the eye. To try and lighten the seriousness a bit, I tried to inject a touch of humor into the situation, which was harder to do than I thought.

"Anyway," I started again, "if Rachel were still here she'd be driving me crazy by now. After going through all that she did life would've just seemed boring to her now, and I know that I'd be the one who'd have to keep her entertained."

It came out a lot more choked up than I intended it too as it dug into those feelings I had for Rachel one more time. Erek seemed to take something positive away from it though as he slowly lowered his head back to my shoulder and hugged me tighter.

I thought that everything had been settled, but after a few short moments Erek began to sob again.

"What's wrong?" in the softest voice I could muster up as I continued patting him on the back.

"Did you…" he tried to start while still weeping, "was the other ship that you met really the blade ship?"

I hesitated for a second. I knew that I should tell him what really happened, but there was a little voice inside me that kept saying _no, he's been through too much already, just leave him be._

But I knew that I couldn't do that. He'd eventually find out one way or another what really happened, and if he didn't find out under controlled conditions, then everything could be at stake not just for him, but for all the Chee all over the world. I had to tell him now.

"Yes," I said softly, "It was the blade ship. It was taken over by Crayak as a way of getting his revenge on The Elimist and Jake, but it was the blade ship."

I felt him give a small twitch, and then another. I was just about to pull him away from myself when I heard him say, "Don't worry Tobias, the worst is over by far. Those were just the product of a few loose ends being tied up."

He gripped me tighter once again as he said through his tears, "It's not just about Rachel. Rachel was only the beginning. Since I was the one who let the blade ship escape in the first place, I'm liable for anything that happens as a result. That includes the deaths of all it's crew and anyone who they happened to affect during their journey, including your ship. Once again, everything leads back to that stupid decision I'd made back on the pool ship. It's my fault that Jake, Marco, Ax, and everyone else aboard your ship and the blade ship are dead, and I have no words in your language or any other language on Earth that can express how terribly sorry I am. The only word that even comes close would be from an ancient civilization my masters discovered many millennia ago. The word would be 'gaberjawatizcka' which was the emotion one felt after a mistake led to a loss of life."

This one was going to be a lot harder to comfort Erek on than the Rachel thing was. I mean, it_ was_ kind of his fault that the blade ship got away. And if the blade ship hadn't gotten away in the first place, then things would've turned out very differently. But I knew that I didn't look at it that way, and I'm sure that Jake and the rest of the crew didn't look at it that way, so I had to try.

"Erek," I began, not really sure where I was going to go with this one, "we have a saying here on Earth that you might be familiar with by now that goes as follows, shit happens. There was no way that you could've known that by powering down the weapons you were in effect killing almost everyone on the bridge of our ship. You did what you thought was right at the time. Just because it led to something else doesn't mean that it's your fault that it happened. It's just the way things play out sometimes. I know that I don't blame you for a second for anything that happened after that and I'm sure that Jake, Marco, Ax, and everyone else aboard both ships wouldn't have blamed you either."

Erek slowed his cries to a gentle sob as he said, "That's the best you can do? Shit happens?"

I couldn't tell if he was being serious or if a strain of humor had spontaneously sprung out of him, so I said, "Yeah, that's all I got really."

He removed his arms from my back and placed them on my shoulders as he took a step back. Then he said, "Well, I guess that'll have to do then. Thanks."

"No problem?" I said, still a bit confused whether he was being serious or not.

But either way, Erek finally took another step back and seemed to gather himself back together again. It took him a few moments, but he finally said, "Thanks Tobias, I needed that. I feel like a two-ton weight has been lifted off my chest. I don't know if you've ever felt relief like this, but now I'm glad that you came to visit."

"I've had a few moments of that myself," I added, "and I know how good it really feels. I'm glad I could help."

"I mean," Erek started up once again, "If you could forgive me for everything that I've done, then I have no reason not to forgive myself for what I've done as well."

I let off a small smile at that.

"I just wish that Jake would've forgiven me before he left as well," Erek continued. "I wanted to speak with him; I even called him once; but I couldn't keep my strength up long enough to actually talk to him. When someone picked up, I had to hang up, and I never got up the courage to call him again."

"That's actually kind of why I'm here," I said interrupting Erek. "I have a message to give to you from Jake."

Erek's expression immediately turned from a look of relief to a look of disbelief. "What's the message?" Erek said impatiently.

I decided not to keep him waiting any longer, but I hoped that I still remembered everything that Jake wanted me to say.

"He wanted me to say that he'd had a lot of time to think about what happened," I began, "and that he'd finally realized something. He'd always wanted to give you an apology ever since the events unfolded as they did, but he didn't think that you deserved once since he thought that you messed up his plan by powering down the ship's weapons. After a long period of thought, he finally came to a different conclusion. It wasn't your fault that things happened the way that they did, it was his."

Erik was more than ready to stop me at that point, but I quickly held up my arm and said, "Let me finish." He silently and reluctantly let me continue.

"He decided that you weren't the one to blame since you were only doing what your programming told you to. And in his mind that only left the responsibility to one person, himself. He believes that he should've known that you'd try something like that, but he didn't do anything to prevent it from happening. So therefore, he feels it was his own fault. And since he can't blame you for anything anymore, he feels like he owes you a giant apology. He felt extremely awful having to use someone like that. He couldn't even imagine being put into a position like that by someone he once trusted. But he did what he felt he had to do to win not only the battle, but the entire war. He's not expecting you to forgive him if you don't want to, but he just wants you to see it from his perspective. Without you playing the part you did in that gigantic plan, there's no way it would've worked. We needed you to do what you did, and we all felt really bad about it. It's not just Jake that's sorry, it's all of us as well."

Erek said nothing for a few moments as he gazed down at the floor. But finally, he looked up at me and said, "Why does Jake always have to put the blame on himself? I mean, he's already got more of it than anyone ever should have. Why does he want mine as well?"

"I don't know," I said in response, "I'm only the messenger. You'll have to ask Jake about that."

"But how could he…" Erek tried to continue.

"I don't have a clear picture of what's been going on in his head either," I interrupted, "but trying to argue something like this with me isn't going to help. Jake's the only one who could answer that question, but I don't think that he can respond very easily now."

Erek didn't look very satisfied at my answer, but he realized that he wasn't going to get anything else out of me. As he looked down at the floor one more time, I decided to try and lighten the mood again. After all, that did come out a bit harsher than I had intended.

"Hey Jake", I yelled up at the ceiling, "see what happens when I try to pass on a message from you? Next time, you should probably do things like this yourself."

I didn't think much of it then, but all of a sudden I felt a cold chill enter the room and pass right by me. It was only afterwards that I thought it might've been Jake. I mean Rachel's touch was sort of cold and when people talk about ghost encounters they usually mention a cold chill…

But anyway, after a moment of silence between Erek and I, he eventually turned his gaze back on me. He let out an enormous sigh and said, "You're right Tobias, you're right."

And then his mood seemed to slowly get a bit better as he continued. "Come on," he said, "let's get out of this room. It's too depressing for me right now. How about we go get something to eat? I know you must be tired from your long flight here, and a good meal always hits the spot. Whaddya say?"

I almost never give up an opportunity for free food (living in the wild will teach you this very quickly), but I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I knew that I was going to have to spend one night in between here and Yellowstone already, but I really didn't want to spend two if I could help it. Sleeping is just about the most dangerous thing I could do on my journey, and I'd like to keep it to a minimum.

"Thanks for the offer," I said politely as we both left the room, "but I've really got to get going."

"Oh, come on," Erek said sort of playfully; all of his sadness was gone by now and replaced with the complementary emotion, "you need a break from flying all day. Plus, I feel as if I owe you one for making you fly all the way up here and having to go through my system shut down and all of that. We can make it quick if you want to. There's a McDonalds about two blocks away from here..."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Mc…McDonalds?" I asked as if I was addicted to the place.

"Yeah," Erek replied, "if that's where you want to go."

We were there in less than five minutes.

Erek and I both ordered the super-sized Big Mac meal. He told me that I could have his since he didn't really even need to eat. Even if he hadn't suggested it, I might have stolen it from him anyway since I was almost dying for a taste by the time we got there.

Once we got our food and found a nice table as far away from everyone else as possible, I opened up the Big Mac carton with my now shaking hand and just took in the aroma. It had been far too long…

But I knew what I had to do first. The real me needed food before the human me did. Almost painfully, I said softly to Erek, "Um, Erek, do you mind…" and then I stuck a finger straight up into the air and made a circular motion with it.

"Sure, no problem," he said. And without even flinching, one moment Erik was human, and the next moment he was a complex skeleton of metal shaped sort of like an anthropomorphic dog. He had extended his hologram around the both of us so that I could demorph and still not be seen.

I gave him a small smile as I began to almost painfully demorph. I had already taken apart my Big Mac and separated the two slices of beef from the rest of the stuff that I couldn't eat, and it took all my self control to do so. Erek just watched silently as my arms turned to wings, my feet to sharp talons, and my mouth and nose to a pointed beak. Unfortunately, when I'd finished morphing I ended up on the seat instead of the table, but I quickly fluttered up and got ready to eat.

I wasn't incredibly hungry as a hawk, but my human mind was still completely focused on the Big Mac and it's future pleasures. I wasted no time digging into the first patty. Erek just continued to watch silently as I tried not to make too much of a mess (easier said than done though).

It didn't really taste all that great, but it was food to my hawk brain nevertheless. I've always had my opinion as a hawk about how much of the patty is real meat. It doesn't really have much of a problem going through my stomach, but I usually get some intestinal cramps a few hours later. Hawks weren't exactly designed for eating Big Macs though…

After I finished the first patty, my hawk brain told me that I was full. But, if this was to be my dinner for tonight, I knew that I had to eat all I could. Then, I wouldn't have to steal from another hawk's territory and take any more risks than I already had to.

I slowly waddled on over to the other patty and got about a third of it finished before I finally decided that it was enough. I fluttered back down to the seat and began to morph again. And once I was human again, there was nothing stopping me any longer.

I quickly ripped open Erek's Big Mac carton and began trying to literally shove the entire thing in my mouth. The first "bite" was orgasmic. There are no words in any language I know that can describe the taste. After almost four years of never eating any sort of fast food, this was, without a doubt, the best meal I'd ever had. And the Big Mac was only the beginning. The fries were crisp, salty, greasy, and all around perfect; just the way I like them. And the soda… Oh my GOD the soda! So sweet! So totally complementary to the rest of the meal. I now had a feeling of what the after life must be like. These feelings would've been more than enough to turn Jake around, and if it was like this all the time then I couldn't wait to get there.

After sending Erek on a few more trips up to the ordering line, my stomach finally reached its capacity. When the pain begins to outweigh that much pleasure, you know it's been a good day. I gazed around the ungodly mess of a table to take a final count: three Big Macs (not counting the bun, lettuce, and two-thirds of a patty I ate from my leftovers as a hawk), two-and-a-half super-sized fries, and almost three super-sized coca colas.

I didn't want to move. I honestly didn't think that I could. But I knew in the back of my mind that I had to get going. I knew that the darkness was coming and that I had a real chance of never having a meal like this again if I had to spend another night in unfamiliar territory. Slowly, I began to demorph back into my normal self. Erek took this opportunity to finally say something for the first time. "So, you're finally done?" he asked.

All I could do was shake my slowly forming head.

"Well," he continued, "That was quite a meal. I was afraid that I was going to run out of money there if you kept going. I only brought thirty dollars with me. Here's a napkin or two. Clean yourself up a bit and I'll worry about the table."

I was a complete mess. Secret sauce all over my face, strands of lettuce in my hair, sesame seeds and salt crystals all over the rest of me, and who knows what else that I didn't notice. I took the napkins from Erek with my one still mostly human hand and cleaned myself up as best I could before I finished morphing. I really didn't want all that stuff in my feathers as I tried to fly. That would be awful.

As I cleaned myself up and finished demorphing, I took a gaze across the table and it was as if I was never there. I gave Erek a shocked look, and he responded with, "I've been a servant or maid quite a few times actually, so I just kind of picked it up." I was in no mood to argue as I finished demorphing. Both my human form and my hawk form were stuffed now, so it was difficult to motivate myself to do anything.

But I reluctantly fluttered up to the top of the table and waddled over to Erek's waiting arm. I found a good spot to cling onto and after Erek finished up clearing the table, we tossed out the garbage and left.

We only went to the back of the restaurant before he placed me on the edge of a dumpster. I finished cleaning the last remaining pieces of lettuce from my feathers and looked at him one last time.

"So," Erek started, "what's your plan now?"

_I figure that now that I'm back on Earth_, I started_, I'll go back to where I lived before we all set off on that last mission, Yellowstone. I've got quite a bit of flying left to do though, and I hope that I don't have to spend more than one night in unfamiliar territory._

"You sure you'll be alright flying there Tobias?" Erek asked seeming very concerned. "I mean, I know a few Chee around here with a car I could call to take you there. Or I could just buy you a plane ticket if you want."

_Thanks_, I said in response, _but I'll be fine. I need to get some more practice doing hawk stuff before I try and go for a territory of my own._

He seemed like he wanted to say more, but he stopped himself. I was about to say goodbye and take off before I heard Erek said, "Tobias, thanks." I ruffled up my feathers and turned back to face him as he continued. "Thanks for everything. Despite what you might believe, I feel great now. I finally got what I wanted to say off my chest and I feel so relieved. I'm glad you made it here okay and we were able to have this conversation. If we didn't, I had a feeling that I was eventually going to go insane. I don't have any idea what I would've done if you hadn't come along. So thanks for being strong enough for the both of us when I really needed it. It says a lot about you as a person and I'll never forget it. Have a safe journey and I hope to see you again soon. You're always welcome to drop by anytime you want. If you can't find me specifically then just ask another Chee and they'll find me for you."

_It's been great talking to you for the first time in years_, I said in response, _and I really enjoyed the meal _(I said it while half laughing),_ but I've really got to get going. I'll drop back in when I can. Good luck with the whole software thing, see you later. _

"Have a safe trip Tobias," Erek called out as I took off, "good luck!"

And with that I took off, flapped hard to get some altitude, and continued on my journey with my back to the slowly setting sun.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Note: Sorry for the long wait, but this is one long-ass chapter! (and it was supposed to be one of the shorter ones...) Anyway, thanks for waiting and here you go!

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There were still a few occasional thermals here and there, but by this part of the day most of them had broken down as the sun was slowly lowering itself to the horizon. I tried to stay in my natural form for as long as possible, but eventually I grew tired of having to flap so much. I morphed back into the mallard after that and continued on until it became too dark to fly anymore. I got as much altitude as I could before demorphing and quickly remorphing into my owl morph.

I needed a safe place to stay for the night and I knew a set of owl eyes would be the best way to find it. But owls aren't known for their flying abilities. They're relatively heavy for a bird and I only had the dead night air to work with, so I had to use what altitude I already had to its maximum. From up here I could get a good look at my surroundings and even take a peak into the already dark forest.

I had two main enemies to guard against if I was going to survive the night. The first one, and probably the easiest to avoid, would be the owls and any other large predatory bird that just happened to fly by at the time. If I was asleep, a hungry owl could very easily kill me with one well-aimed dive if it wanted to. I probably wouldn't ever know what hit me either. But there was a relatively easy solution to my owl problem. Owls usually like to have a field to hunt in, much like hawks do, so staying as far away from any fields as possible would greatly decrease the chance of an owl going after me. And, even if food was really scarce now, I could always just hide under a nice collection of branches. Any semi-intelligent owl would probably just pass me by since he wouldn't be able to dive at me without running into a few branches.

But owls are easy to guard against. Raccoons, foxes, and anything else that could come up from the ground were my main concern, and there's not much I could do to stop them. The only thing I have working to my advantage is my hearing. If I can hear them coming first, then I might have a chance to escape before they reach me. If not... well, lets just hope that I hear them first. And it was especially dangerous since I'd never been in this part of the woods before. Whenever I had a meadow of my own the first thing I learned was where all the dangerous animals hunt and what their hunting habits were. That way, I knew the best way to go about avoiding attracting unwanted attention to myself. Now, I just had to hope that the limited reconnaissance I was getting with my limited owl flight would be good enough to protect me for the night.

So, I continued to search the relatively small area for a nice place to rest for the night. I didn't have much luck finding anything too spectacular, so I had to settle for a stout looking pine tree. It wasn't the best by far, but it was all I had to work with. There was a moderate sized field not too far away, but I was hoping that the needles would be enough of a deterrent to stop any slightly intelligent bird from trying to get at me. I also didn't see many signs of ground life within a short radius from the tree, but that doesn't necessarily mean that no one's going to try and pay me a visit in the middle of the night. All I could do was hope that they'd either find easier targets or they couldn't navigate through all the tiny pine branches and needles to reach me without me hearing them.

I used up the rest of my height trying to survey the scene. I didn't have much left anyway, so after a few short moments of seeing nothing obviously bothersome about my location I spilled what air remained from my owl wings and took aim at a nice looking branch.

When I came into contact with the very soft pine branch it dipped quite a bit, but I was able to hold on and scoot myself farther into the tree. Once I reached a point where the branch was solid enough to hold me up comfortably, I took a good look at what I had to work with.

I wanted to be far enough in to discourage the owls from trying to attack, but far enough from the trunk so that if anything came up I had a chance to react and escape. Either way, I had to push myself in between tons of tiny branches, which ended up taking off more than a few of my feathers, before I found a remotely comfortable spot to lie down and rest. Once I was as happy as I could get, I demorphed to my normal self and began to tentatively fall asleep. I'd had a long day and I knew that tomorrow was going to be just as rough. As uncomfortable as it was being poked by branches and needles, I knew that I was as safe as I could be given the conditions. I'd always hated pine trees, and now I remembered why.

I slept very uneasy that night. Every little sound I heard quickly woke me up and got me into full defense mode only to realize that there was nothing wrong. And so that's how I spend my night: getting poked by twigs and needles as I somehow tried to get to sleep, eventually dozing off momentarily into a very light sleep, waking up and going to full alert mode at the slightest strange sound, and then trying to go back to sleep while getting poked by twigs and needles again. I was overjoyed when I finally saw the sun start to rise in the morning. It meant that I could finally get out of that awful pine tree and continue flying again. I was cold, hungry, tired, and I had to have been poked about a thousand times overnight, but the most important thing was that I was still alive.

I scuttled as quickly as I could out to the edge of my branch when it was bright enough to fly (losing a few feathers in the process). Then, I quickly morphed to mallard and took off. I obviously wasn't in the best of moods and I just wanted to get as far away from that tree and that general area as possible.

So, I continued to fly onward for a few hours. I was hungry, but I wanted to let the owners of their fields get breakfast first before I tried and steal some for myself. That way, they'd at least be a little less likely to chase me since they'd be full. Personally, I wouldn't have let something like that stop me from chasing another hawk out of my territory, but I could always hope…

After the sun had been up for a few hours, I figured that most of the field owners had gotten some form of breakfast already. Now was my best opportunity. I demorphed and began riding the barely working thermals as I looked for a nice spot.

Not long after I began searching, I found what I was looking for. It was a somewhat small meadow, but it was teeming with life. I quickly looked around the parameter and didn't see any bird nests to speak of, so I took aim at one of the moving objects in the field and dove. I didn't see the other hawk until it was too late.

I was only about twenty feet or so away from striking my prey when out of the corner of my eye I saw her. Somehow I had missed the seasoned and experienced looking Cooper's hawk that had been sitting right on the edge of the meadow perched up in the branches of a tall tree. But it was too late to turn back now. I had to finish the kill and hope that I could escape before she caught up to me.

I nearly lost sight of the prey for a split second as my mind went to focus on the other hawk, but I managed to get it refocused just in time. I flared my wings at the last possible second and caught the furry little animal in my talons with ease. But as I quickly looked back to see where the Cooper's hawk was now, I knew that I was in trouble. She was on her way over to where I would be in about ten seconds.

Even though she was a bit smaller than me, I had no doubt that she could inflict some serious harm if she wanted to, especially with me having to carry some extra weight. In the wild, it's never good to judge anything solely by its size. Size can be very deceiving in some situations, and this was definitely one of them.

My only option now was to fly as fast as I could and hope that I could outrun her. I beat my wings madly, but my prey was much heavier than I'd anticipated. I didn't have time to get a good look at it, but guessing by its weight it had to be at least a decent sized squirrel or something like that. There was no way that I could out fly a smaller and more nimble hawk while I was carrying something like that, so I had to make a hard decision. I released my grip on my former breakfast and let it drop to the ground.

The drop in weight made flying a whole lot easier, but the other hawk was making good time as well. It was going to be a close call.

I flapped harder than I think I'd ever done before, and I was just able to beat out the other hawk. But that wasn't the end of the story by far. Just because she hadn't beat me to the edge of her meadow didn't mean that she still couldn't catch me.

I made a quick dive for the tree line hoping to throw her off, but she followed me into the forest without missing a beat. She matched me move for move as we both narrowly skimmed past tree after tree. We were doing maneuvers that would make any Air Force pilot jealous, but she somehow stayed right on my tail. And not only that, she kept getting closer. I was gasping for air as I tried to get my wings to beat even faster, but I was tiring out fast. I didn't know how much longer I could last. But I continued to push on as if my life depended on it (and it probably did).

I knew that if she caught me she only had a small chance of killing me outright. But if I were a real hawk I'd probably be as good as dead. I could always just morph and demorph to fix anything that was wrong with me, but I really hated doing that. It made me feel weak to chicken out that way. I've only ever morphed to fix an injury intentionally a handful of times, and after each time I felt horrible. I was hoping not to have to add another notch to that today, but the Cooper's hawk kept getting closer no matter what I did. Eventually, after we'd gone pretty far into the woods, she was literally right on my tail. My body was just about to finally give up when I felt something grab onto my right-side tail feathers and give a hard pull.

I let out a "TSEWWW!" from my hawk mouth as well as an _AHHHHHH!_ in thought-speak. She'd gotten quite a few of my tail feathers, and it hurt. Bad. But I continued to fly as best I could without them. The sudden pain only spurred me on to push for just a bit longer.

I was pretty sure that she'd accomplished what she wanted to and had stopped chasing me, but I kept going for as long as I could anyway. Eventually though, my body finally gave out and I plummeted to the ground.

After coming to rest from my crash landing, all I could think about was trying to catch my breath. I had pushed myself hard. Too hard probably. And now I was paying the price. I couldn't get enough air. I was gasping irregularly and in very quick spurts to try and get as much as I possibly could. It hurt to breathe. I actually thought for a brief second that I might have pushed myself over the edge and I was going to die right there, but slowly my breathing began to return to normal.

The first thing I checked was if I broke anything during my crash landing. I slowly and painfully began to move everything until everything seemed to be working fine, although everything felt very tired and worn out. Nothing was broken thankfully. The next thing I checked on was my tail. It was kind of hard to get a good look at it, but when I did I noticed a solid chunk of feathers missing from about the middle to the extreme right of my tail. My injury was serious. My tail was an extremely important part of my aerodynamic profile. Without it, I really couldn't fly at all. And even with a bit more that half of it still in place it was going to be hard to accurately do anything. For a real hawk it would probably be a life-threatening injury. I knew that I would probably have to end up morphing relatively soon again anyway, so I'd get them back. But until that time came, I was going to be like a true hawk and try to deal with the consequences of my mistake.

Very slowly, I got back up to my feet. My whole body was still aching from my extreme workout, but I fought through it. I knew I had to get moving again. I couldn't let a failed attempt like that stop me. So once I regained what little composure I could, I fluttered up from the ground to a low tree branch. Then from that tree branch to a higher one over and over again until I got high enough to take off once again.

It was hard getting used to missing a few tail feathers on my right side. It always seemed like I was continuously turning right, and I had to adjust the level of my wings in order to compensate. It felt awkward, but I knew I had to get used to it quick. Tail feathers or no tail feathers, I still hadn't had breakfast yet.

I decided to give myself a little time to recover before trying to catch some prey again. I've had close calls before, but that was one of my scariest as a wild hawk. I needed some time to build my confidence back up and, most importantly, to get used to not having a few tail feathers before trying again.

But eventually the hunger began to get to me. I'd gone for longer without food before, but when you have nothing to keep your mind occupied hunger starts to dominate. But this time I was very selective about which field I was going to trespass on. I wanted to find a field that wasn't occupied by any bird of prey, and those are very hard to come by. But eventually, my persistence paid off and I came across just such a field, or so it seemed.

It was very rocky and didn't have much grass for food food, so I was pretty sure that only a terminally sick bird of prey would even dream of making this its territory. In fact, I was going to pass it up myself until I saw a bit of movement. I took a closer look and saw a snake slithering through a break in the rocks. I'd only ever eaten snake a few times; usually when food was scarce and they had to come out and look for it. The thing that I had to worry about the most was him seeing me first. If he was ready for me, then I didn't really stand a chance. And if he was poisonous…, well, I think you can figure out what would happen then. But I was hungry. And despite my experience with the other hawk only a few hours ago, I was willing to take a few risks. I waited until I could see the snake come out onto semi-open ground, and I dove.

Everything was going good. I had the snake in my sights and he was oblivious to me as far as I could tell. In just a few seconds I'd have him in my talons. Twenty feet, ten feet, five feet…

I made one last small correction to my flight path which ended up sending me too far to the right. I had completely forgotten about my tail feathers! When I tried to adjust my tail, I failed to compensate for them. I had shot right just an inch or two, but it was enough to only catch some dirt for my effort. The snake obviously knew I was there after that as he quickly slithered to the safety of his rocks. I had blown my one and only chance.

I flapped back to cruising altitude and soldiered on to find another field. I knew that I wouldn't have another chance to go after that snake any time soon, and now I was even hungrier than before. My pride was tarnished, but I was still determined to get some food.

I eventually came to another field that looked only slightly better than the previous one. But this one did have some grass, so I circled around a few times to see if anything was moving down below. I didn't see any prey at first, but I did notice something else. A scruffy-looking red-tail sat perched on a tree branch not too far off the ground. I could tell that he was very old and probably sick as well by the way he looked. That's probably why he could only get this measly field as his territory.

His appearance there was actually a good sign for me though. If this field belongs to a hawk then that must mean there's got to be at least some food to be found there. I'm no spring chicken myself, but I didn't think, in his current condition anyway, that he could put up much of a fight against me.

So I continued to scan for any movement in the field. And, eventually, my persistence paid off yet again. I saw just the tiniest twitch of grass which I didn't think the other hawk saw. I didn't really wait to find out though as I dove straight for it.

This time I made sure to compensate for my missing tail feathers and I nailed my target beautifully. I saw the other hawk take off in protest, but as I got to the tree line I noticed him start to make a gentle U-turn back to his perch. I'd done it! I finally got something to eat.

I quickly found a nice branch to perch on and began to dig in. I'd caught a decent-sized chipmunk, and it would be enough to fill me until dinner and possibly overnight if I stretched it. I ate every little piece I possibly could, cleaned myself up a bit, and took off with a full belly to try and make up some lost time.

For the next few hours I flew at a pretty good pace. The food had made my miserable day a little more bearable and gave me some renewed energy. I really wanted to make it to Yellowstone by nightfall, but the closer it got to dusk the farther away Yellowstone seemed. But as the sun started to go down, my surroundings started to become more familiar. I had technically reached the boundaries of Yellowstone a few hours ago, but the Hork-Bajir main settlement was still a bit farther east. And as it began to really get dark I knew that there was no way I'd make it there in time. But I did know of a good place to spend the night that wasn't much farther away, so I decided to make that my aim for today. I could finish the last twenty miles or so tomorrow.

It was hard to catch it with my hawk eyes (since I still didn't want to morph unless I absolutely had to), but after passing it by a few times I finally caught it. It's well hidden, so even in broad daylight it's hard to find. But it's the safest place for a hawk with no territory to be for miles around. And it's where I used to go when I knew that the weather was going to be particularly nasty that night. It has its downfalls, but a cave isn't really suited for a hawk in the first place.

I carefully swooped on down through the trees and into the mouth of the cave. It took a little bit to find my usual perch in the extremely dim light, but after bouncing and scraping against a few of the walls I eventually found _something _that I could rest on.

That's what made this particular cave great. It was lined with small overhangs just past the cave entrance. They were too high for any ground animal to get at. They also weren't that far in so I didn't really have to worry about bats, although I could still hear them slightly deeper in the cave. And an owl or any other bird wouldn't have any reason to come in and look for prey since there really wasn't any here.

There were some downsides however. It was cold, wet, dark, a bit noisy, and very uncomfortable. But when there was a storm raging outside or if I happened to not have a territory it was the perfect place to be. I just tried to make myself as comfortable as possible as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I didn't have the greatest night's sleep (the bats going in and out made sure of that), but it was better than last night's that's for sure. I finally decided to get up when my stomach told me to (I had stretched yesterday's meal a bit farther than I'd wanted to). I got up, stretched my wings, and flew out into the bright morning sun.

I knew my way around here now, so it wouldn't be any trouble to find the Hork-Bajir camp. But I didn't even need to go that far before I'd caught sight of Toby on her usual morning rounds.

_Hey Toby!_ I shouted out to her a bit louder and more excited than I'd wanted to. She was so shocked at the sound of my voice that she completely missed grabbing onto the next branch she was swinging towards and tumbled the short distance down to the ground.

I swooped down and landed on a nearby tree branch as Toby slowly regained her composure after her fall, something Hork-Bajir don't do very often.

_Sorry_, I said as she started to get up, _I didn't mean to scare you. I'm just glad to see you and I'm glad to be back._

"Tobias!" she cried out, "It really is you!" She quickly climbed up to the branch I was perched on and gave me a soft human-like hug. It was a scary thing to be a part of with all those blades around you, but I tried to gently return it with my wings. "It's good to see you too!" Toby said as she carefully let go of the hug. "You made it back after all! We'd all thought the worst had happened, along with basically everyone else in the world. But I'm glad that you made it." Then, she gave a small pause before she said, "So, how did it go?"

That's the eternal question I guess. No matter how many times I answer it, someone else always has to ask. Hopefully, when I finish my book, no one would have to ask anymore.

My mood changed only slightly as I said, _Do you have some free time, because it's kind of a long story? _

Toby looked at me kind of strange and said, "Yeah, I could make some. One second."

She got up from the branch she was sitting on, braced herself against the side of the trunk, cupped her hands around her beak, and yelled, "Garkwarar!" It was a call for any available Hork-Bajir in the area to come and help with something; I'd heard it many times before. It's a native Hork-Bajir word that roughly translates into 'seek me out'. The Hork-Bajir have developed a basic long-range communication system out of a few of their native words so that everyone could keep in contact with one another.

Within a few short seconds, we both heard the response 'Karhgora' which literally translates to 'I'm coming'. And within a few more seconds, another Hork-Bajir seemed to blend right out from some distant trees. He moved with amazing speed and was standing on our branch in just a few additional seconds.

"Taldrin," Toby said before the other young Hork-Bajir could say anything, "I need you to finish my rounds for me today. I still need to check up on the western bark field as well as the third and fourth settlements. If you get lost just look for my mom. She can lead you to them or at least point you in the right direction."

"Yes," Taldrin said in response, "of course. I will go."

"Thank you," Toby said as Taldrin turned around and launched off in the direction he came from.

Toby then focused her gaze on me again and said, "Now I have some time."

As she sat back down on the branch with her legs and tail dangling off the edge, I began my story.

I told her everything I remembered from leaving my territory here to my ship ride to our crash landing to our mission and battles to my transport back to earth to everything that had happened until the moment I'd saw her. She was very quiet the whole time and listened intently to everything I said.

And only after I'd finished she finally decided to say something. "That sounds like Jake to me; giving up his own life like that. I'm sure that he would've liked to go down fighting in the end. He was Rachel's cousin after all."

And that was it. There was no "I'm so sorry for you Tobias. You must feel horrible, so let me pile on some more sympathy on top of everything else you're carrying." Toby knew. She knew me; she knew how I felt and she also knew that there was nothing she could do to help me. I just needed some time to work things out myself, and she knew that perfectly. That's why I loved her. There was no one else alive now that knew me that well, and I was glad she was the last one I had to tell, besides the rest of the world anyway. It made reliving the past easier knowing that there was someone who understood you listening. I really didn't know how much more I could've taken before I broke down again anyway.

"So," Toby said after a moment of silence between us, "what's next for you Tobias? Do you have anything planned?"

I thought about it for a second before answering. _Well, the first thing I need to do is to find myself a territory of my own. Then, we can start worrying about everything else._

"Okay," Toby said in response, "I've had Karpeck surveying the fields around here since you left like you requested. If anyone knows where an empty field would be it's him. He's probably out surveying them now actually. We'll see if we can catch up with him. Of course, your eyes would probably be the best weapon we have."

_Alright_, I said quickly, _I'll see what I can do. Anywhere specific I should look?_

"Well," Toby continued, "since we're close to the northern border focus southward. Other than that he could be anywhere now."

_Does he still look the same as before I left?_ I asked as I took off.

"He's gotten a little bigger, but otherwise he's the same cute little Karpeck," Toby responded with a slight giggle.

I remembered when he first joined the free Hork-Bajir colony. It was about a year after the colony was formed. He was very young then. He had been bred on Earth by the Yeerks as a sort of experiment to see if they could create smarter Hork-Bajir. They had gotten it sort of right. He was a bit smarter than the average Hork-Bajir, but to someone not used to the mental capacities of a normal Hork-Bajir he would still seem probably about as bright as a rock. Although his memory was greatly enhanced by whatever the Yeerks did to him. Therefore, he was the perfect one to keep track of what birds inhabited what fields.

As I flew up higher I didn't see much of anything moving in the trees, so I decided to head south in hopes of spotting him. Toby followed close behind me at a leisurely pace and started to call out, "Darkenkar Karpeck," which loosely translated to 'searching for Karpeck'. I kept my eyes open as I heard the call being carried on by other Hork-Bajir in the area. We continued on for about twenty minutes before I heard the very faint response, 'Karhgora'. It only took me a second or so to spot the devilish looking creature swinging from the branches toward where Toby was. He looked a lot like Toby, being only a few months older, except he was just a bit bigger and, well, male. He had three horns instead of two…

_I think I see him,_ I shouted down to Toby who started to slow to a halt. I quickly then focused my attention on finding a good place to land. I quickly spotted a nice little branch right above where Toby had stopped and dove. I hit my mark just as Karpeck came swinging daintily into view.

"Dawakana," he said as he stopped on an adjacent branch which translates very loosely into 'here I am'.

"Karpeck," Toby began, "what's the field status? Are there any that are open?"

"I was just in the middle of my survey for today," he responded casually, "and so far there aren't any open and I don't really expect there to be. There is one on the outskirts of our territory that's controlled by a very sick hawk. I'm no expert, but it doesn't look good. It looks very rough. It hasn't preened it's feathers in quite a while and it has some trouble catching food. I don't think it can survive much longer. The field itself isn't too great either; kind of patchy and barren. But, it does have a few small mammals running around here and there. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Toby replied as she pointed up towards me, "guess who's come back."

_Hey Karpeck_, I said before he had a chance to take a look, _how's everything?_

"Tobias!" he yelled, "you've made it! I'm fine but how are you? Everything go as planned?"

I was about to respond when Toby cut in first. "Once everyone finishes their tasks for the day we will have a celebration for Tobias' return. There, I will tell everyone the story."

"Okay," Karpeck said sounding a bit disappointed and confused as to why Toby would be telling the story, but he quickly changed his mood. "Alright," he continued, "the field I was talking about is a good distance from here. Follow me." And with that, he took off at lightning speed before I was even able to take flight.

_Hey_, I yelled out to him, _slow down!_ _What do I look like, a jet fighter?_

"Sorry," he yelled back.

As I got ready to take off, I gave Toby one final look. _Thanks_, I said, _you know, for telling the story instead of me._

She didn't say anything, but her look said it all. 'Don't mention it.'

It was a long flight out to the field Karpeck was talking about. And when we finally got there, I was even more unimpressed than I had been originally. It looked more like a patch of dirt than a hawk's field, but I guess that beggars can't be choosers. Now it made sense why a dying hawk was living here. No one else would take it.

Speaking of which, he was the second thing I noticed. And he also looked a lot worse than Karpeck had described. Loose feathers hanging out everywhere, a general mess of his perch area, and his almost nonchalant way of caring that I was invading his territory told me a lot about his condition. It's a miracle that he'd survived this long.

"So," Karpeck asked enthusiastically, "whadya think? I know it's not in the best shape, but I assure you that some small animals do pass by here from time to time; I've seen them. And the hawk that's here won't bother you that much I think. I'm no expert, but the other hawk doesn't look too good."

_Yeah_, I added,_whatever's wrong with him it's terminal. It's a miracle he's still alive actually._

"How can you tell?" Karpeck asked sounding intrigued.

I thought about it for a second and finally ended up saying, _I'm not sure, I just know. It's the same with telling whether they're male or female, I just know. You can call it my sixth hawk sense if you want._

We were both silent for a bit after that. I took a quick look around the place and found a nice place to perch to take a good look around the sparse field. I kept one eye on the other hawk as I landed, but he didn't as much as flinch as I came to rest on a large branch. He already knew what was happening and he was ready to accept his fate.

The field itself didn't look much better from down here than it did from up in the air. It was still the same almost barren dirt patch. But to Karpeck's credit I was able to see some small footprints indented into the soft soil between random plant outgrowths. The field might not be as barren as it first seemed.

"So," Karpeck said breaking the silence between us, "do you like it? I know it isn't what you're used to, but you don't have to keep it permanently. Once you get settled in you could always try and get a nicer field or maybe even go back after your own meadow if you're up to it. But watch out if you decide to go for your old meadow. There's a nasty falcon there that's driven off any bird that comes close. And he's been there almost since you left, so he's well settled in by now."

_Thanks for the info_, I said in response, _but I'll stick with this one for now. So much has happened for me in the last couple of days that I just need some time to rest. Then I'll worry about getting a better field for myself when I'm ready._

Karpeck nodded and slowly turned around to leave, but before he could I said to him,_Hey, Karpeck. Thanks for doing all this for me. I never would have expected that you'd keep it up this long. I mean, I didn't even know if I was going to make it back after the first few weeks myself._

"It was my pleasure Tobias," he said happily in response. "It let me get out and explore our area a bit, going places few Hork-Bajir have gone before. I enjoyed every minute of it." He took a small pause before continuing. "And now, I'm not going to know what to do with myself. I've been doing this for so long that I'm not sure I could go back to work strictly within our settlement."

_Toby's very smart_, I said to comfort him, _and I'm sure she'll find something for you to do that you'll like. And, if you find it hard to transition to your new job right away, you could always keep a lookout for any other potential fields in the area for me. You know, in case something better turns up. I'm sure Toby would let you if you asked._

"Thanks Tobias," Karpeck said in return, "I'd like that." And after a short pause he continued. "Well, I'll leave you to you hawk business. I'm sure that you've got a lot to do. So I'll see you at the celebration tonight?"

I hesitated for a second before saying, _Yeah, I'll be there._

"Great," he said enthusiastically, "then I'll see you there." Then he turned around and shot off into the nearby woods.

I really didn't have all that much to do actually. It was still the other hawk's field for the time being, so I just sat perched up in a tree and waited for some prey to stumble on by. I was hungry and needed some food before I could do anything else.

It was hard to concentrate with another hawk in the area. Every few minutes I kept looking over at him to see if he was going to attack me, but he never moved. He must've been sicker than I thought not to challenge me at all...

But even with my constant distraction, my hunger was doing a good job of keeping me focused enough. Eventually, my persistence paid off as I saw a small rabbit hop cautiously into the field. I was sure that the other hawk saw it too, but I couldn't make my move just yet. If I tried to go for it now, then the rabbit would see me right away and waste no time running to the nearby safety of the dense woods. I needed to wait until it was farther away from the tree line and busy eating before I struck. I could only hope that the other hawk was thinking the same thing. Because if he tried for the rabbit and missed, then neither of us would get any food. Of course, if he did get it then I would probably be able to fight him for it easily, but he really wasn't in any condition to catch anything right now.

And so I waited and watched. Watched and waited. Hoping that the little rabbit would make the fatal mistake of thinking the coast was clear and leave the safety of the tree line. And after a few tense moments, he did just that. He hopped, still cautiously, to the center of the small field and began to chew on a few of the plants that were growing there in a small clump. I almost had my chance to dive at him, but there was still too much open dirt between us. He needed to completely turn around if I was to have any chance of sneaking up on him. The way he was facing now was only benefiting the other hawk. So much so that I couldn't help but keep an eye on him. He was tensed up a bit, but he still hadn't made his move yet. But as I turned my focus back to the rabbit, I knew that my time had come to strike. The rabbit had finished nibbling on whatever plant it had been and decided to move to another one. Now his back was facing me. It was the last mistake it would ever make.

I had a golden opportunity and I wasn't going to waste any time in taking advantage of it. I immediately took off from my perch and focused my sights on the nibbling rabbit. I flew as silently as possible, not wanting to grab it's attention. I kept getting closer while the rabbit remained oblivious. Twenty feet. Ten feet. Five feet. Two feet. At the last second it finally heard me, but by then it was too late. I thrust both my talons out as I flared my wings. I felt my talons hit something solid, so I squeezed both of them as they pierced the soft and fuzzy flesh right below the spine. Once I was sure they were solidly in, I gave an even harder squeeze and felt the spine give way to the pressure with a loud _**CRACK! **_I flapped my wings hard as I struggled to carry the rabbit up to a relatively safe eating height. Once I finally made it, I found a good branch on the other side of the field to perch on and began to dig in.

After I had taken a few bites, I looked over to the other hawk who hadn't moved from his spot. Hawks didn't usually show emotion in the human sense of the word, but they do have their own ways of doing it. Call it the hawk's sixth sense if you want, but the other hawk was showing a complex mixture of emotions: defeat, humiliation, and most of all worthlessness. The human part of me felt terrible for what I'd done, but the hawk part of me was just happy to have food. I tried to block out the human part as much as I could, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't help but feel sorry for the other hawk. He must be suffering a lot already and I just stole his only meal of the day possibly. I've done some rotten things as a hawk before, but never had my humanity shown through so strongly before. I knew that there was only one thing I could do to make myself feel a bit better, but I was almost certain it wasn't going to work. The human side of me still wanted to try though.

When I had eaten my fill of the rabbit, I gathered up whatever was left and flew over to the other hawk. He barely even turned his head as I landed only a few feet from him. Then, I did something that I'm sure no other non-mating hawk has ever done. I draped what was left of the rabbit across his branch right in front of him and took off toward my own perch.

He didn't touch the rabbit at all. He didn't so much as look at it after I'd left. I knew that he probably wouldn't, but it made me feel better knowing that I had at least tried to help.

But I knew I couldn't sit here and worry about the other hawk all day. Now that I was full I had other business to attend to. I had promised Cassie that I was going to write a book, so I figured now was as good a time as any to get started. That way, the events would still be fresh in my mind, even though I probably wouldn't be forgetting much of what happened any time soon.

So I flew back to my old meadow, but I really didn't want to get close as a hawk. Just going by what Karpeck had said it would probably be best to stay far away from there while I was a hawk. So, I landed about a hundred yards away and morphed into Ket Halpak, a morph I hadn't used in a _long_ time, before gracefully swinging from tree to tree the rest of the way.

Even living as far away from society as I did, you still see the occasional human pass by. And where there are humans, who are usually on vacation, there's bound to be money. And sometimes that money has a way of getting out of whatever it's stored in. When that happens it usually finds a comfortable place to rest on the ground until someone comes by to pick it up, or it gets shredded by the elements. Luckily for me, I'd come across a few bills before they got shredded in my three long years here at Yellowstone. I really didn't have any use for money for the longest time, but I decided to keep whatever I found anyway. You never know, I might need it sometime in the future. And I was ultimately right. I did need some now.

Once I made it to the edge of my old meadow I quickly made a beeline for my secret hiding place. When I got there I found it undisturbed (living in the woods will teach you how to hide stuff _very_ well from just about anybody). Once I had uncovered it, I grabbed the heavy-duty plastic bag, which I kept anything of value to me inside, and took off towards my soon-to-be new field.

On my way out I caught a glimpse of the falcon that now controlled this meadow now. And let me tell you, that was one nasty looking bird. Not nasty as in sick or disgusting, but nasty as in fierce. She had numerous battle scars all over her body and just sported a very fierce air about her. Birds of prey normally look incredibly fierce, but for some reason she looked fiercer than any other bird I'd seen; and I've seen my share of fierce birds. I knew right then and there that I wasn't going to be getting my old meadow back, and it'd be suicide to try. I wouldn't have even stood a chance if she tried to take it from me in the first place. I had a feeling that this meadow was going to be hers until the day she died.

I didn't really feel sad or disappointed or anything like that. My old meadow would've given me something familiar at a time in my life where everything I knew was changing, but it still held too many painful memories for me. I had sulked over Rachel's death there for the better part of three years. Almost every small tree and rock there had some sort of emotional meaning to me, and I didn't need to be reminded of her every time I looked out across my meadow. The sulking approach hadn't worked then, and there was no way it was going to help me know. What I needed to do now is start from scratch. If I try and put everything behind me and just accept it outright, I would probably end up living a better life afterwards.

Anyway, I focused my thoughts away from her and back to my mission at hand; getting back to my soon-to-be field.

After I had made it back to my new field I found a good temporary place to store my bag. I pulled out a twenty dollar bill and headed off towards the closest supply store. The other hawk still hadn't moved an inch since I'd left and the rabbit still looked undisturbed.

I made it to the supply store fairly quickly while still in my Hork-Bajir morph. It wasn't all that far away from my soon-to-be field actually. I demorphed and remorphed into my human self at the edge of the woods, still holding on to the twenty, and proceeded inside the store. It wasn't extremely busy, but I was hoping that there were enough people inside so that no one noticed I wasn't wearing any shoes. Although, I had incorporated a slightly baggy pair of pants into my human morph for just such an occasion.

I picked up a few notebooks, a pack of pencils, a pencil sharpener of course, and a few pens before I went to the checkout line. The cashier looked at me a bit funny, but I made it through checkout fine. I quickly threw the change in the bag, headed out the door, and made my way back up into the woods. Once I was a reasonably safe distance in, I demorphed, remorphed into Ket, and took off towards my soon-to-be new field.

When I got there I threw everything I'd brought into my old storage bag except for a notebook, a pencil, and the sharpener, which I quickly used and then threw in. Once I was sure that my bag was relatively well hidden, I morphed to my human self, sat down against the trunk of a nearby tree, and began to write.

Well…, I almost did. You see, I really didn't know where to start. Should I start at the very beginning? Like when I was growing up? Or should I start from the moment I first saw Elfangor's ship? Or should I start from when I lost my morphing power or even possibly when I gained it back? Should I start from the moment the war ended or the moment I first saw Jake afterwards? The boarding, travel, or crash of the ship? I wasn't sure.

The only things that the rest of the world knew about me were whatever Marco, Cassie, or Jake had told them. The three of them knew me, but I don't think anyone knew me all that well. Rachel and Ax were the only people I had really got close to. Rachel was dead obviously and Ax wasn't allowed to talk to the human media about anything since his home world wouldn't allow him to, so there wasn't much real info about me out in public. I liked it that way. But now, with me being the only survivor of the Animorph's last mission, people would want to hear what had happened directly from me. And, as a result, my own past was bound to get tossed into the mix as well. So, I decided to give them what they wanted in one package. If they wanted to see the real Tobias then that's what I'd give them.

But none of that helped me with where to start. I was still clueless…unless…

I went back to where I had hid my bag and opened it up again. I only had to dig through it for a little bit before I found what I was looking for, all three of them.

I know it was a stupid thing to do, but after I'd gotten my morphing abilities back I started to keep a diary. Being stuck in a morph made me realize that everything I know and love could end at any moment, so I wanted to leave something behind just in case I couldn't be there anymore. Something that would try and explain my past. Something that would try and explain my decisions during my life. Something that would try and explain how my mind works. I hadn't told anyone about it yet specifically, not even Ax or Rachel, but I gave them directions on how to find it if I happened to die at some point. It's just kind of funny that I happened to be one of the last Animorphs to still be alive.

Anyway, that day never happened. When I moved out to Yellowstone I had Toby bring my small collection of stuff with her when she was relocated. And now, I had all three of my diaries in my hands (they were each relatively small notebooks and I had a tendency to write a lot sometimes).

That was my idea. I'd have my diary printed along side my book. That way, people would hopefully be satisfied enough so that they wouldn't try and seek me out for answers to their questions. Well, I could always hope, couldn't I?

I had written almost daily in my diary since I got my morphing power back until the day Jake arrived and told me about our final mission. And I also wrote about everything in my life prior to then as well in a separate notebook, so I had everything up until the day I left covered already. At least now I knew where to start my new book. So I began to write.

I kept on writing for some time before I heard a loud rustling of the branches above my head. I looked up to see two very large taloned feet and a long spiky tail staring at me in the face.

"Hey Toby," I said, going back to my writing.

"Hey Tobias," Toby said back, "how's your first day back going?"

"It's going alright," I said in response. "I'm just starting on the book I told you about."

There was a long silence before Toby came back with a response. "Tobias, I know that you must be busy writing your book and getting used to your new field, but the entire Hork-Bajir colony would greatly appreciate it if you'd come to our celebration, even if it's only for a little bit. Everyone just wants to say hi and see that you're back and okay. I told them all not to ask you about your recent mission. I'll be telling them the entire story after everyone's finished eating anyway. Of course, you'd be free to leave at any time you want. I wouldn't dream of making you sit through your story again if you didn't feel like it."

I finished the thought I was writing in my notebook first. Then, I looked up between those large taloned feet and straight into Toby's hunched-over face. I wasn't sure what I was expecting exactly, but all I saw was compassion. She somehow had to know what I was feeling because she was showing me exactly what I needed to see. I closed the notebook, slid the pencil into the spine, and said, "Sure, I'll go."

After I demorphed we both took off in the direction of the Hork-Bajir settlement. I could see it from miles away since there was a huge fire raging and it was starting to get dark. (The Hork-Bajir didn't make too many fires, especially ones this large. The park rangers were all afraid that the Hork-Bajir would start a forest fire since they weren't as smart as humans. With this reasoning they couldn't ban fires outright, but they made the penalties very costly if they got out of control. That's why fires this big were only done during important celebrations.)

Even though I could see the fire from my soon-to-be territory, it was still a decent flight from there to the Hork-Bajir colony. And once we finally made it there it was completely dark. Toby went off to do whatever it is she does at these things which left me to mingle with the rest of the Hork-Bajir.

A Hork-Bajir celebration is kind of like a human celebration. In the Hork-Bajir version it's not much more than a big meal of specialty barks coupled with a roaring fire, the story of whatever's being celebrated, and general talk amongst the Hork-Bajir about what's being celebrated. When it's a living person they're celebrating, that person usually goes around and talks to all the others to be polite. And that was my job now.

Most of them knew me only as a hawk. But given the nighttime lighting and the Hork-Bajir's relatively bad eyesight, I figured that my human form would be the best way to go about it this time. I landed in the low branches of a tree and morphed. Then, I started to merge into the crowd.

Because I was in my human form, very few recognized me at first. But eventually, small groups of Hork-Bajir started to gather around me.

They kept the conversation light. Well, as light as a normal Hork-Bajir can anyway. Simple questions like 'how are you feeling' and 'how's your new field' dominated the conversations along with simple comments like 'your human body is very nice' and 'I'm glad you're back'.

As much as I really didn't like all the attention, it did make me feel a bit better knowing that I still had some people who cared for me. Plus, I had to get used to having attention thrown on me like this. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew that my book was going to do the same thing to me, only on a much larger scale. I could only hope that I'd be ready for that when the time came.

After talking with almost everyone there, I saw Toby come out from the crowd and approach me.

"Tobias," she said to me, "I'm about to call everyone in for the story." She didn't say anything else to try and make me feel bad or weak for leaving. It was just as if she was telling me a normal, everyday thing and letting me truly decide what I should do according to my own emotions.

"Alright Toby," I said back as strongly as I could. I knew that she was doing her best to not make me feel weak for having to leave, but that feeling was still there nevertheless. "Thanks for everything," I continued. "This celebration helped me to get back into some sort of normality back here."

"Anything I could do to help," she said as she turned around and stepped back into the crowd.

I said goodbye to the group I was talking to and began heading to the woods to demorph. I had just finished when I heard Toby call everybody to attention. I took off as the story began, trying my best to block out the words and emotions one more time before I finally put everything on paper. And I hoped that writing my book would be the final time I had to relive that experience.

After I got out of audio range of the Hork-Bajir camp I focused completely on my flying. I hadn't had to fly at night for a while, so I was out of practice. I was struggling to see where I was going and I really had to work to keep myself up in the air. After what seemed like forever I finally made it back to my soon-to-be field. Thankfully, I had taken the time to figure out my sleeping arrangements while I was waiting for some prey, so I knew exactly where to perch and rest now. The only thing I was worried about, besides all the night predators obviously, was the other hawk and what he might try to do to me during the night. The only thing I could do if he attacked was react quicker than he attacked. And in his condition, that wasn't bothering me too much.

I shot a glance over towards him as I landed. Even though it was a fairly dark night, I was still able to make out his outline against the shadows of the trees. He had shifted to another branch while I was gone and it looked like he'd at least touched the remains of the rabbit I offered him.

I was extremely tired from not getting enough sleep the past couple nights, so the other hawk was the last image I saw before I quickly and mercifully fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning feeling better than I had in a while. I hadn't had a perfect night's sleep, but it had been way better than my last few nights.

As I stretched my wings and talons I took a waking-up look around the field. I started out only searching for some early-morning prey, but my attention quickly focused on the other hawk. He didn't challenge me during the night, so I wasn't sure how well he was doing this morning. I looked over to the tree he'd been in yesterday, but I didn't see him. The remains of the rabbit still hung where I'd left them, although it looked like something had taken out a few chunks during the night. I looked around at the nearby trees, but there was still no sign of him. I figured that he'd finally left this field for whatever reason until I finally caught a glimpse of him. He lay sprawled out on the ground in a tangled mass of wings and feathers. He was dead.

The absolutely first thought that came out of my mind was "breakfast", but I quickly gave myself a mental slap for that. Under normal conditions it probably would've been my breakfast, but since I knew that he had been incredibly sick I didn't want to take my chances. I'd only gotten really sick twice as a hawk, and both times I had almost wanted to kill myself it was that bad. Imagine having the worst cold you can think of and still have to survive the elements and hunt for your own food. It was absolute torture and I had to basically live in Cassie's barn for a week both times. Out here, I didn't have that luxury.

But as my thought of breakfast subsided for a second, a much stronger emotion overtook me, thankfulness. I was glad that the other hawk had finally ended it's suffering. It must have been horrible living like that. To endure something like that for however long must've taken a whole lot of strength. And now, he could finally rest in peace. And his passing also meant that this was now officially my field.

My mind eventually turned from the dead hawk back to my stomach. I hadn't eaten dinner last night and I was running on empty this morning. Since the hawk was out of the picture and there was no visible prey in the field, my only option for breakfast was whatever remained of the rabbit. There wasn't much, but there was enough to get me started for the day...

Over the next few weeks I tried to get back to some level of normalcy, although I always felt like something was missing. I spent most of my time on the lookout for prey, but any free time I could find I spent writing in my notebook. I had tried to get a nicer field once with Karpeck's help. An easier time hunting would've given me more free time to write. But I really wasn't strong enough anymore to go up against a youthful hawk in a battle over territory. I eventually lost and decided afterwards that my own field was working well enough for me now, so I decided to officially make it my permanent residence.

After about a month-and-a-half of relative seclusion I finally finished my book. It wasn't absolutely perfect, but I thought that it would get the story out well enough. I wasn't finished with all my writing though. I still had to go through my diary and edit it up a bit.

I really wasn't trying to edit much content out (although anything having to do with Erek and some of my most intimate moments with Rachel I did end up erasing), I was basically going through to fix some spelling and grammatical errors as well as making the whole thing flow together a bit better. But I think the main reason I wanted to go through it again was for some sort of closure to everything. I wanted to get all my emotions about everyone and everything out right now. That way, I could truly start my life brand new and with a clean emotional slate after I gave Cassie my books.

While I was reading and editing my diary I became extremely depressed for a solid week or so (big surprise there since my life's been full of nothing but happiness). I didn't eat much, I didn't sleep much, and I didn't write much. All I did was mope around and try to vent all the emotions I could. It wasn't much fun, but if I was to truly start over then I needed to do it. After about a week I began to come around enough to finish editing. And over the next few days my mood improved slowly until I was back to "normal". It was only then that I told Toby it was alright for Cassie to come pay me a visit. She'd wanted to ever since her vacation ended, but I was either too busy or too depressed to see her. Now I felt like I was finally ready to put a cap on everything and finally hand her my books.

Not much more than a day after I had given Toby the okay I saw an out-of-place osprey flying towards my field. It didn't take me long to realize who it was.

_Hey Cassie_, I said, taking a break from waiting for prey. She practically jumped when I said it. I guess I surprised her more than I meant to.

_Tobias_, she almost screamed back, _where are you? I've been looking for you forever. Toby was busy and could only point me in the general direction._

_I'm here, _I said in response_. I'll take off for you so you can spot me easier. _And with that I stretched my wings and gently glided off the branch I was perched on.

After a bit of lazy circling on my part I heard Cassie say, _Okay, I see you Tobias. I'm coming in for a landing._

I flapped a bit to get back up to my normal branch height and found a nice place to perch. A few moments later I saw an osprey come in and land just a few feet away from me and then begin to demorph. But Cassie didn't want to wait until she was human again to start the conversation.

_Tobias_, she started, _I've been worried about you. What was all that business about you being busy? I mean, I know that you have to catch your own food and everything, but it couldn't have taken you an entire day for two whole months to get proficient at it again, could it? I mean, I just wanted to say hi and make sure you made it back alright, but Toby wouldn't tell me where your territory was._

That was about the time that her thought-speak cut out, which gave me an opportunity to explain myself a bit.

_Sorry Cassie_, I said before she had her own fully-formed mouth back to yell at me some more. _I didn't mean for it to come off like that. It's just that I really was busy. As you can probably tell, prey isn't exactly flocking to my field. I spend most of my time waiting for something to stumble in. And any time I did have free I spent on writing the book that we talked about._

"I'm sorry Tobias," Cassie said compassionately after she got her mouth back, "I didn't mean for it to come out like that either. It's just that I've been worrying about you for almost two whole months. I know that you can take care of yourself in the wild, but I still wanted to see you with my own eyes."

_I understand_, I said back.

After a moment of silence, Cassie finally said, "So Tobias, how's everything going?"

We talked for a bit about this and that. Most of it was based on me though. She really did seem worried about me, although she tried to hide it. It annoyed me a little bit that she didn't fully trust me being on my own suddenly, but it also made me feel good that someone else cared enough about me to care what happens to me.

After another pause in our conversation, I finally said, _So, about that book._

I flew down to my hiding spot and began to morph to human. Cassie clumsily climbed down from the tree she was sitting on to join me. Once I was mostly human, I uncovered my new hiding spot and pulled out the bag I'd gotten when I brought my supplies. I figured that it'd be easier for Cassie to carry them back that way. My first diary was getting kind of worn and a few of the pages were coming loose as well.

Cassie took the bag from me, had a peek inside, and said with a surprised look on her face, "Well, you certainly didn't hold back on the content, did you?"

"Only the big book has the story of my last mission in it," I said quickly. "The rest are all pieces of my diary."

Cassie's surprised look only got more intense when I mentioned that. "Your diary?" she said questioningly. "How long have you been keeping one of those?"

"Since I got my ability to morph back," I answered.

"So you've had a diary ever since then?" Cassie almost yelled back. "What if someone found it…"

"I know it was stupid," I interrupted before she could go any farther, "but I had it hidden well. I didn't even tell Rachel or Ax about it. The only reason that I kept it was because it helped me deal with my emotions. I mean, I had attempted suicide only a few months before I started it. I never wanted to be anywhere near there again, and this was the main reason why I never was."

Cassie seemed to take a moment to digest that before she finally said, "So you're okay with complete strangers reading that deeply into your private life?"

"I don't really have a choice," I said in defense. "The moment the press finds out what happened to Jake, Marco, Ax, and me everybody's going to start coming after me again. And when they realize that I'm the only one left to answer whatever questions they have, they're just going to intensify their efforts. And once they find me they'll be no stopping them from finding out absolutely everything about me. I was hoping that by printing my diary with my book it would answer enough questions to keep everybody satisfied , at least so everybody doesn't come after me all at once."

Cassie once again took a long pause to think about what she just heard before saying, "I don't think it's going to work Tobias. It'll probably just create even more questions."

"Well," I said in response, "that's a risk that I'm just going to have to take. I really do hope you're wrong though."

Cassie didn't say anything in response as she turned her head towards the ground to avoid my gaze. But she eventually looked back up at me and said, "You know, this is going to be a goldmine. I mean, you could probably get any price you want for this."

"I don't want the money," I said quickly, "I'd rather just give it away for free if I could. I didn't write this to get rich. I wrote it to let people know what happened."

"I'll tell you what," Cassie said almost before I finished, "How about having all the money that you would've earned go to a charity. That way, we could put one of those charity stickers on the cover and it would only sell that much more."

"Sure," I said, "that's fine with me. Do I even need to ask which charity you're thinking of?"

"Probably not," Cassie responded.

So that's how we decided that all the author's proceeds would go towards the Help the Hork-Bajir charity.

After Cassie had come down from her joyous high for a second, she seemed to get confused about something. "One last thing," she said as she picked up the bag, "how am I supposed to get these out of here?"

I took the bag from her, slid a decent sized stick between the two plastic handles, and tied them in a knot.

"I know it's not going to be very tasty," I said, "but sometimes it's a good thing that a wolf doesn't have much of a sense of taste, huh?"

She looked like she was about to object, but she probably couldn't think of anything better herself. So, with a small grin, she began to morph.

Once she was fully a wolf I slid the branch in between her jaws and made sure she had a good grip on it. I gave her a quick set of instructions on how to get back to where she came from, gave her a few pats on the head, and she took off. Everything was finally over, or so I hoped.

I spent the next few weeks trying to fall into routine. I still wasn't completely over all the events of my life, but I was able to suppress them enough to lay the foundation for my new life over top of them. Although I still felt that there was something missing in my life. Something that I hadn't accounted for...

It was a couple of weeks before I noticed any appreciable difference in the amount of "nature photographers" in the area, but even then it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. A few did end up getting a shot or two of me, but they also got shots of dozens of other red-tails in the area. I thought that everything was playing out nicely until I saw a frantic osprey flying towards my field one day.

_Hey Cassie_, I said when she got within thought-speak range. She didn't say anything back until she had landed and almost fully demorphed. I flew on over to where she was sitting and quickly asked, _is something wrong?_

All she said in response was, "Tobias, I need your help."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Note: Hooray, new chapter time! With my previous chapter I surpassed 100,000 words and with this one I move into fifth place in the longest Animorph stories of I'd like to thank all the readers that made that possible. Without all three of you I never would've made it this far. But anyway, on to the chapter. I could've made it longer, but I want to finish the story just as much as you want to finish reading it, so I tried to make it more direct and to the point this time. No more 18 pages in MS word chapters for me!

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_What's wrong?_, I said quickly, getting a bit worried myself.

"It's just the media," Cassie said almost sounding like she was about to cry, "they're relentless. They know that I have contact with you so I can't even go to the bathroom without being followed and asked a million different questions that I don't know the answer to. I try to avoid them as best I can, but they're always there no matter where I go. I can't get rid of them!"

As concerned as I was with what Cassie was telling me, the first thing I blurted out was, _Did any of them follow you here? _

Cassie's mouth turned into one big grin as she said, "You know, I _am_still an Animorph. Within the secrecy and anonymity of the woods I was able to lose them with a few quick morphs. But this is one of the few times that I've been able to get away from them. And that's why I need to ask you for your help."

Her grin was gone and in its place was a very serious looking face. "I know that you'll absolutely hate the idea," Cassie continued in a serious tone, "but I need you to talk to them and answer a few of their questions."

I was about to abruptly say no, but Cassie cut me off before I could say anything.

"I know you don't want to have anything else to do with what happened, but I'm begging you. I can't live my life like this. I come home to find reporters sitting in my living room for goodness sakes! I can't even do my job right anymore because of all the reporters following me! It's a madhouse out there! And the only way I can see an end to it is if at least some of their questions get answered. Just enough to keep them occupied for a bit so everyone doesn't come looking for me at once."

I took Cassie's small pause in her pleading to give it some thought. Cassie was having a hard time, there was no doubting that. But the media must get tired of not getting answers eventually. They have to have some other stories to report on other than me anyway. So eventually the media mob should disperse and Cassie could go on with her life. And anyway, I had put all that behind me now. I didn't want to bring any of it up again; it was too painful. Plus, I'd been doing a fairly good job suppressing it until now, and I didn't want anything to compromise that. I was about to tell Cassie 'No' again, but I think she felt what my answer was going to be and made one more attempt to change it.

"Tobias, PLEASE!" Cassie said with tears starting to come out of her eyes. "I can't take it any longer! Just answer a few questions. Just do a few interviews! And then, I'll never ask you for anything ever again. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'll do anything you want me to. I'll bring you breakfast, lunch, and dinner on a silver platter for the rest of your life if you want. Just please, get the reporters off my back. They just want to know a few of the details that you left out of your story. Nothing all that hard to answer. Please, just help me Tobias! I'm begging you!"

She then broke down and began to cry. I really hadn't expected the toll to be so hard on her. She's no stranger to the media, even at the heaviest of times. But for her to get to the point she was at now, the media must be absolutely horrible. I felt bad for her, I really did, but I still didn't want to bring those memories back. But as I continued to watch her crying only a foot or so away from me I slowly began to change my mind. I couldn't just abandon her like this. She needed my help and I was in no position to refuse after all the times she'd help me out in the past. And, if the media finally got to her and she told them where I was living, then all hell was going to break loose. It would be much simpler to do a couple of interviews now than to have to live through the media assault that would come eventually if I didn't.

_Alright_, I said softly to a still sobbing Cassie, _I'll do it._

Without even saying anything she grabbed me in a tight hug. Almost too tight actually. But as painful as it was, I still tried to return the hug with my wings until she let go.

"Thank you so much Tobias," she said while wiping the tears from her eyes, "you have no idea how much that means to me. I owe you one, big time. If there's anything you want from me, all you have to do is ask and I'll do my best to make it happen."

_I don't want anything_, I said quickly in response.

"Well," Cassie continued, "if you ever do you know who to come to. And don't worry about all the booking and whatnot, I'll take care of that. All you have to do is show up and answer some questions. Then you'll be free to live out the rest of your life in peace. That is, unless you have a specific interview that you want to do."

_No_, I responded, _not really_.

"Well then," Cassie said back, "I'll come back and get you when everything's ready. And I'll send any updates I can through Toby. If you want to know something just ask her." She was silent for a minute before she continued again. "Thanks Tobias. I'm sorry that things had to work out this way, but hopefully everything will be over soon enough." And with that she did something she'd never done before. She bent over and gave me a small kiss on the beak.

I was just as speechless as she was when she realized what she'd done, so she quickly and silently morphed back to osprey and flew off.

Within the next couple of days I saw a dramatic reduction in the "nature photographers" in the area. I guess that word had gotten out about my upcoming interviews. People didn't seem to be so enthusiastic anymore in capturing my picture since everyone in the whole world would have tons of pictures shortly. I just had to wait for Cassie to come back and tell me the details.

Although I wasn't extremely curious about whom Cassie had in mind to interview me, I did tell Toby to relay any new information to me when she got it. The whole process ended up being kind of funny actually. Originally, Cassie only had me booked on the major shows: Larry King Live, The Today Show, and one of the late night shows (I don't remember which exactly). But then she started getting requests and offers from everywhere including everyone from the local news to a few TV stations in Russia and Brazil. After changing things around numerous times, she finally decided that no one would get an exclusive interview. There'd be just one gigantic interview where everyone from world-class journalists to every day people could submit questions. Someone would then determine which ones were the best and those would be the ones I answered. But she didn't feel comfortable with me just standing in front of a camera and answering them since too many people would say it was faked. So my venue switched from an upscale hotel to an outdoor park and finally to the local sports arena back where I used to live. I had gotten progressively more nervous about everything as the audience got bigger, but then I realized that the whole world was going to be watching no matter where it took place, so I focused on only having to do one long interview which sounded nice.

I didn't try and practice or anything while I waited for Cassie to come back. I didn't even think of how I'd answer some questions that I knew were coming or anything like that. I knew that when the time came to answer whatever the question was, I'd have an answer. I wasn't in danger of forgetting anything either since that's what I'd been trying to do ever since it happened, and it still hadn't worked. Also, I wanted to keep my life going like it was before Cassie convinced me to do the interview. I knew that once I brought those memories back it'd be that much harder to suppress them again, so I just tried to enjoy the time I had now.

But eventually, I saw the familiar lost-looking osprey again and I knew it was time to go.

Since the media was still hounding Cassie with some intensity, and she had convinced me to take a plane back to California instead of just flying back there like normal. She came up with a cunning plan to sneak me aboard the plane without anyone finding out, at least not for a day or two. I was going to acquire one of Cassie's aids as a morph and quietly follow her onto the plane. Her aid on the other hand would then wait until our plane took off, then he would rush to the airport. He'd get on the next flight to southern California to make it look like he missed the plane.

Once the plane landed, I would go to the bathroom and morph to my human self. Her aid would then catch back up with her and continue on as normal while I checked into a hotel room for the night that Cassie had reserved for me. Then, in the morning, we'd meet outside the stadium and take it from there.

The first thing to do was to acquire her aid, who turned out to be a twenty-something intern from some legal college who was extremely nice. He had happily volunteered for this and was more than willing to let me acquire him. Once we got the clothes situation and a few personality things all settled out Cassie and I (in my new morph) proceeded to the airport where we boarded our flight. The flight itself was uneventful (even with me having to demorph and remorph in the bathroom). The entire plan was going good as I walked into the airport bathroom when we landed. I hid the aids spare clothes where he could pick them up later and walked out of the bathroom. Almost immediately afterwards though I knew I was in trouble.

As soon as I had made it a few feet out of the bathroom door, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a forty-something year old lady behind me who said, "I'm sorry to bother you, and I know this must be a bit weird, but are you Tobias Fangor?" I froze dead in my track as my mind panicked to find something to say. But as quickly as the shock had come, it was relieved again when she said, "It's just that you look so much like that age-enhanced photo that's on the cover of the book. I just had to ask."

I let out a silent sigh of relief. "No, sorry," I said back sort of shaky, "I get confused for him all the time though."

"Ah, I see," said the woman in response, "sorry to bother you. It's just that he's supposedly doing something at that arena tomorrow and I heard that he was arriving today. Since this is the airport, I'd figure I'd ask if you were him."

"Don't worry about it," I said back to her, "I'm use to it by now."

And that's how my trip out of the airport (and to the hotel for that matter) basically went.

One of the people who asked me was carrying a copy of my book and I was finally able to take a look at the cover for the first time. It actually looked pretty cool. Half of my face resembled a red-tailed hawk while the other half looked strikingly similar to my human morph all in front of a psychedelic holofoil background. I could see now why I'd been asked if I was Tobias so many times on my way here. Whatever they did to manipulate whatever image they had of me, they did a good job. Almost too good. I had to have a talk with Cassie about that when I saw her again...

But eventually I made it to the hotel. It was sort of a fancy place. Probably not a five star hotel or anything like that, but it was a lot fancier than anything I'd ever stayed in before.

I walked up to the counter and the person there greeted me with a suspicious look on his face.

"Hi," I said in return, "My reservation's under Walters."

"One moment please," he said as he typed something into his computer.

Cassie and I decided to use a pseudonym to stay at the hotel in order to keep the media away. 'It isn't that big of a deal at this place,' Cassie had told me. 'As long as you have the money to pay them, they won't care who you really are. I have a few connections there.' I didn't really ask what sort of connections she had because I didn't want to know. Being in politics had changed Cassie a bit, and stuff like this was only one of the numerous examples.

"Here you are sir," the person behind the counter said as he handed me a keycard. "Any luggage you would like carried up to your room?"

"No, no thanks," I said in return.

"Alright," he said sounding more suspicious, "your room is on the fourth floor. Take a right from the elevator and you should walk right past it."

"Thank you," I said as I started to turn towards the elevator. "Oh, and I'm not Tobias," I said as I left, "I just look a lot like the guy on the cover of the book."

The room itself was very nice. It was much bigger than any of my old rooms had been (which isn't saying much since I'd slept in an oversized closet at both my aunt's and uncle's house). Again, it wasn't as big as a room that some millionaire would have, but it was still very nice. It had a huge king-sized bed covered in some soft-as-silk sheets. My bathroom had its own bathtub and shower as well as a full sink and vanity area. But, best of all, my room had a giant TV with a really nice set of speakers. I instantly knew what I was doing for the rest of the day…

I plopped down in the bed and turned on the TV with the remote.

It had been so long since I watched any TV that I had almost completely forgotten it existed. But as soon as I turned it on I was instantly hooked again. Ax was really the one who got me addicted to TV in the first place. I never watched much before he set one up in his scoop. (My uncle monopolized the TV when I was there and my aunt always kept me busy with chores, so I never really watched any before.) But now, I could lie like this all day and be as happy as ever. The only downside was that I couldn't watch it in my hawk form. The resolution on the big screen wasn't good enough and my hawk eyes were too sensitive. When I tried to watch it as a hawk, all I saw was millions of tiny little flashing colored lines.

Nevertheless, I spent almost the rest of the day in my human morph lying on the bed. When I eventually got hungry, I called up room service and had them bring me up a nice steak. I ate a bit of it as a hawk, and then devoured the rest as a human. It was absolutely perfect. After that, I proceeded to order just about everything they had to offer on their menu so I could taste it as a human again. And that was my day. I watched TV and ate food. All I needed was some sex and my male brain would've ascended to nirvana.

As it began to get dark, I naturally began to get tired, and all of the added food in my stomach wasn't helping either. As the program I was watching ended, I switched off the TV, demorphed back to my natural form, found a comfortable spot on the bed, and slowly dozed off to sleep. I knew that tomorrow was going to be a long day.

I started to wake up just after the sun started to come up. I'd slept better than I think I ever had as a hawk before. A nice warm room topped with a very comfortable bed and in almost complete silence; how could I not have gotten a good night's sleep?

I lazily got back to my feet and gave everything a good stretch before I began to morph to my human form. Since my stomach was growling both as a human and a hawk, I decided to call room service to order some breakfast.

I ate my extra strips of bacon and sausage as a hawk first before I dug in to the rest of it as a human. I had just finished gorging myself on pancakes and syrup when my telephone started to ring. I let it ring a few times as I swallowed my last mouthful of pancakes and then picked up.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver.

"Hello," the voice on the other end repeated, "you have an incoming call from a Miss Walters, would you like me to put her through?"

"Yeah," I said back as I tried to wipe my sticky hands on the bedspread unsuccessfully. I heard a click before someone on the other ends said, "Good morning Tobias."

"Good morning Cassie," I said as I let out a burp from my recent meal.

"Man, I hope I'm not interrupting your breakfast," she said jokingly.

"Nah," I said while letting out another small burp, "I just finished. Anyway, what's up?"

"Well," Cassie said continuing with a small chuckle, "I just wanted to let you know the plan for later today. The interview itself begins at nine, so I want you to meet me outside the stadium at around eight. I'll be located inside a large black van with tinted windows at the far corner of the parking lot. I'd suggest using your seagull morph to fly in anonymously. Just let me know when you get there and I'll let you in. Then, we'll take it from there."

"Sounds good Cassie," I said as I took a sip of the highly-sugared coffee I'd ordered to drink. "Just so I remember correctly, the stadium is south of here, right?"

"I believe so," she said back.

"Alright, I'll see you there at eight," I said. But before I hung up the phone I quickly said, "Hey, Cassie. About that cover photo on my book."

"I assure you that I had almost nothing to do with that," she said back just as quickly. "They took your school photo and ran it through some kind of machine to get that picture. I didn't even get to see the cover until the book had already been shipped off to get printed. It really does look remarkably like you."

"Yeah," I said with a sigh, "I must have been asked about a million times if I was Tobias Fangor on my way to the hotel."

"Sorry Tobias," Cassie said sounding concerned. "I didn't mean for it to…"

"It's alright," I said cutting her off. "I really don't mind, but I just thought I'd point it out."

"Alright," Cassie said with a sigh, "I'll see you tomorrow then. Eight O'clock."

"See you then," I said back.

We both said goodbye and then I hung up the phone.

I went to the bathroom to wash off my hands and then I plopped back onto the bed and switched on the TV. When the show I was watching ended at 7:30, I switched off the TV and went to the window. I slid it open all the way and popped out the screen. Then, after I made sure that the 'Do Not Disturb' door hanger thing was hanging outside my door, I demorphed to hawk, morphed to seagull, and took off.

It was a decent flight out to the arena; maybe about twenty-five minutes by seagull. I had gotten lost for a little bit though, so that made the trip closer to forty-five minutes. Eventually though I saw the stadium off in the distance and gave a few hard flaps of my wings to pick up some speed.

It wasn't as easy as I thought to spot a big black van in a corner of the parking lot. First off, I wasn't use to the seagull's weaker eyes. And secondly, the parking lot had filled in by now blending the van into the rest of the parked cars.

After a few extra minutes of searching though, I finally found what I thought was it. I swooped down and landed on the roof before I said,_Cassie?_ in thought-speak.

I heard some shuffling in the van before I heard a loud splash and the muffled voice of Cassie screaming, "Ow! Ow! HOT, HOT, HOT!" After a moment of relative silence I was going to call out to her again, but before I could say anything the van door slid open. I tentatively wandered to the edge of the roof and eventually fluttered down to the floor. Once I took a few steps in I heard the door closed behind me. After my eyes adjusted to the dim light I looked up to see Cassie with a large brown stain on her formally light blue dress.

As I began to demorph I said, _I'm sorry. Did I make you spill your coffee?_

"Yeah," Cassie said while gazing down at her ruined dress, "it's just that I wasn't expecting your voice to bounce into my brain at that moment in time. But don't worry about it. I really didn't want to dress up in the first place. I'll just throw on a pair of jeans and a shirt while you morph."

I felt kind of bad, but since I was already running late I decided to let it go. _So_, I said as I finished demorphing, _who am I morphing into this time?_

"Well," Cassie said as she moved to the back of the van to change, "to my knowledge no one's figured out that you morphed my assistant yet, so that still seems a good choice."

_Alright_, I said as I began to morph.

"There's some clothes for you on the front seat," Cassie said when I finished morphing. I went over and struggled to put them on in the cramped van. Once I had finished for the most part, I looked back at Cassie and said, "How do I look?"

"You're asking me?" Cassie said sounding surprised. I gave Cassie, who was now in a pair of jeans with a tucked-in shirt, a smile before she continued. "You look fine, just like Ralph would actually. Come on, we're already late."

And with that she slid open the van's door and we both started the long walk to the stadium.

Cassie eventually led me to a sort of secret entrance and after we passed security and went through a long tunnel we finally made it inside the stadium.

"Alright," Cassie said to me when we finally made it inside, "You go to the bathroom and morph to your human self. After that they want me to send you to hair, makeup, and wardrobe. I told them that it's not going to last more than two hours, but they insisted anyway. And after that I'll explain what you'll be doing on stage."

And with that I went into the bathroom as Ralph and came out as Tobias carrying Ralph's clothes. I gave them to Cassie and she pointed me in the direction of wardrobe.

The little Asian lady there wanted to give me some funky-looking dress up stuff to wear, but I eventually ended up walking out with the same clothes on that I'd come in with. Those clothes have been part of my human morph for almost as long as I was able to morph some decent clothes in the first place. They were the first thing that I thought of when I morphed (I had to if I didn't want to come out naked), and I was just used to them by now. It gave me a little bit of extra comfort to still be in my usual clothes, and I would need as much comfort as I could get out there.

Cassie didn't look too pleased when I walked out in the same clothes, but after I gave her a look that said 'look at yourself' she relented and we were off to makeup.

They didn't put too much makeup on me since when I morphed it was all going to disappear anyway. The makeup lady kept telling me that she didn't want the change to be obvious, but nevertheless she kept working for a decent amount of time. I didn't even have to leave the chair afterwards as another lady came in to do my hair. Again, she kept it simple.

Looking at myself in the mirror on the way out, I had to say that I looked pretty good. I looked like any 19 year old should look, and that was all I wanted.

I met up with Cassie in the hallway. When she saw me I could see her eyes light up. "Not bad Tobias," she said with a small chuckle, "not bad at all." I just smiled and kept on walking. Cassie turned to follow me and she gave me some instructions as we walked to the stage.

"Okay," she said while looking down at her notebook, "here's what's going to happen. Up on the stage is a podium with a microphone and a large red button. When it's time for you to go out the lights will dim and then a spotlight will follow you out. When you get to the microphone just say a little something and when you're ready for the questions just hit the big red button. Then, on the teleprompter in front of you and on the screen behind you a question will pop up. You can skip whatever you don't feel like answering just by hitting the button again. If you skip by a question too fast or want to go to a previous one just say something about it and the tech guy will put it as the next question. Since there are too many people here to get a microphone to effectively, the questions asked are going to be very detailed. You're free to answer as much as you want of any question. I'm not sure exactly how many questions there are, but there are enough to keep you busy for awhile. There'll be a break about every hour and a half for a few minutes in order for you to demorph, eat, use the bathroom, or whatever. And that's basically it. Any questions?"

I shook my head as we finally made it to the stage.

"Alright then," Cassie said with a sigh. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Nervous?"

"A bit," I said back. I lied. I was terrified. Imagining what it was going to be like was one thing, but standing on the edge of the stage only seconds from making my first appearance in public was something else entirely.

I think Cassie saw through my lie as she said, "Don't worry about it. Just take a few deep breaths, focus your mind, and be as casual as you usually are. If you do that, then everything's going to work out fine. You ready?"

I gave a weak nod. I guess that was good enough for Cassie as she gave a thumbs up to someone behind me. The lights suddenly dimmed and the noisy crowd instantly went silent. Before I took a step out Cassie gave me a pat on the back and said, "Good luck Tobias."

"Thanks," I said shakily as I took my first steps into the public limelight.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Note: STOP! New chapter time! I see this as being the last major chapter of this story. You'll get a sense of where the story's going at the end, and the rest of the chapters should just tie up some stuff. On another note, I've realized that this story's been a bit too much on the serious side. I tried adding a bit more humor to this chapter, so let me know if it's good, awkward, overdone, etc. And there's one more thing. I don't really know why, but I sort of went off on a side story just past the beginning of this chapter. It's designated by the --- lines so if you want to skip that part it's fine since it doesn't have much to do with this story. Anyway, enough blabber, on to the story!

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I tried to walk out onto the stage with as much confidence as I could, but I knew that I wasn't doing a very good job. I was more nervous now than ever as I tried not to think about the billions of eyes that were watching me.

I eventually made it over to the podium with the bright spotlight following me all the way. I gave the microphone a few quick taps to make sure it was on, took in one last big breath of air, and began to speak.

"My name is Tobias Fangor," I said sort of weakly. I coughed once to clear my throat and then tried to continue. "I'm here today to answer a few of your questions. I'll try to answer everything I can as well as I can. So, let's get this going, shall we?"

_Yeah_, I said to myself, _that was a really great opening Tobias. I'm sure that you'll get an award for that one._ I gave myself a mental slap to straighten myself out as I reached for the big red button sitting on the podium. As soon as I pressed it, a lengthy question came up on the teleprompter in front of me. And so it began.

There were questions on just about everything from my relationship with Rachel to what it was like living as a hawk to what my favorite band was. (Pearl Jam just in case you were wondering. Always has been and probably always will be. Actually, there's a little story that goes along with that.)

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It all started back when I was nine. It was about a week or so after New Year's Day and I was staying at my aunt's house at the time. It was the week where everyone had to go back to work and school and all that again after having off for Christmas and New Year's break. I had come home from school that day to find the usual long list of chores for me to do, but I finished them off pretty quick that day. So quick in fact that I was done by the time my aunt got home from work.

As soon as she saw me not doing anything she began to yell at me, but I quickly told her that I had finished everything. She didn't believe me at first, but after she took a look around she eventually looked somewhat impressed, if only for a second. It was one of the few times that she gave me any kind of gratitude for doing anything, and it felt good.

But almost as abruptly as she'd come in she left again. I thought that that was the end of it, but to my surprise she came back into my room holding something in her hand.

I'd never really gotten anything as a gift before from either my aunt or my uncle, so I was ecstatic when she handed me the small square object. It was a CD! She said that it was my Christmas present, but even as a nine-year-old kid I knew better than that. In all likelihood, she had gotten it as a gift first and hadn't liked it. Either that or one of her co-workers had gotten it as a gift and passed it on to her. Or, who knows, maybe one of her co-workers had brought it specifically for me. In any case, I knew that she had nothing to do with buying it.

Anyway, after a generous amount of thank-yous she told me that I could listen to it when she wasn't home if I didn't mess up her stereo. I thanked her a few more times and she finally left me in peace with the largest smile I'd ever had on my face.

After she was gone I took a good look at the CD. I'd never really been into music much because I didn't have a radio or a CD player of my own. But whatever ended up being on this CD I knew I was going to like regardless. It was one of the very few things I could say that were truly mine, so I didn't care what it sounded like. I was going to play it until it wore out.

I remember taking a look at the purple cover and wondering what exactly was going on. All that was on the cover was a bunch of people holding up their hands together in what looked like one big high-five with "PEARL JAM" written in big white letters in the background. I took a look at the back and read a few of the titles and they sounded normal enough. I couldn't wait until tomorrow when I finally got a chance to try it out.

I rushed home from school the next day and quickly put on the CD. It started with some weird noises, but once the first song kicked in it was awesome. I'd never heard anything else like it, and I absolutely loved it. From that day forward I listened to the CD every chance I could. The songs seemed to express my own emotions in ways that I didn't even know were possible. It's like they knew me personally and spoke to me. Songs like "Alive" made it seem possible for me to deal with my own life. If Eddie Vedder's life had been that bad and he had dealt with it then I could deal with my own.

I kept that CD with me at all times. Everywhere I went it came with me. Well, except to school. I had gotten beat up and had my stuff thrown around enough to know that it wouldn't be safe there. But on that faithful day when I tagged along with Jake through the abandoned construction site everything in my life changed. As a hawk I didn't have much use for it anymore, but it was one of the few things that I picked up from my uncle's house as I prepared to live my life out as a hawk. I had kept it in that plastic bag for all these years without ever getting a chance to really hear it again. It was scratched and dinged a bit now, but I'm sure that it would still work if I tried it. In fact, that specific question made me want to go and listen to it again. I knew what I was doing when I got back to Yellowstone.

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As time went buy I started to get a bit more comfortable in front of the crowd. It wasn't really all that scary after the first few minutes. I just thought of the audience like one big painting or something like that instead of real people. It wasn't that hard either since most of them were absolutely silent the whole time. The only time I really heard anyone talk was during one of the breaks.

As the interview dragged on, I tried to answer every question as best I could. But when something came up about something Erek did or if the question was about an intimate secret between me and Rachel then I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Everything else was fair game though.

I was proud of myself that I only started to cry twice. The first time was when a question asked me for my happiest moment with Rachel, and the other time the question had something to do with Jake's last moments. But I gathered myself up both times and went on to finish answering both the questions.

I also had to dig deep inside myself for a few of them as well. A lot of the memories I've tried to suppress for all these years needed to come out. It felt good to finally get a few things off my chest, but for the most part I was just haunted by all my memories. Some things were just better left buried.

Eventually, after what seemed like countless hours, I pushed the big red button one more time and the words that came up on the screen said, "End of Questions". I stared up at the words for a little bit; exhausted by the mental strain of the day. But my mind snapped back quickly and I said into the microphone, "Well, I guess that's it then. It's been an experience, that's for sure. I hope that you learned what you came here to learn today and that everybody now knows my reasons for doing what I do. But before I go I have a small request to ask of you and everyone else watching at home. I did this interview completely you, not for me. And in return all I ask is that you leave me alone. Don't start wandering through the woods with an entire crew hauling truckloads of equipment just to get a glimpse at me. Do you know how much damage that does to the woods? It's crazy how long it takes the woods to recover from that. And just because that's on the extreme side of the scale doesn't mean its okay for smaller parties to go out looking for me. I don't want to be found. I'm perfectly happy living my life as I am now and I would prefer not to be disturbed by people asking me more questions every day. I've answered almost all the questions you had now, so do me a favor and leave me, Cassie, and anyone else you think may have a connection to me alone. Thank you."

And with that I turned and began walking off the stage. Before I got very far something caught my ears. It started off slow in a corner of the arena, but before I made it to the edge of the stage there was a thunderous applause coming from just about everyone in the arena. I looked back to see everyone standing and vigorously applauding as I took the final steps of the stage. The first person I saw waiting for me offstage was Cassie, just like she had been the entire time.

She gave me a strong hug and said, "Great job Tobias. Thank you for actually coming here and going through all that. The whole world thanks you."

I tried to force a smile as I said, "Sounds like they want an encore."

Cassie, with a big grin on her face, replied, "Wait, let me get your guitar. Then you can go out and play Freebird."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one as me and Cassie started walking towards the exit.

We kept the conversation light as we walked down the long tunnel towards the secret exit. I didn't bother morphing into her aid because there was no reason to. Everyone knew I was here, and I did have to leave somehow. If I tried to hide myself now, everyone would probably get suspicious and look into it. Someone would probably see Cassie's aid walking out with Cassie and put two and two together. I wanted to save that morph for my flight back anyway.

One thing I was careful not to tell anyone was where I was living now. I gave out a few hints inevitably, but I was careful to keep them at a minimum. Even though I had told everyone not to search for me anymore, I knew that there would still be some people who tried anyway. Even though they'd probably find out that I used Cassie's aid's morph to fly back close to Yellowstone eventually, I wanted to keep up as much doubt as I could. The more doubt there was then the less people there'd be looking for me at Yellowstone.

When we finally reached the door and made it outside I realized that it was pitch black.

"What time is it Cassie?" I asked sort of confused.

"It's a little bit past nine," Cassie said back almost nonchalantly.

"You mean that the interview lasted twelve hours?!?" I said loudly.

"Give or take a few minutes, yeah," Cassie said in response. "How long did you think it was?"

"It seemed long," I said, still trying to come to grips with what Cassie was telling me, "but it didn't seem that long. Almost everyone was still there at the end. So they all sat there for a full twelve hours? Why? How?"

"You told a fascinating story Tobias," Cassie answered. "Even I was hooked and I've had first hand experience with some of it. Imagine what it was like to them. They were getting a first hand account about all the things that they'd been wondering about for years. No one wanted to move because they might miss something."

I took a short pause and said, "Yeah, I guess."

After walking in the cold night air for a bit I said to Cassie, "So, we going back to the van?"

"No," she said, "someone already picked that up. I'm just following you really."

I stopped and gave her a confused look. She turned back to me and said, "You wanna travel a bit faster?" And with that, she slowly began to morph.

I quickly got the picture and followed her right in the middle of the parking lot. It felt weird morphing somewhere without much cover, but we were at the far end of the parking lot anyway so the crowd hadn't made it out here to their cars yet anyway. Cassie finished morphing to seagull first while I still had to go through my hawk form. When we were both done we took off together.

The flight back to the hotel was nice. The cool night breeze felt good after spending the whole day inside a hot arena in front of dozens of hot lights. The air was relatively calm otherwise and the lights coming from the nearby city were bright enough to let me see where I was going, so I happily flew on with Cassie right next to me.

We kept the talk light between us again. It was mostly about how I had hidden some things so well from Cassie and the rest of the Animorphs. She had learned a few things about me as well today that she hadn't known before, and she was amazed at just how much I kept secret.

Eventually though my hotel began to come into view along with my still open window with the lights still on. I was the one who dove in first but Cassie quickly followed me inside. Once we were both inside I began to demorph and morph back to human while Cassie decided to stay as a seagull. After I was human again I eventually said goodbye to Cassie. I'd asked if she wanted to stay, but she said she had things to do and she still had a long flight ahead of her to get home.

After she left I managed to put the screen back in the window and then I basically fell down on the bed and turned on the TV. I was extremely tired. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But I didn't really want to go to sleep yet. I knew I was going to have some bad dreams about some of the memories I'd brought back out, and I wasn't looking forward to them. But after struggling to find something on TV that wasn't about me for a while I eventually gave up. I turned off the TV, turned off the lights, demorphed, and eventually succumbed to my tiredness.

That night I had one of my most common dreams that I use to have during the war. It was more of a nightmare actually. The interview had brought up a lot of suppressed memories and with those memories my mind brought back a few things that I hoped it wouldn't. This was one of them.

It always started out as an absolutely beautiful day. The sky was dark blue and cloudless while the thermals were out in full force. I was having a blast riding them up and up and up. Higher and higher I went until the people looked like ants even to my hawk eyes. I eventually started to get too high, so I tried to tuck my wings in and dive, but something kept them locked in place. So I kept going higher and higher getting more worried every passing second. The sun began to get hotter and hotter as I got closer to it as well. Eventually it was almost unbearable. And then things started to get really strange. Similar to what happened to Icarus, my wings slowly began to melt like plastic, although mine were made of real flesh and blood instead of feathers and wax giving it a gruesome touch.

And with only bony protrusions left, I eventually began to plummet towards the ground. As is normal in the unexplainable realm of dreams the entire landscape had changed from the pleasant countryside to an apocalyptic wasteland full of charred remains and a blood red sky. I continued to plummet, tumbling mercilessly end over end until I splashed down into a pool. I struggled to get back to the surface, but thousands of tiny slugs kept pulling me down towards the bottom. It was then that I figured out where I really was. I was inside of a Yeerk pool! The Yeerks were trying to drown me in the thick mercury-like liquid. The more I struggled to break free the harder they pulled me down until I began to feel faint from the lack of oxygen. I was just about to pass out when someone reached in and grabbed me by what was formally my wing. I was forcefully heaved out of the thick sludge and placed on my back at the edge of the pool. While I was madly gasping and coughing for breath I opened my eyes to see a familiar face staring back at me. It was Rachel.

_Thanks_, I said weakly, still trying to catch my breath.

"Sure thing Tobias," she said snidely. Her calm and caring face was gone and in it's place was an evil grin. As my confused head tried to make sense of it all, she picked me up by what was left of my wing and threw me against an adjacent wall. It took a moment for my sight to come into focus again after my head stopped ringing. But when I could see clearly I looked up to see Rachel standing menacingly over me with someone else in the background. As they shifted and the light fell on them just right I could see who it was. It was Taylor.

It was then my mind finally put two and two together.

_You're a controller_, I said sharply to Rachel.

She just smiled back and said, "You figured it out quick Tobias. And now, it's time to have some real fun with you. We've only just begun."

Rachel then began to reach down towards me and that's the point where I usually woke up. This time was no different as I woke up with a small though-speak scream. I hoped that I hadn't woken anybody up in the adjacent rooms as took a peak out of the window to see if the sun was up yet. It was just barely starting to creep up over the horizon and the first rays of sunlight were beginning to shine into my room.

I decided it was time to get up even though I still felt a bit tired. So much for my last night's sleep in a hotel room.

I did my normal wake-up activities before I decided to give room service a call for some breakfast. While I was waiting I switched on the TV and tried to find something that wasn't about me. The only channels that weren't talking about me in some way were limited to nickelodeon and MTV, so I decided to watch some cartoons until my food came.

By now everyone in the hotel probably knew I was staying here. And when the waiter came to my door with the food I prepared myself for the worst. But to my surprise he didn't act very unusual… except when he politely asked for my autograph before he left. So, I decided to write it on the back of one of his order forms. He'd probably be a millionaire someday if he ever decided to sell it which was probably the best tip he'd ever gotten. And I was just happy that he hadn't done anything worse.

Anyway, I gobbled down the ample amounts of food that I ordered and went back to watching some cartoons. They were oddly entertaining actually. I never got a chance to watch them as a kid, so I was sort of reliving a childhood I never had. And anyway, they did a pretty good job taking my mind off of things.

After watching them for a little bit I heard the telephone ring. I picked it up and the voice on the other end repeated the "You have a call from Miss Walters" thing. Eventually I heard a click and quickly said, "Good morning Cassie."

"Good morning Tobias," she said back, "Sleep well?"

"I've had better," I said honestly, "just had a former nightmare relapse is all."

"I'm sorry," she said sympathetically.

"It's not your fault," I said quickly, "Don't worry about it. So, what's up?"

"Well," Cassie started, "I'm just calling to remind you that your flight leaves at nine. Make sure to be there on time. It's about a half hour flight from your hotel to the airport, I checked last night. Don't worry about checking out either. Just leave your cardkey in an obvious place and leave the window open so I can get in. I'll take care of all of that for you."

"Thanks mom," I said jokingly, but Cassie didn't really laugh.

"And I just wanted to say goodbye before you left," Cassie said as if I hadn't said anything. "I've got some work to do in Washington and I probably won't be able to see you again for a few weeks. I just wanted to say good luck with everything and thanks again for doing the interview."

"Sure thing," I said without really thinking about it, "I'll see you then."

We both said our goodbyes before I hung up. I looked over to the clock and it read 7:22. I still had some time before I had to leave, so I plopped back on the couch and continued watching TV.

Around 8 I finally turned off the TV for the last time. I ate whatever I could that was leftover from breakfast, not knowing when I might get the chance to eat again. Then, I turned off the lights, opened the window, and popped out the screen. I made sure that my keycard was in plain sight, demorphed to hawk, morphed to seagull, and finally took off. I gave my hotel room one last passing glance as I flew out the window and began to pick up some altitude.

It was a nice day and the flying was relatively easy. I made it to the airport in good time, but the trick was trying to find some place outside to morph. After searching for a bit I finally decided to morph behind a parked car at the far corner of the lot. It was parked against two concrete walls, so it was almost perfect cover.

I landed, demorphed, and remorphed into Cassie's aid. It was then that I realized I had a problem. I had almost completely forgotten about the whole clothing thing! So there I was standing at the end of the parking lot in a less-than-flattering pair of tight short shorts and a very tight T-shirt which I had incorporated into the morph as a safety precaution. Although I looked like a complete idiot, I didn't have many other options. I absolutely couldn't go as myself since I didn't want people to know where I was traveling, but I had to do something. I couldn't walk in like this.

Then another thought hit me. I did have another human morph, although I didn't really want to use it. But as I took another look down at my chubby belly sticking out of my tight shirt and decided that's what I had to do. I quickly demorphed and remorphed into a morph I never wanted to use again, especially after some of the things I said last night. I morphed into Taylor.

I did look a little bit young to be going on a plane by myself, but I did have some normal clothing, albeit a bit skimpy. A tight tank top with a short skirt didn't exactly make me feel comfortable, but I still had to charm my way onto the plane somehow anyway.

Being a girl is scary, there's no two ways about it. Everything just feels so different. It's very hard to explain unless you've done it before, and I'm sure that not many people have. I'll spare you some of the details, but rest assured that I probably didn't act too ladylike most of the time.

I did meet some resistance on the way to my flight, but I was able to charm my way out of it fairly well if I do say so myself. I'm sure it was my personality they were staring at the whole time anyway. But I eventually made it onto the plane. The flight was okay except for the fact that I wasn't used to sitting with a short skirt. Both my legs were numb before we finally landed from being crossed the whole time.

I rushed out of the plane as quickly as I could. The whole morphing Taylor thing didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. It was just being a girl that somehow got to me. I can't really explain it, but it just felt weird. I would just be happy to be a guy again.

I rushed out to the parking lot of the airport as quickly as I could. I wanted to be out of this morph and starting the flight back as soon as possible. I didn't have to go far before I found a few big trucks and vans parked together. There wasn't really anyone in the parking lot at the time, so after a few more quick looks around I dove for cover and began to demorph.

It was a relief to finally be back in my hawk body again. I took a good long look at my wings and would've smiled if I could've. I gave a few hard flaps and I cleared my safety net of trucks and vans. A few more flaps and I was up to the level of the parking lights. And after a few more I was on my way back home.

It was a decent trip back to my field from the airport. (As a bird, you want to stay as far away from planes as possible). After a few hours of flying I began to see some familiar sights, and after about another hour I was closing in on my field.

I saw Toby swinging from tree to tree on my way by and figured I'd say hello.

_Hey Toby_, I said to her, making sure not to scare her this time.

"Hey Tobias," I heard faintly as I was still kind of far away. "At least I was expecting you this time." I let out a small laugh as she continued. "Everything's fine at your field. Karpeck's been keeping watch and he says you haven't had any challengers." _That's good to hear, I guess_, I said as I passed her by around one hundred feet over her head.

"So," she yelled out back at me, "how'd it go?"

_I'll tell you about everything later_, I said back, _right now I'm kind of hungry and I just want to get back to my field for a bit._

"Okay," she said back understandingly, "I'll stop by later then?"

_Sure_, I said back. She said something else, but I didn't catch it as I flew on towards my home.

As I got closer to my field I decided to test just how well Karpeck was really protecting it, even though it really didn't need much protection in the first place. I flew in unannounced and landed in one of the trees surrounding my field. I began looking for Karpeck somewhere in the surroundings, but he was no where to be found. Feeling a bit disappointed I was just about to call out to him when I heard something move quickly behind me. I didn't even have to think twice as my natural instincts kicked in. I was off and flying in no time. After a quick second I gained enough composure to look back and see what it was. I was both shocked and relieved when I saw a youngish looking Hork-Bajir lying back naturally against the trunk of the tree while sitting on a thick branch.

I caught my breath and let my initial fear subside before I said, _nice job Karpeck. I almost thought that you weren't here at all._

"Tobias?" he said questioningly, "I'm sorry. I didn't know that it was you."

_It's alright_, I said back, _I was sort of testing you, and you passed._

"Um… thanks?" Karpeck said sounding a bit confused. But he quickly snapped out of it and gave me the status report on my field.

"You're field's been quiet since you've been gone Tobias. You're the first large bird that I had to scare off. I've wanted to use that tactic ever since you left and I'm glad that I finally got to use it on someone. Anyway, there has been a small increase in the number of prey animals that have shown up. I guess that the word's out that you weren't here anymore. Once you start hunting again the numbers should go back down to normal pretty quick."

_Alright_, I said in response, _thanks for keeping an eye on it for me while I was gone._

"Sure thing," he said back as he began to get up. "Anything to keep me away from harvesting bark." He seemed to pause for a moment as he relived some memory about collecting bark. "Anyway," he continued, "I guess I should ask Toby how your trip was?"

_Yeah, I guess,_ I answered. _I'd tell you know, but I'm sort of hungry._

Karpeck let out a small laugh before he said, "I understand. I'll catch up with you later?"

_Yeah, sounds good_, I said in response.

And with that he turned and left, leaving me to my field and my prey.

The next couple weeks went by pretty fast. After I caught something to eat I told Toby my story and she spread it around to the other Hork-Bajir. Cassie came by in a few weeks as well to "check up" on me.

My thoughts and nightmares about my past continued to play in my mind just as I had thought they would. As hard as I tried to suppress them they came coming back, so after a while I stopped trying. I had to learn to live with them now instead of always running away from them like I use to.

Prey had been getting harder and harder to catch after I had gotten back. Not just since I'd gotten back from the interview, but since I got back from the mission itself. I thought it was just because I was a little rusty at first, but even after the few months that I'd been back it hadn't gotten any easier. I kept on missing a large number kills almost every day. Oh sure, I wasn't perfect before I left and even the best birds of prey miss sometimes, but it had gotten serious now. Barely anything strolled through my field in the first place and when something did get into striking position I usually missed. I was lucky if I got a decent sized meal per day. Sometimes I would have to go to sleep on an empty stomach because I had missed every opportunity I had.

It was only when I focused deeply that I could find a reason. My vision wasn't as good as it used to be anymore. I had trouble picking out things at long distances and I couldn't see as much detail as I use to be able to at short ones. But that wasn't the only thing I noticed. My hearing was starting to go as well. I could just barely make out the shuffling of animals through the grass now. And I noticed that when I did spot something and dove for it, my feathers wouldn't make the fine adjustments that they use to either. I also had been having some minor arthritis pain in my wings for a while now as well as a bit more in my talons too.

All of these things pointed to one thing; I was getting old. I knew it would happen eventually and I thought that I'd be ready for it, but I couldn't go on living like this. I'd gone from a somewhat healthy hawk when I returned from the mission to being kind of skinny and weak now.

When I first acquired my hawk morph at Cassie's barn (and later on I confirmed it myself), she thought that it was around middle-aged, or about ten years old, give or take a few years. With a lifespan in the wild of about twenty years, that gave me about ten years to live after I got stuck in my morph. But luckily the Elimist came along and gave me my power to morph back, so I thought I was home free. But when both my hawk form and my human form began to age at their respective rates I knew that I was still in trouble. But that was quickly solved by Rachel. After the war I would've happily become a human nothlit to spend the rest of my life with her, but things didn't turn out like we'd planned. Nevertheless, I was still intent on becoming a human nothlit once my hawk life was over. At least that's what I'd thought until now.

Thinking about it happening in the future was one thing, but having it shoved in your face was something else entirely. All of a sudden I wasn't sure if I wanted to become a human again. I was basically a celebrity now and there would be no way that I could live out a normal life. Plus, with all the paperwork and the lawyers waiting to grab a hold of me it wasn't going to be pretty. (They were after me mostly for violating subpoenas. I'd been sued hundreds of times for various things and I hadn't shown up obviously; along with the contestation of any copyrights that I held and even more legal mumbo-jumbo like that.)

So I was at a crossroads. I'd been a human for around thirteen years and a hawk for around seven. There were other morphs that I had which I could become a nothlit with of course. I could always morph into a Hork-Bajir and go live with the colony. Or I could get trapped as the owl morph that I had. Then again, I could always just acquire another very young red-tailed hawk and basically start my hawk life over again. The possibilities were just about endless.

This was a very hard decision to make, so I took my time to think it all through. But as I was taking a relaxing flight after finally catching some food one day I found my answer quickly enough.

I was trying to see if I could figure out what I was missing in my life. That way, it'd help me figure out what I should do to fix it when I choose a nothlit morph. I was lazily riding a thermal when it hit me. I knew exactly what I had been missing.

Jake, Ax, Menderash, Marco, Jeanne, Santorelli, and, as always, Rachel. My life was missing all of them. Okay, sure, I had lived three whole years in the wild without contact from any of them before, so why was it different now? Well, it all had to do with the mission. When you're stuck on a ship for more than six months with a group of people you begin to get attached. And ever since I saw how each of them lived their last moments I felt closer to each of them than ever before. Seeing someone give their life to save not just your own life but basically the entire universe leaves it's mark on you. I had a great respect and adoration of each and every one of them. If I hadn't been so brain-numbingly shocked at all their ghosts appearing I would've rushed over and tried to hug each and every one of them. And, of course, Ax still is and will forever be my_ shorm_, and Rachel, well, Rachel cared for me like no one ever has before or since.

Once I figured out what I was ultimately missing I knew exactly what to do about my future. I wasn't going to become a nothlit again. I was going to go out as a hawk.

My life as any creature really didn't have much meaning anymore. I had gone on the Animorph's final mission, came back alive, and told everyone else what happened as well as everything about my past that I could bare to say. I didn't have anything else left to do. I could go on living as whatever I chose, but I still wouldn't have any purpose. I had done what I needed to in this world and now it was time for me to go. But believe me, I didn't feel as bad about it as it probably sounds. I was more relieved than anything else. I finally knew how the rest of my life was going to play out. It was like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And the thought of possibly seeing all my friends again gave me a good feeling inside.

But be that as it may, I didn't want to rush out and begin telling everybody what I'd decided. I'd tell them when the time came of course, but there was no need to receive more of their sympathy which I desperately didn't want. But sooner than I had expected I received a shock that made me think twice about that decision.

I woke up one morning with a terrible pain in my side. It was so intense that I could barely move my wing. The only thing my confused mind could think of doing was to morph, so I focused on my human self and the changes began.

After I'd caught my breath as a human I calmed my mind enough to try and find an explanation. I knew a lot about a hawk's anatomy, but I really didn't have any idea what could be causing my pain. After a few minutes of wondering about what to do I decided to demorph and see if the pain was still there. To my relief the pain was gone when I returned to my natural self, but it gave me quite a scare. It made me realize just how fragile my life was. I mean, what if I wasn't able to morph? Or what if whatever caused the pain had killed me in my sleep before I had a chance to react? I still didn't know what it was really. It could've been just a really strong cramp or it could've been a cancerous tumor slowly eating away one of my internal organs. But one thing was for sure, I couldn't procrastinate any longer. I had to go and talk with the people that were closest to me at least. That way when my time comes they could be the ones to tell the public.

I knew what I had to do, but I wasn't exactly sure how to do it. This wasn't something I had really planned for in advanced. I needed some practice before I went out and told everyone else. I needed to talk with someone who understood me and would help support me no matter what I said. There was only one creature in the area that truly fit that description. And after I built up my courage throughout the day I finally took off to find Toby just before the sun began to set.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Note: Alright, new chapter! I meant to get this up sooner, but I left it on a computer I didn't have access to for a few days. Also, because of that you can expect the chapter after this one to be up within a few days as well. They're both relatively short and after these two comes the final chapter which will be a bit longer. No dates on that one yet, but it's coming. For now, you have chapter 35 to enjoy.

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It wasn't hard to find Toby. For some reason it never is. She was relaxing in a tree not far from my field. She probably wanted to get away from everything for a while. That was the only reason she'd be out this far this late in the day.

I decided to swoop in carefully instead of just yelling to her in thought-speak. I wasn't sure if she was taking a nap or just watching the sunset, and I didn't want to startle her.

I landed on a branch that was relatively close to her, and to my surprise she made the first move rather quickly. "Hello Tobias," she said lazily, "how's it going? Come to watch the sunset with me?"

_Not exactly_, I said as calmly as I could, _I actually came here to talk to you about something._

She stretched out a bit on the branch she was lying on and eventually sat upright. "So," she said with that high you get just after you finish relaxing, "what's up?"

_Well_, I began cautiously. I took a deep breath and tried to start again. _There's really no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come out and say it. Toby, I'm getting old. I've been having trouble catching prey ever since I've gotten back from my mission. At first I just thought I was a bit rusty, but as time went by I realized that it wasn't just rust. My vision's beginning to go with my hearing not far behind. Also, the minor arthritis pain that I had in my wings and talons is getting worse each day._

_I wasn't really that worried about it though until this morning. When I woke up I had this great pain in my side and it scared me. I wasn't sure what it was, but it could've been anything. Morphing helped take the pain away, but what if it hadn't? What if it was something serious and it killed me during the night? I couldn't take that chance._

I gave a quick look over to Toby to see if I could gage her facial expression. Even though it's much harder to tell what a Hork-Bajir's feeling by it's facial expressions than a human, I've had some practice before. And Toby really wasn't showing any emotion yet, she was just intently listening. I took another deep breath and continued.

_Because of my scare this morning I've decided to tell everyone what I'm planning to do with the rest of my life. Ever since I realized my time as a hawk was running out, I've been putting some thought into what I could possibly do with myself when I could no longer function as a hawk. I've weighed the options carefully and I feel as if I've finally come to the right decision._

I took another small pause as I glanced over at Toby's face once more. The same emotionless but intrigued face met my gaze. I let out a sigh and continued.

_Toby, I'm not going to become a nothlit again. I'm going to stay a hawk until the day I die._

I expected some sort of reaction from Toby after that, but she just continued to stare at me compassionately, waiting for me to go on. And so I did.

_I know I have a lot of options to choose from after my hawk life runs out, but I had to choose this one. I don't feel like my life has much meaning anymore. I mean, I was part of a group of kids that stopped an entire alien invasion. And after that I was part of another group that basically saved everything else. I've told both the stories from my point of view, so I really don't have much else to do. I feel as if I've already done everything that I was meant to do, and now it's time for me to go. Sure, I could prolong my life for a while longer, but I feel that it would be pointless. And finally getting to see everyone I'd lost again sounds a lot better to me than having to bare the elements out in the wild or the public back in society longer than I feel I should._

I didn't bother looking back at Toby again since I already knew what I was going to see. Instead, I took another deep breath and decided to change the subject a bit.

_So, that was the first thing I wanted to tell you, but I have a few more things I'd like to get off my chest. They have to do with you personally. I wanted to hold off telling you until I was sure I wasn't going to live much longer, but I guess now is as good a time as any._

I turned my head to glare into her eyes again, still finding the same expression on her face. Softening my intense hawk gaze as much as I could (which wasn't really all that much) I continued.

_Toby, I just want to say thanks. You've always been there when I needed someone to talk to. Whenever I'm feeling down you're the one I look for to pick me up again. It's like you know me down to the last feather. You always know exactly what to say and exactly what to do to make me feel better. I respect you for that greatly. I know I'm probably not the easiest person to be around all the time, but whenever I needed you I could always count on you to be there and to take the time out of your busy schedule to help me out. Its stuff like that which makes our friendship special._

_Also, I want to thank you for letting me be part of the Hork-Bajir colony. It's like being a part of a family which I never had before. Going to all the celebrations and feasts and whatnot helped take my mind of Rachel for a bit. Even if it didn't seem like I was enjoying myself I really was. I was just glad to know that there were still some people who honestly cared about me._

_And, most of all, I just want to thank you for helping me get through some of my toughest times. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't be perched here right now. I'd still be hopelessly stuck back in my old field just waiting to die. Thanks for snapping me out if it and getting me to come out here. I owe you my life for that…_

I kind of trailed off there, not really knowing where to go next. It didn't come out quite as I wanted it to, but I had a feeling Toby got the message nevertheless. We both sat there for a moment in complete silence until Toby finally decided to say something back.

"Tobias," she began gently, "there's no need to thank me for anything. I was just doing what anyone would've done in the same circumstances. In fact, I should be the one who's thanking you."

I cocked my head sideways at that remark. I wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but she quickly explained herself.

"Tobias," she repeated, "You're the reason that I'm here in the first place. If it wasn't for you leading my mom and dad to the safety of the valley I would've never been born. And if I was never born, the colony as we know it now wouldn't exist. I owe you much more than you owe me, and everyone in the colony does as well."

_But it wasn't really me who lead your parents to the valley_, I interrupted, _it was the Elimist._

"While that is technically true," Toby said like she was expecting it, "he didn't really say much. It was you who made most of the quick decisions that got everyone there safely. Without you being there my parents would've gotten recaptured rather quickly."

I turned my head away from Toby because I didn't want to admit that what she said was true. I was never one to take much credit for anything. In my book and repeatedly through my interview I always said that Jake deserved all the credit, but this was something that I couldn't pass on to Jake. I didn't really know how to react. How are you supposed to feel when someone tells you that everything they know and love happened because of something you did? It was almost as if Toby was my own child in a way. I was one of the main reasons that she was born, I looked after her and played with her when she was growing up, and now she was the person I felt most comfortable talking to about how my life was going to end. I slowly gazed back at her and gave her a small nod to signify that what she had said was finally processed in my brain. She wasted no time in continuing.

"Tobias, I could never even remotely imagine myself in your shoes, not even for a second."

That came as a big surprise to me since it always seemed she knew exactly what it was like to be me. But I didn't want to interrupt her, so I let her continue.

"And because of that, there's no way I can judge whatever personal decisions you've made. All I can do is trust that you've made the right one. And looking back at all the other decisions you've made in the past you're usually right. So, there's nothing I can do for you now except give you my full support. And that's just what I'm going to do. If you need anything at all don't be afraid to ask. If it's within my power, I'll happily try my hardest to get it done."

_Thanks Toby_, was all I could think of saying as I shuffled over to her and gave her a big hug with my wings (a very scary thing to do when someone's covered in a dozen razor sharp blades). But I trusted her more than enough by now and she gently returned the hug, expertly keeping all her blades as far away from me as possible.

Eventually though I let go and was about to fly off again before I heard Toby say, "Wait, Tobias." I turned around questioningly and with a sigh she continued.

"I know that you're probably not going to die right away, but there's something else I've wanted to tell you for the longest time. And just in case we don't meet again I… No, nevermind. I'll tell you later."

This time she got up to leave, but I quickly said, _No, wait. Go ahead._

She sat back down and calmly said, "Tobias, it's been an honor to meet you, it really has. Out of all the people I've ever met you're the one who's had the greatest impact on me. And it's not just because you were there ever since I was born, it goes deeper than that. All throughout my life I've been able to siphon off some of your inner strength so I could have some more when I needed it. You're the one who got me through the toughest times of my childhood. I was heartbroken when I learned how many had died defending our valley all those years ago, but I only had to take one look at you before I came to terms with it. I know you don't like to be reminded about it, but your life hasn't been full of very much joy, at least not for any major length of time. And if you could go through what you did and still be alright, then there was no reason that I couldn't do the same."

She took a small pause before she continued nervously, "I'm sorry, that wasn't supposed to come out like that. I should get going anyway…"

_Toby_, I said softly to her, _thanks._

She turned around and gave me a Hork-Bajir smile as she stood up. But before she went she decided to say one more thing. "Tobias," she began as stretched out, "I hope you find something good wherever you're going. You deserve it more than anyone else I know." And with that she turned around and started off towards the Hork-Bajir camp.

I was left perched there on a tree branch in the middle of the forest with a strangely heartwarming feeling. I wasn't sure what part of Toby's little speech got to me, but it didn't really matter much. Just the fact that it got to me was enough to show how Toby really felt about me, and I hoped that I had done the same to her.

But that wasn't the end of it yet. I still had two people that I needed to talk to, and one of them was Cassie. This was something that I couldn't let Toby do for me anymore. Something like this was a very personal matter that only I could take care of face to face. I knew immediately that Cassie wouldn't like the plan for my future the moment I came up with it, but whether she liked it or not I only hoped that she could accept it. I had warmed up with Toby, and now it was time to go see Cassie. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy to convince her, but it would be worse not to even talk to her at all about it.

She was currently at the Hork-Bajir camp looking into some of the sleeping habitats of the colony, so I knew exactly where she'd be now. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible because I knew I had a long flight ahead of me tomorrow…

I took one last look around and then took off to go see Cassie.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Note: Another short one before the final chapter which will be longer. I don't have a timetable for when I'll be able to get that one up, but it'll be here when it's done.

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Cassie wasn't that hard to find. Even in the dimming light I could see her going back and forth between the little "tree houses" the Hork-Bajir live in. When I got close enough I landed on the branch of a tree that Cassie was trying to climb.

_Hey Cassie_, I said when she had climbed a bit farther and we were staring at each other face to face.

After recovering from her slight momentary shock, she said back, "Hi Tobias," with a few grunts as she pulled herself up to the branch I was on. It looked like she was just going to keep on climbing up, so I quickly said, _Cassie, can I talk to you?_

"Not now Tobias," she said catching her breath, "I have work to do. Can it wait until tomorrow?"

_No_, I said straightforwardly, _it can't. I have something very important I need to tell you and I'll probably be leaving at dawn tomorrow._

That made her stop and pay attention.

"Where are you going so suddenly?" she asked sounding a bit confused and a bit worried at the same time.

_It has to do with what I need to tell you,_ I said back, _and the sooner I tell you the sooner I can get to sleep and the sooner I can wake up tomorrow and then the sooner I can leave._

"Alright," Cassie said sounding a lot more worried than confused now, "you've got my attention now, what is it you need to tell me?"

_I'd prefer if we go somewhere quieter if you don't mind_, I said trying to put it as gently as possible.

It was then that she realized I was very serious about this. She didn't say anything, but she began to morph into her owl morph. Once she had her thought-speak ability, she sent out a loud message to everyone.

_Everyone, I have to leave for a bit. If you can, could you please fill out your questionnaires while I'm gone? It would be a big help. I'll be back as soon as I can. _

And with that both of us took off almost at once.

We both flew in silence the entire way there. Cassie just followed as I led the way to a small clearing that was a short distance away from the Hork-Bajir colony. When we landed Cassie instantly began to demorph, but I decided to remain a hawk. I didn't think I could do this as a human and I wanted to have an extra layer of emotional protection against what I new was going to come from Cassie. As a human I felt more vulnerable, but as a hawk I had more confidence in anything I did. I needed all the confidence I could get now.

Once Cassie had demorphed she came and took a seat not more than a foot away from me before calmly saying, "Alright Tobias, we're here. What is it you need to tell me so badly?"

This was it. It was going to be very hard to persuade Cassie to see things from my point of view, but I knew I had to try. I took one last big breath of air and tried to start just like I did with Toby.

_Cassie, there's no real easy way to put this, so I'm just going to say it. I'm getting old._

"That what you brought me out here to tell me?" Cassie quickly interrupted. "Everybody gets old, Tobias. It's the way life works."

_I didn't mean it like that_, I said back a little annoyed, _I meant that I'm starting to get really old. My eyesight's not as good as it use to be. My hearing's getting less sensitive as well. I'm having problems making fine adjustments to my feathers while diving, and the minor arthritis pain I've had in both my wings and talons is getting worse everyday._

"So you dragged me all the way out here so I could prescribe you some medicine? I mean, I'm sure you want to keep stuff like this private and all, but you have permanent thought-speech. You could've just told me like that and I could've…"

_No!_ I cut her off again, _that's not the point. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure how much longer I can function as a hawk, and I've been giving some thought as to what I want to do after I can't survive as a hawk anymore._

"I know what this is about!" Cassie quickly exclaimed again. She was becoming very annoying about now. It's almost as if she knew what I wanted to tell her already, but she kept trying to interrupt me so she wouldn't have to hear me actually say it. "This is about you becoming a human again!" she went on. "Of course, now it makes sense! Don't worry about it Tobias. I know that it probably seems kind of weird and scary to go back to living like a normal human, but after a little bit it will seem natural again. I mean, you've already been a human for more than 13 years of your life, so you just need some time to readjust again. Don't worry about stuff like housing or a job either. I'll be more than happy to help you with all of that. You could go back to school if you want, or I could get you a job working for me. You'll get to come back here anytime you want of course. It'll be like you never even left. You'll be…"

_ENOUGH CASSIE_, I basically screamed at her, not meaning to of course, _LET ME FINISH WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY!_

That got her quiet real quick. I also took a small break to gather my thoughts back up after my outburst so there was a very uneasy silence between us until I started again. I was trying to decide whether to apologize for my outburst or not, but I decided against it since I now had Cassie's full attention. It was time to go in for the kill.

_Cassie, I don't want to become a nothlit again. I'm going to remain a hawk until the day I die._

I took a pause and looked at Cassie's face. Her jaw was hanging almost to the ground, but otherwise she didn't look much different. Her mind was probably still busy processing what I had just said. But eventually I could see her snap back to reality and begin to speak again.

"Did I just hear what I thought I heard Tobias?" she asked weakly. "Didn't you just tell me that your life is close to being over? And yet, you want to stay a hawk even though you have so many other options that you could choose to save yourself with?"

_Yeah_, I said back with a small laugh, _that's about it._

She looked just as confused as ever when she asked, "Why?"

_Here goes nothing_ I thought to myself as I took a deep breath and started to explain.

_Cassie, I feel like I've done what I needed to do in my life and now I'm ready to move on. I mean, I was part of the group that saved the entire world from invading aliens. And then I was part of the group that saved… well… probably more than I can imagine. That's way more than anyone should do in their lifetime, and I feel content leaving it at that. I never wanted the spotlight in the first place, but now that I've got it I don't want to do anything to amplify it. I've done what I needed to do and to go on living a pointless life just because I can would probably be the worst thing I could think of doing. _

"Tobias," Cassie said seemingly on the verge of tears, "you've lost it. You've finally gone crazy. This is suicide!"

That struck an unpleasant chord in me. _This is NOTHING like suicide, _I yelled back startling both Cassie and myself._ I've been there before. I know what that's like. And I never want to go back there again. This isn't anything like that at all. I'm not taking my own life away, I'm just letting nature do what it does. All my life I've been trying to run away and hide from everything. Well, I'm through running and hiding. I'm going to face what I need to from now on, and this is something I need to face now._

"Why now?" Cassie asked, "why do you have to face it now? Once you become human again you can still quit running from everything. And becoming a nothlit now doesn't mean you're running away. It's just a normal thing that any sane person would do when put into your position."

_Cassie_, I began again with a slightly more sympathetic tone, _I don't want to be human again. I've changed so much now that I can never go back to being a true human. I'd always just be a hawk trapped in a human's body. Sure, I've been a human for longer than I've been a hawk, but a bunch of those human years were spent growing up and I don't even remember them that well. If you look at it that way, I've been a hawk just as long as I've been a human and I've decided that I like being a hawk better._

"Tobias", Cassie said with what seemed like her final plea, "think hard about this. You're throwing away something precious. You have the chance to live out a good, long life. How many people have the same opportunity? How can you be so blind and ignorant all of a sudden? I know your life has been rough at times, but now you have a chance to start over and fix whatever you can."

_Cassie_, I said one final time, _I'm not going to become a nothlit again. There's nothing left for me here. I've done what I felt I came here to do and now it's time for me to go. You have no idea what it's like to go through some of the things I've had to endure. The pain, the suffering, the knowledge that you could've stopped everything from happening if you had only done one little thing different. I'm tired of feeling that way Cassie. I want nothing more to do with any of it. And that's not all either. I've lost so many good friends during the last couple of years. People that I couldn't have cared less for when this war started became closer to me than anything I've ever known before. And the hope of meeting them all again somewhere is the only thing I have left to look forward to._

"I miss everyone too Tobias," Cassie cut in quickly, "but that's no reason to go through what you're trying to do to yourself. If you just become human again…"

_I'm not becoming human again_, I said defiantly. _That's not me anymore and I want nothing to do with being human. Can't you see it yet Cassie? I'm as free as a bird now. And this bird you cannot change._

Those last lines got to her just as I had hoped. She immediately looked away from me and focused her attention down on the ground. She just sat there like that thinking for the longest time. Even though I was tempted to leave at that point I still felt that I had to stick around for Cassie's reply, whatever it might be. Eventually, she lifted her head calmly and looked me dead in the eyes.

"Tobias," she began with a sigh, "first of all I think that you're absolutely crazy."

Not exactly what I was hoping for when I decided to stick around, but I decided to wait and hear what else she had to say before I jumped in somewhere I shouldn't.

"I really think you need some professional help to sort out your life," Cassie continued. "And secondly, I could not disagree more with your decision. I think it's morally, ethically, and just downright stubbornly wrong."

I couldn't show very much emotion through my hawk face, but I was worried now. Cassie was going to have some foolproof statement ready that was going to force me to change my mind, I just knew it. I braced myself for it as much as I could.

"That being said," Cassie calmly continued, "The only thing I can do for you now is to support you fully in your decision."

I untensed my entire body immediately when I heard that. I wasn't expecting that at all. I gave her a questioning look (well, as questioning of a look that a hawk could give anyway), but she didn't seem to notice me. She was still staring down at the ground lost in her thoughts.

"I know you're not a child anymore. I can't tell you what and what not to do. I can't tell you what's wrong and what's right. You need to come up with all of that on your own, and from the look of things you already have. Just because I don't agree with your decision doesn't mean that I should stop you from carrying it out. We've built up so much trust between ourselves over the years that I can't help but trusting you now. I think back to all the times you've saved my life and I think to myself that you've earned the right to do whatever you feel is right in your life, and I should be there to help you in any way I can. If this is what you want, if this is what you _truly_ want, then there's no way that I can just sit back and not help you get there. Whatever you want, whatever you need, I'll get it for you. It's the very least I could do for you."

I had so many things going through my mind at that moment: how to respond back to her, what she had right, what she had wrong, the fact that she'd done more for me than I had for her, etc… When I look back on it now I could've done so many different things, but all I ended up doing was giving her a hug with my wings and saying, _Thanks._

She returned my hug and we both just sat there and enjoyed the moment. It was Cassie who broke the silence first when she said, "But Tobias, there is something I want you to do for me."

_Anything_, I said without even thinking about it.

"Won't you fly high, free bird?"

If I could've, I would've grinned straight from ear to ear. _You bet Cassie_, I said as I gave her one final tap on the back before I let my wing hug go. She gave me a smile back since she just couldn't hold it in any longer, and we both let out a small stress-relieving laugh.

I turned to take off and fly back to my field just as Cassie said, "So Tobias, where you off to in such a hurry tomorrow?"

I slowly turned back around and said, _There's one person that I've wanted to see ever since I got back from my mission, but whenever I was close enough to visit my mind was always on something else._

"And who's that?" Cassie asked.

_Well_, I began,_I've already talked to Toby. Now I've talked to you. There's only really one more person that I have close ties to that's still alive._

"You mean…" Cassie said when she figured it out.

_That's right_, I said cutting her off, _I'm going to see my mom._

"Are you just gonna fly there?" Cassie asked sounding kind of worried, "or do you want to take a plane? If what you told me before is all true then I'm not sure you should be flying long distances like that."

_I'll be fine flying_, I said back to Cassie, _I've done this more than a few times by now. _That was a complete lie. I had flown from Southern California to Yellowstone a few times before, but the route was different each time. And now, I wasn't even going back to Southern California, I was going up to Northern California.

My mom had grown very tired of all the media harassing her after the war (what a surprise there), so she decided to move upstate to a very small town where she could be free of most of the reporters. I knew the name of the town and approximately where it was, but I was still going to have some work to do to find her. I'll worry about that when I got close though.

"You sure you don't want to take a plane?" Cassie asked once again as I snapped out of my little daydream. "I mean, it wouldn't be any trouble to get you one. It'll probably have to be pretty small since your mom lives in such a small town and the airport…"

_I'll be fine Cassie_, I said before she started to make some calls on her cell phone. _Don't worry about me._

"That's all I do," she said with a fake smile.

I turned back around to take off again, but I still had one more thing I wanted to say. _Cassie, thanks for understanding. It means a lot to me._

"Tobias," Cassie said back frankly, "I don't understand at all what's going on in your head. I never really have and I probably never really will. All I said was that I'm going to support you."

Well, I guess that was better than nothing, right?

After that I took off without saying anything back. As I was gaining some altitude I heard Cassie shout, "I'll see you when you get back then!"

_Yeah_, I responded weakly, _I'll see ya then_. I wasn't sure if I would be coming back at all, or even if I could make it to my mom's alright, but it felt like the right thing to say.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Note: IT'S DONE! FINALLY! After 3/4ths of a year this is it, the final chapter. I'll put all the mushy thank you stuff at the end, so for now just enjoy the ending.

But there is one thing I want to say. I know that I miscalculated the flight time between Yellowstone and California, by a lot. Being from Pennsylvania means that I've never been in that general area and I thought that Yellowstone was a bit farther south and a bit farther west than it really is. To make the trip in one 12hr day Tobias would have to fly somewhere around 60mph which is just not possible. I originally meant to check the numbers on this before I posted it in a previous chapter, but I never got around to it. So, instead of going back and fixing it I decided to write this little blob of text and keep the time frame the same.

-----------------------------

I had a good night's sleep and woke up feeling ready to go. On the way back to my field last night I had seen a squirrel scurrying up to the trunk of a tree. He didn't see me until it was too late and he was already in my talons. He gave me a much needed meal before bedtime, but I had to restrain myself from eating him entirely. I wanted to save about half of him to eat before I left. That meant I had to fly back to my field holding whatever was left of him tantalizingly close in my talons. I couldn't have gotten home sooner if I tried.

Once I made it back I stored what was left of the squirrel in the opening of a tree. Not exactly the safest place, but it was all I could come up with in the almost non existent light. To my relief I found him there the next morning almost undisturbed. I ate whatever else I could of him and took off while the sun was still climbing over the horizon.

I wanted the trip to be as quick as possible, so I decided to do most of the flying in my seagull morph. This way I could basically fly all day without having to stop and rest except to morph. And since I was basically flying over wooded land the entire time the morph helped me keep my mind off of my hunger for most of the trip.

I tried to keep my mind free of any serious thoughts. I just tried to enjoy the flying. The feel of the air moving over your body, the freedom I had to do anything I wanted to in the air, and, most of all, the amazing views I had of the countryside from way up here. I've seen pictures on postcards and all that stuff before, but nothing compared to flying over a sweeping forest with rolling hills while the sunlight danced over everything creating it's own vibrant blend of shadows and accents. That's what I would miss the most when it was my time to go. I hoped that they still have things like this in the afterlife…

I made very good time. I was way more optimistic than I should've been before I left and I had hoped to make it there in one day. As time went on though, I realized that there was no way that was going to happen. And as the sun started to go down the reality began to set in that I was going to have to spend another night in foreign territory.

That wasn't the only thing to set in though. Although my seagull morph had been doing a good job suppressing my hunger throughout the day, when the sun started to set it began to get almost intolerable. I decided to demorph to hawk and see if I could catch something for my dinner before the light got too dim.

I was passing by a small city when I got an idea. There was plenty of life small enough for me to eat in the city, so I decided to give it a shot and see what I could come up with.

I was hoping to catch a rat or maybe even a small stray cat or something, but the moment I actually flew into where the big buildings were I quickly knew what I was going to try for. The area was swarming with pidgins.

I never really liked going after other birds. It was more of a personal thing than a biological one though since hawks sometimes do eat other birds. It's just that I had been burned going after other birds quite a few times, and I had eventually stopped doing it altogether for that reason. But, on the other hand, I wasn't a falcon either. I usually preferred small fuzzy animals to other birds any day. I was simply too big to gain enough speed to be truly effective at catching birds off guard. They'd either have to be preoccupied with something or just really stupid for them not to notice me. And there was something else I hated about birds. They usually had six directions to escape from me, not just the four that prey on the ground had.

But nevertheless, I tried to find a single pidgin that was far away from the others. The last thing I wanted was a swarm of family pecking at me and ripping my feathers out because I had killed one of their own. It wasn't easy, but eventually I found one leaving a group to go off in another direction. Now was my chance to strike. I waited until he was a decent distance away before I dove. I don't think it ever even knew what hit it. I squeezed it tightly in my talons and I was out of there before anyone else could figure out that he was missing.

I perched on one of the nearby rooftops and began to chow down. I had originally intended to save some for breakfast tomorrow, but I couldn't restrain myself this time. Also, keeping fresh meat around while I was in someone else's territory was probably not a good idea anyway, so I ate quickly and thoroughly.

I was tempted to spend the night here in the city. A bit noisy perhaps, but it would be relatively safe. But when I looked up at the sun and where it was in the sky I knew that it wasn't going to work like that. There was still too much light left in the day to waste it here. I had to keep going. So, reluctantly, I took off, morphed to seagull, and continued flying again.

Eventually it got to the point where the sun was just about gone making it near impossible to fly any longer. I tried, but I quickly realized that it wasn't the safe thing to do. I even debated morphing to owl and trying to fly on that way, but I was just too tired. I knew I had to stop for the night. The seagull didn't mind the flying much, it was just the constant morphing ever two hours that got to me.

But there was a problem. I had waited so long to finally decide to rest that the sun was completely down by now. To make things worse it was cloudy so none of the stars could shine down to give me at least a little light. I morphed to owl of course, but even it was having trouble seeing very far on a night like this. So all I could do was pick a nearby tree and hope that no one found me during the night.

I avoided the pine trees because of my experience last time and tried to choose an average looking tree in an average looking part of the forest and perch on an average looking branch hoping that no one would look in such an average place. It was all I could do. I found the most average perch I could, went in about 2/3rds of the way to the trunk, demorphed, and quickly dozed off to sleep.

Luckily for me I slept fairly well again. No one had decided to disturb me during the night and I awoke feeling relatively good, albeit still a bit tired from all my morphing the previous day. I gave my feathers a quick ruffle since it was unusually cold this morning and I quickly took off. Judging by the distance I had already traveled, I very roughly estimated that I'd be in my mom's town around noon. I probably would've been if it wasn't for one little thing.

I demorphed to my hawk form when I got close to the two hour limit. Seeing as it turned out to be a very nice day despite the early morning cold I decided to ride the thermals for a bit instead of just mindlessly flapping away as a seagull. I was happily gliding along when all of a sudden I began to feel really dizzy.

It didn't start out too bad at first, but it quickly escalated to the point that I couldn't fly straight anymore. And by then that wasn't the only thing that was wrong with me. I began getting this extremely intense pain in my chest. It eventually got so bad that I had trouble breathing. I was gasping and panting for every breath and each successive one hurt more than the last. And I knew I was in serious trouble when my right wing began to go numb.

I was cruising at a good altitude; I'd say maybe about a hundred feet or so above the treetops when it hit. I wasn't sure how much of that altitude I had managed to kill off before I spiraled out of control, but I knew it wouldn't be enough. I felt the branches tear at my body as I fell through them. Even though I could feel my left wing shatter and my pelvis crack as I tumbled mercilessly through the branches I think they actually saved my life. If I had just hit solid ground dropping from that altitude there would be no way that I could've survived. And even though it would've been extremely painful to receive my injuries normally, I didn't feel much more than a small jolt this time. That's because I was too busy being scared. This was one of the most frightening moments in my life because I knew exactly what was going on. I was dying.

I couldn't now. I wasn't ready. I still had one last thing I that I needed to do...

All of that was running through my mind and it made me start to morph even before I hit the ground. I didn't even realize it at first; Then again, I don't even remember hitting the ground for that matter. The next thing I remember was being half human and half hawk with my pain, dizziness, and nausea slowly receding. I took control of my morphing when I could and tried to complete it as fast as possible.

Once I was fully human I just laid there on the forest floor trying to catch my breath. My heart was still pumping a billion times per second and all the adrenaline was still rushing through my vanes. I wasn't able to breathe fast enough to keep up with my beating heart so my breaths were still sharp and quick. Even though I had only been human for a very short time I began to sweat due to my body's heightened activity level. When I had finally calmed down enough for my mind to re-assume control I was absolutely drenched in sweat.

The first thing I did after I took back control was check to see if my body was doing fine. I moved my right and left arms just to make sure they weren't still broken or numb and I slowly did the same with the rest of my body. After I was sure that everything was fine I decided to go and splash some icy cold water on my face from a stream that I noticed nearby. That helped me to get my mind straight more than anything. But before my face decided to freeze itself off I crawled over to a nearby tree and rested my back against its trunk. My mind needed some time to catch up.

I was almost positive that I was about to die. I mean, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before in my life. It's like my body knew it was time to go, and it tried to shut itself down while my brain was screaming the exact opposite. It's a feeling that I can't really explain all that well. It's just something that you have to experience for yourself to truly know what it feels like.

I have no idea how long I sat next to that stream leaning against that tree. It could've been a few minutes, or it could've been an hour or even more. Eventually though I got my wits about me enough to take one more face plunge into the stream and then got ready to leave. But what if my hawk form was still dying? What if morphing hadn't fixed whatever was wrong? There was only one way to find out.

I focused hard on my hawk self and I slowly began to demorph. I kept waiting for any of the things I had experienced not that long ago to come back, but none of them did. I was so focused on waiting for those that I didn't even notice that I had finished demorphing for a while. I tentatively moved all my body parts to make sure that everything was alright. Once everything turned out fine I gave one last look around my small area and took off once again. I had to see my mom at least one more time and not even a near death experience like that was going to stop me.

The rest of the trip was calm and lucid compared to what I had just been through. I stayed in my seagull morph the rest of the way though just to be sure that whatever had happened to me before wouldn't happen again until I was ready for it.

I reached my mother's town at around one o' clock judging by the sun's position. I thankfully didn't have to ask directions to it since there was a giant sign beside the only road leading into town that had its name written on it in big letters. I could've seen that thing from twenty miles away if I tried, it was huge! I only ended up being about ten miles off course which was really pretty good for a first time flight. Although, to be honest I had seen a few of those "this many miles to this place in this direction" signs which helped me also.

Once I had finally made it to the town itself I took a few laps around it before I decided to land. I knew the name of the town where my mom lived and I was pretty sure I was in the right place, but I didn't know exactly where she lived. I didn't know what her house looked like or what kind of car she drove or any of that stuff. I demorphed to my hawk form to get a closer look at everything, but I still couldn't pinpoint which house was definitely hers. I had a few guesses, but there was no real way to be sure. None of the mail boxes were any help to me either unfortunately. And I didn't want to go knocking on a bunch of stranger's doors and telling them who I was. Who knows what they might do to me since I was probably the biggest celebrity in the entire world right now. For all I knew someone would try and trap me in a bird cage and hold me for ransom. That would be the last thing I needed now.

But I did need to do something. I didn't know which house was hers and I couldn't figure it out by looks alone, so I needed some help. That's when I got an idea. I had seen a small diner on my way into town. They probably had a phone book somewhere that I could use. I could find my mom's name, get her address, and then find her easily. And, if worse came to worse, I could always just ask the guy behind the counter at the diner. It seemed like a small enough town so everyone should know everyone else. I spilled some air from my wings and dove for the dumpster behind the diner.

I had gone over which of my human morphs would be the best and I finally decided to just use my own. If I went in there asking for Loren Fangor as anyone other than myself they would probably think that I was a reporter or something looking for an interview. However, if I went in as myself then they'd probably tell me exactly where she lives, or so I hoped.

I morphed in between the diner and the dumpster (glorious, I know) and tried to act casual as I walked into the diner. It was just past lunch time and I think it was a weekday so the place was basically deserted. All the better.

The guy behind the counter gave me a strange look as I walked in, but I quickly said, "Excuse me, is there a phone I could use?"

"Yeah, sure," he said in a rough old voice and pointed over towards the left wall. There was a single small phone booth halfway embedded into the wall. "You okay?" he added with some concern, "anything I could help you with?"

"No," I said as I calmly made my way over, "no thanks, I'm good for now." He continued to give me a funny look as I went over and sat down in the tiny booth.

I quickly realized that my original plan wasn't going to work. I searched high and low, but there was no sign of a phonebook anywhere. And, as an afterthought, I realized that she probably wouldn't be listed in the phone book anyway. Otherwise there'd be people calling her all day and night, especially now.

Defeated, I went back to the man behind the counter and calmly said, "I'm looking for someone in this town, can you help me?"

He looked at me strangely for a while before he finally said, "You're Tobias. Tobias Fangor, right?"

There was no point in hiding it. "Yeah," I said with a small laugh, "yeah I am."

"Well, it's quite an honor to meet you sir," he said as he stuck his hand out for me to shake. I took it and returned his handshake as he continued. "You're looking for Loren I suppose, right?"

"Yeah, I am," I said as I released myself from his handshake. "You wouldn't happen to know where she lives, would you?"

"Of course I do," he replied sounding almost offended. "I know where everyone lives in this town. I guess it's just a byproduct of this town being so small." He gave me a smile which he was probably expecting me to return, but since I had been a hawk for so long I sometimes forget to include subtle little face expressions like that. I quickly noticed though and I forced myself to smile before it became too awkward.

"Loren lives in a small house down on Juniper road. It's the one with the really large garden. It's bigger than the house itself!"

"I knew it!" I said abruptly. "That's the one that I thought was hers, but I wasn't sure. Thanks."

I turned around to leave, but he called out to me, "Oh, Tobias!" I turned around to face him once again. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy. "I'm sure that you want to go see your mom as soon as possible, but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind signing the picture of you hanging up on the wall over there."

I followed his finger as he pointed towards a small wall full of pictures. All the pictures had people in them with a small subtitle saying something. I wasn't able to see many with my weak human eyes, but the one I caught a glimpse of said, "Saved Ronnie Jacobs from his burning home on February 2nd, 1989." I guess it was like a small town wall of fame or something. He went over to take a picture off the wall and he brought it over to where I was standing by the counter.

"It's just that no one really famous has ever been by here, besides your mom of course. You're the first famous person this town has really known. It would mean a lot to me and to the entire town if you signed this picture to signify you were here. I'm sorry I couldn't get a better picture, but this newspaper story is really the only thing I could get my hands on."

"Sure," I said, "no problem." If the worst thing anyone wanted from me was an autograph then I would consider myself lucky.

As I was signing it he began again by saying, "Thanks, this is great. I'm sure you've had a long trip here, so is there anything I could get you to eat perhaps?"

"No," I responded as I finished signing the newspaper article, "no thanks."

"Come on," he insisted, "it's on the house. Whatever you want on the menu is yours."

I really wanted to go see my mom, but I was never one to give up free food.

After about the third full plate of food I think he began to have second thoughts about offering me anything I wanted. He was actually really nice though. While my food cooked and I ate we talked. He had a few questions and I answered them as best I could. Then, he began to tell me about Loren.

She was sort of shy and kept to herself mostly unless there was something going on for charity. She almost always helped out when some charity needed her. That was basically what she did for a living, donate her time to charity. I would've thought that she would've gotten some sort of normal job after the war. I mean, how was she able to pay the bills and everything like that? When she wasn't busy with a charity she was usually at home either in her garden or playing with her dog in her large back yard. She didn't come to the diner much, so that's all he really knew about her.

Being polite, I asked if he would mind me demorphing to eat a bit as a hawk. After assuring him that there's no way I could eat that much more as a hawk, he agreed. Just as I was finishing my morph a few people came in to quite an awkward sight. But Joe (the guy behind the counter) quickly explained to them what was going on and after recovering from their momentary shock they turned out to be very nice people as well. I answered their questions while I ate and after their questions were over I took my last bite of bacon, thanked Joe for everything, and flew on out the door.

I made the flight to my mom's house longer than it had to be. I was trying to burn off some of the food I'd eaten, but mostly it was because I was nervous. I hadn't seen my mom since Rachel's funeral and it was all my own doing.

Everyone had plans during the war for what they would do after it was over, but no one was expecting things to turn out the way they did. I had planned to live out the rest of my life as a human with Rachel while my mom and I grew back the bond that we should've had between us. But after Rachel died, well, to put it simply, I was seriously messed up. I didn't want to talk to anybody; I didn't want to listen to anybody; I just thought that I needed some time on my own to figure things out. But I was wrong. If I had stayed completely isolated from everyone then I would've been dead a long time ago. I probably would've starved myself to death in my field before I came to terms with anything. I was lucky that Toby was one of the last Hork-Bajir to make the trip to Yellowstone or no one would've been able to save me. And ever since the funeral a thought has been continuously hitting me in the back of the head. What about my mom? Where did she go? Is she safe? Should I go see her? She barely even knows me. Could she help me figure a few things out? How could she possibly help me? What about our bond? Would she care that I was missing? What would she think of me? Did she really see me as her son, or just some teenage boy that she barely knew?

I got the answers to the first questions relatively quick through Toby from Cassie. And ever since then I've wanted to go to her so much. I didn't realize it until much later, but I needed her. Even if I had only known her for a few weeks she was still my mom and I was still her son. She was comforting to be around and I needed that comfort badly now. Toby and later on Cassie would help me with some of it, but I needed more than they were willing to give.

I really have wanted to go to her ever since I was mentally stable again (I'm not so sure that I am even today really, but you've got to draw the line somewhere). It's just that something kept holding me back. The uncertainty of what to expect along with the fear that she wouldn't care for me anymore kept me away every time.

After my interview I planned on finally going to see her, but the interview had lasted for far longer than I had thought it would and, to be honest, it slipped my mind after all my past memories invaded my brain. But I swore that one day I would truly get to see her, at least for one last time. And here I was, circling above her house, getting ready to land. I took a really deep breath and dove for a patch of her garden so I could morph in peace.

She wasn't outside, but her car was still in her small driveway. It was a Ford Taurus, nothing fancy. I didn't really expect it to be either. My mom had always been a simple person. Back when she was still blind she had lived in a small house as well and only had the things that she truly needed with her. She told me that her lifestyle wasn't going to change much now that she could see again and I believed her. Now, I could see it with my own two eyes.

I morphed to human quickly in her garden so no one would see me from the road. The garden itself didn't make the greatest cover I've ever seen, but it did it's job. Very nervously I walked up to the front door, took one very large last breath, and rang the doorbell.

I heard a dog begin barking instantly, along with a calm voice telling it to be quiet. I heard the footsteps from inside the house getting louder and louder until eventually the door began to swing open.

"Hi mom," I said after the brief moment of awkward silence between us. I could see her face turn from surprise to confusion and then finally to a smile as she rushed out and gave me a big hug.

I returned it just as vigorously and my mom began to talk into my ear. "Oh, Tobias, I've missed you so much. It's great to see you again. I was afraid that you forgot all about me."

As she slowly pulled away from the hug I said in return, "I'm so sorry mom. I wanted to come sooner, I really did. But if one thing wasn't wrong then something else was. I just couldn't get everything together for long enough to come visit you."

She just smiled and pulled me into another smaller hug. "It's okay," she said calmly, "all that matters is that you're here now."

After she pulled away from me again she said, "Oh, I'm sorry. Come on in Tobias. Make yourself at home." She quickly entered her small house and I followed closely behind.

Although the inside was small it was very cozy. It was big enough to leave you plenty of space to move around, but it was small enough to give it a warm and comfortable feeling. It felt more like a cabin than anything else. It wasn't overly decorated or anything, but there were the various paintings and small little statues around the living room that made it interesting. I didn't gaze intently on any specific one, but from what I saw a lot of the figurines and pictures were of red-tailed hawks. I guess some nice people had sent them to my mom in hopes of them getting to me.

As I took a seat on the small but very comfy couch my mom called out from the connected kitchen, "Did you fly all the way here?" Then, she paused for a second and rephrased her question. "I mean, did use your own wings?"

I kind of laughed as I replied, "Yeah, I did. The trip wasn't that bad, I've had worse."

"You mean you flew all the way from…um…from…" my mom tried to continue. I think she was trying to remember if I ever said where I lived. I had been so careful not to, but I felt secure in telling her now.

"Yellowstone," I calmly filled in.

"You came all the way from Yellowstone?" my mom said sounding surprised, "That's almost seven-hundred miles away! How long did it take you, a week?"

"No," I said, surprised myself at how far it really was, "I made it in a day and change. It was pretty good flying weather though."

"That's absolutely crazy!" my mom replied. I had to agree, that was a lot of distance covered. "You must be starving, or dehydrating, or dying of exhaustion or something."

"Mom," I said with another small laugh, "Quit being such a…a… mom! I'm 19! I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for years."

"I know", she said back with a more sympathetic tone, "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been worrying about you ever since I heard what happened to Rachel. You're my only son Tobias. Even if I don't remember anything apart from the few weeks we spent together, you're still my son. I still care for you just the same. I was worried for a while there that you forgot about me since I hadn't been around for your childhood, but since you're here now I guess you really haven't forgotten about me."

"I could never forget you, mom," I added in quickly. "It's just that, well, I thought that I needed some time on my own to figure things out. But after all these years I still haven't figured out much of anything. I've always wanted to come see you, but I never felt ready. The past month or so made me realize that I was never going to truly be ready, so I decided to come here as soon as I could. But I do have another reason for coming. I have something I need to tell you as well."

She finally finished doing whatever she was doing in the kitchen and came back out to the living room carrying a small mug full of what I could only guess by the smell was tea. She took a seat beside me, took a careful sip of her still steaming tea, and said, "What is it Tobias?"

"Mom, I…I'm…" I tried to say. Why was it so hard? I had done fine with Toby and Cassie, but I just couldn't bring myself to say it now. I also didn't have any trouble telling my life story to the world either, so it wasn't just because my mom was still basically a stranger to me either. Ever since I arrived at her house I've been feeling weird. I just had to grit my teeth and do it.

"Mom," I began again after taking a deep breath, "I'm dying, as a hawk." I didn't see her reaction because I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with her. I just wanted to get this over with as quick as I could.

"My health has been getting worse and worse every day. I've gotten to the point where I can barely support myself out in the wild. And on the way here I think I just about died. If I hadn't morphed then I think that I truly would've."

"So all of that got me thinking; what am I going to do when my time as a hawk is over? I have a great deal of options, but which one I truly wanted to choose took some time to figure out. And now, I think I've finally decided."

I forced myself to look into my mother's eyes as I said, "Mom, I'm going to stay a hawk. And that means that I've come here to say goodbye."

I expected a lot of different emotions to come through my mom's face, but not many of them did. There was a bit of shock of course, but it was no where near what I had expected. Some confusion showed up as well along with a bit of fear and uncertainty, but for the most part she remained calm and natural.

Neither of us spoke for a while until I finally said, "Mom, I'm sorry. I know that this can't be easy for you to hear, but it's what I want to do. I've been a hawk longer than I've been a self-sufficient human, and I've become more hawk-like than I could've ever thought was possible. I just can't go back to being a human; there are too many painful memories. Almost everything that's gone wrong in my life has happened to my human self. In my hawk form I can escape most of those feelings and just live a simple and happy life. I've lived as a hawk these past seven years and now I want to die as a hawk. I feel like I've done what I was meant to do with my life, and now it's time for me to move on."

It hadn't really hit me until now, but for the first time I began to feel as if I might have made the wrong decision. I mean, what about staying with my mom? I could help her out with all her charity work. I could give all my time to helping others who needed it. That would give me something to live for. That could give me a reason to become human again. I could… I could… No! I couldn't. Sure, it probably seems like a good idea now, but if I became a human nothlit I'd probably have another eighty years or so to regret it. I've always wanted to help anyone I could, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to live my life for eighty more years with everything that had happened in the past few. I could never find anyone else like Rachel, and my mom would only live for so long. I would eventually end up being alone again, and I didn't think I could handle that. If I remained a hawk however I would be with everyone I'd lost soon, including Rachel and Elfangor. My mom, Cassie, and maybe even Toby would probably join me soon enough anyway, so I had to stay a hawk.

But how could I make my mom see that? She couldn't possibly know or understand what I was going through.

"Mom," I began again after another moment of silence, "I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. It's hard. It's hard to come to a decision like this, and I don't expect you to understand… I mean, I just have to… I… could you…" I couldn't finish what I began to say. I just broke down and started crying in the middle of my sentence. All this time I had thought I was alone in this world, and that's why this was so hard for me. I finally found someone who was still alive and cared for me like no one else would've, and that's what I had needed all along. Even though she probably didn't understand me, she loved me just like any mother should and that's all I ever wanted. And now, I had to try and explain to her why I decided to leave her once and for all? I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. The only thing I could do was cry, and that's what I did.

I was so use to crying alone for the past few years that when I felt her touch my shoulder I rejected her touch at first. But the uneasiness quickly left me and was replaced by a comfort that I hadn't felt since I was with Rachel. All that comfort after such a long drought made me open up like I never had before.

I always had been the tough one according to everyone else. I was supposed to be very emotionally strong. Nothing could faze me. Even after being tortured and losing most of the people close to me I still seemed normal on the outside. Well, that was total bull. Maybe things looked fine on the outside, but inside I was an absolute wreck. It was a miracle that I had been able to survive this long. But now, it wasn't my job to be tough spirited anymore. I could finally let out everything that I had been keeping locked away inside myself, and I didn't waste the opportunity.

I continued crying into my mom's shoulder for I don't know how long. Sometimes I tried to explain something through my tears, but most of the time I just straight up cried. I had started with trying to explain my decision to my mom more completely, but the subject quickly changed to other things that I had done or had seen done in the past. And my mom sat there through the whole thing holding me as tightly as I wanted to be held; sometimes even crying along with me. It was her strength I was feeding off now, and she seemed to have more of it than I ever did.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there and cried. I could've sat there all day if I had the opportunity, but I knew that I had to look out for the bigger picture. Once my mind had returned enough to let me think straight again I slowly and reluctantly demorphed just to make sure I still could. And as the changes began I felt a lot of my human emotion disappearing as my hawk brain began to take control once again. Hawks don't cry and they don't have much of a reason for sadness either, so I took a few minutes in my hawk morph to gather my thoughts back up before I morphed again.

Once I was almost fully human again the first thing that popped out of my mouth was, "Thanks mom, I really needed that. You have no idea how good it feels to get all of that off my chest."

"I'm glad I could help Tobias," my mom said softly as she pulled me into another hug. I resisted the urge to start crying again while she continued. "The only thing I could ever want is for you to be happy. I know that things haven't turned out like either one of us would've liked, but sometimes things happen. It doesn't change the fact that you're my son, and I still care for you just as much as I would've had we been together our entire lives."

"Thanks mom," I said back, still fighting back a few more tears.

"I'm not going to try and pretend I know what's going on with your life," she continued. "We've really only been together a few weeks, but even in that short amount of time I could see that you've had a very turbulent life. And when I heard Rachel was gone I knew that times were going to get even rougher for you. That's why I can't judge your decision personally. You life is too complex for me to wrap my head around and consider everything that went into your decision. If this is what makes you happy, if this is what you truly feel you need to do, then I'll be here whenever you need me."

"Thanks mom," I said again as I struggled in vain to hold the tears back one last time, "that's all I could ask for ask for."

She gave me a few pats on the back as she helped wipe some of my new tears away with a tissue. I had to force myself to get my composure back. I took a few really deep breaths to stop the tears and set my mind straight again.

"Come on Tobias," my mom said as she began to stand up for the first time in what seemed like ages, "I've got something to show you. I think it'll help cheer you up a bit."

She was going to need something really good to do that, but I got up and followed her as she made her way to a dark room in the back of the house.

"What is it?" I asked as I caught up to her at the entrance.

"It's just a little something that I've been collecting over the past four years or so," she said back kind of mischievously. She flipped on the lights and I was amazed to see a giant room (well, compared to the living room at least) filled to the brim with pictures, sculptures, and paintings of mostly red-tailed hawks along with a few group shots of all the Animorphs together.

"Wha…what's all this?" I said in surprise.

"Ever since the war ended and your story came out to the public I've been getting various pieces of art from everybody imaginable. Some of them are from major artists that have been inspired by your story, but most are from normal, everyday people that your story has touched personally. I've tried to keep everything in order, and before it was announced that you were going on one final mission I had a pretty nice display going. After you came back and wrote your book though I received a whole lot more stuff than I really had room for. I took some of my favorite pieces and moved them out to the living room, but there were still just too many to fit nicely in this small room. That's why everything looks like a mess and I'm sorry I couldn't do anything more, but I've tried to keep any sort of documentation that came with the work of art with it. I've also been trying to send thank you letters to everyone who sent something, but that became almost a full time job. I'm just finishing up the last couple to come in, but it seems like I get a new piece almost every day still. I'm surprised that I haven't received a package today yet actually. Anyway, take a look around, enjoy yourself. And read a few of the letters too. Some of them are very heartwarming.

"This is incredible!" I said while still trying to take in the sight. The artwork ranged in quality from a child's finger-painting to a professional artists work. Some of them looked incredibly beautiful and I was amazed that anyone would spend all that time making something that they weren't even sure would ever reach me.

As I was passing by a small table filled with sculptures one particular piece caught my eye. It was a small wooden carving with a circular base of around eight inches and it was no more than a foot high. It was an action shot of a red-tailed hawk diving down towards its prey, a snake in this case, and it had just made contact with its talons. The reason it caught my attention was because the detail was absolutely stunning. It looked as if every feather on the hawk was painstakingly carved out down to each individual barb on each individual feather. But it wasn't just the hawk that had incredible detail, every scale on the snake seemed to be represented as well along with some of the amazing looking grass and twigs on the ground. And besides the carving itself everything was perfect. The hawk looked fierce and it was in the same position it would've been in the wild. It had one of its talons wrapped around under the snake's neck and the other was just about to strike the snake farther back. It was just perfect in every way.

When I lifted it up to take a closer look I saw that there was a piece of paper folded underneath it. I carefully set the piece down and unfolded the piece of paper. It read:

"Dear Tobias, you saved my life. If it wasn't for you and your story I probably wouldn't be able to write this letter. You inspired me to keep going when I was sure there was nowhere left to go. Hearing about all your hardships made me realize that you and me aren't so different really. And since you were able to continue living your life through all of the obstacles that got in your way there's no reason that I couldn't do the same. Let me start at the beginning.

I had a rough childhood too. My father left me when I was too young to remember him and my mother was addicted to heroin while I was growing up. She never paid any attention to me and I was taken away from her by child services when I was nine. I grew up with numerous foster parents after that, but none of them even pretended to be real parents to me.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be a carpenter, but everyone I told always laughed at me. I was determined to do it though. I could just feel like it was my calling and I spent most of my free time carving this and that. When I was eighteen I left everyone and everything behind and tried realize my dream on my own.

Needless to say that it didn't work out so well. I ended up living on the streets most of the time while I tried to find a job somewhere. I was rejected more times that I could count, but there was this one girl about my age who finally accepted me. After I passed a small test to show her my abilities she gave me a job and a place to stay.

Over the next few years we became really good friends and eventually we even started dating. She was only a few years younger than me, but just about everything else about her was different. She'd come from a long line of carpenters in a sort of wealthy and very loving family. We offset each other perfectly and eventually I asked her to marry me. She said yes of course, but sadly it wasn't meant to be.

A few weeks after I proposed to her she didn't show up for work one morning. I didn't think much of it until a few police officers came by the shop. That's when I learned that she'd been raped and murdered last night by a group of thugs.

I was beyond heartbroken, I was emotionally shattered. At first I went on a rampage through the store breaking anything I could get my hands on for no good reason at all. Then, I tried to go out and find the killers myself, but that got me nothing but trouble. It was then that I finally emotionally crashed. I locked myself in my apartment for a good six months and eventually got myself evicted for not paying the rent. I went back to wandering the streets then, just looking for a way to kill myself. She had meant so much to me that I didn't think I could live without her anymore. I had to have attempted suicide at least half a dozen times or so, I lost count. But none of them were successful.

Then, one day I was walking past a store with a bunch of TV's in the storefront window and I stopped to watch for a second. I didn't know it then, but that TV show would change my life. It was a documentary series on the Animorphs and this particular show was all about you. I had only stopped because something had caught my eye, but as I continued to watch more and more I became enthralled in the show. It was like they were telling the story of my own life back to me. And then at the end the narrator said something like, "and to this day his whereabouts are unknown. Many believe that he is still out there somewhere, living an anonymous hawk's life, continuing on despite all that has happened."

That's when it hit me. If you could continue living your life after what you've been through, then there's no reason that I shouldn't do the same. And after seeing that program I decided that I needed to go back to work and finish what me and my girl had started.

And here I am today. The business is running smoothly and the only one I have to thank is you. As a token of my appreciation I decided to carve you a little something. I'll be sending to your mom's house (since I was able to find the address on the internet and she's the closest one to you) so I hope you get it. I didn't have much experience with art carving when I started, but I think it turned out pretty nice. The entire piece is carved out of one solid block of maple. It took me a few weeks to finish, but it was the least I could do to thank you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did carving it and let's let Rachel (since that was my girlfriend's name as well) live on in both of our hearts.

Your friend, Steve."

I put down the letter and just stared of into space for a moment. Did I really save someone's life, or did he just save his own and give the credit to me?

"I like that one a lot myself," I heard my mom say. It snapped me out of my daze and I turned around to face her standing in the doorway again.

"Are they all like this?" I asked quietly.

"Some are, some aren't," she said back nonchalantly. "I'd say about half of the art is here just because someone decided to base it on you for you courage, strength, loss, etc. Only about one third of the others are stories like that. But it's really amazing how people can look to you when they need someone."

"Yeah," I said back, not really knowing what else to say to that.

"I have one more thing to show you," my mom said as she walked over and handed me a piece of paper, "here."

I took it from here and it took me a bit before I found what she wanted me to see. It looked to be some sort of financial statement or something and when I saw the number that was circled my jaw dropped to the floor.

"Twenty-seven million dollars?!?" I basically shouted out. "Is this all mine?"

"Yep, every last penny," my mom replied calmly, "you've earned it."

"Where'd it all come from?" I said correctly after the fourth time I tried to say it.

"I think most of it came from private donations from former controllers," my mom said back. "The Yeerks targeted rich people in high powered jobs, so some of them were very generous when they were freed. It also includes a few awards from the government and all of your merchandising revenue. That's what's left after the lawyers took their share from all the court cases that were settled. If there hadn't been any lawsuits, then I'd imagine that number would probably be twice as big."

"And I hope you don't mind," she continued, "but I've taken some money out of it as well. It wasn't much, just enough to let me get by month to month along with a few emergency things and some private donations I needed to make."

"No, I don't mind at all," I said still sort of shocked. "In fact, you probably should've taken it all. What am I going to do with twenty-seven million dollars?"

"I don't need that much money," my mom replied with a laugh, "That's too much for me to even wrap my head around. Besides, what am I going to do with it?"

I'd never thought I'd see the day when no one wanted tons of money, but something had to happen to it.

It was then that I had a great idea. I knew exactly what to do with all the money, and I was finally at peace once and for all about my decision to stay a hawk. I knew how I could give help to people who needed it and still be comfortable remaining a hawk.

"I know what we can do with the money," I said quickly to my mom, "We'll give it all to charity."

"That's a great idea," she said back, giving me a hug in the process, "but all of it? That's more than I've ever heard of being given away. Are you sure you don't want to keep some of it. I mean, you've earned it in my respect, and just about the entire world thinks so too. Isn't there something that you've always wanted that you could never have?"

"Well," I said back, "I don't want to give _all_ of it away…"

It was hard to convince my mom to do it, but eventually I got her to keep about one million dollars for herself, just in case she ever needed it. The one thing that I wanted and never really got a chance to do was to personally make my mom happy. I hope that I accomplished at least that much.

The rest of the day was spent figuring out what charities to give to and how much each one gets. I didn't just want to give everything to one of them because there were so many good causes out there. I had a few that I'd been thinking of off the top of my head and my mom had a few that she wanted money to go towards as well. We even called Cassie and asked for her I input, getting a few more in the process.

But I wanted the majority to go towards something personal. Helping to cure cancer was nice, but I didn't really feel a personal connection to the subject. I needed something to make a statement and say that I had to endure this, now I hope that no one else needs to. The first thing that came to mind was something about the forests being cut down for lumber. That takes away a lot of hawk territory as well as countless other animal's habitats, but it just didn't hit me like I wanted it to. I've never had that happen to me before and hawks can adapt to almost any environment anyway. Even if they put a big city where there once was a lush forest, a hawk could live comfortably. Wherever there are a lot of humans there are bound to be a lot of rats and mice and things. And all of the tall buildings and telephone poles and stuff like that make good perching and nesting spots. In fact, a hawk could live pretty well in a city, if they could stand the noise that is. I did give some money towards the cause, but not the majority.

And red-tailed hawks aren't exactly an endangered species or anything like that either. In fact, it's quite the opposite. But I did end up giving a lot to save bald eagles. Even though it was something close to my heart, it still didn't feel like I wanted it to. Rachel was never truly an eagle, so that took away most of the emotion. I wasn't getting anywhere when I tried to look back on my hawk life.

But when I thought back to my human life I instantly came up with the perfect thing. I would give the majority of my money to help abused children.

I stop short of saying that I was abused as a child because I really wasn't. I had food, shelter, and clothing. I was never beaten or molested or anything like that either. It's just that no one cared for me, and that made my life absolutely horrible. I can only imagine what it must be like for kids who aren't cared for so much that they get abused by their parents. It must be an absolute nightmare to have to endure something like that day after day. My life was no picnic, but if you take it into perspective it really wasn't that bad. There are kids around the world that have it worse than I did at my lowest points, but they'll have to endure it every single day. I know how bad my childhood was but I can't even imagine what it must be like for them. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't help them out when I had so much to give. So, after some research to find a decent charity I finally ended up with a charity called Olive Crest (www. olivecrest. org). I decided to give them just under fifteen million dollars, more than half of my total. I wish I could've given more, but there were other charities that needed the money just as bad.

Me and my mom spent the rest of the day choosing and recording what charities to give the money to. When we finally finished it was beyond pitch black outside.

Before I had gotten here I only meant to spend a short time with my mom. I knew that if I stayed too long I might not want to leave. That thought was certainly on my mind now, but I had no other choice than to spend the night at my mom's house. My mom cooked up a small but delicious dinner for the both of us and then we both went off to bed. We were both really tired from doing all that research and paperwork. She offered her own bed to me, but I was more than happy to sleep on the couch. It would've been too small for my mom to completely stretch out on, but it was more than big enough for me. We wished each other a good night and she went off to her bedroom. I was so tired from everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours that the moment I placed my talons on the soft and comforting couch I almost instantly fell asleep.

I woke up just a little later than usual with the sun already fully up. It would've been very easy to just open the door and fly away now and maybe only leave my mom a goodbye note, but I couldn't do that to her. What would she think of me afterwards? And there was a very good chance that she would never see me again, so I couldn't leave without personally saying goodbye.

I decided to wait for my mom to wake up. I didn't have much to do to kill the time, so I just rested. The good news was that I hadn't died sometime during the night like I thought I might have. That was one of the biggest reasons that I didn't want to stay here overnight. I could only imagine how my mom would've reacted to not only seeing a dead hawk on her couch but knowing that it was her only son at the same time. I couldn't let that happen to her; she didn't deserve it.

Around nine I heard the sounds of the mattress squeaking in my mom's room. I opened my eyes just as she opened the door.

_Sleep well?_ I asked as I began to morph again.

After she realized where my voice had come from she said back, "It wasn't bad, how about you?"

_It was nice_, I said in response. _It's not often that I get to lie on on a comfy couch during the night. _

She just laughed as she asked, "You staying for breakfast?"

She made me a large plate of assorted meat along with a little bit of toast and eggs for my human self. (Even though I had chosen to live and die as a bird, I never really had trouble eating eggs.) I dug in as a hawk first and once I had eaten my fill I morphed to human and quickly devoured the rest. It was absolutely delicious.

Once my mom had taken both plates to the sink I decided that it was my time to go. As she came back to the table I stood up and gave her a great big hug. "Thanks for everything mom," I said while I felt the tears start to form again, "but it's time for me to get going. I've got some people waiting for me back home. You know how it is."

That was a lie. Both Toby and Cassie knew that I probably wasn't going to be coming back for one reason or another. I just needed something to help pry myself away from her.

"I understand, Tobias," my mom said back calmly through the hug. But I wasn't finished yet.

"Mom, thanks for everything," I said again as I slowly pulled away. "I've wanted to come here for so long, and now that I finally did it feels great. You gave me support when I needed it, and that's something that no one else could've given me right now. You also made it possible for me to help other people who need it by keeping track of all my money and sending replies to everyone who sent me something extra. And just for that you deserve more than the million dollars I gave to you. But you've done something more than that. Ever since we first met in your little shack you've been doing something else that almost never gets any credit. You've been my mom, and there's nothing I can say or do to thank you for that. And when I needed you to be my mom more than ever you rose to the next level and did what you needed to do perfectly. I know that things haven't turned out like either of us planned, but when it really mattered everything was as perfect as it should've been."

"Wow Tobias," my mom said as she wiped a tear from her eye, "that was beautiful. I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? Come here." And as she finished she rapped me in a strong hug which I gently returned. She started crying a little bit which made me want to start too, but I held it in. This time my mom needed me to be the strong one, and that's just what I was going to do.

But after a brief moment of gentle sobbing, she started to respond. "I'm just glad that I could make you happy. That's all I ever wanted; that's all I ever dreamed and prayed for. I hoped that you were happy wherever you were every day after my accident, even if I couldn't remember as much as your name. When I finally met you and learned what you had went through I was heartbroken."

"I want to tell you something that I've been trying to hide from you. I thought that the lie would make it easier for you to accept me after I had almost no memory of you, but now I think it's time you knew. I never gave them permission to switch custody to my sister, they did it without me even knowing. You see, I was in a coma a good month after the accident before I finally snapped out of it. During that time they had to do something with you since you couldn't live on your own. They ended up giving you to my sister while I recovered and they insisted that you stay there indefinitely. They told me that she would be a better mom for you than I could be now, since they originally weren't expecting me to walk, talk, or carry on many normal human functions ever again just after I woke up. And it was pretty obvious that I was going to be blind the rest of my life, so I saw their point. Even after I got better and got a seeing eye dog and everything like that I still didn't really want to find you. I thought that your aunt would give you a nice home full of everything you needed and that I would just seem like the one who took that all away from you if I tried to take you back. And I was worried that you would never love me since I had basically abandoned you as a baby. If I would had known how she was treating you I would've found you and taken you back in a heartbeat, but given that I couldn't even remember your name I didn't see much of a point in it. I'm so sorry Tobias."

And with that she began to cry again. I gave her a few gentle pats on the back as I said, "Mom, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for something like that. And besides, if I had been living my life with you there's a possibility that I would never have gone with Jake to that construction site. And if I wasn't there to help as a hawk on a few of the early missions they all would've been killed or captured. And then, Earth would've been totally invaded by Yeerks now. Everything turned out fine in the end, mom. And if I had to endure a few crummy years of my life to save the entire world, galaxy, and, well, everything else out there than I'd happily do it all over again without thinking twice. You did what you thought was right and it turned out to be the right decision. Don't hurt yourself over that any longer. You'll always be my mom no matter what."

"You're right," she said while wiping another tear away, "and you'll always be my son no matter what." And with that she did something she had never done before. She gave me a kiss.

Without even saying anything I started to demorph. We had said everything we needed to say already, and we both knew what we were going to say to each other after the kiss. The silence said everything.

But I couldn't leave my mom like that. I wanted to give her something to remember me by after I was gone. I knew better than I would've liked to admit that I was never coming back, but my mom would still be here for many more years. I felt that I should leave her with something that said "don't forget me", even though I didn't think that would ever happen. And I knew exactly what to give to her.

_Mom_, I began when I was almost fully hawk again, _I'd love nothing more than to come and visit you again, but I'm running out of time in my life. This is probably going to be the last time that I'll be able to see you and it's also probably the last time that you'll be able to see me. I want you to have something to remember my by even when I'm long gone. And I've got just the thing. I want you to take one of my feathers._

"Tobias," my mom said back sounding apprehensive, "are you sure. I mean, isn't it going to hurt when I pull it out?"

_It's not so bad_, I lied, _it's like pulling a hair out_. Yeah, a really big and painful hair maybe...

"Okay," my mom said back still apprehensively, "is there any one you'd like me to take in particular?"

I thought about it for a moment and eventually replied, _Yeah, take one of my tail feathers. It'll be extra special since I'm basically named for them. And don't worry about my flying without it either. I've had my tail feathers singed off, ripped out, and otherwise made useless so many times that I've lost count. I could basically fly without them if I needed to. _That was another lie, but I really wanted her to have one of them. I needed some way to convince her to do it, and that was it. I turned my back to her and raised my tail feathers up a bit as she reached down to choose one.

"Any one?" she asked cautiously.

_Any one_, I replied.

I could feel her single out a feather and say, "Alright, on the count of three. One... Two..." And then she gave a quick yank before she ever made it to three.

_Mmmmnnnhhhhh_, I said out loud in thought-speak as the pain ripped through my tail leaving a burning trail as it went.

"Oh, I'm sorry Tobias," my mom said quickly. "I didn't mean to..."

_No_, I said back quickly, _it's alright. It's not that bad. _But as I sat there and waited for the pain to go down I got another idea.

_Take another_, I said quickly before my mind could fully process what it had just said.

"What?" my mom said back with some obvious confusion, "why?"

_I was thinking that if anyone ever found out that I had left one of my feathers with you you'll be absolutely swarmed with scientists wanting to take a DNA sample or something like that. If that ever happens and they end up destroying my feather in the process then you won't have anything left from me. If you have a back-up feather that you never tell anyone about then you'll always have something no matter what everyone else thinks happened to the first one. _

"If you're sure," she said apprehensively again.

_Go ahead,_ I said while raising and spreading my tail feathers out one more time, _just take one from the other side this time so it'll be easier to fly straight. _

"Alright then," my mom said back with a sigh, "on the count of three." She wasn't going to fool me with that one again, or so I thought. Before she even began the countdown she gave a hard yank. This time I let out a loud "TSSEEEEEWW" as the pain rocketed up from my tail towards my lower back.

Once the pain became a dull burning I looked back at my mom holding the two almost identical red-tipped feathers in her hand and said, _That one kind of stung a little._

"I'm sorry Tobias," she said back calmly.

_That's alright_, I said back to her. _But now I have to get going. I'm sorry I couldn't stay any longer._

"Even just a brief visit would've been long enough," my mom said back suddenly. "It's great that I got to see you one last time. I'll treasure your feathers for as long as I live."

And with that she bent down and gave me a kiss on the beak; also a first. Then she got up and opened the door.

I waddled on over to the threshold, gave my mom one last look, and then fluttered off.

I only turned back to look a few times as I flew away, and every time it was the same scene. My mom just stood there in the doorway clutching my feathers to her chest in one hand and waving with the other. Even when she was almost out of sight to me, and I had to have been long out of sight for her, she just kept standing there and waving. After she finally got out of sight for me I took one last look at the town and then finally focused completely on my flying. It was time to move on.

I didn't have much of an incentive to go anywhere specific. Of course I was slowly making my way back to Yellowstone, but I didn't really feel a need to go there anymore. But after only a few hours of flying in my hawk body, I knew it wasn't going to matter anymore. I started to feel dizzy once again.

It started just like last time. At first it was just barely noticeable, but it quickly became almost overpowering. I knew what was happening almost immediately, but when the sharp stabbing pain started in my chest then I accepted it. This was going to be it. There would be no morphing out now. It was finally time.

Last time this had happened I clumsily plummeted through the tree tops breaking a few bones in the process. But this time I was ready for it. I was able to lower myself low enough to the ground out on an open field so that when my right wing began to go numb I only tumbled a short distance. And there I lay; one of the worlds greatest heroes, on his back, as a hawk, in the middle of some random field, with no one around to witness it or who knew what even really happened to me. You know how they say just before you die your life flashes before your eyes? Well, that didn't really happen. All I saw was my father's Andalite face surrounded by the faces of all the people I was waiting to meet again.

And as I lay there dying I started to do what any normal person would've done in the same situation. I started to sing.

**_Mama, take this power away from me._**

My right wing went completely numb and my left began to follow.

**_ I can't use it anymore._**

The pain in my chest kept intensifying. It felt like someone was drilling a hole into my heart.

**_ It's gettin' dark, too dark to see._**

My eyesight was starting to fade with a darkened halo slowly closing in towards the center of the bright blue sky.

**_ I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door._**

All I could hear is a dull ringing in my ears**_  
_**

**_Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door._**

It was becoming hard to breathe. My breaths were coming at sharp and irregular intervals.

**_Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door._**

The pain from my chest slowly started expanding to the rest of my body.

**_ Knock, knock..., knockin' on heaven's door._**

I could feel my consciousness slipping away...

**_ Knock..., knock..., knockin' on... heaven's... door..._**

And then... And... then...

**THE END **

(or is it...?)

(yeah, it probably is.)

(unless there's some sort of overwhelming demand to take the story somewhere, which I don't see how it would be possible...)

* * *

You know, when I wrote the first chapter for this story I intended it to go on for somewhere around eight to ten chapters and take a month or two to complete. Boy, was I ever off. It morphed (sorry for the pun) into the third longest story in the Animorphs directory on this website and the longest that's recently been updated with somewhere over 130,000 words! I know that some people have taken years to write their stories and never finish, but I never could do something like that. It's not just that it's hard to get back into the mood after taking a break from a story, but the people reading it would be the ones who suffered the most. And even though I would've liked to get it all up a bit faster, in regards to most other stories on here this went up pretty fast. 

But here comes the real nitty-gritty of what I want to say. I would've never done any of this if it wasn't for all of you people reading out there in cyberspace (yes, all three of you). If I didn't have your support then I probably would've stopped somewhere around Chapter 12. I want to thank each and every one of you who submitted a review. Those mean more to me than anything else. If you took the time to write what you thought about something after you could've very easily just closed the page and left it means that you have to be at least slightly interested in what you just read, and that's all that I could ever ask for. I hope you enjoyed my view into what happened after book 54, and if you liked this story I'd suggest that you check out my other works as well.

Speaking about my other works, you may ask yourself, "Hey musicman88, what else do you have planned?" Well, I'm glad you asked. Over the many months I've been writing this story I didn't want to start anything else until this one was finished. I wanted to devote all my limited writing time to this one (and boy have I ever!). But over those many months I've gotten numerous ideas and I should have a steady stream of stories coming out regularly. In fact, I have something very special planned for my next story that I've been working on for a while now. I'm not going to spoil it, so you'll have to stay tuned to find out what it is.

And, well, that's it. I've enjoyed all the comments (both good and bad) about my story up to now and I would like to hear what you think about the ending. All your praise, worship, and hatemail would be appreciated. I hope to see you all at my next story! Peace out!


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